CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #3

Girls... you're not going to believe this. I have a BFP 🤯 two in fact

Oh and @13lucy Professor Regan’s book goes through all the private tests you can have and which ones she thinks are worth it vs not so defo worth a read!

@moosey89 it is a very different kind of grief, yes. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through it and I think so much worse with parents. I hope you have lots of support irl. Hope I’m not overstepping but if you hadn’t already heard of them the Admiral nurses can be an absolute godsend - they’re a charity and I’m not sure if they operate in all areas of the uk but we found them a real lifeline. I’m so sorry about your gran and your cat as well. You are definitely due some good luck! 🍀

@samilicious a hot tub and wine holiday was how I ended up pregnant last time! Happy relaxed eggs are the name of the game. Sounds like stopping breastfeeding has done something as well anyway, how are you and DD finding it? Thanks for the myoinositol recommendation, I think I’m going to rebrand it to DH as vitamin B8 as he’ll calm down about it then hopefully. I have no effective tips for staying chilled but am finding focusing on fun plans, especially stuff I couldn’t/wouldn’t do if pregnant, gardening, and having no idea when I might ovulate work some of the time. And imagining a good life with just one child. Oh and wine of course! What are you finding helpful? I need all the tips! Hope you’re enjoying the hot tub

@13lucy I would recommend anything by Professor Regan, she’s very blunt but I find that quite useful personally. I actually had her pregnancy book when I had my son which I only realised once I’d read the miscarriage one! I also found it useful speaking to Tommy’s to make a decision about what to do and how to speak to the doctor - I just emailed them and a midwife called me back. We put together a useful plan so might be worth a shot if you think that could help

@Ladyinpink1 all doing a lot better now thank goodness! My boss told me firmly that I needed to take time and recover properly as he thought my immune system was knackered from everything I’d been through which was really sweet and supportive. I’ve found myself thinking about the miscarriages again last couple of days so think some more processing has been going on, which is quite interesting. I’m feeling positive touch wood. Did you manage to get a doctor’s appointment today?

Should probably specify that the cost of private investigations is for recurrent miscarriage, not fertility.

@moosey89 thank you! I'm usually irregular anyway but it's weird not having any idea this time round. DTD every other day at the moment so might burnout by the time it arrives! Sorry to hear you're going through a hard time, you definitely deserve a break!

@samilicious I just bought one and spent far too much on it! I think it will keep my brain occupied for some time at least. Can't help you with how to skateboard but you should just go for it! I'm going to have to read that book now and I also saw one by Prof Regan on miscarriages that I want to read. Just feel awkward about going back to my GP again and what to say. I enquired for private testing and it's pricey £550 for initial and follow up consultations, blood tests £1-3k, scan £250, meds around £500. They also advise to stop TTC when you're having the tests done. Can't get a appointment for a month so just need to work out what I want to do. Don't really have the money but I don't really want to keep trying without checking everythings ok.

@Ladyinpink1 so horrible isn't it, it's like you're always being tested. Really worried about cousin who's having twins as I feel like I won't want to see them. Hopefully you can get one soon - I always have to wait about two weeks to speak to mine. I feel like I need to take different supplements this cycle. Been reading about Coq10 and also higher strength vit d but not sure what to do.

@samilicious thank you - and on the topic of "come at me" found out my gran is back in hospital yesterday and my cat might have hyperthyroidism and has to go to the vet for bloods....she's 18 so we will have to make a difficult decision on if we put her through treatment etc if it is that. The punches keep on coming! Honestly.... Looking forward to that break when it comes 🙈

Sorry posted too soon last earlier!

@HerbaceousPerennial it's so hard being chill intentionally isn't it 😅 I was exactly the same. I was so chill first few months and felt so healthy and fertile, then unhealthy and miserable few months, now trying to get back to option A. Any tips that help you switch off quicker? How are you doing now? Also this is one of the brands that book recommends:

Inositol (Myo-Inositol) Powder 300g, Also Called Vitamin B8, High Absorption, Vegan, Magnesium Stearate Free & No Nasty Additives, Non-GMO, Includes Free Scoop, Produced in Wales amzn.eu/d/03aCVMlQ

