Am I too young to be a mum?

I'm in my 20s and I have injuries from pregnancy and childbirth. I was low risk because I'm young and very fit and healthy, but here I am. I don't think I can have another child due to the injuries.

Also, I don't know anyone who is still with their teenage bf/gf even though at the time they thought they'd be together forever. You're also too young to buy alcohol and vote and have to be in full time education so you're definitely too young to be a mum.

@MrsSkylerWhite She probably means he has been giving council housing I'm guessing. There is no way he can afford his own place.
My niece said her other half has his own place so when they get married they won't have to worry but when I questioned her about it, it turned out that he was renting a flat 😒

Honestly I think colleges and universities should educate young people on what life is really like..financial struggles etc.

Well that’s what happens when a child whose frontal lobe is still 10 years off maturing thinks they’re old enough to have a baby. Jesus Christ

How is your 17 year old bf able to buy a house?

My mother had me at 17 and she's a very unhappy person who never got to be young and carefree.

Why not look at this a different way? I suspect you want to be a mum because that is the norm around you within your family and in the community which is the norm for many people but there are so many more opportunities at your fingertips, you just have to search online.

If you love children and want them in your life early go on a baby and child first aid course and start babysitting. Once you've completed your hairdressing qualification gain some childcare qualifications and go into childcare or Nannying or as an au pair and explore the world a bit.
Work as an instructor at an outdoor activity centre etc, you don't need any experience and will get to live-in and gain qualifications on an apprenticeship.

If you love hairdressing then look at specialising in children's hair, or as an additional needs hairdresser with a sensory room etc

You live with your Dad so I would examine why that is - perhaps you just really get on with him, or perhaps there are challenges with your relationship with your mum that you should deal with first. There are lots of young women who have been through trauma or just unsuccessful parent:child relationships who decide to have a baby young to have someone to love and care for in the way they wish they had been

Yes, if you have to ask the question "am I too young" then you are too young, but you will probably ignore all these sensible replies to your question and just go and get pregnant anyway. Good luck to you, you will need it.

I understand that feeling, of wanting a baby, but you’re so, SO young. Even if you just waited another 5 years, you’d still be a young mum. Another 10, and you’d still only be in your mid twenties. There’s a hell of a lot of life you ought to live, and experiences you need to have, before having children. You’re little past being a child yourself. A good parent is helped by life experience and an understanding of themselves as an adult, and a good parent would want to be the best they could be for their child. Planning to rely on your parents and on your boyfriend isn’t a plan worth giving air, that’s not a responsible parent.
I know you’re happy with your boyfriend now, and maybe, hopefully!, he is your forever love, but let me tell you, people change so much between 16/18 and, say, 22/24 (and beyond). I hope you change together but you may drift apart. Very few people end up with the boy they were with at 16. I didn’t, altho if you’d asked me at 16, I’d have sworn he was the one! I’d want to enjoy my relationship for what it is now, and give it, myself and my child the best shot at a settled family when the time came.

@ellemummy hello! You are going to get a lot of opinions on here about this and the truth is because times are hard. Your experience is very valid and whilst your parents and family had children young, it was perhaps a different time and experience to where you are having now (cost of living and support from government and general circumstances), so I would bare that in mind.

What I would think about is why you feel conflicted in the first place and why you have come here for opinion - do you feel too young, but love the idea? Does your BF want it, so you do too? Are you worried about support and finances? I would really encourage you to reflect on it. What value would it bring to your life, what value might it not bring to your life? What are the reasons behind rushing into it?

I would also reflect on these things with your BF too, the decision isn't all down to you.

It sounds like you have already decided to wait until you move in together before you make a decision which sounds like a good idea to start having these conversations together. Best of luck with whichever decision you make - you will always have the same option in future if you decide now isn't the right time and your BF should respect this decision (and vice versa).

If you need further support, I recommend SHOUT service to help process things non-judgementally: https://giveusashout.org/get-help/how-shout-works/

You should be mature enough to support yourself and your child instead of relying on your parents.
Absolute lunacy

Please wait.
You are too young - physically as well as emotionally. Babies born to teens are more likely to be preterm and this can lead to all sorts of complications depending on the degree of prematurity.

Wait a few years, save up to buy a car and house, finish your course and enjoy some nice holidays, go clubbing etc.

A decent quality pram and all the extra bits will cost you £1k and even though you'll be offered second hand you will want brand new when the time comes.

