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Conception

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Original poster

How to stop feeling like it’s just never going to happen

35 replies

mnie · 25/03/2024 11:44

Hello ladies, I’m looking for some words of wisdom/advice. Me (32F) and my husband (44M) have been TTC with no success for 9 months. I have regular periods and no known issues, because of my husband’s age he recently had a semen analysis which was normal apart from low
morphology (3%). Urologist was not concerned about this and I’ve read in isolation it’s not particularly important. Other results were: concentration 52mil/ml, total motility 52%, total count 172 million - so essentially normal otherwise.
I know that I’m not alone is saying these things but I just can’t stop feeling so negative (and that’s not really like me normally). I just feel like it’s never going to happen for us and that we’ve left it too late. I worry a lot about my husband’s age and how that might affect things (although he’s very healthy and fit) but the more months that go by and we fail, the more I feel like that belief grows stronger. I’m aware it can take a while to conceive and to seek help after 12 months but I suppose I’m just looking for any guidance on how to get through this and deal with the uncertainty of it all. It’s not so much about how long it takes, just if we’ll ever get there. Thank you xx

OP posts:
Original poster
mnie · 26/03/2024 11:39

@FinallyPregnant2022 thanks so much and so happy to hear you had success - this does give me hope because I’ve fixated on the morphology number a little although the importance does seem to vary depending on who you speak to.
@whatajoke26 @MrsBP15 thanks - yes I’ve got Natural Cycles and use ovulation sticks, feel like I’m constantly peeing on stuff tbh 😂
@worldwidetravel2017 thanks - I’ll look into this!

OP posts:
worldwidetravel2017 · 25/03/2024 21:13

I highly recommend
Hertility health

Hormone and fertility tests

150 gbp
Very well spent

Very thoroughly.

Additionally - some ppl dont conceive til good feretin.
Ask NHS to test your vit d - b12 & feretin
&^^
They should all be good 4 conception

I was low in feretin - b12 and vit d

Corrected all the 3 above
Concieved 2nd cycle trying..

Was unfortunately an early miscarriage

But yeah

Those 3 matter

The it starts with an egg book is good

MrsBP15 · 25/03/2024 20:56

@mnie youre very welcome. Got my period yesterday so I bought myself a candle. My husband also bought me a Lindt Easter egg on his way home today so I think that may have helped too 🤣 I should have said that was all just stuff I’m doing to help myself mentally. I’m doing all the usual tracking, testing etc but I’m assuming you’ve got all that covered x

whatajoke26 · 25/03/2024 19:26

Have you downloaded any fertility/period apps?

FinallyPregnant2022 · 25/03/2024 19:24

Hi!
My partner also had low morphology (2%) and it took us 19months.
19 long months but it did happen! So my advice would be:

  • reduce alcohol intake (but don't stop as you need to live also)
  • I restricted my partner's baths (who knows whether it made a difference)
  • vitamins for both of us
  • to make plans, holidays, days out, house renovations - have something else going on not just TTC!
  • excercise for both of us
Good luck!
Original poster
mnie · 25/03/2024 17:10

@MrsBP15 thanks so much for your reply. I love your suggestions, especially the “period present” and definitely agree with you about not putting life on hold.
I feel the same, TTC is the most stressful thing I’ve ever done and I think I underestimated the toll it would take on me mentally so it’s really helpful to know I’m not alone there. People do not talk about it enough!
Wishing you all the best of luck xxx

OP posts:
MrsBP15 · 25/03/2024 14:03

Hi op I’m afraid I’m the same but didn’t want to just read and run. I’m at the very start of cycle 14 of ttc number 1 and haven’t had a whiff of a positive at all in that time. My tests are all fine as our my husband’s. I’m 37 and he is 33 so not spring chickens but hopefully not over the hill! I do have adenomyosis so I think that is what is getting in the way but unfortunately there is nothing to be done there so I’m almost trying not to think about it too much. My next step is to get a HyCoSy to see if that helps, if not we’ll be starting to look into ivf over the summer as it it will have been 18 months. That’s something I’d never thought I’d say especially with such good results but there we are. Things that have helped me are below though I realise they won’t be for everyone:

  • posting on MN and seeing what other people are going through.
  • talking to close friends and family. I want them to understand how hard it is and why I might not always bd up for a party etc. they have all been so supportive and it feels good to talk to people who love me.
  • yoga has helped me so much. Not just the physical side but the meditation too. I go three times a week.
  • I’ve booked things to look forward to. Gigs, retreats, holidays. If I’m pregnant, I’ll figure it out and if I’m not it will take my mind of it. I don’t see any need to put my life on hold especially if it isn’t happening right now.
  • buying myself a little treat when I can feel my period coming or when I’m stuck at home because of my period. Again, if I’m not spending money on a baby I may as well spend it on myself!
  • I’ve just started acupuncture. If it gets me pregnant great! If not, it’s relaxing and helps me de stress.
  • Therapy! I think if you can’t do many of the other things on this list because of money seriously think about therapy. I do believe ttc is the hardest thing I have gone through and I need to talk to someone other than my husband. You can ask to have a particular focus on ttc, there are plenty of people with experience.

sorry that’s a lot. As you can see I’m trying my best to look after my mental health whilst I go through this but my heart breaks every time I get my period. I think what I’m doing does make the time in between a little easier. I’m sending you love, light and baby dust for the future ✨

Original poster
mnie · 25/03/2024 13:41

@moosey89 Thank you so much for your reply, it really means so much to know we’re not alone in the process. I’m so sorry for your loss and for what you’re going through. What you’ve said about everyone else getting pregnant really resonates with me, it’s so difficult to feel happy for people but so sad for us at the same time. Wishing you all the best and hoping 2024 is our year 💕.

@LittleLemonPie thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it. I’m sorry to hear your having a difficult time and to hear about your loss last year. I think I’ll make an appointment with my GP this week, so much of this process is waiting and it feels helpless so actively doing something does make me feel slightly better. Wishing you all the best xx

OP posts:
LittleLemonPie · 25/03/2024 13:12

@mnie hi op, I don’t have any advice being I’m in similar situation but just wanted to let you know your not alone and how you feel is valid.
I wrote a post yesterday after another negative cycle this month as I felt so beat down with it all.

You could maybe speak to your dr now or get an appointment booked in for a month or two (since it’s so hard now to get an appointment) and speak to them see about getting the ball rolling for possible referrals, I would always encourage not to wait too long but hopefully you won’t need any help.

I have everything crossed and sending positive vibes for your next 3 cycles that one of them will be your turn and you’ll get your positive test 🤞🏼🤍

@moosey89 sorry to hear of your loss❤️ I had a mc at 6 weeks in September last year (was our second round of fertility medication)
It is so hard and upsetting,
Sending you all the luck and baby dust that you also get that positive really soon. Xx

moosey89 · 25/03/2024 12:33

I'm afraid I don't have any advice, but wanted to say you're definitely not alone in how you feel! I'm about to head into month 9 after my most recent loss last July and I'm utterly exhausted emotionally.

All test results for us are totally normal, my cycles are and have always been regular. I'm sat watching people get pregnant and have babies constantly wondering when it will be our turn. We've decided to see out a full year post loss of trying again, then we're going to therapy together to see what the future options could be. I can't keep trying forever. The uncertainty sucks for sure. Sending hugs your way x