@Ladyinpink1 me too - so good to have something positive to focus on next time. Time off plus all the ground word you've been doing with vits will be a great combo to boost your chances. I'm sure stopping breastfeeding has affected my cycles as AF was due today and usually like clockwork but not today. I cba to stress it though. I'm in a hot tub with wine 😂 not missing out on my holiday when a dtd nowhere near ovulation time according to my bbt and got a few regular AF signs. Bring on next cycle

@moosey89 so cool adoption has always been a contender, deffo a good sign. And awesome to have friends to lean on for advice and a view on it before getting into it yourself. Dreaming about the future is still amazing ♥️ sometimes when everything hits it's a bit like "what more do I have to lose at this point" - it was for me lately. Still things to lose but just... "come at me" 😂 kinda attitude. That's horrible about your mum as well as your dad. No matter how much older and "grown up" we get, nothing prepares us for our parents being taken away from us like that. It's like chipping your core map of the world, whatever the relationship was like initially - even worse if better before. Here if you ever need to chat or vent ♥️

@13lucy learning the drums sounds amazing!!! So cool. I really want to learn skateboarding but no idea where to start. Do you have a kit at home or getting one / got access to one? Oh I asked for everything haha 😂 that It Starts With An Egg was so good with recs / things to rule out. I'm going to ask for an insulin resistance test next I think. My doctor was lovely and said I probably knew more than her on this topic (GP) so she was happy to do whatever to help. She's my go-to at the GP for anything serious. Yikes those tests are expensive! Is it worth asking for a gyno referral from the GP that will likely take a few months? That's what I did after same tests as you. Thank you! So lovely being able to be present for once away from all the home distractions

@13lucy first time not sure (didn't try again right away so didn't bother tracking), second time I didn't before I got my period back, third time 3 1/2 weeks, hopefully means I'm on track for AF after 5 1/2 weeks which would be consistent with the first 2.

@HerbaceousPerennial thank you - it is a really different type of hard (just like the grief of miscarriage is a different type of hard to the grief of losing a loved one).

When it happens one day, whatever shape it takes, I can't wait to have a little family of my own. Dreaming of that future is keeping me going, and being open about how that might come about is definitely helping me cope with all the sadness we've been going through x

@13lucy yes, you had - I hope any counselling goes better this time round. Yes, I feel this time almost like I can’t be bothered hiding it, last time it all felt too painful to explain and now I don’t have the energy to cover it up. So I think your motivations to be open are maybe more noble than mine! Glad you are feeling physically well.

@moosey89 that sounds incredibly tough. I’m so sorry you’re going through so much. Losing someone whilst they are still physically here is a very difficult process. That’s great you have so many people who can give you first hand experience of adoption, and good to have a plan. I am trying to accept that my family might look different to how I imagined, but it will always be the family I am meant to have, in whatever shape or size it takes

@samilicious I've always been curious about adopting, even before I got to the stage of TTC, which I guess is a good sign? I'm lucky enough to know some wonderful ladies I used to work with who adopted (one as a solo parent, the other adopted a young brother/sister together) so it's nice to be able to ask them about experiences first hand. And I've got another friend who is lesbian going through the adoption process currently for their second child after failed rounds of IVF. It sounds hard but rewarding. We will see what happens in the next 6-12 months I guess, but I'm definitely looking into adoption for a second child if we're lucky enough to have one first. ☺️

And thank you - with my mum having severe mental health issues we are facing losing both parents mentally by the time they're 70 (even though they will both be physically with us). I've gone through a long grieving process for the mum who raised me, as she is completely different now and our relationship is very strained/difficult, and I'm going to have to go through it all over again. It's really sad, and especially hard that my parents can't be there for me (not their fault) when all I want is for their support.

@HerbaceousPerennial yes I've always wanted to learn but not had time as I used to do so much exercise! Thanks for the tip - I think I'll push for that then and say it was something they recommended via GP. I had counselling via the NHS but I think I mentioned before that the lady hadn't been through it herself and wasn't experienced with it. I think I need more specialist help to process it and how to cope with TTC again and any future pregnancy. Such a rotten time of life that no one prepares you for! I'm being super open about it now partly to help spread awareness. Feeling pretty well physically which is a good sign I hope. Hope uoure doing ok?

How long did it take everyone to ovulate after surgical management?

@Ladyinpink1 I was feeling much better and then the whole family went down with a vomiting bug this weekend! So I am feeling sorry for myself. Plus I’ve started bleeding again - goodness knows what’s going on now. It’s only a bit but things are clearly still a bit chaotic so think it’ll be a while yet before I’ve any chance of conceiving. How are you doing?

