CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #3

@HerbaceousPerennial yeah exactly - with early losses and early bleeding I totally understand having it, but yeah similar to yourself the "sticking" isn't the issue. I feel ok about the results - we're trying again now, I have a small bit of anxiety about another loss for the same reason, but with only a 5% chance of being a carrier and a 95% chance of bad luck, we decided it was a risk worth taking as it took 9 months to conceive last time so we don't want to lose time with the 2+ month wait for blood test results!

@Ladyinpink1 well every cycle I have shared with someone they have ended up getting pregnant so hopefully the same for you 😂 haha I love a good sort out and clean out! Our house is so small so it needs getting rid of stuff frequently! My DP is such a hoarder though, I have to scurry it away before he notices 😂
We had a garden day today which was nice cutting the bushes back and stuff.

@HerbaceousPerennial I'm glad I reminded you of your plan and that you have arranged dinner with your friend. I did that on Friday with someone I hadn't seen for a while and it was so nice. We're going camping next weekend, then a wedding the weekend after, then going to visit family the week after that. We're going camping the day after I'm due on so if I get my period (probably!) then at least we'll be busy and I won't be wallowing so much (that's the idea anyway!)

@Mummysparrow that made me laugh, a puppy would definitely do it! It would be carnage, I know very little about how to actually look after a dog and DH is firmly a cat person. So it would definitely work!

@Ladyinpink1 thanks, I was having a bit of a down day about cycles again I think. I think AF may be on the way though as I am very grumpy and then had a sulk because I don’t even know if it is that or just other weird hormones. But I remembered I was like this about this stage last time after my miscarriage too, I think it’s the ‘being back to normal’ stage but still in limbo. Glad you’ve got some more time off booked, those plans sound lovely. I’ve got a few days off from Friday too.

@moosey89 that makes sense. I think progesterone is often put forward as a miracle cure but like you say it really depends on the issue - it seems to help things ‘stick’ but that’s not the problem (it’s not for me either, in fact quite the reverse). How are you feeling about your results?

@UrsulaSings123 you are right! You’ve reminded me, I made a coping plan this time and doing more fun stuff was on there, I’ve got on it tonight and arranged dinner with a friend. DH reminded me we’ve got stuff booked for the fringe too so need to keep this good stuff front of mind. TTC is far too much waiting for my liking. Have you got some nice things coming up?

@Ladyinpink1 don't worry about feeling down, it's good to share those feelings. This journey is very tough and will knock even the best of us. I am on cd13 but ovulated cd11. The last 5 months it's been cd12 so don't know why it's suddenly one day early. It's rubbish going back to work when you've been off! Have you got any plans for the summer hols?

@HerbaceousPerennial genuinely I've found the thing that helps me think about it less is stop googling everything fertility related that comes into my head and come off all the pregnancy related forums, then plan nice things to do I can look forward to/plan for. Even though I love the support of the forums I just had to totally turn my mind away from all that for a few cycles. The waiting is sooo hard. It seems like TTC is just basically all waiting around.

@Mummysparrow that is the funeral that my baby had as well and it was really comforting.

@HerbaceousPerennial thank you - apparently progesterone is unlikely to do anything for me as that isn't my issue. Test came back positive for trisomy 15, which apparently is one of the more rare chromosomal issues. Me and my partner are having blood tests today to see if either of us are carriers, but there's only a 5% chance we are. They also test for all the other major chromosomal issues too. Takes 8-10 weeks for the results to come back so even more being patient is needed!

It's so hard feeling so helpless isn't it....

@Ladyinpink1 thank you - I'm trying to remain somewhat hopeful without relying on it helping if that makes sense. I know how much it hurts when everyone said "you're more fertile after loss" and then it took forever to get pregnant again each time. Hope you are doing ok, don't ever worry about sounding negative here, it's such a hard thing we're all going through! Xx

@13lucy yes burn away! Glad talking to DH helped. There's a very woo woo thing about burning things you've written down:

The Green Fire ritual is a powerful way to clear psychic congestion. It signals your subconscious that you're ready, willing, and eager to release the past and again move on, into a better version of your life. The woman who introduced me to this practice likes to do it four times a year, once each season

@moosey89 hope you get your genetic testing results soon. It's terrible you've had to wait so long. But glad the HSG went well

@Ladyinpink1 you're not a Debbie downer, it's completely understandable. Always here ♥️ just trying to ignore time/everything now I know it's not ectopic and see what happens. I don't think time has ever gone so slowly. Not sure how much I could try again if this goes tits up

@HerbaceousPerennial also lazy and want to enjoy my life - why isn't that on a bumper sticker?! So my old boss has given me a job a bumper the salary a little bit to be closer to what I was on in my last job. Just waiting for all the paperwork to come through before I jinx it too much though. Your cycle stuff sounds proper nerve wracking :( I don't know how you've managed to catch before with it being so crazy! If it's happened before when you weren't expecting it maybe it will do the same again

