Trying for second baby long time, anyone else in the same boat?

That is what I am secretly hoping merindol! That accepting that DD is enough and that it is our fate will somehow generate a sense of calm and lead to conception!! In the same way I have been wondering whether giving up trying, without the acceptance, will have the same effect. The problem is that giving up would mean we prob couldn't be bothered to bd at all for a while - so it would need to be an immaculate conception. I am clearly completely bonkers to think I can trick my body into believing I don't care! I am not calm, I am desperate for another one and that is the long and short of it.

re. afternoon sex, I have a weird feeling that that is the key for us. I think DD was conceived in an afternoon session, I had a mc exactly a year ago (also afternoon sex that month) and one other +ve pg test last summer, fizzled out after 2 days, when we had been at it in the afternoon. Hence pm session this month, but I feel it hasn't worked.

See, further proof it is sending me bonkers! How can afternoon sex be the key??!

Ow, Mistlethrush, you've confirmed my fears -- but will keep fingers crossed. Bloody consultants. Did you get put on Clomid as well?

I'm so sorry for your 2 mcs it is all hateful and horrid. I had one before dd (I'm learning) and one after, and although one before more complicated and traumatic physically, one after giving birth so much harder because you actually know what you've lost it's a very diff experience, so to have been through that twice... really feel for you.

As for lunchtime sex, i think we can safely rule it out! just an idle superstition on my part. can't think how would begin to make excuse to get me out of my work, and dh definitely not going to play ball, punning or otherwise...

Oohh Merindol, have just xposts and read your last. Do you think that they'd give you flexible lunchbreaks so that you'd have enough time to nip back home and do the deed? Mind you, we've got one of those cheap hotels that are more like individual rooms... wonder if dh would play ball (no pun intended)

Merindol - sorry to spoil the positivity, but the nurse you spoke to was right - I had an HSG prior to DS and it was definitely 'uncomfortable' to the extent that I felt like hitting the consultant who said 'there, that wasn't too bad was it' at the end, safe in the knowledge that he would never be able to experience it !!! Not screaming with pain uncomfortable, but sharp intake of breath and trying not to come out with anything (at the same time as staying still) - lets hope that you have the more pain free experience, but whatever, better to get it done and find out if things are OK, and certainly better than an op.

Iwillbe+ve - we've got to thinking that. Although it took 6 yrs to get ds inc a lot of heartache. Good thing that he was so worth waiting for really [smug] but I wonder whether its worth continuing to put ourselves through it after 2 mc post ds. Not that I have much of the 2ww problems as dh manages to have perfect timing [not] every month and so I know that af will be coming and that there is absolutely no point in getting worked up or testing early...

Thanks for more reassurance about HSG, Iwillbepositive (and I will try to be, too...) -- I feel v wet obsessing about whether it might hurt when there are obviously more serious things to worry about. But I suppose it is a kind of displacement activity mode of worrying. I'm quite good at that.

When did you have your HSG? And did you try Clomid? I'm in line for that and wondering what that will be like too...

I guess you're right -- there comes a time when you just have to accept the deal you've been given. And our daughter is SO fantastic, and maybe it's a real miracle that we've managed to have her at all. But the mental readjustment required to get from blithely assuming that all your repro kit is in working order to facing up to harsh reality that it might not be is such a wrenching change of gears.

The thing I hate most is the sneaking suspicion that if I were able to just say, OK, we only have one child, then somehow that might magically put me in state to be able to conceive again so of course then I try to kid myself into acceptance of the situation while secretly hoping that it will change, which of course I know won't work, because if I'm still hoping for it then of course it can't happen. Holy moly, I know this sounds absolutely insane we are grown women, aren't we? But I know you guys will understand...

For me, I guess the one positive in this whole wretched situation is that I know know a bit more about the whole reproductive system! Not having done O/A level biology (which dates me), and assuming that we had no probs in that department, I previously had luxury of not needing to know how things worked, because they seemed to. Grrr. But a little knowledge is a dangerous thing...

