First Timers - slightly depressing question

Hello girls.

Sorry about morbid outburst last night - most of the time I can keep all that sadness tucked away in its own little box, and get by on gallows humour, but my box must have fallen off its shelf. Had a good bawl in bed, and felt better. DP away, too, which makes me more prone to sadness.

My younger sis is eight months pregnant with her third, all conceived no problems, no MCs, nuttin. Fertility runs in the family - maybe I'm a genetic freak.

Herby are you OK today?

Another firstborn here..although my younger sibling isn't a parent yet, they are getting married in a few months time (And getting married quite young...) so we'll wait and see...

PrePG and Mollie I also did the pillow under the top thing, when I first found out I was pregnant, I went clothes shopping and stuffed a jersey under the clothes I was trying on to see if a bump fitted in!! How terribly sad & misguided (And naive) I was.

Herby I hope you slept well - I can imagiine how hard it must be to have visualised your baby boy and have it end in tears. There will be a baby ready for you, hopefully this is all just a hiccup while you wait

(((herby)))

I've just made myself cry. i'd better go to bed.

I'm not a first born! Though my one elder sibling died aged 3, so I was the oldest in the family for most of my life. Not sure what that means!

Maybe we can't think of ourselves as mothers because it's too painful. I remember when I was pregnant with the miscarried baby but one, DP said that he'd had a dream that we'd had a big smiley baby boy who was lying on a rug in front of the fire, and how much he was looking forward to it. These days I try not to think about the smiley baby boy.

She will be Ready

My brother is unlikely to ever have children, unless he ends up adopting ... and sometimes I feel for my mum, that she may never be a Nan

I'm really scared by the first born theory on here - I'm first born and have been ttc for nearly 2 1/2 yrs, younger sister got pg first month of ttc (though had m/c )

I have a horrible feeling I'm going to be one of those annoying "WELL DONE FREDDY" mums - I don't want to be, but can just see my mind turning to mush. As long as it doesn't degenerate to discussing colour of (ahem) nappy contents - which two new dads I worked with did at great length on a regular basis!

This is a good thread to have found - glad to know that other people have similar thoughts. Having not caught first time, I'm now assuming that it'll take us at least a year and thinking worst case scenarios. In fact I've almost given up on the idea already! It would be easier if it was the kind of thing you could talk about, but as I haven't really got anyone IRL to talk to about this stuff I'm building it up in my head to be a big failure.

?at the end of the day I'd rather be with the right man with no children? ? SO true.

Dh and me got together when we were 17, and yet, here we are, having left it until we were ready (hence my name) for babies? but it seems that they are not quite ready for us. Yet.

I am, by nature, a ridiculously positive person ? but when it comes to the thought of getting pregnant, I cannot imagine it. That scares me. I am optimistic about every aspect of life ordinarily, so why not with conception? I guess the answer lies in being in cycle 20 and still nothing.

I do sometimes feel a bit of a fraud here on MN, but in general, if I ever venture out into the wider community, most of them are super welcoming. We are entitled to be here. There?s a little corner, just for us

PMSL at ?WELL DONE FREDDY? ? I have a list of things that I WILL NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES do/utter/think when I have a baby.

Sorry, but those BoB signs are not for the emergency services? they have to check the vehicle, and the presence or lack of a sign should not affect the way they do their job. I?m pretty sure it is an urban legend

Oh? and I am a first born ? quick someone tell us they are not a first born? spooky trend that I don?t like the sound of

Oh also I am first born and apparently I wasn't "clever" enough to just do A'levels so I had to do them combined with a secretarial course (according to my dear mother) My sister got less and lower scored A'Levels than me and she was "clever" enough to do just them! Definate trend appearing!

PrePg When we first found out we were pg I put a cushion up my top! How sad is that, I didn't even show dh!!! So glad there are people out there as nutty as me!

Hi...I too have had the 'switch'. I never wanted children until suddenly something switched on as you say. We have been ttc for 3 months and yes, I often feel like a fraud even for being on mumsnet. I struggle to imagine myself as a mother often, but kind of feel in the back of my mind, that I will know what to do when (if) it happens. Totally agree that a month ttc feels like a year! Getting REALLY REALLY annoyed with idiotic 16 yr olds who get pg by accident and we are trying everything to get pg and can't. I guess this is normal??? I reckon I might also have to google the CD (I already bought a book LOL)

Just as an interesting aside, I too am a first born, and the 'clever' one, my younger sis is the fertile, maternal one! (2 dc by age 25) How odd, there is a pattern emerging!

ha ha, just come back to this thread after a day away, and it has moved onto another subject that totally twists my melon - parents that suddenly have NO other topic of conversation than every burp, fart and night feed of their child.... You'd think they lobotomise during labour the way some people are.

It's things like that which make me think I'm not cut out for parenting. And my dislike of all that brightly coloured plastic crap. And cute bunnies on everything. I love sleep. And uninterrupted reading. And my god-daughter cries every time I see her (literally since birth).

I've always felt this way, BUT, last year a switch flipped (like the other posters said) and this crazy new part of me would chew my right arm off to have a lovely soft skinned, gurgling, baby-smelling (IYKWIM) bubba.

Rant over. And thanks for sharing everyone, I feel like you get it.

And thanks for the name of the CD London Lottie, anything is worth a shot.

OMG I am so glad I found this thread today of all days! I've been feeling particularly low the last few days. We have been ttc#1 for 2 years in June, we got pg Dec 07 had mm/c Jan 08 so only pg for like 5 minutes! Now on 3rd cycle since m/c and beginning to feel like it's gonna take another 2 years! You lot have so cheered me up, LOL at the BoB signs, precocious parents etc.
So agree with the "it will never happen", "can't imagine being pg" feelings, didn't really have long enough to get my head round it last time.

So thank you girls so much for putting a smile on my face for the first time today, it was much needed

This is an interesting thread. I am a bigger fraud on here than you lot as I am not even ttcing yet . So not only am I not a Mum, I'm not even trying to be a Mum till Sept! How sad am I??! But I am desperately broody, DH and I have been together just under 10 years (married for 4) but have had to sort out our finances first even though we have wanted to start a family ever since we got married. I can def imagine myself pg (I frequently day dream about it), I can imagine me pushing a baby in a pram but me actually being its mother is something that I find hard to imagine. Lottering on here has also convinced me that it will take ages to get pg!

I think the 'baby trapped in wreck' story might be a spot of post-hoc rationalisation. Do they take them out of the back windscreen with the PFBs aren't in the car, to stop emergency services searching in vain in dangerous wreck? Hmmm?

I particularly hate the gag-inducing 'cheeky monkey on board' or 'little princess...'

I might put up a bit of lined notebook paper saying 'raddled barren old hag on board. Please pass quietly'.

I also hate those baby signs and often think about funny alternatives (Particularly like Herby's!)

I think mine should read: 'Absolutely, Definitely no baby on board THIS car'

I am sure I read somewhere that the signs were introduced after a baby was left to die in a wrecked car...the rescue services had no idea that the baby was in the car (because the car was so badly mangled and the driver was unconcious) so they introduced the signs (In Australia if I remember correctly) to avoid a repeat incident! I am sure it was an urban legend though....