Trying for second baby long time, anyone else in the same boat?

Morning all, quite familiar these eh!

We have no family with 5 hours, I was 37 in January and ds was 3, hubby is 41, ds birth was very very traumatic, basically I broke waters on Monday and gave birth Thursday afternoon, think I got forgotton about and we didnt know any different then so just got on with it on our own. Consequently ds was born very poorly and we spent our first 10 days in hospital. But at least he lived, thank god.
Our first 18 months were hell, no support, ds was poorly with head problems for a lot of this the stress didnt help me, had depression, thinking back it really scares me to think about it but somehow I found mumsnet and netmums and my life was turned around by helpful advice and local ladies who really helped me.
We have been trying a year now, I am a SAHM but there will be 4 years even if we concieve now between our children and the pressure from family, and a very NOSEY neighbour really does not help. We have an active sex life aswell. So in the same boat as most of you too.
Hey ho!
I am pretty chilled now, have got back into Yoga and meditation and have a bit more time to myself now ds is at preschool, so all in all have ABSOLUTELY nothing to grumble about, apart from . . .

Thinking good thoughts xx

Thanks maximum74 for your help and also for a positive tale! That's interesting about being coeliac - did you have any symptoms apart from losing weight? Tbh I can't really say I have, apart from feeling tired a lot of the time and maybe a bit livelier if I cut down on bread, pasta etc. I certainly haven't lost any weight! Maybe still worth a trip to the GP. I do feel every avenue should be exhausted before/if we go down the assisted route.

Welcome FF - feel free to unburden! The "should be getting on with it" comments get to me too . A 'friend' said something along the lines of "She so needs a sibling - you'd better get on with it" when dd was having a tantrum a while ago. It made me even more paranoid about spoilt only child behaviour - when actually in my saner moments I can see she is pretty well behaved and just has the odd nightmare phase (as they all do...).

FF there is 'unburdening' and there is overload!!! What has happened to your laptop!

oops sorry, laptop playing up

oops sorry, laptop playing up

oops sorry, laptop playing up

oops sorry, laptop playing up

promised i would be back. ds is now 4yo and i never thought he would be this old and i wouldn't be pg again. Had this great plan,that would try when ds was 2.6yo but got made redundant and have had temp contracts since. hence ia have been depressed then dh has a period of feeling down and bd is the last thing on the agenda. in dec thought was pg, but pg test was neg. and day after sister announced her pg, with "it's about time you pulled your finger out", haven't been trying as long as some of you (since May ish last year) nor am i as old as some of you, have just hit 35 and dear mum has always gone on about older mums.
But there are elements of alot of your stories that ring true for me. I find myself kicking myself during the middle of the night, as i remember dh saying should we try for no2 when ds was 18mths and i really didn't want to. Now i wish so much that i had done it then. Sure it would have been tough, but at least i light have had 2.

Now dh is also having a bit of a problem with erctile dysfunction, i'm having terrible pms and boobs are so agonising for 2 weeks that i can't bear to be touched so we're not getting much practice at all. SOmetimes i am very calm and think it doesn't matter i'm very lucky to have ds, who is a joy. but then become obsessed by my cycle and when we need to do it. then really down when we don't try and no way of being pg, and just want to get rid of the pushchair, nappies, everything that i relate to ds being a baby.

I feel better for unburdening myself from all of that and being among people who are having the same feelings as me.

promised i would be back. ds is now 4yo and i never thought he would be this old and i wouldn't be pg again. Had this great plan,that would try when ds was 2.6yo but got made redundant and have had temp contracts since. hence ia have been depressed then dh has a period of feeling down and bd is the last thing on the agenda. in dec thought was pg, but pg test was neg. and day after sister announced her pg, with "it's about time you pulled your finger out", haven't been trying as long as some of you (since May ish last year) nor am i as old as some of you, have just hit 35 and dear mum has always gone on about older mums.
But there are elements of alot of your stories that ring true for me. I find myself kicking myself during the middle of the night, as i remember dh saying should we try for no2 when ds was 18mths and i really didn't want to. Now i wish so much that i had done it then. Sure it would have been tough, but at least i light have had 2.

Now dh is also having a bit of a problem with erctile dysfunction, i'm having terrible pms and boobs are so agonising for 2 weeks that i can't bear to be touched so we're not getting much practice at all. SOmetimes i am very calm and think it doesn't matter i'm very lucky to have ds, who is a joy. but then become obsessed by my cycle and when we need to do it. then really down when we don't try and no way of being pg, and just want to get rid of the pushchair, nappies, everything that i relate to ds being a baby.

