Cd1 of ttc first cycle after loss... anyone want to join me? 🙂

@Vic231 aw what a special way to honour her 🥰 I LOVE the bauble idea. ❤️

@Vic231 that sounds really lovely and a great way to remember your little one😊❤️

Thank you @SnookyPook and @Aaliyahrae 🤍 We went out for lunch and a nice dinner and put up the Christmas tree as a little present to her - plan to get a new bauble for her each year and put it on the tree on her birthday 🥰 it was really lovely and having a day of doing nice carefree things was really needed x

@Vic231 aw happy heavenly birthday to your little one - I'm glad you were able to celebrate her with your loved ones 💕

@SunSparkle @moosey89 @ThelastRolo20 @Aaliyahrae Christmas was always going to be poignant for all of us I imagine. I should have been celebrating my little ones first Christmas as a tiny 2 month old. Instead I'll be nervously right in the midst of yet another trimester 1... Although I know that that in itself is also a privileged place to be. If my later losses had worked out I would have also been through 12wk scan etc. As it is, I'm not sure I will dare to share our news... And just hoping I'm not having to deal with another loss right in the midst of it all. So many complicated emotions and thoughts to process. At least we all have this thread to share these thoughts with others who (sadly) get it. 💕

@Vic231 Ah I’m sorry. Happy belated birthday to your little girl. Did you do anything to celebrate? x

@Aaliyahrae @Vic231 thank you both ❤️ being on this thread has really helped me feel not alone x

Hi ladies, sorry I've been a bit quiet for a while, it was my daughters 1st heavenly birthday recently so I was staying off my phone, keeping busy and celebrating her with friends and family and it really helped me mentally ♥️

@samilicious I am so so sorry that you also had a TFMR, it's one of the most selfless things you can do, you take the pain so your baby doesn't have to. I'm also part of a TFMR TTC thread that is really supportive if you'd like me to send you a link?

@moosey89 @SunSparkle @ThelastRolo20 @Aaliyahrae I'm with you all! Don't ever feel alone. Xx

@moosey89 @SunSparkle @ThelastRolo20 it is so hard isn’t it? I was supposed to be due in Jan/Feb and feel the exact same way. The morning sickness is heightening this because although i’m so grateful to be pregnant again, I can’t help but thing ‘but I should be past this awful sick stage now!’. I don’t entirely enjoy being pregnant, it increases my anxiety and I panic about everything. I just love the little thing that comes at the end so finding it hard being right at the beginning when I should be right at the end. Then I feel guilty about it because I’m like but you’re so blessed to be here. My DP’s best friend is having his baby in January and we found out we were pregnant days apart and although I’m so happy for them, I still feel the ‘what if’. Ladies, we aren’t alone in this. It’s crazy because we’re all strangers, probably living miles apart but all share the same emotions. Thinking of you all xx

@SunSparkle so sorry you're finding this time of year hard. You can still grieve your previous pregnancy whilst being hopeful for this one, they aren't mutually exclusive feelings ❤️

Your feelings are completely valid and it's so much better to acknowledge them rather than trying to ignore them. If I find out I'm pregnant this month, I will still feel sad about the baby that would have been 5 months along in pregnancy at Christmas x

I was due with a Christmas baby before I miscarried and I’m finding this time of year so hard thinking that I should be fat and huge and waiting for my baby and I’m not. And our friends who were due in Jan are going to have their baby early before Christmas and I want to be happy for them but also finding it really hard. It feels like a whole lifetime has passed since we were both telling eachother we were expecting and she got her happy ending and I didn’t.

I know I’m pregnant now and I should be grateful but it isn’t taking away from what should have been, if that makes sense.

@moosey89 I'm so sorry - so cruel it comes late as well as it makes us hope. Try to look after yourself particularly this week - how long is it until you get your results back? I think I remember you were having some done. Either way sending love x @CluelessInLondon I'm glad this cycle is going quick for you, mines dragging very slowly so trying to stay productive and occupied

@CluelessInLondon thank you - af arrived today, 4 days later than usual. On to month 5 since most recent loss. Honestly I don't know how much more heartache I can take, wish I could just stop the world spinning for a bit 😞

Lots to catch up on after a busy weekend and not much time online! If I miss anybody, hope you are all okay.

@Aaliyahrae Sorry to hear you have still been really poorly - how are you feeling now? I hope things are improving. Good news about your scan though, that must be reassuring to see that baby is growing and everything is looking good so far.

@wyto Lovely update on your scan too, so pleased that you got to see the little heartbeat and all is looking good - completely understandable that you found it a really emotional moment!

@moosey89 Any sign of AF yet, or anything happening on your tests? That's so frustrating to not know exactly what's going on. I think it's really brave of you to have those conversations with your partner and confront the possibility of a future that looks different to what you hoped or expected. And I just wanted to reiterate what everyone else has said about how there's no such thing as bringing the mood down here - this is a space for however anybody is feeling at any given time, whether you have good news or need to vent. I've been totally blown away by the support offered here, from people I've never met, just because we're all in the same boat and understand what everyone else is going through.

@samilicious Welcome and so sorry to hear about your experiences. Sounds like maybe I'm the minority being able to hold my pee for 4 hours. 😂I do second wee with the cheap strips and just try not to drink as much water as normal in the morning (difficult as I drink loads of water usually!) - when I'm getting towards peak I also use the CB digital tests and those ones are specifically meant to be for FMU.

