TTC after loss part 5

Finally had my peak yay 🙌

@MrsS11 yeah it was hard. It took quite a while to feel comfortable talking about it too. It was much easier to talk about the pnd. There's more prejudice about psychosis compared to depression. I have had it previously with mania and other severe depressions but usually focus on the main episode.

The way in manifested meant it was hard to reach out to people as they were all entangled in it. The initial psychosis was that my daughter wasn't real which meant the midwives, HV, perinatal team, NCT weren't real either as they only existed in the world where the baby was. It evolved to her not being mine or being swapped and as my partner wasn't commenting on the facts she wasn't ours or hadn't been swapped must have been complicit in the deceit so wasn't a safe person to confided in. It was very isolating.

Hopefully it doesn't happen again but I think having come out the other side once I will be in a better position to say something isn't right earlier and before it gets consuming and it's harder to reach out because of the them Vs me that it brings

@Ella31 also forgot to add, when I had a scan earlier this year, I was told I measured 7+1. Then a few minutes later she changed it to 7+5. So even the angle they are looking at it can make a difference as they are so tiny

@Ella31 i’m so pleased it went well. And that makes a lot of sense about the dates. Women ovulate on so many different dates they need to try standardise it somehow. When will your next scan be?

@ThelastRolo20 ive not yet, as I thought the doctor might just say I need to wait & say it takes time for it to start again. But I am worrying. I go on holiday in a couple of weeks so thought if it’s not appeared by then I will ring up

Brilliant!

Ah that's wonderful news! I understand the worry but with your ovulation those dates make complete sense. So common to be out up to a week and you're less than that!! Lots of people have similar and go on to have successful pregnancies.

A strong heartbeat is a wonderful sign ❤️

@Ella31 you have got this. Take a deep breath, hold onto your partner and just put one foot in front of the other.

I'm sorry @Figtree11 , that sounds really frustrating. Have you spoken to the doctor about kick starting your cycle?

@Ella31 thinking of you today, hope you don't have long to wait xx

CD52 for me 🫤

Thinking of you tomorrow @Ella31

I'm 12 months post loss unfortunately. Hoping my time is coming soon, on cycle 26 atm and just fed up and nearly lost all hope now

@MrsS11 just make sure you have good insurance.
when we booked our Mauritius holiday I made sure I was covered with insurance before booking. We also booked with Kuoni as their cancellation policy is miles better than the typical ones.
turns out it was the right thing to do as the fertility centre have strong advised we don’t go to Mauritius whilst having treatment, so we’ve changed it to New York for February.
im still secretly hopefully that I’ll have to cancel that too because if I get a BFP this cycle I’ll be 7 months pregnant by then so won’t travel that far

Thanks yeah I'm ok, AF just finished so I'm hopeful that's me back to a regular cycle now. My in laws are here and they want to book a holiday with us now for next summer and I keep thinking 'but what if....?' but can't say it out loud.

@SuperScientist I hope you were able to have a bit of a real life chat. I can't imagine the extra layer of terrified that post partum psychosis adds, but the last few months have actually shown me how many lovely people I have in my life. We had to be very public about our loss because we thought we were 'safe' post 12 weeks and had told everybody. I was really touched and surprised by the response I had from friends, and often it's then you find out how many other people you know who have been through miscarriage.

@Ella31 the world dealt you the cruelest of hands twice days apart. It changes a person where once was hope you know there is pain. It colours how you experience life, not necessarily better or worse just it's now different. What ever you experience now there is no right way to feel. Are there any support groups available to you? It's not a position many women find themselves in but I can categorically say you are not alone I could give you 4 or 5 other women's stories. All who have known your pain. All who have found joy in the end but they will always have the biggest place in their hearts for the children they lost. I'm not going to tell you that this is your time. I can't tell you that. I hope above everything else that it is. It is ok that it's different this time. Just take things day by day. Week by week and keep talking. Joanna Lumley said a lovely thing in an interview that I have kept with me "when you fall good people are there to help you up". Surround yourself with people who can help you up and to light a candle to help you can't see the light and sit with you when you need. Thinking of you x

Good luck tomorrow @Ella31 Will be thinking of you xx

@Ella31 ill be thinking of you tomorrow.
I think all of us who have suffered a loss will sympathise with your anxiety around it. I actually have no idea how I’ll cope with it if I finally get my BFP.

currently 6dpo, got some pretty intense backache this afternoon and evening but if I remember rightly
i had that last cycle too.

trying not to symptom spot too much, but had a decent amount of “wet” cm today too.

Thank you @Ella31 I will be thinking of you tomorrow xx

I hope everyone is doing well and I still come back to check the thread. Although I have not been here long, it still gives me courage to look forward.

Thinking of you for tomorrow @EElla31 scans just don't mean the same thing any more do they?

You're not horrible at all lovely. I was the same and my trauma was no where near your level ❤️ it's self preservation and completely understandable xx

Everyone here will understand the anxiety to some extent, I know your situation is completely different and it is hard after a loss but try to take everyday as it comes. It's not easy but it's all we can do as we can't change anything. I'm good thank you, had my 12 week scan today so now 12+6 and everything is looking ok 🤞. After loss I think its hard to imagine having a healthy baby at the end but we need to have faith that it'll all work out. 🤍