CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #3

@Ladyinpink1 I’m glad everything is normal but that sounds really frustrating. How are you feeling? What are the next steps? I rang the doctor on Monday and although my lovely usual GP is on holiday they had a space free with someone else that afternoon, which I was really surprised by. Long story short they think it’s very likely hormonal and just needs some time to settle down. I think they’re probably right, it doesn’t take much for my hormones to go haywire so I suspect it was the run of illness but it’s so frustrating when everything appeared to get back to normal so quickly after the miscarriage. I had a physical exam and they’ve swabbed for infection but she said she couldn’t see any signs and thought it was unlikely which is a big weight off my mind. So I am glad I went! I’m to go back in 3-4 weeks if things haven’t resolved and they’ll send me for a scan and do some extra tests then.

@13lucy I looked into acupuncture as part of my original ‘coping’ plan but it was so expensive I decided to wait a bit. But you’ve reminded me and I might pick it up again. I feel strangely vulnerable about it and I’m not sure why. I’ve researched it though and whilst the jury’s out on whether it actually helps with fertility there is evidence that it can help regulate cycles and it does seem to make people feel better. I think taking some time out to relax and focus on yourself may be where the value is for me but it’s just finding the time really which is the problem, it’s either in working hours or shortly afterwards when it would cut into time with my son. Definitely go for the holiday! And good luck on the APS testing.

@UrsulaSings123 honestly I found early pregnancy after loss even harder than TTC so you have my full sympathy. I had a book called pregnancy after loss which I personally found a bit woo but which I think can be really helpful - the main takeaway for me was to just keep taking one day at a time. The worst is very unlikely to happen but if it does, you survived before and you will again. Hope you are giving yourself lots of TLC. Yeah I’m going to call the GP on Monday I think, you’re right, it needs checked and isn’t normal. I’m just so fed up of my body dicking about, I should be used to it after 20 years but it’s so frustrating!

@Mummysparrow hope you are doing ok. I feel your pain on the ovulation front!

@Ladyinpink1 thank you, I've been feeling on/off anxious but trying to just focus on one week at a time. It's difficult when trying to work out things like jobs, but when I saw a job come up I just felt like I didn't want to put certain things in my life on hold for an indefinite amount of time which is why I thought what the hell I might as well apply. Will it be easy to change your hours? Are you reducing them? I work 4 days a week term time and 3 days in the holidays and that works really well for me.

@HerbaceousPerennial If it was me I would definitely be talking to someone about it. I went to the GP after I had a few short periods and they referred me for blood tests and a scan so I don't know why they can't just at the least send you for a blood test or scan just to check.

@13lucy I've had acupuncture and I cried! But I think that's pretty unusual haha and I have a very low pain threshold. Some people actually find it relaxing. I've heard of other people using it for fertility. Have you thought about seeing if your work has an employee assistance programme? Lots of places do. Mine offered me 12 weeks of free counselling and it's been so helpful.

@Mummysparrow when did you normally ovulate before? My cycles changed after my MC. Before they were 28 days ovulation mid cycle, typical cycle. After MC I ovulated day 11or 12 with a 23/24 cycle. Hopefully it will settle down for you soon.

I am still loitering around but not much going on with me. Cd18 and not ovulated yet so not sure if I am going to ovulate at all this cycle 😩

@Ladyinpink1 will let you know what the GP says but not holding out much hope! They don't have any routine appointment for weeks which is crazy! It's strange after loss when your cycles change and you need to work out what's normal all over again! Going to have a think about what to do for the holiday... it's crazy isn't it putting our lives on hold! I haven't played sport for a year now and can probably count the amount of runs I've done on both hands. But I don't want to hamper my chances!

@HerbaceousPerennial yes that's very true and I think they like they say, grief really does come in waves. I think the situation with the pregnant person I know just brought everything up again. I really feel like I'm living in a bad dream and just floating through life at the moment! Good shout about mentioning Tommy's to the GP. Really want to get APS testing out of the way as that's the thing I'm most worried about at the moment, and don't want to wait another 6 weeks in order to get it done privately. I think we will get the holiday planned and then see if we want to take the risk of not. The chances of me getting pregnant on my second cycle after miscarriage are pretty low I would think!

Has anyone tried acupuncture? I think I might give it a go towards the end of this year if we still haven't had any luck by then. Pretty expensive though!

@13lucy I’m so sorry you’re struggling right now - it’s still pretty soon after your loss though so very natural. I found I felt fine directly afterwards and then really struggled after about 6-8 weeks with both losses, I think maybe because the hormones are still raging but everyone sort of expects you to be over it to all intents and purposes. That sounds a good plan on the GP front, hopefully they’ll be sympathetic and do at least some of the tests, especially if you mention Tommy’s, I think most GPs have heard of them. If not you have a backup plan. A holiday sounds good - DH and I put together a list so we did a chunk of the planning but just didn’t book, for the same reasons. Then you have the excitement of looking at stuff and planning a bit, but full control of whether you go last minute or not (we have ourselves options). I do think Lady is right though, I feel I’ve missed out on a few things based on TTC and it just makes the whole process feel even more of a drag.