@samilicious I need to do some more research on the myoinositol now I’ve had my tests - I think it works by helping with blood sugars which aren’t a problem for me as it turns out, but if there are no/limited downsides I’ll probably give it a go anyway. Just need to find a ‘reputable’ source! Yeah I am just going to keep my doctor’s words in mind, I might do the odd opk just so I keep a rough idea of when to expect a period but I have only ever fallen pregnant when DH and I were just relaxed and taking things naturally (last time I thought we’d missed the boat!) so just need to try and recreate that I think. My focus for the next few weeks is just getting my life and health back on track I think. Devon sounds ideal for some R&R, especially in this weather. Hope you’re having a lovely time

@13lucy learning the drums sounds like a brilliant idea! Should be brilliant fun, good distraction and fab stress relief. Have you always been interested in learning? Tho I I need to find something similar. Goo fights sounds great too. On the blood clotting test, my GP did that for me, I told her the Tommy’s midwives had suggested it. So that might be one you could get ticked off on the NHS. I had counselling after my first miscarriage and it’s been very helpful to me, hopefully you’ll get a referral and find the same. I paid for mine as she was a specialist and it was well worth the money

@samilicious decided I'm going to learn the drums now. Without running like I want to I haven't been able to let off steam properly, so hope they will be a good focus!

I've only had hormone blood tests and an ultrasound. They are repeating the bloods to check thyroid etc but that's all. I'm under 35 so not sure if that comes into it and I didn't really know if there was anything to ask for in particular without sounding like I've spent too much time on Google 😂. But I think I want blood clotting to be tested e.g. APS.

The £300 was just for a consultation! Then you need tests doing and a follow up, so I think will be about £1-2k but I've got no idea. Part of me thinks it's worth it to just feel more in control and not have to wait. Initial plan was to go private if we don't conceive for 3 months but kind of want to get it done asap.

Hope you have a good time in Devon - lovely weather for it!

@moosey89 the choices thing really hurts - adoption is amazing but different experience in different ways - though not bad. I've been listening to Fearne Cotton's podcast lastly and she's had a few adults on that were in the care system as children and it's really made me think about it and really want to foster/adopt in future. The system is so messed up. My mum's friend fostered and was not the right person to do so (going into it for the money not for the children) and the lovely children she had really suffered. Needs more nice, child-focused people like us! Really sorry to hear about your dad, can't imagine how you must be feeling

@Ladyinpink1 maybe! We'll see. Due over the next couple of days - I don't know how I keep timing holidays with AF 😂 definitely very true about the age gaps and independence - the best thing to do for sibling bonding is making each child feel secure in your relationship with them individually, more years to practice that too! How you feeling this cycle

@13lucy which private tests were you looking at? What does that £300 cover? Have you exhausted all NHS ones? That's what I'm doing then going private, but with a time limit so waiting lists don't impact anything. Had all blood ones, DH sperm sample, ultrasound and now going to gynae to check for Ashermans / scarring. I think you should go for it if you're in a position to - you've wanted to for ages. Yaaaassss nothing like a good thrash around to blow off steam!

@HerbaceousPerennial glad it helped - and the age gap experience is very helpful to me! GP speaks wise words. I think that's going to be my track moving forward, with a few extra vitamins for good measure. Do you take myoinositol?

@UrsulaSings123 I asked to me after all other results came back clear. Made sure my appointment was with a nice female GP. My MVA at a late stage in pregnancy (though the fetus measured smaller) puts me at a high risk of Ashermans so want to explore that. Any surgical removal poses a scarring risk which can impact, especially if you're later along (I was 16w with TFMR) Totally get you on early testing - I prefer waiting for AF too. I'm in Devon now! When are you going?

@Ladyinpink1 went ok thanks, good to be busy but surrounded by colleaugues who are pregnant/have kids/going on mat leave which is triggering.

They said 1 week in the discharge letter so we DTD last night (CD12 after surgery) as don't want to miss an opportunity. Really don't like not knowing when I'll get my cycle back though.

Also asked for referral to a service that specialises in mental health support for pregnancy loss. Think I need to work through the grief/trauma from both losses. Part of me still blames myself for this one and for not staring sooner.