I feel better for unburdening myself from all of that and being among people who are having the same feelings as me.

promised i would be back. ds is now 4yo and i never thought he would be this old and i wouldn't be pg again. Had this great plan,that would try when ds was 2.6yo but got made redundant and have had temp contracts since. hence ia have been depressed then dh has a period of feeling down and bd is the last thing on the agenda. in dec thought was pg, but pg test was neg. and day after sister announced her pg, with "it's about time you pulled your finger out", haven't been trying as long as some of you (since May ish last year) nor am i as old as some of you, have just hit 35 and dear mum has always gone on about older mums.
But there are elements of alot of your stories that ring true for me. I find myself kicking myself during the middle of the night, as i remember dh saying should we try for no2 when ds was 18mths and i really didn't want to. Now i wish so much that i had done it then. Sure it would have been tough, but at least i light have had 2.

Now dh is also having a bit of a problem with erctile dysfunction, i'm having terrible pms and boobs are so agonising for 2 weeks that i can't bear to be touched so we're not getting much practice at all. SOmetimes i am very calm and think it doesn't matter i'm very lucky to have ds, who is a joy. but then become obsessed by my cycle and when we need to do it. then really down when we don't try and no way of being pg, and just want to get rid of the pushchair, nappies, everything that i relate to ds being a baby.

I feel better for unburdening myself from all of that and being among people who are having the same feelings as me.

promised i would be back. ds is now 4yo and i never thought he would be this old and i wouldn't be pg again. Had this great plan,that would try when ds was 2.6yo but got made redundant and have had temp contracts since. hence ia have been depressed then dh has a period of feeling down and bd is the last thing on the agenda. in dec thought was pg, but pg test was neg. and day after sister announced her pg, with "it's about time you pulled your finger out", haven't been trying as long as some of you (since May ish last year) nor am i as old as some of you, have just hit 35 and dear mum has always gone on about older mums.
But there are elements of alot of your stories that ring true for me. I find myself kicking myself during the middle of the night, as i remember dh saying should we try for no2 when ds was 18mths and i really didn't want to. Now i wish so much that i had done it then. Sure it would have been tough, but at least i light have had 2.

Now dh is also having a bit of a problem with erctile dysfunction, i'm having terrible pms and boobs are so agonising for 2 weeks that i can't bear to be touched so we're not getting much practice at all. SOmetimes i am very calm and think it doesn't matter i'm very lucky to have ds, who is a joy. but then become obsessed by my cycle and when we need to do it. then really down when we don't try and no way of being pg, and just want to get rid of the pushchair, nappies, everything that i relate to ds being a baby.

I feel better for unburdening myself from all of that and being among people who are having the same feelings as me.

promised i would be back. ds is now 4yo and i never thought he would be this old and i wouldn't be pg again. Had this great plan,that would try when ds was 2.6yo but got made redundant and have had temp contracts since. hence ia have been depressed then dh has a period of feeling down and bd is the last thing on the agenda. in dec thought was pg, but pg test was neg. and day after sister announced her pg, with "it's about time you pulled your finger out", haven't been trying as long as some of you (since May ish last year) nor am i as old as some of you, have just hit 35 and dear mum has always gone on about older mums.
But there are elements of alot of your stories that ring true for me. I find myself kicking myself during the middle of the night, as i remember dh saying should we try for no2 when ds was 18mths and i really didn't want to. Now i wish so much that i had done it then. Sure it would have been tough, but at least i light have had 2.

Now dh is also having a bit of a problem with erctile dysfunction, i'm having terrible pms and boobs are so agonising for 2 weeks that i can't bear to be touched so we're not getting much practice at all. SOmetimes i am very calm and think it doesn't matter i'm very lucky to have ds, who is a joy. but then become obsessed by my cycle and when we need to do it. then really down when we don't try and no way of being pg, and just want to get rid of the pushchair, nappies, everything that i relate to ds being a baby.

I feel better for unburdening myself from all of that and being among people who are having the same feelings as me.

Hi all, I can understand where you're all coming from, we are in the same boat, moved abroad when I was pregnant with DS. Also I had a horrible birth with him. I'm not really the sort of person to let it affect me, or so I thought....

Here's another thing. I have 3 siblings, we are very close in age, and I had always imagined that my children would also be close in age. Now DS will be at least 3 years old before he has a baby sister/brother, and I know the age gap for some of you will be even bigger. Of course there's nothing wrong in that, it's just not how I had imagined it. I have to try and get over that and think about the advantages, then I think I can relax and stop beating myself up about it.

