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Conception

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We are trying for a baby and I’m so excited but my parents are not

105 replies

AquaOtter · 01/04/2024 17:48

I have been with my partner for three years, we are engaged to be married and live together in a three bed house with my daughter and his son from his previous relationship. We both work full time and earn good wages. I work in the civil service who offer excellent maternity pay and lots of benefits. I have a very good and stable job. My partner works as a freelance lorry driver. We’ve decided to try for a baby and have planned that the baby will be in our room for the first couple years so we will have time to find a bigger house. I told my mum we’ve decided to try for a baby first and get married when we have built up more savings. I am 32 and he is 37 so we feel like time isn’t on our side. My mum went absolutely mad when I told and starting shouting at me that she won’t be around to help out and that I’m throwing away my career. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in an office. I LOVE being a mother more than anything. My job is a means to an end and it doesn’t bring me happiness like my child does. I don’t understand why she’s being so unsupportive. I’ve worked very hard to get to this point in my life and I think she’s being so unreasonable. I’m 32 in a secure relationship with a reliable partner who earns a good wage, not a teenager in trouble but that is how she is treating me. I’m thinking I should put the baby plans on hold until we are married and have a bigger house but that could be many years away. I don’t want to have a baby in my 40s. What should I do?

OP posts:
AquaOtter · 01/04/2024 17:55

mahaka · 01/04/2024 17:51

Get married first. Forget the "wedding" if you don't have the funds but get married.

As long as you weren't banking on your mother providing childcare etc then go for it, but get married.

Thank you ! I really want to get married first and I said to my OH let’s just do it at our local church and then have a small party in a village hall afterwards, but he said he wanted a bigger celebration lol (role reversal?!) and said let’s save up more money … I obviously was not married with my first and I would really like to have that security. Maybe I should talk to him about it again

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 01/04/2024 17:55

If you understand the value of marriage, then having a baby before you get married is a mistake. You are an adult who already has a child. If I was your mother, that is why I would be upset, because you aren’t prioritizing your child and your financial security just so you can have a wedding. You should understand that having a big party is not a high life priority

there is nothing stopping you from getting married now. If you really want to proceed with the baby plan without marriage, then you should be spending money to meet with a solicitor to properly set up as close to an approximation to marriage as you can. It would be cheaper and more efficient to just get married though.

Zippedydoodahday · 01/04/2024 17:55

Pop down the registry office so you're legally protected before you take a step back in your career to have a child together. You can have a wedding later on. Everyone thinks it will never happen to them that they're left high and dry by an unmarried partner. But it happens to tens of thousands of women a year.

rainydaysaway · 01/04/2024 17:51

It’s none of your Mum’s business. Don’t include her in any decisions you make (because you’re an adult).

mahaka · 01/04/2024 17:51

Get married first. Forget the "wedding" if you don't have the funds but get married.

As long as you weren't banking on your mother providing childcare etc then go for it, but get married.

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