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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

I'm FUCKING sick of this, come wail with me and help me please.

133 replies

MademoiselleFrenglish · 02/12/2023 10:02

Right. Started my period this morning, onto cycle 12 and I mean BUSINESS. No one seems to want to talk to us until we've been suffering endlessly for over 48 years, so I'm taking matters into my own hands.

I've obviously read all there is to know about conception and what you should/shouldn't take bla dee bla but I'm looking to go back to basics and would like some MN knowledge, please.

Me:

  • 28 years old
  • Regular periods my entire life
  • Average cycle 29 - 30 days
  • Average luteal phase 12 days
  • Periods usually last about 4-5 days with only 2-3 days of heavy bleeding, not too much cramping
  • Quit smoking a year ago
  • Don't drink much alcohol
  • 1-2 cups coffee a day
  • Breathtakingly beautiful and perfect in every way
  • Healthy diet - I calorie count on My Fitness Pal, diet is mainly Mediterranean as I live in France
  • Have had 2 chemicals, I believe, but also possible that the lines were evaps and it was just a dodgy batch

DH:

  • 31 years old
  • Never had a period 🙂
  • Healthy, works out, good diet, quit smoking a year ago, no issues in the bedroom, good sex drive, very good at getting things off of high shelves etc etc

Supplements I take:

  • 120mg - 240mg CoQ10 daily
  • Folic acid daily
  • Vit D daily
  • Vit C every now and then

Supplements DH takes:

  • 120mg CoQ10 daily as long as I have enough left for me, if so, he goes down to once every couple of days until we can get more
  • Vit D

I bought Maca powder recently, I've read the good and the bad but I think I'm willing to give it a go, so will take 1 tsp daily and DH probably will do the same.

Mentally, I'm flitting between "I'm so fucking DONE with TTC screw babies and their stupid little STUPID faces, I don't need one!" or wailing on the bathroom floor in a puddle of my own tears, OR floating around the house in an impenetrable bubble of positivity repeating the mantra "everything will work out in the end" whilst waving around smoky sage and fairy tears. So all in all, pretty good.

I'd just like some advice, really.

OP posts:
applesandmares · 02/12/2023 17:11

I tracked LH using the easy@home sticks and also did BBT to confirm ovulation. I know you said you abandoned BBT because you were obsessing, but perhaps it's worth doing it for one month just to make sure you're actually ovulating at all/ovulating when the LH tests are showing. Most people ovulate 12-48 hours after a positive ovulation test so BBT should help you better understand when exactly you're ovulating.

I also took conceive plus ovulation support tablets. I bought pre-seed lube but didn't use it before we conceived so can't give a review on that! I've heard good things about those applicators that you wear internally to catch the semen but have never used them myself. My friend recommended the ferti-lily.

I also want to echo others on here suggesting a sperm test for your partner. I think you can order them and they aren't too unaffordable.

Good luck!

namechange7479 · 02/12/2023 16:43

It took me and DH 2 years with our first. I was convinced something was wrong as I always had irregular periods. The only thing my GP would do was give me a blood test to see if I was ovulating. I never was because they insisted I had to have it day 13 when I had 40 day plus cycles Hmm Anyway the month we were finally going to be referred to get all the tests. That month we were moving house and I had given up and was too stressed with the house move. We did the deed literally once and I got pregnant! So being extra stressed and hardly trying worked for me Grin.
Jokes aside if you have the money I would recommend having the tests privately. I will say many of my friends and myself included never really shared how long it took ttc and you would probably be surprised how common it can be to take over 12 months. I believe each cycle is about a 20% chance if you dtd over your fertile time so you could just be having a bit of bad luck.
You also mentioned chemical pregnancies. I would ask about proestrogen which afew friends of mine had due to multiple miscarriages. Good luck OP

Original poster
MademoiselleFrenglish · 02/12/2023 16:12

@SiennaMillar I've managed to get his baths to a lower temperature and he only has a couple during winter anyway. He doesn't drink any type of caffeine (and is a smug bastard about it). Doesn't have much stress, nor soya, loves nuts and turns his nose up at anything that isn't whole milk, so that's all v v v good. I've been wondering about the OPKs to be honest. I've got CB ones on the way and they'll go in the cupboard until Jan, if I decide to use them at all. I'll stop using the Easy@home ones I think.

@Crabacus I bought a BBT thermometer months ago, used it 3 times and realised I was already obsessing over it! So stopped using it straight away (although did stick it in the chicken once to see if it was done - it wasn't).

@SilverBranchGoldenPears Yes I usually always orgasm during sex. He's not just good at getting things off of high shelves 😉Will try and stop the extra quickies during fertile week though and just do things properly!

@monsteramunch Thanks! 😁Yes, I always do (not so inwardly) roll my eyes at those comments. The worst came from the pharmacist when I told her I was beginning TTC and wanted to know if there were any vitamins I should take to be in top health and she replied "No, nothing. Just relax and it'll happen before you know it!". Went in 2 weeks later with a cold and came out with more vitamins than I could carry. I was furious.

@Castlereagh No worries! Better to know than not know! Will talk to the doc about it if no luck in Jan, thank you!

OP posts:
Thatswhy11 · 02/12/2023 16:11

Download an app called Flo and make sure you DTD in your fertile window.