What do you think?

xxx

Have just seen this thread and I can relate to so much of what has been said. DS concieved v. fast but then number 2 seemed to take for ever. much dissappointment each month and resigned to fact that ds may be only one. Hard when everyone else around seems to be expecting (again) Went for lots of tests as generally not well, lost loads of weight (yipee) periods stopped (not good) turned out i was coeliac and hormones all over the place. Dr recommended gluten free diet and try again after 6 months. Got pregnant almost to the day following my diagnosis. Always worth asking for the blood test.

hi everyone,

well im the odd one out - we moved away from family for jobs etc and conceived straight away. Moved back to be close to both families, have lots of support and have been ttc for over a year!

Anyway my period has'nt arrived yet. Can I bore you with a symptom list or should I just accept the fact that its probably just hiding to torment me yet again?

Hatty - I had the internal done with my GP couple of weeks back as she wanted to check there was'nt anything causing my non stop bleeding. It was'nt too bad and I do believe my DH thinks its nothing compared to the trauma he will have to face next week just by handing his SA over to the lab!!!

Hmm, we don't have much support either just to back the figures up! My mum lives 4 hours away and DH's parents are near but very frail and elderly so a great deal of love but no pratical help available.

We both work part time and look after girls so not much relief time for trying to concieve more babies as we're woken up at 6.30 and collapse into bed at the end of the day wanting to just sleep!

I also wonder in the middle of the night when children are sick/nightmare filled why on earth I would think we can cope with another child!

Every month I wonder if I am in fact ovulating though as my cycle progresses and I get more fixated and broody again! Have a pleasant internal booked in for next Monday which will hopefully give some clues as to why things aren't happening.

Think that might be our problem. I will be 40 this year (eek !). Ds took 6 yrs to arrive - inc a mp along the way which was fairly traumatic. I work 4 dpw - enjoy my job, but it makes life busy; dh currently hates his job which doesn't help. Ds nearly 3 - very lively, seems to be quite bright, so days at home are far from restful - particularly if he is in a stubborn mood (can't think where he got that from....). Would like dh to play a bit more of an active role in trying though . I mean, what's the point in trying if you're not getting the practise in

Hi Dollydo - welcome!

I wonder if this is a theme - having had a more than averagely hard time with No 1? We don't have any help at all either - both sets of gparents miles away and neither really able to help for various reasons. DD has had a very difficult time healthwise and I have felt pretty unsupported and overwhelmed at times. I have often wondered whether my body is telling me not to do it again. I had some counselling along those lines and I feel as if it is no longer a block, but who knows?

Looking at those who are on their third child, they do seem to be the people who are able to nip off to New York for a week on their own whilst very competent and willing grandparents take over.

Maybe the combination of being a bit older and more stressed and knackered is all it takes to mess things up each month.

Anies - yes, we're in similar situation - my parents 3.5hrs away, dh's split - mother 4 hrs, father 50mins. His father did come over the other evening when we were in a real pickle (I ended up at A&E with anaphalactic shock, neighbour came to sit with ds who was in bed, FiL came over to take over from him). But if its general illness, we're on our own...

Ds has had a monster weekend, and his bad behaviour was commented upon at nursery yesterday (and, although only 2.10, he does understand what is good and bad, and can be reasoned with (particularly if it involves food)) - but we've had a much nicer morning this morning, so hope that we've got our lovely boy back again! Makes me feel a bit more like having another go this month...

Hi there - we've been trying for 18 months now after dd born. Had miscarriage last year at 10 weeks and no luck since. I'm 44 years old soon - is anyone else out there same age as me and still trying? Have you been to doctors and got any advise? Thanks.

Afternoon all,

Crikey this has moved on, well Anies reading your post sums me up too really!

LOL at pontypines!

Well after much chocolate and looking after DS with the flu, gosh he was poorly, I started thinking, could I cope with 2 in this state?

Anyway after a glass of the clearing mind potion (wine) I convinced DH to early nights all weekend! I know TMI but we are in mid cycle so I thought where there's a will!

Thinking conceptive thoughts for all. . . blimey now wondering whether that sounds a bit weird!

xx

breakneck boots... ... currently restricted to trainers and 1 pr of shoes due to having to have something I can fit new orthotic insoles into - the good thing is that I can now walk without it hurting and I'm not going to need an operation to sort the problem out.

Yes, ds has been a nightmare this weekend. Most of it. Lots of 'I want' and 'I don't want' and 'no' and whining. Someone was looking after him in church as dh and I were singing for the service - he joined me during the sermon, wriggled and was noisy for quite a lot longer, had one time out in the vestry, then was forceably removed just after communion as he was being too noisy. He then managed to whine as we walked all the way home (because dh had the car keys and he was being good, being quiet and singing and the Easter Bunny was going to give him an Easter Egg, unlike ds (by that stage))

He has also been refusing to have an afternoon nap (which means that afternoons are awful)

Really questioning the sense of having two like this!!!!