TTC after loss part 5

Congratulations @ApplesNest x

@moosey89 that's crazy about your friend, it sounds like she was very fortunate to be ok. x

Congratulations @ApplesNest xxx

Congratulations @ApplesNest xx

@MrsS11 thank you - think it's too early to be a sign of anything unfortunately (started at 4dpo). Just want time to move quicker!

It might be a BFP digital test confirmed I’m pregnant and FRER test did too. It’s 11 months since we lost our son so maybe I’m feeling bittersweet about it considering his birthday/anniversary is fast approaching. I never thought we’d get here if I’m honest. We TTC earlier this year but was under intense stress, grief and relentless news of other pregnancies after relentless bfn’s. I think stepping away has helped and both DP and I are in a better emotional state, as well as physical.

Thank you @DonnaWhat @Ncl31 @MrsS11 for the early congrats. Maybe I’m being so protective of my emotions by not celebrating yet as I’m still cautiously moving ahead until we get a confirmation through bloods and scan.

I won’t post tests as I know how triggering they can be. Hoping there are more BFP’s to come and sending hugs to all.

@moosey89 I've always had a lot of congestion and endless colds in first trimester, you never know! Menthol in a steam face bath helps and is pregnancy friendly, if you are. Hope your friend is ok.
@Applesnest congratulations! So exciting

Tentative congratulations to you and your partner.

i hope you get your BFP on your digital, please let us know.

I am yes, manager of the operating department

@moosey89 Jeez! I hope you're friend is ok.

@ApplesNest Cautiously saying congratulations to you. Fingers crossed for a sticky bean xxxx

Cautiously sharing this.

AF was expected a couple of days ago. I’ve been experiencing cramps, tiredness and tender boobs so I thought I’d test again. My test showed vfl at first. Thought it was an evap line. Ended up doing five more tests. All the same, faint line. This morning’s test showed a darker line. I’m 14 dpo. DP and I want more evidence. I’m getting a digital test. I’m going to test with FRER too. I’m starting to worry as I don’t want to get my hopes up too high and just worried this might not stick.

@Ella31 ugh I feel horrible - can't breathe through my nose, eyes are streaming... And I just can't imagine this being a good thing for implantation as my body is a bit busy fighting this bug off! I just want the end of the month to come now.

I'm also desperate for next weekend to get here as I'm going to visit my best friend in Wales - she's just got home from hospital yesterday. She was involved in a hit and run when she was out jogging near her home middle of last week, has a neck fracture and a brain bleed so had surgery to stabilise her neck. She will be fine but it is so shocking when something like that happens to someone close to you. She got hit from behind and the person just drove off, who does that??

@ThelastRolo20 thank you, I am sure that therapy is helpful in these situations. I did actually have some counselling after the first loss to determine whether I wanted to continue TTC, and it was quite helpful. Then I found I was pregnant again and lost it. I guess I could start up again, DH probably not keen though. I suppose what I’m grappling with is uncertainty and risk, it feels much safer not to go there even though I do want to. I feel extremely fortunate to already have a lovely 10 year old DD, who was conceived with no issue when I was 27.

@MaudePie I totally understand where your DH is coming from. I guess a lot of things come into the mix when deciding about timing, and that sense of panic with increasing age is real - I totally feel you there! I would probably keep up TTC and the holiday, because so little is in our control and it would be such a shame not to have the break if you aren’t lucky and conceive beforehand.

At 38 I do notice my periods changing and hormones less balanced, I think some women are lucky with their fertility well into their 40s and others decline sooner. We tried for a year during which we had the MMCs about cycle 7 and 9 I think . I feel like we gave it a good shot.

@MaudePie one of my friends miscarried her first pregnancy when on holiday. She said whilst it wasn't nice, it was actually healing for her to be away somewhere nice, just the 2 of them, to process it.

I'm currently 6dpo and have the most stinking cold. I usually try to avoid decongestants TTC but I actually cannot breathe without them. Feels like this is me out for this month 😭

@CurlyWurly1991 I empathise - it is tough. My DH said last night that he wants us to stop TTC until after a big holiday we have planned in October as he’s worried about my health if I were to MC on holiday. I’m trying to be understanding of his position, but I feel so desperate to be pregnant again after the loss and so scared that we’ll lose our last opportunity (I’ve just turned 41 and, while I was quite blasé TTC at 40, 41 feels like a game changer).

@CurlyWurly1991 that sounds so tough - it is harder when they don't have the same hormonal drive we do. Would therapy help both of you work through how you're feeling? X

@ThelastRolo20 I seem to change my mind on an hourly basis about TTC so who knows where we’re at. I think DH is much less keen than I am, he doesn’t have the same hormonal push I guess (I’m 38). I am taking folic acid just in case. But suspect from our conversation today that he is not up for a risk of another MMC and surgery or worse. It was really hard to watch me go through all that, I think.

@HerbaceousPerennial thank you ❤️ yes I think I'm settling into it a bit more now. Georgie is very excited to become a big sister which has piled the pressure on for this pregnancy to work out but I have to believe it will!

How are you getting on? Xx

@ThelastRolo20 I can’t believe you’re nearly at 20 weeks! It’s so good to hear. I hope you’re managing to relax into it a little bit now, notwithstanding the bleeding. If it’s any comfort I bled all the way through my pregnancy with my son and because it was my first pregnancy I never really thought anything of it, which feels unthinkable now.

@Superscientist you have overcome so much to get to this point. From an outsider’s perspective it sounds like you’ve come a long way and there’s a lot to be proud of. I hope your plan of action works well. Not the same thing I know but I try and look at how far I’ve come since my lowest point earlier this year - on the face of it I’m in a worse position now but to still be hanging on and feeling ok a good amount of the time is I think something to hold on to.

@CurlyWurly1991 I recognise your name, I think you gave me some useful advice after my last loss. Good to ‘see’ you again!

@Ella31 Hope you are feeling ok today

@Ella31 thank you - I know, nearly half way!

@worldwidetravel2017 ah that's good to know, thankfully it's never been fresh blood and never any associated pain so I've never been in full panic mode but always good to hear positive stories :)

@CurlyWurly1991 yes! I remember you too - thank you. I think closing the door on TTC is so incredibly complicated and hard. The what ifs never go I don't think - I haven't read all the updates, what's your current thinking? 🙂 Xx

Thanks @ApplesNest and everyone else that replied to me yesterday x
I spoke with my partner last night and today with one of my colleagues and I feel a bit better today. My colleague did confirm my suspicions that one of our colleagues is expecting number 2 but it's made me more optimistic than pessimistic. Her daughter is 11 months older than mine. I've got time.
I have been feeling the pressure of time as it's a year ago that I cried in the soft play with friends because I was unable to ttc. I was feeling like nothing had changed in a year but a lot has changed really. A year ago I was on high dose lithium with risks of birth defects. I'm off the lithium and stable. It was around April that I was in a position to safely stop contraception, I'm also stable off contraception as i was also on it for my mental health. I'm going to prioritise my mental health over the next few months. I'm prone to seasonal changes in mood and August is prime time for it to go south when as it links to the daylight hours rather than the weather. I was feeling pretty bleak yesterday and like I was heading into a dark depression. I'm going to up the self care and potentially bring some appointments forward and go from there.

Wow congratulations @ThelastRolo20 i remember you from earlier threads xx nearly halfway !!

That is one amazing positive tale!❤

My mum bled 3 times with me and i lived to tell the tale :)