CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #3

@Ladyinpink1 well done for getting past the due date, it's always a difficult one ❤️ sounds like your primed and ready for this month though so good luck! 🤞🏻🥰

@ThelastRolo20 We are in the process of selling our current house to buy the new one. But the new house is literally just land with only the first floor built (4 brick walls basically) so there’s a lot of work to be done.

@HerbaceousPerennial @samilicious the cup comments made me laugh, I have one - I find them so hit and miss!

@emmatcc1 hey - I think I've seen you on another thread, welcome! Sorry about AF arriving, hopefully conceiving this time won't take as long but always good to have a plan in place. Have you started renovations?

Hello, can I join?
I had my first and hopefully only loss exactly a month ago. 12dpo and bfn, af due on Saturday. It took us 17 cycles to conceive so I’m hoping this time will be quicker. We’re also about to start building our new house so I’m not sure how we’ll manage dtd on top of that. I’m thinking of waiting until January and then get help if we don’t get pregnant by then. I’m so mad that I went through all the nausea for nothing.

@moosey89 my heart goes out to you. A good idea to have a plan and I hope you can get some peace, it is incredibly brave to keep trying and it’s incredibly brave to decide to make a change too. I have my fingers crossed that it happens for you soon xxx

@Wise0wl CB are liars is what I’ve established, I don’t know if it’s because they track oestrogen too but I got flashing, flashing, blank, static on mine three weeks before I must’ve actually ovulated in the end. To be fair they do say they don’t work for PCOS but still!

@samilicious i too have ordered a giant menstrual cup before and the worst thing was, it bloody well fitted. I was so annoyed. I lost it, probably because I go so long between periods, and definitely not because it made me grumpy looking at it…

@Bugdem123 really sorry it's a BFN and I hope your cycle is a decent length. Really good news you definitely ovulated though - this Sunday is going to be really tough especially if a due date is nearby ❤️ have you got anything planned? X

Sending you a big hug @moosey89 - I think it's a really brave thing to know that if it doesn't happen by July that you're going to go for some counselling. There's a lot to work through when TTC isn't working and I think even more so after loss, and it's easier to ignore it than confront it - and I can't even imagine what it has been like to be on this journey for such a long time. ❤️

@ThelastRolo20 April isn't too far away now! At least when you're not TTC you can actually just relax and DTD when you want to and feel in the mood, not because you feel like you should.

@Bugdem123 Sorry to hear you're out for this month - good that you know you definitely ovulated though. Have you thought about how you might mark the original due date, if at all? I think you were a fellow April due date?
I've been feeling okay, not too bad with symptoms - the worst thing has probably been tiredness, about a week and a half ago I was totally wiped out and could hardly get off the sofa!

@Wise0wl yeah I am looking forward to it! Will be nice to switch off from general life. I agree that the strength comes from trying again, and continually picking ourselves back up again x

@ThelastRolo20 that makes sense, esp if your DH isn’t feeling well. After all, it takes two to tango! Are you starting to get excited about your holiday?

@moosey89 that makes sense, I didn’t remember you’d had it before, sorry. I can totally see how making a final decision will stop the sort of stasis that is TTC, not able to properly live our lives just in case. I know it sounds a bit cliched but you must be an incredibly strong woman to have been on this journey for 7 years x (I say that as lots of people say ‘you’re so strong’ to me after loss but I think the strength is in trying and hoping, you don’t get stronger from the loss itself)

Thanks guys for the replies. Don't know what id do without the support from you all on here! No one in my day to day life gets it unfortunately.

@Wise0wl ve had all sorts of counselling over the last few years and it's helped a lot. May well be worth me going back before August, I guess the August bit is aimed more at coming to a decision about what we want to do long term. Which I'm dreading but also desperately need as the uncertainty is awful.

@Bugdem123 yeah I have - a set back in 2019/2020 and another heap over the last 6 months or so. Only thing it's shown is my AMH isn't great but that impacts long term not whether or not I should be able to get pregnant each month. I'm tempted to push for a Hycosy when I have my next follow up at the end of march as I've never had one on the NHS so they might let me! And I've had abdominal surgery since my last one so would be good to just know it's all still ok. All other tests for both me and my other half came back totally normal.

@ThelastRolo20 thank you - it is so hard! Hope you're doing ok, well done for holding back this month. As you say, only a week and then you're in the clear for the month!xx

@Bugdem123 thank you - I think just writing it has made me feel a lot better so will see how I feel on Monday.