How are you? Are you still planning to speak to your GP?

@Ladyinpink1 sounds like a good plan. Back to work today which I'm struggling with. BBT seems to be staying low ish so will just see how long it takes to ovulate now. Don't want to miss an opportunity so may start DTD soon although it's only been 11 days since surgery so don't want to risk infection.

@UrsulaSings123 that's good, I had one as well due to light periods and gave me peace of mind that all was ok and I conceived on the next attempt (probably coincidence). Devon and Cornwall sounds great, I've just got back from Cornwall.

@13lucy yes I had surgical management. It's an ultrasound scan. I know someone else who went to foo fighters the other day. Sounds like you had a great time. We're going to Devon and Cornwall.

@Ladyinpink1 I have one DS and as I'm over 35 I went after 6 months to the GP, saying I wasn't sure if they could do anything for me, but she said no there is, it's only IVF I wouldn't be eligible for. But they can still do tests and refer to a consultant if anything is amiss and prescribe medication and stuff. So that's why I'm having the blood tests and ultrasound and my partner is having the semen analysis. Then if they find anything they can refer on. But then I'm guessing the waiting list is very long. I haven't asked about that yet. But my point is I think it's worth just speaking to the GP. I thought you were referred to a specialist at the hospital though? How did that all go as that was a few months ago now.

@moosey89 sorry to hear that. A family members dementia diagnosis is so hard to go through, along with the stress of TTC/miscarriage. Go easy on yourself. Dementia UK are also great - they have dementia specialist nurses available on their support line even if you just want some advice or to chat.

@HerbaceousPerennial @samilicious Foo Fighters were great and ended up getting into the front pit which was good fun. Would have been a very different night if I was still pregnant (though would have done anything to still be).

@HerbaceousPerennial was thinking of having a consultation which is about £300 and then see what they recommend. I just can't get my head around just 'being unlucky' twice in a row with no previous successful pregnancy. I think I wouldn't forgive myself if there was a cause and I went on to have another miscarriage before finding out. I know the feeling with irregular cycles! Makes TTC so much harder!

@UrsulaSings123 good that you're getting away on holiday. Are you off somewhere nice? Sorry to hear that your periods haven't gone back to normal. What sort of scan are they doing? Did you have surgery for the miscarriage? I had very light periods last time round so wondering what will happen this time, it didn't stop us conceiving.

@moosey89 the alzheimers society are really helpful, if it turns out your dad does get diagnosed, definitely give them a call to see what support they can give you. Sorry you're having such a shit time.

@Ladyinpink1 I've had the day 3 blood test. Am away when it would be the second blood test at the end of my cycle so annoyingly will have to wait for next cycle. Also been referred for a scan as my cycles just haven't returned to normal and my 'periods' are just less than 2 days of spotting.

@samilicious can I just ask why they referred you to gynea? Were the test results off or something? I'm having a day 3 and day 21 test atm which I remember you had before. Except for me it's day 19 because my cycles are only 23 days long atm.

Just about to go on holiday for 2 weeks tomorrow and due my period towards the end of the holiday so I'm glad I'll be busy. I don't do pregnancy tests anymore, just wait for my period. Pregnancy testing is too upsetting.

@Ladyinpink1 I’m on CD9 at the moment and whilst I’ll typically not ovulate until c. CD28 I’m starting to fret slightly in case it’s ‘normal’ this month, and simultaneously in case it’s even later as I have been pretty ill plus I’ve still got a tiny bit of bleeding from period which doesn’t feel right. I’ve had some sort of cough/cold back to back more or less since the miscarriage but this week it’s been really bad. I think I’m run down to be honest. I totally empathise with the desperation to be pregnant and feeling like that chance is just slipping further and further away.

@13lucy enjoy foo fighters tonight! Maybe even if it’s super emotional that won’t necessarily be a bad thing, better out than in. Although get that it would probably not be ideal and you’d prefer to enjoy yourself! What private tests are you thinking of? Sometimes it helps just to feel a bit more in control I find so may be worth doing that just to put your mind at rest if nothing else.

@moosey89 that sounds so so tough. I’m so sorry you’re going through that with your dad, it’s a very difficult journey and you have my complete sympathy (my aunt had a rare form of dementia at a relatively young age). Sounds very hard with your partner too. Hope you are taking good care of yourself.