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Conception

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Original poster

Is 33 too old?

117 replies

BunnyLover92 · 23/05/2024 14:12

I'm 31, my husband is 34. We've been married for two years but together for 12. We've always known we want a family one day but never set a timeframe. We're both pretty sure we just want one child.

I now feel ready but he wants a couple more years so we can do one more big holiday and he can tick off some other goals, so I'll be 33 when we start trying. Is this too late? It seems like everyone around me has been having babies and I feel really left behind 💔

OP posts:
sunflowrsngunpowdr · 23/05/2024 19:15

@BunnyLover92 - if that's the case then it totally makes sense. Enjoy some time together and get busy making babies in a few years. I had mine at 34,36,38 my age was no big deal :)

Original poster
BunnyLover92 · 23/05/2024 18:54

sunflowrsngunpowdr · 23/05/2024 18:37

It's not too old but I don't get why after 12 years he still needs a few more years? You are married, not dating so ... I'd say it was normal to start a family soon and whilst I'm sure he is a very nice man I have heard of so many stories where husbands string their wives along with no Intentions of actually having children with them, I can't help be wary of this. 33 is still a good age to start trying but it's a risky age to start dating all over again and then try for a baby. 1 baby is no trouble anyway you can still go on holidays and do stuff with 1 kid it really isn't that bad. I'd say if you want it now and don't want to wait - push back a little and see what he says.

The 12 years is a bit of a long story but in short he did his PhD, I had cancer, I did my masters. We didn't start living our 'adult' life until four years ago and of course we had COVID and lockdown and since then we've bought a house, got married and had a couple of trips but we didn't do any holidays in our 20's because we just couldn't afford it. I think he just wants to enjoy having a bit of spare income together before it all goes on childcare.

OP posts:
StampOnTheGround · 23/05/2024 18:51

I had my first at 28 and fingers crossed second will be 31 (we'd also been together 12 years before starting - so although on the younger end as most seem to be in our 30s, we had waited a long time).

But my mum had her first (me) at 38 and second at 41 - so definitely not too old!

avocadotofu · 23/05/2024 18:49

Not at all. I had my first (and only) and 34 and that's about average for my friends and acquaintances.

BurbageBrook · 23/05/2024 18:47

I'd try to persuade him to compromise at 32. Hopefully it will be fine but fertility is never guaranteed.

sunflowrsngunpowdr · 23/05/2024 18:37

It's not too old but I don't get why after 12 years he still needs a few more years? You are married, not dating so ... I'd say it was normal to start a family soon and whilst I'm sure he is a very nice man I have heard of so many stories where husbands string their wives along with no Intentions of actually having children with them, I can't help be wary of this. 33 is still a good age to start trying but it's a risky age to start dating all over again and then try for a baby. 1 baby is no trouble anyway you can still go on holidays and do stuff with 1 kid it really isn't that bad. I'd say if you want it now and don't want to wait - push back a little and see what he says.

SnapdragonToadflax · 23/05/2024 18:30

I don't know anyone who intentionally had a baby under 30. Most of my peers got married 29-32, had first babies 32-37.

User2460177 · 23/05/2024 18:28

Not at all. I had my first at 38 and it’s entirely normal in my social circle

PurpleBugz · 23/05/2024 18:27

It's not late at all these days. My mother was older than that. But I'd say do it sooner than closer to 40. My parents were older and while I'm swamped with young children I've got parents in failing health, I e always been jealous of those with grandparents able to help during the young kids years not add to the burdens. They never had the energy to play with me, horrible menopause years when I'm young and raging with my own hormones. And they knew nothing about the world I was growing up in and had archaic rules and sexist views. I think the key thing is that you don't burden your child with your age related problems like they owe you it, that's true no matter your age but when you have kids later in life the kids don't get much of a life before this stuff starts happening.

mambojambodothetango · 23/05/2024 18:07

Er, no! I was 33 when I had DC1 and 37 for DC2.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 23/05/2024 18:04

It's not late and you should be fine, I had my first at just shy of 33. However, we started trying when I was 29 and wanted 2 kids, ended up having fertility treatment for the first and the second happened naturally (eventually). I'm glad I didn't wait.....it is a bit of a risk waiting, but odds are in your favour. It also depends how many kids you want.

RuthW · 23/05/2024 18:01

33 is young in my opinion.

