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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

How to stop feeling like it’s just never going to happen

35 replies

mnie · 25/03/2024 11:44

Hello ladies, I’m looking for some words of wisdom/advice. Me (32F) and my husband (44M) have been TTC with no success for 9 months. I have regular periods and no known issues, because of my husband’s age he recently had a semen analysis which was normal apart from low
morphology (3%). Urologist was not concerned about this and I’ve read in isolation it’s not particularly important. Other results were: concentration 52mil/ml, total motility 52%, total count 172 million - so essentially normal otherwise.
I know that I’m not alone is saying these things but I just can’t stop feeling so negative (and that’s not really like me normally). I just feel like it’s never going to happen for us and that we’ve left it too late. I worry a lot about my husband’s age and how that might affect things (although he’s very healthy and fit) but the more months that go by and we fail, the more I feel like that belief grows stronger. I’m aware it can take a while to conceive and to seek help after 12 months but I suppose I’m just looking for any guidance on how to get through this and deal with the uncertainty of it all. It’s not so much about how long it takes, just if we’ll ever get there. Thank you xx

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 08/12/2024 15:57

Oh my goodness, I have just read your thread as it popped up in the current list - read a few replies and realised the date you wrote the thread and guessed it had been bumped up today.

seeing your update brought a tear to my eyes

How wonderful ! you must have conceived very quickly after your thread started ?

Original poster
mnie · 08/12/2024 15:44

@m00ngirl fantastic!!! Wishing you all the best xx

OP posts:
m00ngirl · 08/12/2024 10:33

Wow congratulations @mnie !!! ❤️

I'm 28 weeks! So so grateful.

Really hope it works out for others still waiting. I had good advice about ignoring ovulation tests as they're inaccurate and just going for it during a large part of the month.

Original poster
mnie · 07/12/2024 20:53

@TheShellBeach @worldwidetravel2017 thank you!

@FinallyPregnant2022 no, we didn’t need any assistance in the end. It’s been such a rollercoaster of emotions. Wishing you all the best with everything xx

OP posts:
worldwidetravel2017 · 07/12/2024 17:31

mnie · 07/12/2024 11:46

@FinallyPregnant2022 hello! I’m currently 37 weeks, still feels surreal! How are you getting on?

Ace news

FinallyPregnant2022 · 07/12/2024 16:45

@mnie amazing congratulations! Did you need any assistance in the end?
You must be due around NYE? Exciting!
Still no news my end - we've done 10 cycles TCC #2 now - on the list for a consultation at the Fertility Centre in late Jan.

TheShellBeach · 07/12/2024 13:19

mnie · 07/12/2024 11:46

@FinallyPregnant2022 hello! I’m currently 37 weeks, still feels surreal! How are you getting on?

OMG that's wonderful!

What an update. I bet you're excited.
Good luck with the birth.

Original poster
mnie · 07/12/2024 11:46

@FinallyPregnant2022 hello! I’m currently 37 weeks, still feels surreal! How are you getting on?

OP posts:
FinallyPregnant2022 · 07/12/2024 08:57

@mnie how are things? Any updates?x

Original poster
mnie · 28/03/2024 11:30

@m00ngirl i know it’s so difficult, also planning things to look forward to and not putting my life on hold - although it’s hard!
thanks, yeh I’ve made an appointment with my GP for a couple weeks time to get the ball rolling 🫣

OP posts:
m00ngirl · 28/03/2024 10:56

Thanks @mnie I'm trying to think of things I can enjoy over the next week or so before the next cycle of disappointment (mainly 🍷?!) but my god it's so depressing. I get really low in January so don't really like the idea of being pregnant then. Will take whatever I can get. But I really wanted a December baby, I can't describe how happy I'd have been.

Have you asked your GP for a fertility blood test yet? Might be good just to check if you're having troubles. No time to waste in our 30s imo! I do have period issues so knew I would be off but I had extremely low progesterone at my NHS test, whilst my Hertility test came back normal. I'm waiting for repeat NHS blood results to see if that's every month or was an irregularity (neither option is great).

Original poster
mnie · 28/03/2024 09:50

@m00ngirl i know it feels a bit like Groundhog Day, doesn’t it? It’s so tough. 10DPO is still early though so 🤞for you!

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 28/03/2024 06:28

@WhiteDigestives my twins were conceived with once a month sex so there definitely is hope!

m00ngirl · 28/03/2024 06:23

I'm 10DPO and felt weirdly positive this month - my boobs are big, hormones feel right, had continuous low level cramp since 4DPO. I want nothing more than a December baby and had allowed myself to think this month was my month. I just did an easy @ home test so, the most sensitive test, and of course it's a BFN. Like the most perfectly clear negative. Of course I'll do another test in a couple of days but it looks like no Christmas baby for me. And the cramp is probably undiagnosed endometriosis which the NHS refuse to properly investigate and I've probably got a monstrous period on the way as usual. I've never ever had even a hint of a positive. I don't know how I can keep going through these cycles of disappointment. Disappointment is too light a word really, I don't even have the words. It's so consuming. I am absolutely hating this process.

caffelattetogo · 27/03/2024 15:14

We had similar, and ended up going down the IVF route. The nhs said it was unexplained infertility. It was the best thing we could have done. We have two babies from our first and only round. I suspect without it I'd still be waiting and testing every month.

