CD1 ttc after loss carry on thread #3

@emmatcc1 I’m not sure to be honest, I think it can happen but that can sometimes be because you’ve actually ovulated later than originally thought. So definitely not a no, but in my experience it is unusual I’m afraid, a pregnancy would normally show up by that stage. Hope you are doing ok.

@Ladyinpink1 oh I’m so sorry, I really felt hopeful for this month for you. Glad you are doing ok if a bit disappointed. It’s so difficult not to symptom spot and get a little bit hopeful. I hope AF turns up on time. Fingers crossed for Mac’s next month. I think the osmanthus tea is only worth trying if you actually enjoy it, I love it and it brings back lots of happy memories for me. It’s got a sort of peachy flavour, you can get green or oolong and the tea is dried with the osmanthus flowers which gives the flavour. You can buy just the dried flowers for cooking with too I think.

@samilicious wow this sounds a hardcore month! That’s great you’re doing an event for Tommy’s, how does it work? Good news about your tests too albeit frustrating. A hysteroscopy sounds a good plan, hoping it comes back clear too. I think there’s a lot of value in getting your mind put at rest. I’m trying really hard to not try, what a contradiction in terms! I’m finding it ok at the moment, GP gently said to me it’s what they recommend so I’m trying to bear that in mind. It makes sense from a mental health point of view.

DH and I went to china about ten years ago and it was incredible, all these contrasts between stunning beauty and really ugly, old and new. DH did the Great Wall of china marathon and we stayed in a really bizarre hotel which was built just as china was opening up but was now falling into rack and ruin, it had an entire concrete indoor jungle complete with streams. We were in just ordinary town for that bit then took ourselves off travelling around to some of the big cities. We only got scammed twice so we did quite well 😂

Is it possible to get a positive after 14dpo? Af was due today and I got negative but not fmu and diluted urine. I got sore boobs, on and off nausea and occasional mild cramps past few days.

@13lucy rubbish :( so hard to try counselling then to have a crap experience is extra off putting

@Ladyinpink1 how you doing? Yeah AF came yesterday on time, thankful to her for that! Rubbish you got a BFN. 8DPO still early and got some good signs, if not maybe the maca will just take a few cycles to work its magic 😊

@HerbaceousPerennial what was china like?! Definitely something in eastern medicine! Rubbish that your MC symptoms are still going - that and PCOS must be exhausting. With you on all the vitamin spending 😅 supposed to take 3-6 months to do their thing as well so going to rack up over time

Next cycle: I ordered an older refurb Apple Watch that tracks temp for you for ovulation on a pay monthly thing, but still not going to test or anything from now on or track my cycle days too much. This time was too much 😅 killed me off again. Also signed up for slimming world online for a month of hardcore healthy eating, and the Tommy's 60 miles for June challenge. Trying not trying we go again 😅 also got a call with gp again a week in Monday, got all tests back from me and DH and they're clear. Going to request a hysteroscopy as well to check for Ashermans as I had a later stage removal of stuff so it's more common.

@Wise0wl yeah I had specialist PCOS fertility counselling privately last time, it was really beneficial and I think possibly the reason I’m doing ok after this one. DH thinks I should set up some more sessions but I just really don’t feel like it, I’m not sure why. Maybe too soon still or maybe she did too good a job last time! I too thought being pregnant would fix how I felt and of course it really didn’t. Hope you are doing ok.

@samilicious oh gosh, that sounds really stressful work wise and especially with your MIL out of action. Please moan away, that is what we are here for! No the smell thing is usually a pregnancy symptom for me too, I think it’s just miscarriage symptoms settling down still, my boobs are sore too which ironically I don’t normally have with pregnancy! No AF but I have been testing LH and that’s been rising. Last time I fell pregnant it ‘peaked’ about two weeks before ovulation so not a reliable sign for me anyway plus I am now worrying about my eggs ‘over maturing’ if my LH levels are consistently high for a while (no scientific evidence but I read it online so thanks internet). How are you feeling today, AF turned up? I’m currently enjoying the sun, unusual for Scotland!

@Ladyinpink1 I actually went to the GP on Friday and she was fantastic. Really sympathetic and I’m having blood tests for antiphospholipid, thyroid, vitamins and crucially for insulin resistance, which is the one I’m worried about for the PCOS. Just knowing I’ll rule out (or in!) a lot of the treatable causes for miscarriage is so reassuring. Then if I have another miscarriage I’ll know I’ve done what I can. Just feel really well supported which really helps. I also ordered some osmanthus tea, just because I like it and it remind me of mine and DH’s trip to china, but apparently it’s recommended for fertility problems in Chinese medicine so bonus! I’ll cancel your counselling bill if you’ll cancel my bill for vitamin recommendations and research 😂 8dpo is still really early to test. Did you test today?

@Wise0wl I know! I don't think it was meant in a bad way, but she definitely didn't understand. The counselling still helped generally but I think more specialised support would been best. You're not alone in being far from the empathy point! I do find I'm more open about it all now which is a big step for me.

@samilicious it was on the NHS so didn't get a choice at the time but something I'd specifically ask for in hindsight. Sorry that you're going through a tough time - a chilled weekend sounds nice!

@Ladyinpink1 I solemnly swear to moan less next cycle 😂 trying to not do much this weekend, just chill at home and pray for sunshine. AF due tomorrow, haven't tested since 10DPO but not fancying my chances. How about you?

@HerbaceousPerennial it's pretty dire out there tbh for part time stuff and childcare is going to be tricky to sort last minute but I'm sure I'll find something / figure it out. Trying not to panic too much, until the hormones hit 😂 your bloodhound sniffing is very interesting, do you usually get that around af? I've only ever had that as a pregnancy symptom. Did you test today?

