Am I too young to be a mum?

My dd is close to your age. My advice to her is that being able to support herself and any children independently is absolutely critical. If she can’t afford to have a baby on her own, she isn’t ready.

The reason is because you never know what is going to happen with the father of your child. He could be the nicest man in the world, but sometimes the stress of parenting and adulthood changes people. You want financial independence so you always have the ability to leave. Far too many women and children end up trapped in abusive homes because of money.

i grew up in an abusive home. I’ve kept my dd safe. Now I am teaching her to keep herself safe.

you need an education and an established career before you have a baby. You need to know that if something goes wrong, there is nothing stopping you from earning enough to pay the bills solo.

Yes, you are too young. Your brain is still developing until you are 25. You're still a child. You will be a better parent when you're older and your brain is mature.

Finish your course. Get married. Save money for a deposit on a house. Go on at least one holiday abroad. Save money for the baby/maternity leave and enjoy a full year at home bonding with your baby without having to stress about money and going back to work.

@ellemummy read the lone parent board, there's also another interesting thread in AIBU about having kids you can't afford....

Baby aside could you afford to rent alone? It's utter madness OP.

While I don't doubt you would be a great mum. There is such a tiny time in life when you can prioritise your wants.

Take that time, travel, party, explore who you are, jump out of a plane, climb mountains, rally drive, etc because after you become a parent it becomes a lot more complicated.

I know this is hard to hear but your mother barely blinked and you are a grown woman. I have the equivalent 6ft odd son myself and like you he has the wonderful enthusiasm to get on in life.

But do take some time for yourself. Be a tiny bit selfish, honestly it will make you a better parent.

Yes far too young! How will you and your boyfriend financially support a child, your still theoretically a cold yourself at 16, wait until you've lived a bit.

You think having children that young is the norm because that is what your family has done. The age of first time Mothers overall in England has risen to around 30 years of age.

You haven’t even lived together yet and need to really get a measure of how you are living together because I will tell you love is not enough to make a relationship. Plus did you know that brains do not fully mature until you are about 28. It’s why many young couples do not make it, they change too much.

Move in together and enjoy a few years together first.

You have literally no life experience to benefit a child, it’s all about you and no consideration of what a child needs. You, you, you.

No, children should not have children. Come back in another 16 years when you may actually be a whole person with something to offer.

Jesus wept.

I had my daughter at 16. I love her to pieces, but I would not recommend it to 99.9% of 16yo.

Please don't do it. You have so much living and growing still to do. You and your boyfriend. In ten years time you will be entirely different people to the people you are today, and a baby will not make any of that growth, change and learning any easier. Babies are such, such hard work. I have three dogs and it's just not comparable at all to a human child, so cast away the idea that because you can look after a dog together you'll be good parents.

My daughter is 16 now and I'd be devastated if she got pregnant. I can't think of a single one of her 16yo friends who would be a good parent. I wasn't a good parent, I was just incredibly lucky to have a huge family, an incredibly supportive mother, and lots of aunties to help me raise my child. It really, really isn't a good idea.

My advice, as someone who fell pregnant at 16, wait.
If you want a baby, I recommend getting on the housing ladder, and seriously thinking about what other things you want out of life.
Like learning to drive, travelling to a few places with your boyfriend.

Have a little bit of a life for yourself first.

Renting, whilst having children can be quite scary, given the lack of stability. I know some people who through no fault of their own are moved on every 6 months or year.

Having a baby is a really beautiful experience, and motherhood is my favourite thing I've ever embarked on, but I wish I would have waited so I could have provided a little bit better for DD in her early years.

Really though, enjoy some of your life whilst you're young. Enjoy having a few years of money to yourself and freedom to sleep when you want before your needs come second after a babies.

I know a lot of women my age (33) who had their first at 17/18, and are still having babies into their 30s, and its quite sad to realise we will spend most of our lives wrapped up in motherhood, without knowing what it was to just think of ourselves.

I would say you’re too young yes. I’m not judging you at all and I completely understand the temptation. I’ve been broody since I was a little girl and I wanted to get pregnant as a teenager as well. Thankfully my partner is more sensible and patient than me and insisted we waited until we were older and financially stable. I’ve recently had my first baby at 25. Waiting all those years was hard but in hindsight it was absolutely the right decision. We own our own home now and I was able to go to university and get decent qualifications. We also went on loads of holidays and had great life experiences together that we would have struggled to have with a baby. You’re only 16. You likely have 20 years of good fertility ahead of you at least, there’s no rush. Live your own life first.

Ooh OP you are a lot too young.

