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Conception

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Original poster

Trying for second baby long time, anyone else in the same boat?

181 replies

Anies · 16/03/2008 21:30

Hi,
we have been trying for our second bay for over a year and a half, once again great disappointment tonight...Wondering, is there anyone else in the same situation who would like to share this? I am currently having acupuncture and herbs, they are making me feel much better in myself, also will have second NHS appointment with specialist on Tuesday to discuss options. Just thinking about embarking on assisted methods...Anyone else going through this? It canbe very lonely...

OP posts:
Original poster
Anies · 18/03/2008 12:05

Hey, pincushion, are you sure we dont know each other or something??? I also do a PGCert (HATE IT,HATE IT, HATE IT ), also find the dropping off ds very stressful and also hubby was working away during the week (how do we expect to get pregnant??).

But really, it is not our fault that nowadays we have to work, and also it is no bad thing to have ambitions outside the home, is it? We have lives, we are not just mothers or wives, we are ourselves, with our dreams and wishes and wanting to have a good life. Sorry, this is my revolutionary mode now, but I cannot stand this sense that it is somehow our fault...What is the alternative? Unemployment? Hey, that would be really stress-free!

OP posts:
pincushion · 18/03/2008 11:38

Spooky ooky - however if we are all nursey types then it is in our nature to be open and splurge out our feelings!
I am not sure if my actual job is stressful its more the dropping dd off at 0715hrs, working all day collecting her by 1800hrs, cleaning, feeding, ironing and my husband works away monday to friday (comes home on weds for midweek jiggy!) and then trying to focus on dd and dh at weekends as well as do marking and a PGCert - am I mad !!! no wonder my body says you have too much going on to get up the duff.... My MIL cant understand why I dont give up work and be a wife - I tell her I need a "wife" and then i would be ok!! i dont know about anyone else but i guess I have put myself in this postion and the up shot is my body doesnt feel that getting preggers is on the cards just now.... crikey I have realy depressed myself now!
But I feel trapped by the finances and the future.....

Original poster
Anies · 18/03/2008 11:19

This is spooky, as I am too lecturing a similar profession, don't want to give too much away, a bit paranoid about anonymity, but what are the chances of that??? Does it mean that our jobs are particularly stressful? It sure feels like it.

Had NHS treatment, will be referred to IVF centre locally. We want to have the initial consultation, it is good for us to feel that we are moving towards something, otherwise it becomes so overwhelming. I agree with whoever said about the poor morphology, they said the same thing to us too, there are enoughthere etc. but it must have some effect. However, I do not want to stress it too much to hubbie to make him feel as if it is his fault, which we have been told it isn't.

We are thinking that we will explore all options, but are very positive re: acupuncture, as it is a holistic approach, I have seen results already and it also offers us support. It is working with my body, instead of against it, as the hormonal medications etc. will be doing. Then again, we will go down different avenues, need to try all we can.

Once again was told about age, I tend to think that age is a relative thing, what do you think? You can be 39 and very fit etc. and 30 and not looking after yourself. I guess it relates to egg quality, but stil...

OP posts:
pincushion · 18/03/2008 10:57

Lucky you....

cedar12 · 18/03/2008 10:51

I work in elderly care. I have just booked on to a mentorship in the summer. You will have to give me some tips

pincushion · 18/03/2008 10:47

I have just moved form teaching pre reg nurses to post reg. Mainly I teach things like mentoring, reflective practice, assessment - I can perhaps hear you groaning!! Am supposed to be makring just now and sadly have foudn MN to completely distract me!! i was an A+E nurse - what about you?

cedar12 · 18/03/2008 10:42

Hi Pin cushion just saw your last post takes me so long to type! I agree about the acc I had some a couple of months ago as I was having realy light but painful periods they are so much better now just having reflexology no as I find it a bit more relaxing. What do you lecture in? Sorry being nosey its just I am a nurse as well.

pincushion · 18/03/2008 10:41

Hi cedar12, I dont reallly understand about how IVF works etc but what a journey you have had.....