@HerbaceousPerennial get a puppy? I got one in February just before I fell pregnant after my dog died at Christmas and he is full on 🤣 so might take babies off the mind otherwise not sure 🤣🤣
@Ladyinpink1 I was 14 weeks technically (15 weeks to my dates) and had medical management. I wouldn't have been able to have had a postmortem if i had a d&c. My 12 week scan showed the baby had congenial diaphragmatic hernia and single umbilical artery and not very good odds. So I am not expecting too much more than that but I found out after I had baby that there was a 1 in 2 chance baby had downs syndrome so I just want confirmation of that was the case and my odds of it happening again. I had to sign some paperwork after having baby to say I was happy to have a postmortem and happy for them to keep the tissue slides for future research. I could have done my own funeral but having a communal one so baby is buried with other babies 🥹

Oh also, if anyone has any tips for how not to think about pregnancy and babies about 500 times a day I’m all ears 😂

@moosey89 glad the HSG went well. I feel you on the ‘no real plan’ next time, just a case of wait and see. I feel very powerless. Have you asked your doctor directly about progesterone? I discussed it quite a bit with the Tommy’s midwife and it was quite useful to work through. I hope you get your results back soon from the last pregnancy.

@Mummysparrow thinking of you with you baby’s funeral coming up. I hope your results come in soon too and that they give you some answers.

@13lucy slightly worried now as my APS was only about 6 weeks after my miscarriage! Although the fact it was negative is somewhat reassuring as I think the risk close to miscarriage is you get a false positive. Hope you’re doing ok

@samilicious agreed! The only women I know who ‘have it all’ are stressed out of their minds and don’t seem to enjoy it. I’m lazy and want to enjoy my life 😂 how did the interview go?

@Ladyinpink1 ah it’s a lot isn’t it, I feel a bit the same, and you’ve waited so long now. It’s very unfair. I keep having to remind myself it’s not been that long since the last MMC but it’s a year since we started trying now. It doesn’t help that I’ve no idea where I am in my cycle, I’m worried I’ve missed an ovulation somewhere and every period it’s at least a 4 week wait until ovulation. Except I always start fretting after about two weeks in case this is the one time I have a ‘normal’ cycle. I think this time it’ll be even longer than usual as no signs yet and I am so fed up of waiting. So much waiting! Anyway. How was your time off? Hope you had a lovely chilled time

@Ladyinpink1 well this is music to my ears 🤣 I don't drink wine often but do like a glass on a Friday evening. I am only cd6 today so hopefully will be ovulating towards the end of next week if my body behaves of course.
Feeling on edge this week as it is only a matter of time now until I get notified the results of the postmortem are back and to get a consultant appointment booked in. Babies funeral is on 1st August and they agreed to email me the details as they usually post them yeah week before but I am only getting post once or twice a week so worried I would miss them otherwise.

@UrsulaSings123 all went well with the HSG - wasn't exactly comfortable and parts were pretty painful but even the radiologist said that sometimes it can be therapeutic and help, so you never know! Not resting all my hopes on that (I hate having high hopes and just being disappointed) but being open to it being a possibility.

So next time there's no real plan - my NHS trust only does progesterone after a scan at around 7 weeks, so I might go private for an initial prescription. I don't want to leave it if it could help. My issue is that I've always had a scan around 7 weeks with a heartbeat, but it's never ended well, heartbeat was slow in 2 of the 3 losses at that gestation. It makes me feel that there's something genetic wrong, and we're still waiting on genetic testing results from the last loss. But we're trying again this month and will see what happens I guess!

Hope you're doing ok x

@UrsulaSings123 glad the service went well. It's nice that they do that. I don't think my hospital had the option but the ashes get scattered in the memorial garden. Yes I thought once ovulation is confirmed I don't need the added stress! At least it's not the first thing I think about when I wake up for now. I haven't tried SANDS but will have a look. It baffles me that there's not more readily available support specifically for this. Good that your periods are getting longer/heavier. That happened with mine (although they were still very light and short compared to before) so hopefully a good sign.

@samilicious maybe I need to be more direct with my GP then. Seeing as I can't have APS test until September anyway, I might book in an appointment with her to discuss next steps. I have spoken to Tommy's but more for a chat about things than mental health support. Writing down is a good idea but I'll have to burn it or something afterwards 😂last time I did it, it really helped but lots of tears in the process. DH and I had a good chat yesterday and he's really struggling too. It was nice to chat about it in a way as he tends to keep it to himself whereas I want to talk about it all the time!

