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Original poster

Late miscarriage grief and hope

30 replies

serasera19 · 14/07/2024 09:36

I lost my beautiful little boy at 20 weeks 3 weeks ago. He was my first baby and I am beyond devastated. I went to see him and held his hand, it breaks my heart every time I picture him. I had on/off bleeding from 13 weeks which must have had something to do with it but I've had a lot of tests and they have all come back 'normal' so far, apart from TSH at 4.45. Also still waiting for PM. My partner has brought me on holiday in a beautiful hotel but I can't stop crying. I suppose I am looking for people who have been through the same and stories of hope. We want to TTC again as soon as I ovulate - I know it's soon but it's the only thing that gives me any comfort. I'm also 35 and terrified of my age and it happening again. Any stories of Hope much appreciated xx

OP posts:
MrsALambert · 14/07/2024 10:29

I’m sorry for your loss. lost two at 16 weeks (not twins) and went on to have my now 4 year old. Give yourself time to grieve. I have little ways I remember them. I have a Christmas decoration celebrating both of them that goes on the tree every year. Just my way of remembering them.

Original poster
serasera19 · 14/07/2024 10:27

MaltedMilk88 · 14/07/2024 10:22

I lost my first at 18 weeks, had 2 more early miscarriages and went onto a successful pregnancy. I had our 2nd after 2 early miscarriages. They are both my whole world but I believe that to be the case regardless of loss.

The loss from my first has never left me, it completely changed me as a person but you will see light again I promise.
The children you may go onto have won't fill the gap, you just learn to live with it.

Please don't worry about your age and allow yourself time to heal.

I'm so sorry for your losses ❤️ I don't understand how everything can be ok and then they are taken from us for no reason. Thank you for the message of Hope. It's nice to hear from people further down the line than me and I'm so glad you got your rainbows 🌈 xx

OP posts:
Original poster
serasera19 · 14/07/2024 10:23

I'm so sorry xx nobody should ever have to experience such a loss ❤️ 'Big brother in the stars' is a lovely way to talk about your little boy. Comforting to know you got pregnant soon after but I can imagine the mental struggle. At the moment I feel like I'm looking up at Everest - dealing with the grief, as well as trying to get pregnant and then coping once I am. Do you mind me asking if you ever got any answers? I don't even know if answers to why these things happen help or not xx

OP posts:
MaltedMilk88 · 14/07/2024 10:22

I lost my first at 18 weeks, had 2 more early miscarriages and went onto a successful pregnancy. I had our 2nd after 2 early miscarriages. They are both my whole world but I believe that to be the case regardless of loss.

The loss from my first has never left me, it completely changed me as a person but you will see light again I promise.
The children you may go onto have won't fill the gap, you just learn to live with it.

Please don't worry about your age and allow yourself time to heal.

ScaredSally · 14/07/2024 10:06

I lost my first little boy at 33weeks. It is life altering. I got pregnant again shortly afterwards and though mentally incredibly difficult I now have a sassy 1year old. I still miss my first little boy greatly, we talk about him often and he's still included in our family as big brother in the stars