Original poster
mnie · 27/03/2024 13:59

@AnnaCBi thanks so much for your reply, it’s nice to hear some success stories although am sorry to hear about your MC. I think my expectation is skewed because it seems to have happened very quickly for all of my friends, a lot of “we weren’t even trying” or “we just throw caution to the wind” stories so I don’t really know anyone who has tried for a number of months first. I’ll look into acupuncture, did you find that helpful?
@WhiteDigestives @m00ngirl im sorry to hear you’re both finding things difficult, comforting to hear we’re not alone! 💕

OP posts:
moosey89 · 26/03/2024 19:11

@WhiteDigestives not sure if it helps but we have to do home artificial insemination, check out TwoPlus - not sure if it'll be an option for you and your partner as it depends on why he finds sex difficult but thought I'd share just in case it helps x

WhiteDigestives · 26/03/2024 15:32

I saw this and thought it could have been me - I feel the same way.

I’m 33, DH is 40 and we’re considering that it might not happen. We tried for a lot of 2022 with no luck, stopped when he developed some health issues.
Now he’s stable and on medication etc. but unfortunately will have this illness for life and he finds sex a struggle. We DTD once in 2023!

Now we’re trying again we’ve built up to once per month, but even if the timing lined up perfectly that’s still such a small chance. I’m not sure it will happen, but in the mean time I’ll take my once per month and keep hoping. A chance is a chance! 🤞

I also have no advice, but like PP it’s nice to read others’ experiences and feel less alone in it - we’re all going through it for whatever reason.

m00ngirl · 26/03/2024 13:13

I'm afraid I have no good advice but am in the same boat and feel completely the same so am grateful to read other people's advice on here for distraction and self care etc because the monthly disappointment and despondent feeling absolutely sucks arse. ❤️

AnnaCBi · 26/03/2024 12:41

It took me a year first time (then a miscarriage) and only 2 cycles the second. Are you tracking everything? I used Ava (bbt watch) and OPKs religiously from before I was actively ttc. I had all the usual tests and no issues, but I did take lots of vitamins and coQ10.

I also had fertility acupuncture, im sure it works!

to keep my spirits up I focussed on all the things I could do without a baby (hard during Covid, but got easier!) spontaneous weekends away etc. I also kept in mind that lots and lots of friends had told me it took them a year or so. It’s awful when you’re in the thick of it, but picture yourself telling someone else how hard it was but eventually worked!

Original poster
mnie · 26/03/2024 12:13

@Natty2 thanks for your reply, so sorry to hear what you’re going through. It is so difficult, feel like no one really prepares us for this whole process. Thanks for your advice, I’m going to make an appointment with my GP this week to get a few things rolling. Really wishing you all the best and hoping this time is your time 💕
@TheShellBeach thanks I’ll have a look at this
@worldwidetravel2017 thanks, yeh I’ve got a thermometer with the natural cycles app!

OP posts:
Natty2 · 26/03/2024 11:52

Hi @mnie
I wish I had some positive advice but I do sympathise with your feelings
We've been trying to conceive for over 2 years, never had a BFP and every day have a feeling of, will this ever work.

We started ivf this year hoping that this was the answer but it was not successful round, currently going for a second round of egg retrieval. Can't help but feel constantly deflated with set back after set back!

I know it is only 9 months for you but I would see if you can get any testing done, as this can take some time particularly on the nhs. Don't loose the faith though, you definitely haven't left it too late and I know 9 months is a long time but it can all change for you! 🤞

worldwidetravel2017 · 26/03/2024 11:48

mnie · 26/03/2024 11:39

@FinallyPregnant2022 thanks so much and so happy to hear you had success - this does give me hope because I’ve fixated on the morphology number a little although the importance does seem to vary depending on who you speak to.
@whatajoke26 @MrsBP15 thanks - yes I’ve got Natural Cycles and use ovulation sticks, feel like I’m constantly peeing on stuff tbh 😂
@worldwidetravel2017 thanks - I’ll look into this!

Dya have a bbt thermometer ?

Good 4 keeping an eye on ovulation

Tommys baby charity ovulation character is good..

Do a month of no ovulation sticks - relax - baby dande when you feel like it - relax - see what happens

After our early miscarriage - gynae told me to go on hols and relax

Given colonoscopies and various other health issuss - the sunny hol is months later but the hol = in ovulation window / in baby dancing window - lets see

worldwidetravel2017 · 26/03/2024 11:45

Food choices - watch movies snacking on carrot with your significant other

Carrot = fertility food

Also - last year b4 our early miscarriage we discovered caffeine free coke

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