@Wise0wl your experiences of therapy sound so good. I'm tempted to go back again. Can't afford private but BPAS offered it to me after my procedure and said I could have it any time after. Last time I went to counselling few years back, I felt fine but work kind of made me because I was off sick, but it worked wonders and I conceived not long after (after months of trying). Hopefully helping you be more relaxed by getting stuff of your chest this time

@13lucy your counsellor sounds rubbish! Not what you want to hear. On the Counsellors Directory you can pick someone who specialises in miscarriage, if you were looking outside a charity

@13lucy I can’t believe they said that to you!! I got real reassurance that people who suffer pregnancy loss start with negative feelings, then move to being productive (eg advocating for pregnancy loss charities, raising awareness etc) and then eventually move to being even more empathetic than they were before. I’m quite far from being at the empathy point still!

@Wise0wl that sounds like a good way to process your thoughts. It's turned me into such a jealous and angry person, especially as my first pregnancy was a miscarriage. I've had counselling but the counsellor doesn't really get it if you know what I mean - said in the past you would think an early miscarriage was a period! That wasn't my experience! I think speaking to someone who specialises in it would be really helpful and agree that being pregnant again doesn't resolve it.

@HerbaceousPerennial / @Ladyinpink1 have you had any pregnancy loss counselling? I was referred through my EPU to Petals and it’s been so helpful. Today I was saying that I thought being pregnant would make some of the negative feelings go away but they’ve just morphed into feeling angry that other people fall pregnant easily, have those blissful pregnancies and have no reason not to believe a positive test won’t end with a healthy baby. It was so helpful to normalise those feelings and get reassurance that it’s ok to feel like this, that life isn’t fair and some of us got dealt a shitty hand. Sending lots of love to you both and you too @samilicious - I can’t imagine how tough your juggle is at the mo x

@Ladyinpink1 I always associate pineapple with you now! Deeply proud of the salad 😁 I didn’t know about the dark chocolate, adding that to the online shopping order… I feel you with the desperation, it’s just brutal waiting and waiting. I had a rage about someone’s accidental pregnancy yesterday, not to them obviously, I don’t really know them anyway but it just feels so unfair. Still keeping everything crossed for you though

Oh @samilicious I’m sorry, that sucks, both about the BFN and about your job. Not what you need right now. Are there good opportunities out there for your role at the moment? Life is so bloody wearing sometimes. The hormones are horrendous. If it’s any comfort I was sniffing like a bloodhound on the bus this morning because I could smell SOMETHING I didn’t like and I didn’t know what. So my hormones are in overdrive as well. No AF and 99% sure I’m not pregnant but going to do a test tomorrow anyway just to be sure. Have to keep reminding myself it’s only been 4 weeks since I miscarried, feels like a lifetime ago.

@13lucy good luck for the scan, definitely worth the £70

@13lucy deffo worth it for the private scan to set your mind at ease! My EPU are the same

@Ladyinpink1 yes I feel like I'm being very slowly crushed by a giant rock at the moment. Very likely I'm going to lose my job / company will go bump in the next week or two as well after getting some insider info. I'm still rooting for you this cycle! Especially with our new CM doesn't mean much knowledge xxx

@Ladyinpink1 it's at a private place, EPU would only scan if I've got symptoms or had 2 miscarriages. About £70 for a scan which feels worth it right now!

@HerbaceousPerennial love that - fine dining - pineapple starter with Dorito main 👌🏻 oh it's fun being a woman isn't it! So sorry your DS needs another op. My DD had a very small op last year when the fruit bowl knocked off the side and smashed on her toe. She had to have 5 tone pieces removed. That was bad enough and so minor. So horrible seeing them go into that room. Big hugs ♥️

@Ladyinpink1 yeah I think I'm out this cycle - BFN yesterday on a cheap expired one and BFN today with early detection CB and 10DPO roughly. Tested positive at this point before, but it was on CD26 whereas I'm on CD24 now. Probably just clinging on to last bit of hope 😅
My PMS is absolutely wild this time. Mood swings like nobody's business, was screaming shouting at one point last night which I never ever do, it was like I was possessed over something that doesn't usually bother me. Been like that since Sunday and doesn't usually last this long, usually a crabby day or two before and sad when AF comes but nothing crazy. Must be these new vitamins doing something. How are you doing?

@13lucy @ThelastRolo20 thank you for the CM insight!

@samilicious burst out laughing at good ole professor trelawney! Glad you had a good wallow, honestly I quite enjoy it even though I’m doing it for misery based reasons. But of course it’s not over until Aunt Flo sings! Or whatever it is she does when she visits 😂 I’m still feeling hopeful for you. Fingers crossed for test tomorrow if you decide to go for it. Snappy and starving is my consistent state of being the last few weeks, just smashed a family bag of Doritos. But did have a pineapple starter so not all bad (thought of you as I gnawed through the cores @Ladyinpink1)

@Ladyinpink1 I keep telling DH how lucky he is! He doesn’t always seem wholly convinced 😂 I’m not that easy to live with at the moment to be fair. DS is ok thanks, he’ll probably need another op though which I’m gutted about, was really hoping we’d be done after just the one. Fingers crossed it should be less major than the last one though, consultant wants to see him again once everything’s a bit more healed to make a decision. Really hoping your 3dpo intuition is right, mine is rubbish and my only reliable sign for pregnancy is the mad thirst about 10dpo, but then I never know when I’ve ovulated either up until the thirst kicks in! Doesn’t stop me symptom spotting though