Viewfrommyhouse · 23/05/2024 18:00

We didn't start TTC until I was 39, had ds at 40. I wasn't the oldest in my baby group either.

Pinkfluffypencilcase · 23/05/2024 17:57

I was 34 and 37 when in had mine. But it was me that delayed it for a long haul trip.

I think in your situation maybe compromise on one holiday not two.

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 23/05/2024 17:52

Oh and I had a tfmr for trisomy 21 age 33- it happens.

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 23/05/2024 17:51

I started TTC at 31 and DS was born when I was nearly 35. I would get in with it if I were you. Holidays are possible with children. If you only have 1 you will be back adventuring in 10 years. We’re doing Rome and New York with DS this year.

Original poster
BunnyLover92 · 23/05/2024 17:48

OneLemonOrca · 23/05/2024 17:19

the older the mother is it increases the chance of autism or Down syndrome etc. biologically you’re meant to have children in your 20’s so I say start as soon as possible

I thought they said that for after 35 and it's still a very low risk?

We've already discussed having extra testing done.

OP posts:
Original poster
BunnyLover92 · 23/05/2024 17:39

LemonFox · 23/05/2024 17:17

Although yes good point from a PP about your husband stringing you along. We're delaying TTC until next year but tbh that's more me than DP (he'd be happy to try this year if I was) and we have a firm plan in place of what we want to achieve / have done before starting to try so he knows I'm not just stringing him along. In your situation (married, house etc) I'd be wanting a plan. Any chance you could bring the big holiday forward and then crack on? He may never lose the "oh but just one more holiday" feeling tbf, he just needs to work out what his bigger priority is - lots of holidays or actually starting a family.

Edited due to typo.

Edited

Unfortunately not, it's going to take time to save and there's other goals too.

I am hoping to do a qualification at work so this time line does sit quite nicely with the end of that. I think my husband would like a better job too. Ultimately it's so we can afford a more beautiful home for our future family.

I have suggested bringing it forward and he doesn't want to but he has reassured me he doesn't want to push it back at all.

OP posts:
Olika · 23/05/2024 17:32

It's not too late at all as long as you take into consideration that you might not fall pregnant right away when you start trying.

OmuraWhale · 23/05/2024 17:26

It's not too late, but personally I got married at 29 (like you) and I wouldn't have wanted to wait 4 years before we started TTC. Does he really need another 2 years? Would he maybe compromise on 1 year?

Original poster
BunnyLover92 · 23/05/2024 17:26

LemonFox · 23/05/2024 17:13

Oh gosh no that's not old. I'm 33, I'm getting married next year and then we'll be starting to TTC so will be 34 at the earliest before any baby arrives. If you've had your hormones checked I'd say you're good. Some of our friends started having babies in their early 30s, second baby around 35 but lots are only just having their first now aged 33-35. It's so easy to stress about things like this - I know, I've been there, but honestly I think you're fine.

I have to ask though, how did you manage to get your GP to check your hormones? Ours around here just say don't worry about it unless we've been trying for 12 months.

I honestly think I've been really lucky with my GP.

Also I had thyroid cancer in my 20's and although they say it shouldn't impact fertility my GP was very understanding that I wanted to check.

That being said I've had friends at the same practice worry and they've been offered tests too.

I do now think if you're having normal periods your blood results will probably be in 'normal' range. I actually had one result outside and the GP said it's fine because they change the ranges all the time anyway!

OP posts:
Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 23/05/2024 17:24

I was 33 have DD1 and 36 having her sister, totally normally. Luckily no issues conceiving or with the pregnancy/ birth etc x

Aquamarine1029 · 23/05/2024 17:24

DragonFly98 · 23/05/2024 17:23

It's not late but those tests do not prove fertility. I wouldn't risk not having a baby due to fertility issues for another holiday. You have been together a very long time already.

I absolutely agree. I wouldn't wait either. You have everything in place to start a family. I would not put it off for some dumb trip.

DragonFly98 · 23/05/2024 17:23

It's not late but those tests do not prove fertility. I wouldn't risk not having a baby due to fertility issues for another holiday. You have been together a very long time already.

HippyKayYay · 23/05/2024 17:21

FGS, of course it's not too late. I had DC1 at 37 and DC2 at 39. DH is 5 years older than me.

(We also said we'd only have one, btw!)