Then, with all that in place, you'll be so well set up for babies in your 20's and be able to give them a good start to life.

Op you sound sensible and grounded but 16 is quite young for a baby. Maybe wait to forge a career and build some savings? In your early 20s you'll still be young but you'll have a bit more money, life experience and stability to help you raise a baby. Good luck!

If you broke up with boyfriend post having the baby what would your plan be OP? @ellemummy

So your parent/s would have to help with this how on earth is this fair on them?

Maybe wait till you are mature and independent enough to do this on your own

Have a few years just looking after yourself. It’s not just having a baby it’s being totally responsible for it for a long time. All your wants and needs come second. I love being a mum and was still young at 22 . But have some nice holidays and spoil yourself for a while yet x

Why would you want to bring a baby up in poverty?
How much money do you have saved? Is the housing secure? What the housing situation? Where will you get money from? How much money? How will you support the baby and yourself? How will you work? How will you afford childcare? Do you know how much childcare costs? A full time nursery place for one child can cost over £1,500 per month.
What if the child has additional needs? What if your boyfriend leaves you? What if you get postnatal depression?

Why would you have a baby when you're a literal child yourself when you can wait 2-4 years, establish a career and become financially Independent so you can support yourself and the baby when your boyfriends leaves you both for dust.

With peace and love OP, please live your life first.

Once you have a baby you will not get chances you could have had for a very long time.

Don't you want to see the world? Have some girlie weekends? Be more financially stable? Build a really amazing fulfilling career? and then settle down and have a baby?

Babies are really hard work and even harder on a relationship. You won't have your alone time once you've had a baby. It will never be just the two of you ever again (well until your child moves out)

Babies are a blessing but sweet, you need to live your life first! You only have one life so please think long and hard and don't rush your younger years by having a baby.

I think you would be stupid to have kids at this age. you should wait til you have at least been together a few years !!! not 1!!! 1 year is nothing, 3 years minimum and also living together before babies come. You never truly know someone until you've lived with them (I have ended 3 relationships because they were horrid to live with)

Until you can support yourself financially don’t even think about it.

Please please don't do this. Live a little, find your feet, save some money, get a career going. 16 is far far too young. I had my kids at 29 and 42. Both times have been wonderful but desperately hard in equal measure. You are barely out of childhood. You have loads of time to consider parenting. Love and spoil your sisters but please don't do that yet.

Maybe the reason you dont ‘go out’ of an evening / weekend and only go bowling etc, is because neither of you are 18 and arent legally allowed in a pub or buy an alcoholic drink?

OP I had my first at 19, which is worlds away from 16, and whilst I don't regret it, I was completely naive about the reality. This month my bills come to £1800, I barely have enough money left to eat. Do you earn that? Plus more for when you're on maternity leave and then for childcare? You can't rely on your boyfriend to provide for you both, you barely know him or the kind of life partner/father he would be.

I completely understand your desire to have children young. That was me! All I ever wanted was to be a mum. I got my first bf at 17 and fell pregnant with my son at 19. I grew up real quick when he came along but it was me making all the sacrifices. I'm sure your bf is lovely and he has every intention of being a great dad but when it comes down to it, you will become the default parent and if he decides to check out, it's on you. I was working fulltime when I fell pregnant. I got full maternity pay and was lucky enough to return on a job share so i wasn't paying so much in childcare but do you know how expensive childcare is?!!! Or do you not intend on working after? That isn't ideal either. Living on one income is hard. And if he leaves and you have no qualifications or work experience...benefits is a struggle. Trust me. I've been down that road too. I got made redundant and struggled to find work that fit around my child. I'm in a much better position now I'm older. I met my now husband when my son was 2. We got married and had a daughter when I was 25. I felt much better equipt that time around! You need to set yourself up first. Continue with your hairdressing course. Get a job. Do that for a few years. Hairdressing is sooo lucrative! You can be a mobile hairdresser and work around your childcare commitments. Work on you first, then kids.

You say "I know waiting would be the best option". Yes, you're right.

You say how your mother had you at 17, your uncle fathered a daughter at 15 (!!) etc, but this doesn't mean it's the best thing, it just shows that it sometimes happens.

Your boyfriend is also so young, too. It's very very unlikely that he'd hang around for long after having a baby with you. This isn't the ideal life for you or a child.

Wait. Get your qualifications and a steady job. Wait until you're older with a more mature partner or husband who can be relied upon.