CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #3

Thanks @UrsulaSings123. I’ve had low level cramping on and off today and then another blob of pink on wiping this evening too. Which makes me think and start planning for the worst. I’m seeing EPU for my next scan on Wednesday morning anyway, so it didn’t make sense to try and move everything to try and make it earlier. So time will tell, and I’ve just got everything crossed in the meantime. What makes me extra worried is that though I’ve spotted in 3/4 of my pregnancies now, I haven’t spotted in this one for weeks now and I’m on progesterone so worried that might be concealing a MC.

@moosey89 oh wow that's wonderful news! I wish you all the luck in the world. Out of interest was today the first day you tested, or did you test before today and only get a positive today? I am 10dpo today and still negative. I have had positives before on 10dpo so hard to know whether to still feel hopeful or not (which I don't really!). I'm really pleased for you, but I can see why after losses you have mixed feelings.

@samilicious how was your daughters birthday? I hope the balloon arch was OK in the end! Did you find that feeling stressed about it affected your cycles? If I don't get a positive this cycle, which I don't think I will, I just hope at least that it is more back to pre-MC 'normal'.

@Wise0wl sorry to hear you've been finding your SIL's announcement difficult, and that you have had some spotting. Will you contact EPU about it or just see how it goes? Bleeding in pregnancy is actually quite common, but I know after a loss it can be quite traumatic.

@moosey89 lovely news although appreciate you’re probably feeling very weird about it just now! Takes a while to sink in. Fingers crossed for you and hope your cold is better soon, look after yourself

@moosey89 congratulations lovely! Keeping everything crossed for you! 💕🌈🙏🏼

@13lucy yes, I feel exactly the same. And now it’s been so long it feels like a massive big thing I have to tell them out of the blue! Esp as I don’t want to disclose my current pregnancy yet (and have just had some pink spotting this morning which has made me panic)

@moosey89 congratulations!! I completely understand the anxiety. I have everything crossed this is your sticky bean 🤞

Thank you all, really appreciate the support. I think I'm going to absorb it for another day or two and then let my partner know. Doesn't help that I have a stinking cold and feel awful from that currently! Keeping fingers crossed for you all on your current/next cycles x

@moosey89 This is amazing news, congratulations! Understandable that you are feeling cautious, although I would definitely encourage you to tell your partner - it's good to have someone there to share the mental load of the anxiety. Sending you lots of luck for a sticky bean. ❤

@Ladyinpink1 The time has definitely sped up for me since the dating scan, although the anxiety comes and goes - there are times when I'm quite relaxed and thinking everything is fine, and others when I feel really worried that something might have gone wrong and I just don't know about it.
I know what you mean about it not being very helpful when people say things like "just relax and don't think about TTC" - easier said than done! I was planning to have a "relaxed" month with no tracking when I found out I was pregnant this time, but I'm not really sure it would have helped that much. I'm a control freak - I know you can't actually control any of this but tracking ovulation gave me the illusion of control!

@UrsulaSings123 Sorry to hear that you've had BFNs - it's still early though so you're not out yet.

@Wise0wl it's tough isn't it, I think I'm quite similar, feel like I'm a huge failure and only want to give them good news (I know it's not true but I feel like it). I had it in my mind that it would only take a few months to conceive and then would come clean, but feels like I've been holding onto the secret for too long now so don't know if I'll ever tell them.

@Ladyinpink1 thank you for the positivity, it's hard to think that it will ever happen when it takes so long to conceive. I'm feeling ok thanks, think I'm going to ovulate soon so will have that hopeful moment again soon. If it doesn't work this time round I think I'll progress with seeing a specialist just to rule out my concerns! Hope you're feeling ok too?

@moosey89 that's amazing news! Gives me some hope as I know you've been trying for a while.

@moosey89 ah that's wonderful news! Congratulations 🥰 really hope this goes well, as you say the stats are on your side xx

@moosey89 aww congratulations!!! How many dpo are you? I understand your hesitancy and not wanting to get your hopes up. I'll very much be the same when I (hopefully) get another bfp.

Guys - I've got a BFP. And I don't know how to feel. I feel....neutral? Definitely not excited but definitely not terrified. It's super early so just praying this one sticks but I appreciate that there's a 1 in 4 chance it won't.

Just so unexpected. Don't want to tell my partner either in case I have an early loss. Argh this is horrible!!