@graceinc22 Tests are looking very good! Good plan to step away from them - I think there's definitely a point where they don't tell you anything else. How are you feeling at the moment?

@SnookyPook Hope you are feeling okay at the moment too - you know you're feeling chill when you even forget to buy tests while you're out shopping. 😅

@GeorgeR28 Sorry to hear that AF showed up - don't feel silly for being hopeful though, I was exactly the same a couple of weeks ago and I was gutted when my period arrived. I think it has to be seen as a positive that you haven't had any symptoms of the endometriosis coming back yet, I really hope it stays that way for you.

@Bugdem123 I completely feel you with the sadness around Christmas, it's so loaded with a sense of 'what might have been'. I'm filling my diary with absolutely loads of social engagements this month in the hope that it will distract me (and hopefully distract me from all of the waiting around for ovulation and then the TWW as well).

@Ladyinpink1 Well done for holding off on the testing! It's quite nice to have more days of not having to pee on a stick or into a pot, isn't it?!

CD7 for me today, this cycle already feels like it's going a bit quicker than the last one, had a really busy weekend and have lots of stuff going on in the run up to Christmas so I'm hoping that will keep me distracted and maybe take a bit of the pressure off as well as I'll have lots of other things to think about.

@Bugdem123 really tough when our bodies don't behave! You might get a second surge, maybe your body tried to ovulate but didn't so it'll do it again more in line with normal timing - I think that can happen but if not this month then maybe sod the testing off for a month to at least give yourself a bit of a break ❤️

@graceinc22 thank you, that's really reassuring! The conceiving definitely shows you've ovulated 😂. I think I'm freaking out a bit more as I'm already worried something is wrong as my period has been so light since my MC so the OPKs being positive early and then my temp not going up has really thrown me. I think I've just completely lost faith and trust in my body since the MC. When I first started properly tracking earlier this year, it was textbook and it gave me so much faith and reassurance that my body was doing it all "right" and now that things are all over the place, it's just making me feel stressed. Think I might need to step back from the tracking, at least for a cycle but then I'm worried I'll miss a good chance 🤯. TTC post loss is a bloody minefield.

@Bugdem123 ahh, it’s so so frustrating when you’re thinking you’re about to ovulate and then you’re not sure if you have. For what it’s worth, I had this massively in my last cycle (pic attached), I got very discouraged after the drop on 3 days after my positive opk (which the app now thinks was actually my day of ovulation). in some cycles my bbt shoots up after I ovulate and in others it’s up and down / slow rise / fallback rise. See my FF attached for this month. Still not 100% sure when I actually ovulated - but I know I did (from a progesterone test and, well, actually conceiving!) x

Thanks for all the support guys, really appreciate it 🩷

I've no idea what's going on with my cycle this month. Got peak on advanced digital OPK and strip OPKs along with egg whites on Friday which is about 5 days earlier than normal but my temp is still low today. I thought I would have ovulated yesterday but maybe today is the day. We've managed to DTD 3 days in a row, not sure my husband will be up for a 4th day.

I'm a bit stressed about it all so I think next cycle I might try just having sex every other day and not track at all and see if that works. We're normally once a week or twice at a push kind of people so not sure how we'll get on.

@GeorgeR28 yes you can use the old testers h tilt they stop working, I’ve definitely used mine for 2 cycles can’t remember if I’ve used them for 3. I tend to vary whether I buy the packs of 10 or 20 depending on whether I need a new test stick or not. With my very long cycles though sometimes I use up tonnes of sticks per cycle! X

@samilicious I'd say there was a peak last month for sure! One step tend to show very little until there's a peak x

@Haylsttc i can’t believe it your timeline is the same as mine, my due date was January and I’ve been dreading Christmas and January for that reason 😞 really
hope you’re okay, I know how awful it feels xx

@samilicious i actually use both! I’d say I prefer the clear blue though if I’m honest! Takes the guesswork out looking at lines and guessing which is peak!

Not sure if there was a peak here last month with the cheap One Step ones or not

@graceinc22 yay that's looking good! Congrats!

@Bali200 the force deffo sounds strong in this little bean, can't be a bad thing!
Using One Step on Amazon, this was last month's arts and crafts 😅

@GeorgeR28 I'm tempted to give clear blue a go this time or the other cheapy brand and use premom app can't decide 🤔

Thank you @Haylsttc - I like doing them first thing too, that's a good shout. Made me laugh what you said about buying more tests, that's me currently! It was a rapid result FR one though because I can't read 😅 that I've got left in for next time I'm feeling brave

@Bugdem123 doesn't sound silly at all - my first loss I just 'moved on' in my mind and it all came crashing down when I felt ready to try again a year later. I had to have time off work and all sorts when I only had a day when it actually happened. Grief doesn't have a normal timeline 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Ladyinpink1 @Bugdem123 haha I almost caved and bought more tests today but managed to stop myself!

@Ladyinpink1 what you said about getting pregnant twice quickly and another two times taking five months really gives me hope ❤️ One of my biggest worries is why did I fall pregnant so quick the first time but not now, however hearing other people’s stories gives me hope!

@Bugdem123 @ThelastRolo20 I relate to that too, we started trying in March fell pregnant in April and I should have been due in January so Christmas is proving to be really tough 💔 Just hoping all of this effort and heartbreak pays off and we get our bfp soon🤞