@Wise0wl I know, and actually my husband doesn't feel his best at the moment and I want TTC to feel hopeful.and exciting again in April as opposed to feeling a bit meh about it this month. Waiting it is, the concept will be easier next week when this month's window has gone!

@moosey89 so sorry lovely I didn't see your message when I posted mine.

It's so tough and I completely get the thoughts about others journeys, it's so natural to automatically compare.

I think counselling is a really good idea, you've gone through such an incredibly difficult journey and it'll hopefully help you decide what the next step in that journey is x

Hi @moosey89 it’s so lovely to hear from you, I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough time and it’s really tough when people close to you have successful pregnancies isn’t it. I think your plan makes sense, but also want to advocate for seeing a counsellor sooner. I’ve found it so helpful as being honest, the stakes feel higher every month and my feelings each month are only getting bigger and more ingrained. I was doing some research into support groups and got very sidetracked by TWGGE, but I’ll take another look and share what I find if it’s of interest. Sending hugs x

@ThelastRolo20 ahh!! My head is telling you to wait, my heart knows if it were me I’d think ‘fuck it’ and give it a shot. BUT April/May isn’t far away, you’ve not got long to wait if you choose to!

@Bugdem123 Sorry about your bfn, but that is good news on your progesterone (notwithstanding it being frustrating for not having a ‘reason’. Mother’s Day is really hard. Do you have plans on Sunday? TWGGE Mother’s Day course thing on Facebook is very helpful around Mother’s Day if you want me to re-share the link (promise I’m not on commission or anything, their content makes me feel seen atm)

@CluelessInLondon that's really lovely news, I'm so pleased for you. I definitely like hearing your updates - it gives me hope it won't be long for me. How have you been feeling?

@HerbaceousPerennial congratulations on the BFP, that's really lovely news. I'll keep everything crossed this is the one for you and please keep us updated 🩷

@13lucy I'm sorry you're having such a hard time but yay on a more normal period! I feel the same about being hopeful it'll happen soon but also petrified about the possibility it won't.

@ThelastRolo20 I'm sorry your friend was so unsupportive. I've wrote a few letters to a couple of friends over the last few months - like Sami I'm a bit of a conflict avoider so I've never sent them but even just getting it out made me feel better.

@moosey89 it's good to hear from you and I'm so sorry you're struggling. It's just relentless isn't it? Sorry if I've missed this from previous threads but have you had any investigations?

I'm back from my in-laws and BFN so I'm definitely out this cycle. Just hoping my period doesn't come until Saturday or Sunday or my cycle will be the shortest it's ever been. Not sure how I'm feeling tbh - I'm sure tears are coming soon. I got my progesterone results which showed I did ovulate so that's comforting. Between that and the hertility tests I've had done in January, I think I just need to relax and accept it'll happen when it happens. Not easy when I'm staringMother's Day, my due date and the anniversary of us starting trying in the face. I'm just so desperate and ready to be a mum and this wait is excruciating.

Ladies I need strength 😂 I think I'm ovulating today/ tomorrow based on cycles norms and EWCM...all of you know we're not trying until April as I won't stop banging on about it but for the love of god I'm tempted to tell my husband screw it we're having sex tonight 😂

Keep telling myself being 8 weeks pregnant on holiday (if it even happened!) would not be ideal...can everyone tell me April/ May is definitely better and not that far away 🤦‍♀️

Hey ladies. I've been hiding a bit. Starting to really struggle 😞 our friends who live down the road have just had a good 12 week scan - happy for them but sad for us. They had 2 losses, both at 6 weeks, but got pregnant first month every try. So she first got pregnant 6 weeks after me last year. I try so hard not to think "oh early losses are so much easier" but losing my 2 at 10/11 weeks and then taking so long to get pregnant (if I even do again) is absolute torture.

Me and my other half are going to keep trying until end of July, which is a full year since the most recent loss, then go to see a counsellor together to talk about everything. I feel like we need someone to force out the tough questions and answers. I'm so tired of feeling down and exhausted emotionally all the time. I just can't keep going forever, it feels like it's ruining my life. But then if I didn't try I think I'd regret it forever. Not exactly the most fun choice 😞

7 years since I first started TTC. I want my life back.

@13lucy I don’t think knowing more people makes it worse to be honest, it just makes me notice it more.