@Ladyinpink1 god knows where I am in my cycle, the light spotting is continuing with no end in sight. I don’t know whether to see someone about it, most of the time I think it’s a miscarriage/covid cock up in my body but the dark part of me worries a bit that it’s an infection or something worse which could put a baby permanently off the cards. On the plus side, it means I’m not worrying about ovulation etc and just going with the flow a bit more! Yeah my dad is amazing and a very thoughtful man, which is why I’ve actually thought about what he said. I think he’s right, focused processing and talking on here is helpful, constantly reliving it and talking about it on a loop is not. I’m going to allot specific time to thinking about it and also take @UrsulaSings123’s advice and get off the internet and distract myself a bit more! Has AF arrived for you yet? How are you doing today?

@HerbaceousPerennial thank you, still very early days. Counselling was good and I actually didn't even mention it, had so much other stuff to talk about! It's hard to not talk about something you think about all the time. As I said before I honestly had to just totally turn my focus away from ttc for a couple months as it felt all consuming. Stopping googling stuff definitely helped me. Distracted myself with other stuff whenever I felt the urge.

@13lucy sorry you've been feeling so upset. It's hard to carry on with life when you don't know what's going to happen. I had a job interview recently and I was so unsure whether to go for it or not but I just thought I can't continually put my life on hold for something, I need to carry on living like normal. Would it be possible to take out extra level of insurance or something so you can cancel it if you want to?

Hi everyone, hope you're all doing ok. My period actually only lasted 2 days but the flow felt more normal than last time around. Had a few bad days recently and just feel so sad and tearful. A lot has been brought up as someone I know had some pregnancy complications but all turned out ok. I think it's brought back my feelings of loss and wondering why it's not working out for me.

Decided I'm going to ask the GP about tests to see if they can do them and save me a bit of money. Fully expecting it to be a no and it ending in tears! Otherwise back to the plan of going private but they won't do APS screening until 12 weeks after the miscarriage which is September!

Also struggling with what to do as we want to book a crazy holiday in a couple of months but I want to do it last minute as I don't want to risk being away if pregnant (even though I know the chances are I won't be). So wondering whether to wait it out and cost being higher/options being less or just booking it now ish and seeing what happens.

Thanks @Ladyinpink1 we went to the pub in the village and sat in the beer garden 😂 it was really nice. We didn’t talk about TTC or babies at all and we just had fun. It made me realise how often I bring it up. Actually my dad did have a (kind) word later on about how often I talk about it and how he doesn’t think it’s healthy. I was really hurt and upset when he said it but I’ve reflected a bit and I think he has a point. It’s like a self perpetuating cycle and I’m letting it colour everything. I don’t want to think about it all the time but talking about it isn’t helping I don’t think. So I’m going to make an effort to talk about it less and see if it helps. I’m sorry you’re out this cycle. The agnus castor sounds like a good shout, hopefully it’ll make a difference. I love churros! Hope you enjoyed the walk and the treat.

@UrsulaSings123 I am cautiously excited for you! Keep us posted but sounding like good news. Also selfishly a bit of a morale boost for me if you’ve managed to fall pregnant with cycles not quite right, I have no idea where I am now but always hopeful. How did you find counselling? I carried on with mine in early pregnancy and it was very helpful.

@ThelastRolo20 lovely to hear from you! Pregnancy is hard even without previous losses, like you say just one day at a time. I drop into the grad thread occasionally to keep an eye on you all too, glad things are going ok.

@UrsulaSings123 very tentative congratulations but we all know how nerve wracking this early testing can be x

Well I was completely convinced that I was hallucinating a very faint line yesterday as I always seem to do that with preg test, but maybe I did see something because this morning there is a definite faint line. I'm not due on until Saturday so I'm literally just taking it a day at a time. I really have gone at it this month with the vitamins, low sugar diet and exercise so I'm hoping all that has helped. I only did the one test so I have been thinking it might have been a false positive, but I am going to wait until tomorrow to do another on to make sure..

@Ladyinpink1 I spoke to my GP and asked how you would go about getting referred for semen analysis and she said that in this area you can self refer and gave me the number and I gave it to DP who called them and booked it in. As it stands he is still going to go ahead with the appointment because I am not putting any eggs in any baskets at the moment. I'm sorry about your negative... I always find this part of the month so difficult. Not only have you got the period hormones but you have to deal with the disappointment of that on top of it. If someone could tell me at the start of the cycle 'this one you won't be preg' I feel like I could handle it so much better.

@Ladyinpink1 not many people could resist churros with chocolate 😂 sorry it's a BFN this month, hopefully it turns around but if not sounds like you're giving everything a good go.