cedar12 · 18/03/2008 10:33

Hi everyone, never really know were to post until I saw this post we have been tcc for number2 for 3.5 years. I have a dd who is almost 5 concieve no problem after 4 months. I had an ectopic pg 3 years ago and I lost a tube tried for 18month no joy told tube was blocked had lap and dye pg 2 months again after this ? another ectopic. failed ivf attempt last summer got a infection from the egg collection. Physical feeling lots better now having acc and reflexology and taking lots of vits b6 really helped. But cant believe dd is going to be 5 and we are still no closer. It would be great if we could keep this thread going.

pincushion · 18/03/2008 10:29

Crikey I have posted twice - what a moron! May IWILLBEPOSITIVE should change her name to IAMPOSITIVE cause you sound like you have your head screwed on and you are admitting how you feel. That is always a bonus. Imagine if you were denying the strength of your desore for a numero 2....all that angst would have a greater impact.

pincushion · 18/03/2008 10:23

Dear All,

I have had 5 treatments and absolutely LOVE it - I feel much calmer and more aware of my body and feelings. I originally went because I thought that I was peri menopausal because my cycle had shortened to 24- 26 days. After treatment it is now 30 days and no period pains which I normally have loads). My guy wants it to be 28 days - he doesnt feel any problems and sodoesnt think I am peri menopausal. Luckily my husband is tres keen for kiddie numero duex and so going for accupuncture next week - quite excited about that. I love the fact that the APer can tell so much about me. Amazing things like i am always cold and he has "warmed me up" and, like Anies I def have more energy and feel much more mentally balanced. I lecture nurses and had a treatment before a class and it went brilliantly - the class ended up as enthusiastic as me!!! Sorry i digress..... anyway I am going to keep going and I guess i will have to start looking at my CF to find out when I ovulate - cause dont actually know that. I am crap at doing stuff like that - so just trying to have jiggy every other day!! And find i am more relaxed about everything after a lovely galss as wine - which i know your not meant to do cause that doestn help fertility!!!!

pincushion · 18/03/2008 10:21

Dear All,

I have had 5 treamtnes and absolutley LOVE it - I feel much calmer and more aware of my body and feelings. I originally went becasue i thought that I was peri menopausal becasue my cycle had shortened to 24- 26 days. After treatment it si now 30 days and no period pains which i normally have loads). My guy wants it to be 28 days - he doesnt feel any problems and soesnt think I am peri menopausl. Luckily my husband is tres keen for kiddie numero 2 and so going for accupuncture next week - quite excited about that. I love the fact that the APer can tell so much about me. Amazing things like i am always cold and he has "warmed me up" and Like Anies i def have more energy and feel much more mentally balanced. I lecture nurses and had a treatment before a class and it went brilliantly - the calss ended up as enthusiastic as me!!! Sorry i digress..... anyway I am going to keep going and I guess i will have to start looking at my CF to find out when I ovualte - casue dont actually know that. I am crap at doing stuff like that - so just trying to have jiggy every other day!! And find i am more relaxed about everything after a lovely galss as wine - which i know your not meant to do cause that doestn help fertility!!!!

iwillbepositive · 18/03/2008 10:02

Hello all

It is nice to see I am not alone! It really does dominate your life, doesn't it. For most of last year I was just treading water, not really enjoying DD and obsessively analysing every symptom. I think I have lower expectations now, so there is the odd cycle that is less stressful. Having said that, this month I have gone completely bonkers and am analysing and stressing - we had ridiculous amounts of sex so I feel more optimistic (will no doubt come to nothing!)

My own personal view is that when you are younger any minor defect in sperm can be compensated for (it is known that a healthy egg can mop up DNA mistakes in sperm). A few years on and you have a double whammy, sperm meets older egg and there are more very early pg losses. So Anies, I think the specialists ignore male factor stuff too readily. My Dh has an absurdly high sperm count but motility and morphology are not great. According to our specialist there are plenty to do the job and "men can get a woman pg in their 80s". But what if these slightly dodgy sperm are unable to complete the job, or it all fizzles out very early on?

Just supposition, but my approach now is to try and get us both very fit and healthy and then what happens. They won't do IUI where we are (not enough evidence apparently) and I am not sure about IVF. The whole business is taking over my life and I can't see how that would improve things...