@samilicious 😂 genuinely laughing at the idea of a bucket sized menstrual cup 😂 more to the point, maybe you could treat yourself to something that is actually a treat for you! I also like the idea of a graduates thread (and the idea of warmer weather, but have less control over that). Did I make it up you were planning a trip to Disney?

@Ladyinpink1 ♥️ I hope today has been manageable

@Wise0wl firing from both cylinders eh! Watch out swimmers 😂 sounds like CB are giving you a right royal mess around. I couldnt get on with it but don't think I used it consistently enough tbh.

Having a graduates thread linked to this one might not be a bad idea? Had that before and it was good. After about a year of us all trying almost all of us caught successfully and made a fb group. That was around July we conceived - we just need some sunshine ladies! Though 14 months for me now, about 8 months of actively trying 🤨

@13lucy wow it really is everywhere for you at the moment, so hard having someone at work right there all the time and having to do management things related to the pregnancy too :( glad the cycle has given you something to feel a tiny bit positive about

@ThelastRolo20 that's so awful. I'm a big avoider when it comes to friends so I'd favour distance and silence until I felt able to comment in a less angry way. Because unfiltered me is a life ruiner 😩 you're probs more sane. However, you also need your support network right now so making your feelings clear might be better than avoiding. Writing is good, get a few drafts in with days inbetween can help dilute the emotion in message you need to deliver so it has the best impact

@Ladyinpink1 how are you feeling today? Big hugs ♥️

Last cycle I "treated myself" to a new menstrual cup to distract from AF sads and it's come and no joke is the size of a small bucket!!! Must have ordered the wrong size. Ffs. Well going to feel even more worried about my peedly little post-MVA period now aren't I 😅 great idea that was sam

@CluelessInLondon @13lucy @Wise0wl thanks everyone, even writing it out has been cathartic, will sit on it for a few days before deciding whether to send ❤️

@Wise0wl I'm sorry you're struggling with it too and it sounds a lot more intense with you knowing so many people. It just feels so unfair doesn't it. I think I will feel so much better once I'm pregnant again but have no control over that!

Yes you're right with not trying to think too far ahead, I quite easily get in a spiral worry about the future. I think it's all the waiting, uncertainty and lack of control that drives me mad! I also get what you mean about not knowing what's normal anymore - it baffles me that there was ever a time where I didn't really know anything about my cycle!

@ThelastRolo20 that's so insensitive of your friend and a good idea to write how you've feeling in a letter. It's something my therapist recommended a lot - I never 'sent' any of mine but they helped me process what I was thinking at the time. As others have said, maybe leave it a few days and see how you feel. You might just want to adapt it into a letter that you feel you can send.

@CluelessInLondon I really appreciate your support - I think you were on one of the first threads I was on when we both had similar timelines with our miscarriages! Yes my cycles used to be irregular but I never knew them as well as I do now - I seem to be getting more elements of regularity so I'm hoping that's a good thing. Going to try and make the most of our attempt this month!

@Ladyinpink1 been thinking of you today, hope you're doing ok.

@13lucy @ThelastRolo20 Thank you to both of you. ❤️ The support from this group both during and since TTC has honestly been such an incredible thing, and I feel really lucky to have found a community of women who are so generous with their good wishes at a time when I know it feels as though pregnancy is something that happens to other people. I really hope it's your time (and everyone else on this thread too) soon.

@13lucy I think that's a really good sign that your cycle seems to be restoring to some normality - I remember reading that it's different for everyone after miscarriage, and I think I remember you saying once before that your cycles weren't always consistent before either? So hopefully this is a sign of some more stability coming and you'll have a clearer idea of what's happening.

@ThelastRolo20 I'm with @Wise0wl , I would probably send the message too - personally I would struggle to move on with it hanging over me and it would affect the friendship in the long run. But it's good you've drafted it and can sleep on it to make sure you're making the right decision.

@ThelastRolo20 gosh how insensitive of your friend. She may not have meant it, but talk about adopting your problems as her own, and then seeking support for them from you! I would send it, but mainly because I know I wouldn’t be able to have a proper friendship with feelings bubbling under the surface.

I had ovulation pains (in both sides?) yesterday, and have clear CM, but not EWCM. Also think I’ve lost sight of what’s normal for me, so am just rolling with it!

@Wise0wl I can't help as I've never used CB ovulation tests but that sounds very confusing 🤔 do you get other ovulation symptoms to help you get a sense of when it happens?