@13lucy on telling parents - I’ve not told mine. I guess I wanted to tell them when it was in the past (hey we’re pregnant, our journey to get here has been heartbreaking but good news! Or something) but my hand has been forced a bit as I’ve just found out my SIL is pregnant and I’m falling apart a bit, and won’t be able to hide it. I know I’ve got so much to be thankful for because I am (currently) pregnant, but we all know too well that doesn’t necessarily lead to a baby and after two consecutive losses I don’t want to count my chickens. For me, I haven’t told them to protect them, and because I don’t want the scrutiny or the pity, I don’t want to be talked about behind my back. I didn’t choose pregnancy loss to be part of my life story and haven’t quite accepted that it is, to be honest!

Anyway. You’re not alone and this is something that’s been playing on my mind this weekend x

Hope all you lovely ladies are doing ok 💕

@Ladyinpink1 so strange isn't it! I get so grumpy on my period as I overthink whether it's normal or not! It really annoys me hearing about the relax thing - I went on holiday over fertile week and just ended up getting ill and another BFN! 😂I feel more relaxed now than I have done since the miscarriage, so hopefully that helps. I've made a bit of a backup plan in my head of what I'll do with my life if I don't have kids and it makes me feel a little bit better about the situation.

@samilicious thank you, running has really helped! No idea how I've done almost 6 months without it. Difficult to go back to sport as would be difficult to drop out again if I do get pregnant - oh the joys of being female!

Hope everyone's having a good weekend.

@Ladyinpink1 yeah that's right! I'll take a pic of my bloods form when I go. I had to move them because of dates falling when I was on hol so not until May now, but need to move them again s they're different with this short cycle. Sounds like you're not feeling too down about af, good on you for healthy eating. I'm going to start it after holiday more seriously. Somewhere in my fertile window at the moment but it's my dd's birthday so mad busy blowing up a temu balloon arch (don't advise) and getting everything sorted for that so no time to dtd. DH went out for a drink with his brother last night, got in smashed and nearly demolished the balloon arch staggering around - more likely to kill him that dtd at this point 😂

@13lucy I really hope you can get back into the things you love and get your identity back soon ♥️ must be hard with parents not knowing but totally get why it's tricky with them

@moosey89 glad your tests are keeping you going and good to get a second opinion on the ovary

@UrsulaSings123 literally this stress thing is all I think about 😂 because I was exactly the same. As soon as I gave up and focused on my mental and overall health I conceived. The more I try and relax the more stressed I seem to be though. Well done for waiting an extra day in last time! Progress is progress

@Ladyinpink1 I find it annoying when people (who are usually pregnant!) say they just 'relaxed'. Unless the stress is so much that its affecting their cycle I don't see how thinking about ttc and trying different things makes it less likely you'll conceive.

@ThelastRolo20 @jellyfish2 yeah I know I'm not totally out yet, but with all my pregnancies I feel like it's been obvious and I really have known before I've done a test and starting feeling like a 'let down' feeling in my boobs quite early on. But I guess every pregnancy is different and implantation can happen at different times.

Yeah I guess you think/hope it's going to happen fairly quickly once you start trying.

@UrsulaSings123 you're still not out! I feel the same as you though and wished I'd TTC sooner. I used excuses for why it wasn't the right time and really regret it.

@UrsulaSings123 I'm sorry lovely, BFNs are always hard to see. You're 9DPO? The earliest I've ever even had a squinter is 10 DPO so you never know x

Well I've tested the last couple days and absolutely nothing. My boobs feel totally normal. I'm feeling really disappointed. I wish we hadn't waited so long to ttc again.

@Ladyinpink1 yes I agree being around pregnant people is harder than babies, must be the jealousy! I'm currently CD15 and no sign of anything happening yet - I usually ovulate between CD17-21 which makes timing things difficult! I've been running 3 times a week so will see if that has any affect. Ah that's good you'll get some answers, I've wondered about aspirin but the research doesn't seem that clear on it. I've still got the aspirin from my first booking appointment in my bedside draw.

@samilicious it's tough isn't it! I've gone from the fittest I've ever been to unfit/heaviest I've been, experienced my worst ever mental state, completely lost my identity with giving up running/sport and not trusting my body anymore - so not been much fun! Still haven't told my parents which I think has been bothering me subconsciously. I feel hopeful leading up to fertile week but every time a cycle passes without being pregnant I lose a bit more hope. I know what you mean about not giving up - I'm grateful for all of your support in keeping me going!

@moosey89 glad you're getting more tests and I hope you get some answers soon.

@purplecolouroffunk sorry for your loss. Like others have said, the feeling of wasted time and anger doesn't go away but you think about it less often. When I went through my miscarriage the quote 'it can't be fixed, it can only be carried' really resonated with me. It will always be there but it does get easier. I had an MVA and was advised to wait for a period - I remember it was really difficult to hold off when I was ovulating! My first cycle was also very short and my periods are still super light 6 cycles on!