@13lucy also when therapy isn't available to me I find writing everything down really helpful. Getting it off your chest as if you would with a therapist - out of your head and into a page. Once I made a list of all the things I was worrying about and it was 67 things. 67! I thought that was ridiculous and that logic somehow helped me worry about some of them a lot less.
Also have you tried Tommy's? Might be similar wait list but the more the better hopefully

@UrsulaSings123 good to hear the service went well today. Originally my service was supposed to be last week but as we were away they put it back to August service for us so we will be attending our babies service in 3 weeks time.
I changed from pregnacare pregnancy tablets to trying to conceive tablets the day after my TFMR and put my hubby on them too so we have both been getting vitamins and some coq10 on us but I have added additional coq10 in as of today and may add omega 3 in as well but I need to remember to take those with food to avoid the fishy burps 😂😂

@HerbaceousPerennial totally get you wanting to sort this bit first before going for it at work. I hate the "women can have it all" trope because you really can't. If nothing else your health suffers big time and pulls you back to reality trying to do both at full speed - or so I found 🤪

@13lucy agree with herb - going in and telling them what you want always worked for me. My GP actually said "ok so what do you want to do next? You know more about this than me" 😂 it's so horrible that you feel like that about your body. I definitely had a time feeling the same. Then I started talking to my lady parts every time I felt like that, saying thank you for the things they did do. I know it sounds a bit woo woo but it helped me a lot - especially as I had completely disabling period pain around the time. I was ready to throw a stick of dynamite up there tbh

@UrsulaSings123 sorry you're feeling sad this week but glad the service helped ♥️ I didn't get anything like this for mine as I went through BPAS for the TFMR due to timing and really regret not having any kind of acknowledgment of a loss. At the time I was adamant I didn't want anything, but feel like I missed part of the process and can never go back. Love the dedication! They are crazy expensive but hopefully you won't need em for long 🤞🏻

@13lucy thank you. We went to the service today. There was a casket with baby [my surname] on it as well as my name and the date of the surgical procedure. There were 8 babies in the casket and 2 other couples came along as well. They has poems and readings and it was actually a really lovely service. When the grave is full they will put a headstone on it with the dates of all the babies buried there. I'm really glad I went.

I always stop temping after ovulation confirmed and I've only temped on 2 cycles to check I was deffo ovulating. I just know it would send me round the bend otherwise. And the MC was nothing you did, I am certain of that. Have you contacted SANDS at all? They support anyone who has experienced baby loss including MC. They might be able to support you sooner than 6 months perhaps. Waiting lists are so long now. I'm sorry you're struggling.

@moosey89 I've heard good things about HSG. I'm sure your tubes will be lovely and clear after. I'm sure I remember you saying before that the month you fell pregnant there was some blood when you ovulated? Made me think at the time maybe there was a blockage or something and the release of an egg pushed it through. Who knows though! But I'm feeling positive for you. Do you have a plan if you were to fall pregnant again? Will they prescribe progesterone or something to try and maintain it this time?

@Mummysparrow I have had very light periods since MC, but the last 2 have been slightly better. Am hoping that means things are going more back to normal. That's good you've got counselling sorted. I got some counselling through work which is starting next week.

Well I managed to work out the vitimins and spent £120 last night buying everything!! I'm going all in this month. Low sugar. Doing 10 mins HIIT every day. Blasting myself and DP with all the vitimins 😂 I will get pregnant soon god damn it 😂

Well after thinking period was starting last week, it just spotted on off for days and finally started today but it is a bit on the light side, lighter then my usual periods so not sure if this is it or whether it will get heavier. I am not sure I ovulated last month so wondering if that has affected it. I am thinking I will still count it as cd1.
I had my baby loss counselling triage session yesterday and my hospital will pay for 5 sessions which will start probably next month. I am also restarting private therapy sessions (I used to do them for stress related) this a week as I have dealt with a lot this year so thought it would be a good time to make sure I am not just bottling it all up

CD7 for me today - got my HSG tomorrow which I'm a bit nervous around as it can be quite painful for a lot of women. But apparently it also can help improve fertility as it 'clears things out' so I guess on balance it'll be worth it, as it's something we are yet to try!

I have ditched the temping now I'm in my luteal phase to try and relax in the 2ww but now worried I might be missing something 😂

@HerbaceousPerennial good that you're feeling calm about it. I think our mindset is so powerful in trying to make it all feel a bit more bearable but I'm struggling with it! Sounds like your GP is really supportive. Both the consultant and Tommy's said they can't test for APS unless I'm 12 weeks post miscarriage. So I think I'm going to wait and see what happens between now and then. If by then we aren't pregnant then we will go with the expensive tests privately. I also know what you mean about the career - all my focus is now on stress reduction so I'm not sure I want to go any further up the ladder now.

@UrsulaSings123 sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I hope you get some closure from the burial and if you need support then we are here for you. Will other people be there? That's good with being able to self refer to things. Everything seems so locked up down here.

I was referred to specialist mental health support for baby loss and received a message yesterday to say there's a 6 month waiting list. I find that so shocking when it has such a profound affect on our health and our lives. Some days I find it hard to be in my body - over analysing everything, feeling like a failure and blaming myself.

@samilicious sorry, I get a bit overwhelmed with replying to all the messages I often forget to reply to everything! Glad that everything is OK at the moment. I know I was worried about ectopic which is why I had that first scan with EPU in which they couldn't say if it was viable or not. Such early days for you though so I'm sure the little bean is growing OK. Time draggggggs so much when you're waiting for something.

@HerbaceousPerennial I know what you mean about it affecting your career. If I wasn't TTC I would definitely be looking at moving jobs and even going self employed but no way am I doing that at the moment!