Btw, how much sex is enough? Are you taking days off work to knock boots? We haven't got to that stage yet, although i now cling to cabbalistic belief that having sex at lunchtime would work. tragic. I'll be putting live frog in a sock and tying it to bedpost next.

Merindol, you could be me!

I too felt smug that we conceived DD (now 4) so quickly. About the only positive thing from this whole miserable business is that I have been humbled by it! I remember telling a group of people that it was clearly a myth that fertility falls off a cliff in your mid thirties and that DD had been immediate. Looking back on it, one of the group was slightly older, had twins (so maybe IVF?) and looked distinctly uncomfortable and pissed off.

I identify exactly with your monthly misery. I can feel now the tell tale AF signs and this month I was secretly quite positive - hopes dashed yet again. Frankly with this much mid cycle sex, there must be something wrong.

One thing not to worry about (from my experience) is the HSG. The waiting wasn't fun, partly because it seemed once again to put me in a box labelled "Bad Dream" - having heavy duty tests when I want to convince myself that I am still super fertile. But the actual test was, for me anyway, fine. You are absolutely right about NHS code! The "just a sharp scratch" nonsense coupled with agnonising pain...but this was actually ok. In fact I honestly could not feel a thing - not even period pain.

I wonder whether I need to accept that having one child is not the end of the world. She is lovely, we are lucky and you can't always have what you want in life. That doesn't come easily though when, as someone else said, every cell in my body is screaming that it wants another baby

Ah Anies, thanks so much for reassurance about HSG know it's silly but have been absolutely dreading it, particularly as nurse at Repro Medicine Unit told me that some people find it 'uncomfortable' assumed this was NHS code for bloody agonising. Although, as she also pointed out cheerily, not nearly as uncomfortable as having a baby. Felt like throwing my urine sample at her.
I know, acupuncturist saying that did make me feel wierd (plus upset). The generous side of me thought she was trying to cushion blow of getting period, and the ungenerous side thought she was making sure I'd still come back for another session after it hadn't worked on this cycle.
But I will look out that Zita West book.
Pincushion, I think you're right -- the more technical info you have the more there is to obsess and worry about. And it doesn't seem to change basic fact that having babies is a deeply mysterious business that sometimes works and sometimes doesn't, and no one seems to be able to tell you why. Ho hum.
Anyone else spend all of their 20s determined that they weren't going to be defined by their biology? Ironic to find in my (v late) 30s that all I want is for that biology to define me, dammit.
But it's good to talk...

here here!

Oh there are so many of us -- makes me very sad to think of so many unhappy chicks. I didnt realise it all got so technical - dies that help - does it give you something to focus on or does it make one more obsessed (said i a gentle nice way) crikey its scary.....

What to do, what to do......want ot have a group hug hug and think we need some one here who knows about all the technical stuff! Where is anies?

At last I can unburden myself from all my ttc no 2 worries. Though feeling a bit raw tonight and have some work to get aon with so will be back in touch, promise.

My first post, so sorry if I get things wrong/don't use right terminology... have been reading all your posts and marvelling at others going through same thing as me. We've been trying for 2 yrs now, got preg with (3 1/2 yr old) daughter within 2 months of trying (after one miscarriage), and so smugly assumed it was super-easy. Clearly not the case. I've been feeling v alone and as if going slightly mad: seem to spend all my time peeing on sticks, work self up into frenzy of anxiety before period due, do early result preg tests before anything would show, keep doing preg tests even when they come out negative, go to the toilet every 20 mins on day period due to see if it's come yet (not great at work), etc etc. I can't bear this cycle of being devastated and then having to pick self up and try again 2 wks later, only to be devastated again 2 wks later. Anyway, you know all this... Plus had miscarriage Aug last year, and baby would have been due on April 14th -- getting harder and harder as that date looms nearer.
Anyway, my question is about HSF levels -- mine are 11.2 at last test and dr said that was at high end of spectrum. But my GP said that they can fluctuate and that 11.2 wasn't problematic. Any advice/thoughts?
Also, assuming not preg this month (and bloody accupuncturist told me today she thought i wasn't), have to have a HSG test done, which am dreading. Any soothing words about that much appreciated too...