Good luck to all. One view is that it just takes much longer as you get older (I am 39 too) and maybe it will happen eventually to us all. I will be divorced and/or in a psychiatric hospital by then though!

Original poster
Anies · 18/03/2008 02:00

Hi
middle of the night, woken up by ds, cannot sleep.

Hi pincushion -what a great nickname, made me chuckle! Yes, acupuncture has become a big part of my life too.

Imgens, I have been having acupuncture since October I think it must have been, and I am also having chinese herbs. I have seen an improvement in myself as a result, I feel that I have more energy, I am more optimistic (probably doesn't show here...) and more able to control my anxieties. I have a very good relationship with my acupuncturist, he is a very calm and caring person, a very positive presence in all the chaos of 'real' life. I guess what also helps is the sense that you are somehow taking control of the situation, you are trying to do something about it.

All our tests are normal, husband's too apart from a slight low percentage of normal ones, but the specialist said it was not a problem as there were so many of them...What do I know of these things???

I am 36 by the way, with a stressful job and 3 years older too since I had ds, so there factors apply to me too...But how can stress be such a big factor, it drives me mad allthis advice, just relax etc. People mean well, but it is counterproductive!

Pincushion, have you seen a difference through acu, generally speaking for you, not just fertility-wise?

OP posts:
imgens · 17/03/2008 19:23

hi anies,

have the tests been ok with your husband aswell? I guess you are feeling more frustrated knowing that everything is 'normal' and therefore it is'nt just something that can be fixed. I think this is the part im dreading as when i was told cd3 bloods were fine I was in a state of well they cant be as im obviously not getting pregnant.

My doctor has touched upon stress being a big factor and that I am now 3 yrs older than when I was last pregnant. I am also trying to shift a bit of extra weight that has remained since I had DD.

How long have you been doing the accupuncture and which herbs are you using?

pincushion · 17/03/2008 19:15

Hi, sad - but nice to read evrything I am feeling, trying for number two and have become obsessed with accupuncture!! hence the name..... Feels like it will never happen. I am 39 and keep thinking I have reached my menopause - dont really understand about the tests and feel if I go to GP I have given in and admitted that I may have dried up little ovaries!

Original poster
Anies · 17/03/2008 19:05

So, what is going on??? Is it just that this is a natural process of trying for a bay? I have been told that the average is a year to 18 months, but I do find it hard to believe! How frustrating.

Yes, pregnancies announced left, right and centre and indeed we have been aware of people trying, conceiving, having their baby and now they are growing, all at the same time as we are still trying. It is demoralising and then you think that you are not a nice person for feeling like this.

Is anyone of you ladies thinking of assisted conception methods now? Some are still going through the tests from what I can see- all my tests up till now are normal (had hsg too).

OP posts:
babybaby3 · 17/03/2008 18:53

Good luck too you all

imgens · 17/03/2008 18:45

Hi moonlit,

can i just say 'snap'! conceived DD in the first 2 months TTC and i now become an obsessive demon around af time.

I am trying to take the relaxed approach now so can we have that as a support theme? Im sorry to hear your gp will not refer you - have they given you any indication as to why and what difference it will make in June? Mine wants to see cd21 results and DH's SA and then she is happy to refer straight away.

My hubby only tolerates a certain amount of TTC talk and then its like he switches off. If only I could explain to him that the desire to be pregnant is not a logical thought process but more a case of my whole body screaming 'I want to be pregnant NOW' and my brain struggling to work out why its not!

Now i see this in black and white I reckon he thinks im mad and therefore he should'nt encourage the ramblings of an obsessed mad woman and thats why he does'nt talk about it!

Moonlit · 17/03/2008 18:30

Hi Ladies,

Gosh all of this sounds so familiar. We conceived DD in the first month of trying. We have been trying to conceive DC number 2 for 18 months. I am sick of my MIL who asks me every week, 'when are you having another one'. I am not joking, I think she has amnesia! Every month I think I am pregnant and as AF day approaches I get so stressed, that I become unbearable to live with. My GP won't refer me until June. I am taking Metformin because I suffer from PCOS. But I had PCOS when I conceived DD. So what is the problem now!!!!