Castlereagh · 02/12/2023 15:59

Sorry I should add not to scare you as it's quite rare but hernia op in men has been known on rarr occasion to affect fertility particularly if a certain type of mesh used in the repair or issue in surgery.

monsteramunch · 02/12/2023 15:58

littlemousebigcheese · 02/12/2023 14:35

Look, as a chubby gnome who never did any of those things and lives on chocolate and chicken nugget, I got pregnant first time, both times, I think you're overthinking it. I know it's hard and I'm so sorry you are struggling but the constant monitoring and worrying will just make your body go into stress mode

I'm sure you mean well but if you're speaking to someone struggling with a fertility journey then this can be really painful and frustrating to hear and is pretty insensitive.

OP may not take your comment badly but many people would so it could be good to think about how it feels for someone struggling fertility to be on the receiving end of it.

Castlereagh · 02/12/2023 15:56

I would definitely recommend a male fertility screen given he has had 2 hernia repairs.

monsteramunch · 02/12/2023 15:45

Firstly I like the sound of you!

Secondly, clear blue digital ovulation sticks really helped us with timings, finally successful after 14 months TTC, so worth a go.

And don't feel bad about internally rolling your eyes at people (it always seems to be the ones with lots of kids!) who breezily say "relax and it'll happen for you!" with a cheery smile while you're broken inside. Those of us who have been there understand what you're going through.

Everything crossed for you Flowers

Dolphinnoises · 02/12/2023 15:39

I did OPKs both times while TTC… but both times what worked was shagging every day from the end of my period till 4-5 days after the +OPK. Shouldn’t have made a difference but did. Also acupuncture.

Hurdygurdy12 · 02/12/2023 15:35

littlemousebigcheese · 02/12/2023 14:35

Look, as a chubby gnome who never did any of those things and lives on chocolate and chicken nugget, I got pregnant first time, both times, I think you're overthinking it. I know it's hard and I'm so sorry you are struggling but the constant monitoring and worrying will just make your body go into stress mode

This is also not just shockingly bad advice but also in considerably bad taste.

SirVixofVixHall · 02/12/2023 15:35

Ovulation sticks etc - pah. Too much pressure.
Have sex when you really really feel in the mood, egg white mucus etc.
And acupuncture.
that’s it.

Hurdygurdy12 · 02/12/2023 15:33

Also as a fertility mentor I would really recommend talking to a fertility mentor!

Hurdygurdy12 · 02/12/2023 15:32

Doodledeedum · 02/12/2023 12:39

I agree with @AthenaPopodopolous
I didn't stop the wine 😉

As a fertility mentor I would say that this is really bad advice.

bravotango · 02/12/2023 15:13

Book in sperm test and blood test for next cycle, and then stop tracking and have a month off. My DH and I were spookily similar to you both (in age, lifestyle, and charisma obvs) and it took us 19 cycles to conceive. Had the tests done 12 months in and nothing was highlighted as being an issue. It's boring and shit and frustrating though so I really do sympathise!

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 02/12/2023 15:12

Do you orgasm during sex? When you orgasm the end of your cervix lengthens and creates a spoon shape to dip into the semen. It really does. I have an odd shaped cervix and a gynaecologist told me that I should make sure to orgasm either during or before or even immediately after my DH had orgasmed to ensure that my cervix was low. I don’t come during sex normally (I mean without extra work) so I changed that and made babies!!!
Life changing for my sex life as well as my mother status!

fulawitt · 02/12/2023 15:10

loose undies for him and pop them in the fridge before putting them on (cold is his friend). HE has to eat overly healthy for 70 days plus. All the best OP.

ttcat37 · 02/12/2023 15:05

Get a sperm test done. If he has a lower sperm count then sex every day is too much.

Crabacus · 02/12/2023 14:59

I am many years past my TTC days but I wonder if you've tried tracking your BBT?
ovulation tests, from what I remember, detect the surge of hormone before you ovulate but don't actually show whether you have ovulated.
I had a friend use them for months and get nowhere then started to track her BBT and found out she was actually ovulating much later than the ovulation tests would indicate so they'd basically been missing it every month.
But that's for January, take December off, definitely!

Pastaf0rbreakfast · 02/12/2023 14:52

Very small sample size but with both my pregnancies, I have had sex twice on ovulation day (or on positive opk day) maybe worth a try? The just every other day - ish for the rest of cycle (leading up to and after positive opk).

SiennaMillar · 02/12/2023 14:46

No polyester for his nethers, no hot baths, no caffeine, no stress, no soya, have nuts and switch to whole milk.

Or, do the opposite and completely stop trying. That’s the only thing that worked for us both times. 10 months TTC and got our BFP when we stopped trying, and the dates were off too! Those ov sticks are an inaccurate science. I did all the online hormone tests, which came back that I was menopausal (I’m not, I’m 31 and currently pregnant). And DH’s sperm test came back less than perfect too. They’re all a bit hit and Miss IMHO.

Or, lie to the dr and tell them it’s been two years so you can at least get properly tested.

Also, you’re hilarious!

Amy259 · 02/12/2023 14:42

p.s. currently 3 cycles into ttc number 2 and struggling to keep my cool in the slightest 👌🏻

Original poster
MademoiselleFrenglish · 02/12/2023 14:41

Can your fertility be affected if you're only a couple of kilos overweight?

OP posts:
Amy259 · 02/12/2023 14:41

@hopingforapeainapod got everything crossed for you! Just keep in mind it likely won’t happen the month you get the hycosy, something to do with the dye lining in your cervix stopping implantation. But the next month 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Original poster
MademoiselleFrenglish · 02/12/2023 14:41

@buckingmad I read a lot of stories like that, it probably does have something to do with the total relaxation cause you don't think it'll work that month.

OP posts:
Mischance · 02/12/2023 14:40

Get a private sperm test - at least you will be able to rule that out.