We have been ttc no 2 for almost a year now and tbh I am starting to get a bit worried with each month that passes. Ds is 3 and was conceived the 2nd month we were trying. When (and if, fingers crossed)we hit a year of trying (April)we are going to start some investigations. I am not sure that I want to go forward with IVF (nothing against it btw - just not sure that it is the route I want to take) and so in the last couple of months we have been discussing going down the route of adoption (locally or overseas) if we discover there is a reason that we have been unsuccessful thus far. Best wishes to everyone who has been trying as long (or much longer ) than we have...

Will look for monitor thanks. How did you get on with research?

pincushion, dont get depressed about your hectic schedule. I think its something all us working mums worry about - whether we are doing too much and not getting pregnant is our bodies way of saying 'are you serious'!

Anies has summed that one up perfectly .

sounds like you got some clear blue opk's, you could look at getting a monitor second hand on here or ebay and they even did a trial a few months back so you could check their website if they have any planned for the future and they would supply the equipment.

Im off to go and research accupunture x

hello everyone,

Im just trying to catch up with the thread while I'm supposed to be doing work stuff, im at home so im catching bits in between juggling toddler & work (and MN!)

On the subject of work whats even more spooky is that I work for the nhs but not in a clinical role! I work in the right place to get advice but at the same time cannot disclose why I need it as i know there would be mass panic if it was known that we are ttc!

Feel free to all LOL but after reading various threads I thought i will go out and buy some sticks that tell you when jiggy is good - so off i trots to supermarche and forks out £20 on 15.... then as I am happily about to pee on it i read the box and realsie you need to buy a monitor - the money grabbing, female exploiting, plastic abusing toe rags!!!!

AAhh

Pincushion, there is an acronym list at the top of the page. That helped me a lot.

PS v new to all this - what happens if you click on "flip"? does it out the last post first?

Whats TTC - sorry for being silly, I get conufsed with all these abbreviations. I am guessing I wont know any books !

Mistlethrush, I too can sympathise - i have 3 freinds all about to drop with third and fourth and moaning about how much extra work they will ahve to do and how will they afford it etc etc - its difficult to be sympathetic.

Hi all and that's just done me the power of good to hear all your experiences.
Some other stuff.... we live in Germany and although my german is ok, it's rather daunting to have to think about getting IVF and understanding the process in german. I am calling this afternoon for an appointment at a clinic, can't hurt to find out more about it.
Acupuncture is a good idea I will also try that. Anything to help me relax that doesn't involve the words 'gin' and 'tonic' cos if I go down that road we'll get more tears.
When I lost my first baby I read a great book by Lesley Regan, it helped so much not only from the science stuff but also with the emotions I had. I also went to see a shrink and that helped too, just using her as a sounding (sometimes screaming) board. My german is definitely not good enough to do that here so you guys will have to be my shrink!
Anyone know any good books about TTC that might inform or just sooth?
xxx me

Hi Mistlethrush, I know how you feel dh cousins wife was pg at the same time as me with dd she has just given birth to her 3rd ds saw them at the weekend and he is gorgous. I really thought by now I would have a house full of kids. Loads of mums are pg at dd school 3rd or 4th one.

Well, I don't work in medcine. But, based on thread, still right place to be!

Ds arrived nearly 3 yrs ago after 6 yrs of waiting, inc a mp and treatment which prevented trying for 1yr during that time. Twice got to the top of the NHS IVF list in that time...

Since then 2mc in autumn 06 and 07. Currently awaiting follow up appointment at recurrent mc unit.

Worst issue recently when one of people that I met at coffee mornings announced that they were pregnant when I bumped into them at nursery (her ds is younger than mine) and then said - I'll have 2 under 2s and rolled her eyes. Nearly said something to the effect that I would have been due the same month if hadn't had mc... Very !

Maybe we do.... do you work in a big city with a bull in the middle?

My PGCert is a means to an end - and yes mine is nae the best.

I cant even take a sabbatical for a year, anyway i would take one and then not get preggers during it and be skint!!! I dont know what the answer is - i guess just live with my choices and the consequences?