I am trying to take a more relaxed approach and lavish my daughter with all my time. So that I am less obsessive about getting pregnant. But it is so hard.

My husband doesn't want to talk about it anymore. So I post on a couple of other posts, which helps. Definitely keep this post going.

xxx

imgens · 17/03/2008 18:01

hello,

I am coming out of lurkedom - can I join to?

we have been trying for well over a year for number 2. I fell apart at xmas as af arrived on xmas eve and my sister announced her pregnancy. With the start of the new year I realised I had spent all last year charting, temping and stressing every month.

I ditched the thermometer and fertility friend and my af ran away only to stay for all of february!

I finally spoke to my gp at the start of the month who was fantastic. I have had cd3 bloods come back fine and today had my cd21 test done. DH is seeing gp this week to arrange his SA.

MioMao - that is exactly where i am now, stuck in limbo! at the start of the year i was determined to be more positive and make other plans etc - I had a promotion at work but I just feel completely stuck as I cant make long term plans about work/family until I know why this is or rather is'nt happening. I am also surrounded by pregnant women - my sister, 2 people at work and now my next door neighbour!

It would be nice to be able to talk to others in the same situation as I know my DH although supportive does'nt quite get why I feel so 'stuck' and with those I would normally talk to now expecting I don't want to be the green eyed monster who they can't share pregnancy stuff with.

Original poster
Anies · 17/03/2008 13:48

Oh, many messages, thank you so much for sharing these with me. All the emotions and worries and thougths sound so similar- I too feel like it is a bad dream, as our son was conceived the second month of trying. Thank you for the links, it is good to feel there is some support as it can be so difficult and lonely. We haven't told immediate family, but I have told some of my friends. Mind you, some said 'no, really, why do you want a second one?' and others being very logical and square about it, failing to recognise my emotions. My husband is finding it extremely hard and he hasn't got anyone to talk to, I have asked him not to because I feel it is such a private matter, but he is suffering as a result of it. We have appointment tomorrow with specialist, we will ask info on IUI etc.
Would people like to keep this thread for companionship and going along this weird and difficult journey? We can talk about silly things too!! Especially at gloomy times!

OP posts:
MioMao · 17/03/2008 13:37

another one here... my first pregnancy was ectopic, resulting in me losing one of my fallopian tubes, but then we conceived DD just 3 months later - aren't I fertile? or so I thought! we've been trying for another child for over a year now, with no luck.

we are going to leave it one more month, then it's off to the GPs to arrange tests, scans, etc. DD is going to be 3 next week - I thought I would be busy with breastfeeding and nappy-changing and sleep deprivation again by now! It is very stressful, feeling like you're in limbo, not able to make long-term plans.

It is hard hearing other people talking about their pregnancies - especially if they are accidental... recently I had to listen to SIL going on about whether to have a 3rd child - she was pregnant with her 1st the same time as me, then went on to have a second child last year. I wanted to say something to her, but felt like I would burst into tears if I did! we were in a busy playground at the time so I just kept my mouth shut! I have recently told my family (or rather burst into tears when my mum asked when we would be having another baby), but now thinking that I'm going to have to ask DH to tell the ILs what is going on so that they will be a bit more sensitive in future!

anyway - my sympathies to everyone on this thread! I know how you feel!

minster · 17/03/2008 13:35

We tried for over 3 years for #2, we eventually conceived with IVF but lost that baby, I got pregnant with ds a couple of months later (again a treatment cycle). We're now trying for a third (10 months), dh doesn't want anymore treatment (mainly for financial reasons). It's really hard.

cathers · 17/03/2008 13:29

And me...!
DS born 3 years ago after 2months of ttc. Been trying for number 2 for 9 months now, concieved in Feb but then m/c 3 weeks ago. It is so hard, especially when friends and family are popping out number 2,3 etc, and I see my DS little friends with their baby brothers and sisters. Not helped but friends and family talking about 'a large age gap between DS and any future child' either! It is so frustrating and disspointing every month.