Have some fun first, get some qualifications and experience so you earn decent money, be very sure you are with the right bloke. You want to finish your course, build up your experience at a couple of salons and then think about whether you want to work mobile or from home (which can be easier with kids), but then you’d want a couple of years to build up your client list. You also want to have been in a relationship for a good 5 years.

You are just enjoying your first taste of freedom, don’t give that up till you have had a chance to figure out who you are. Having a baby with little money isn’t much fun, looking after a baby on your own with no money (young relationships like yours are much less likely to last) is no fun at all - worse than that it can mean you are always behind and can never make up your earning power or give your kids the opportunities and support you might have done had you waited to be fully adult.

It’s wrong to shame very young parents but there is a reason people don’t think it’s a good idea.

Think about it again when you are say 22 to 25, but not before that.

You have years and years to have a baby. Kindly, you might be happy and content staying in with your boyfriend just now, but you don't have experience of much else yet. Get a job, live a little, have some fun. Experience living in the world as an adult for a while. Babies are hard work, they'll test you and your relationship a lot more than a dog will.

Get your hairdresser qualifications then at least you have something behind you.
16 is very young to have a child, regardless whether you go out or stay at home.
A baby is not a doll you just put down when you’ve had enough and want to do something else , like watch a film or read a book
They wake , when you want to sleep, they cry and you don’t know why ? They don’t have a bedtime when you do and go to sleep

please wait till your qualified , have lived with your BF for at least 2 years, nobody regardless of age knows what it’s actually like to live with someone 24/7 until they have done it for a while

I’m sure everyone in your family would say that having a child was hard, but worth it.
When you have a child, it WILL be worth it, but it doesn’t have to be as hard as it was for your parents.

Get qualified. Get a stable career. Make sure you can stand on your own two feet if needed. Make sure you have a good, solid relationship.
Doing those things are the very first things a good parent does.

You're 16, you have no job and no secure home. Give it a few more years once you've built up some savings and are more secure in your relationship, living together and paying a mortgage etc.

First reaction would be yes too young. But don't leave it too late either as it took us 10 years to finally get pregnant!

Why not talk to your mum about her experiences? I'm sure she loves you, but having children young is hard.

Think back on your childhood - how was that experience, are there things that you would like to do differently? In some families (and communities) it's normal to have generations of young mum's and it's the norm but that means they also dont know any alternative and what else is possible.

It's not a stigma to be shameful about, but purposefully having a child you are going to rely on other people to help bring up whether parents or the state is a poor decision.
If you were independently wealthy at your age people would still advise you not to have a child at 16 because you are barely grown yourself and there is such life to experience first. You haven't been independent yet, you don't know who you are, what you like and dislike which are all things we find out about ourselves as we get older.

You’re only 18, you’ve only been together a year and you are training at your job.

get qualified, get yourself a job, a nice place to live and have fun just you and your boyfriend for a few years before adding a baby into the mix. A baby is hard work and it tests your relationship.

With respect- you’re not even old enough to go out legally drinking. You’ve not had a holiday abroad with your boyfriend. There is so so much more of the world and of life that you can experience before experiencing motherhood. Being a mum is wonderful and many young mums are also wonderful but ALL of them have to sacrifice themselves and miss out on things that other young women get to enjoy. Go enjoy life for a few years, as others have said- ensure YOU (not just your bf) have some income and earnings and an ability to put a roof over your own head… or at least get married so you’ve got rights.
Finish your qualification, have a holiday and some legal drinking! Enjoy!! Then make babies.

It's not about shaming young parents. It's about simple facts that in many cases they are not in stable situations and don't have the financial or life resources to get out of any tricky situations.

Wouldn't you want to set up any possible child with a stable home, a stable family and so on?

It seems that history repeats itself in that women who are young mums go to be young grandparents ie their daughters have children in their teens. Too young. Life a little. Enjoy being young. Get some qualifications. Most kids are still in school until they are 18

Work hard and earn money and get yourself into a position whereby if you split up, you could afford to be a single parent.
Living in someone else's home and not working is very dangerous: you'd end up homeless if you separated.

Yes, you are too young. Honestly a baby is really really hard work and nothing like having younger siblings or a dog. Also you need to see what it’s like living together first and if it works well. And ideally complete your training, get a job and be there long enough to be eligible for maternity pay.

Give it at least a couple of years.

With respect yes you are far too young. Get qualified properly, travel and live gig life before getting pregnant. Is all you want from life to be tied down looking after babies? Also read a few threads on here about women who aren’t married, aren’t on property deeds and who are left single mothers with no maintenance. How old is your boyfriend?