I'm okay thank you, still feeling anxious but one day at a time x

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't been on for a while but I've popped on and off to see how you're all doing ❤️ sounds like some good tests are going on and @13lucy a more normal period is always such a relief. @UrsulaSings123 I also found not testing early when WFH an absolute nightmare - I don't think many people could resist. If you'd like to send a pic of the test I have fairly good line eyes, but absolutely understand if you'd rather just wait and see what the next few days hold ❤️ x

@Ladyinpink1 I had my 2nd blood test yesterday as well. I hope you had a nice walk yesterday.

@HerbaceousPerennial sorry to hear your cycle has gone a bit haywire. I found it so frustrating that my cycle hasn't gone back to 'normal' still after all this time. It's like ffs now there's another block in the road. I found the GP quite good at doing blood tests and stuff though but they didn't want to do them until 4 months had passed. Hope you had a lovely weekend away.

@13lucy That's good your period was a bit more normal. Sorry to hear you had covid, hope you werent too poorly with it. Its been going around a lot at the moment.

Well ladies I am back to the effing early testing. 9dpo and did a stupid preg test this morning. I don't know why I subject myself to this when I'd been doing so well. I think it's just because I'm wfh this week and it's too easy/tempting to 'just see'. It's this weekend I'm going camping when I'm due on. I just find it so frustrating that every time I do a preg test I get like hallucinations of extremely faint lines. It's like my brain wants to see it so badly that it makes it up. I just keep trying to focus on the nice stuff we're doing at the weekend and that we're doing everything within our power to make it happen - sperm analysis is booked in, been taking a crate full of vitimins each day, eating low sugar, and doing exercise, so doing everything possible. Also got counselling tomorrow so I'm hoping I will feel more supported with that as it's the first time I've actually had counselling when I'm dealing with this part of my cycle.

@HerbaceousPerennial yes totally true, I have nothing to lose! I guess at the very least I can inform her of the plan.

@Ladyinpink1 feeling much better thanks! Think my period was still short but I was less obsessive over it which I guess is something. Strangely I had no progesterone symptoms leading up to it which I think made it less triggering. My temps are still a bit all over the place so probably still settling down. We are very brave and stronger than we think! Good that your progesterone test is this week, I hope it comes back ok. Let us know how it goes!

@Ladyinpink1 just visiting family in England but it’s been really nice. Weather today has been mostly sunny but not too hot and we’ve got some willing babysitters for this afternoon, hooray! Bleeding if anything is tailing off 🤷🏻‍♀️ really not sure what’s going on. I’ve had spotting on and off since my last period so maybe things are still settling down. It’s been three months now though since the miscarriage so if it doesn’t settle soon I’ll go to the doctor’s. It’s annoying as my first period after the miscarriage was on time and totally normal. How are you feeling about your progesterone test? Hope it all goes well.

@Ladyinpink1 I’ve started with a bit of bleeding now, incredibly light but think it’s AF starting. I got really anxious and upset last week and I’m feeling much better so I think it was horrendous hormones in the lead up. The mad part of me wonders if it’s implantation bleeding but I’ve never had that before and I’ve no symptoms of pregnancy at all, think I’m just struggling knowing it’s then four weeks until ovulation again. But we’re away with family at the moment so I can just enjoy myself instead!

@moosey89 fingers crossed it’s just bad luck and you’re not a carrier. Totally understand the anxiety but it sounds like the odds are very much on your side. Glad you are doing ok. Hope you are taking good care of yourself, it’s a lot to process.

@13lucy if it’s any comfort I found my GP very empathetic. It’s well worth asking, even if they say no then you’re no worse off. Glad you are feeling ok about not being pregnant, now I’ve started AF I feel better about it again, for me I think it’s just the relief of knowing where I stand albeit briefly! I do think the hormones are playing a bigger part than I thought too. I think I had covid a few weeks ago too, either way I was very poorly, and it seems to have knocked things slightly off kilter again.

@UrsulaSings123 being away this weekend is definitely helping! I got into a negative cycle of thought at home and being away really seems to have given me a bit of a reset. Hopefully anyway! Has AF shown up for you? Hope the camping is lovely and you’re having a great time

@samilicious sounds like a good idea! I certainly have a lot I need to get out of my head and into flames! 😂

@HerbaceousPerennial I thought 6 weeks after would be ok and I've seen it in many places online too! Good it came back negative for you anyway. Wondering whether to ask my GP if they will do it to save us the money but I feel anxious about asking. I know I should just ask though. I totally get you with it being on your mind all the time - I've found learning the drums has taken my mind off it somewhat as it keeps my mind busy! Is there anything new you want to get into?

AF arrived this week but I was kind of expecting it. Also had COVID this week which has been rubbish as I haven't been able to do anything social. My period seems more normal this time round which I'm finding really comforting (never thought I'd say that!).

Finding that I'm ok with not being pregnant right now and I think that's because I'm so scared of going through it all again. It's the first time I've felt like this and I think it's because I'm wondering whether it will ever happen for us and needing to be accepting of that. I think having a plan in place with the private consultant is also helping me feel more in control.

Hope everyone else is doing ok?