Cd1 of ttc first cycle after loss... anyone want to join me? 🙂

@Ladyinpink1 that's the thing, I have no idea! During the week of MC bleeding I did a couple opks to make sure I wouldn't get a fake positive as I know it can confuse HCG. All completely blank so no issues there.

Once bleeding stopped I did OPKs until last saturday then stopped as they weren't getting stronger and it wasn't doing me any help mentally. I know from before I have a very rapid rise and fall, it comes and goes in a day, so realistically the earliest I could have ovulated is Monday just gone so this is far too early for symptoms.

Putting it all down to hormones still being out of whack! For all I know I haven't even ovulated yet X

@Ladyinpink1 I felt absolutely fine, it's just something that happened to me and that's okay. I also don't like pity but the conversation totally moved on haha.

My neighbour then yesterday "thinking about number two yet then", "yes definitely but I had a miscarriage" she had the grace to say she'd put her foot in it 😂

Hopefully your period comes soon ish so you can move onto the next cycle. I'm having the weirdest couple of days, feels like I'm about to come on - gassy, massively thirsty, headache, itchy boobs. All very weird for me and definitely not pregnancy related as it'd be far too early.

@Ladyinpink1 Any change for you the last couple of days? 11DPO now…?

Anyone else testing soon?

I’m 9DPO today but it’s not really convenient to test as we’ve got stuff going on the next few days that I don’t want to cloud with either a BFN or BFP - there would be too many feelings either way! So will just remain in blissful ignorance/hope…

Hey @Oxalis00 I've thought about this too and right now (although I'm very far away from a positive) I don't think I'd tell many people until 12 week scan, maybe just a select couple, but I'll wait to see how I feel at the time x

@Oxalis00 thank you lovely, that made me tear up a bit. It's so hard but she was real and she existed so I speak of her whenever I can.

Also I'm 8DPO too! With my daughter I thought my period was coming and I ended up with a BFP so I never know until AF arrives, although I do tend to symptom spot!

Good for you @Vic231 talking about your daughter. You lived with her and the promise of her for a long time, I’m glad you feel able to keep her with you in your conversations now and you’ve had supportive responses. 💛

So interesting to hear everyone’s reflections on sharing the news of a pregnancy. I’m divided now on whether I’d tell more people straight away since they already know the details of my previous and would (I hope) understand the precarity of saying ‘I’m pregnant’ and be able to support me in those first weeks and months. But part of me wants to hide the whole thing away though and not tell anyone till I’m basically giving birth - or ideally after. That was easier with a lockdown pregnancy tbh! I may well do a mix of both.

Not that this is an issue I’m going to have to face any time soon I don’t think - 8DPO and I can feel pre AF mood shift of extra grumpiness and easily tearful. Thanks v much Mother Nature…!

The telling people throws me every time. With our daughter (who was very poorly and who we had a TFMR with at 25 weeks) we told everyone at 12 weeks as we had passed the first danger zone (like @SnookyPook said). I was also very naive and tbh didn't realise all the things that could go wrong so after that initial all clear at the 12 week scan we felt happy we would be bringing a baby home. After the 20 week scan I told a few people as and when I saw them as we'd had a good scan, they just couldn't measure one part of her brain due to how she was lying but everything else looked good. So you could imagine how many people we then had to inform she had been born sleeping. I don't regret that at all though as everyone was amazing and tbh it showed us who are true friends were.

With the last two losses we hadn't told anyone, as both were before 6 weeks we'd only just got our heads around it ourselves. I've told very few people since, 3 to be precise and my husband has told 2.

I find I will blurt out my daughters loss without any rhyme or reason and generally feel better for doing so. I haven't got there yet with the two MCs, but I'm sure that will come.

Sorry that turned into a therapeutic post of my thoughts!

Gargh autocorrect were we're 🤓🤪

@CluelessInLondon haha yes I can imagine!

The veil of silence around miscarriage is such a shame. I did a post on my FB for baby loss awareness week and got a message from a FB friend thanking me for my honesty and that it had been a real comfort... She'd had a MMC at 9 weeks in July and hadn't even told her Mum about it all 😞

That said, I've been a real mixed bag on telling people. With my DS (lockdown baby) we kept it quiet until the 12wk scan - partly because there were people in the family who'd been through first trimester loss etc who would have found it stressful knowing... So we announced when we were past the first big danger zone and it was lovely to be able to say we were already through the first trimester. Then, the one that was my MMC in April, we told close family pretty much asap! And when I lost it, I was glad they had been able to share the joy while it lasted etc, and we're also primed for full support. My most recent one, I kept quiet as realised I'd hit 12wks in December... After the earlier loss I thought it would be lovely to share our good news at Christmas when we were again through the worst... However that obviously went south. I ended up telling close family and friends when I was worried it was going wrong so they didn't get any of the joy of it but we're very supportive. No idea what I'll do when (saying when not if!!) I'm pregnant again now!

I think my early loss has made me even more nervous about telling anybody before 12 weeks if/when I get pregnant again - last time we told both sets of parents at just under 8 weeks after having an early scan, but immediately I felt as though there was almost more pressure on the pregnancy because it was so much more real once we'd said it out loud to a few people. I also haven't told many people about my miscarriage, but I think that's partly because it still feels very recent and it still makes me feel really emotional - I think with a bit of time and distance from it I'll feel more comfortable speaking about it.

@SnookyPook We used condoms for the first month after I came off the pill and then again after my MC until I had my period - it was quite refreshing putting my husband in charge of the contraception after so many years of organising it myself! 😅

I wish more people would speak openly about miscarriage as it’s such a horrendous thing to go through and then to be made to feel like you can’t talk about it for fear of the other person not knowing what to say. After mine last year I went for Botox to make myself feel better. The lady only asked if I was ok and I broke down and told her the whole story of how I miscarried a few weeks previous, how i felt my whole life was falling apart and how I couldn’t understand why my body would let me down like this. Luckily she was super understanding of me crying on her 🤣.

If / when I do get pregnant again I plan to tell my closest family and friends from early on as I know that regardless of what happens I will need them.

Completely agree with everyone on here. It feels sometimes that miscarriage is so stigmatised or just not talked about. It made me feel as if it was something that only happened to a tiny group of women, but actually it's so much more common.

I've been getting a bit annoyed with my FIL lately for this reason - he keeps going on about how we shouldn't tell anyone too early in case anything goes wrong, wait until 12 weeks etc, so much so that that was his first reaction when we told him. I get that he's coming from a good place and he's of a certain generation, but I feel like the 12 week wait is also there to prevent people from talking about MC, and making everyone feel as if it's something you "keep to yourself" so as to not upset anyone around you. It's also made me even more scared to miscarry partly because of a stigma I now feel I have because I would have "told them too early".

@SnookyPook I just think we should be able to talk about it, it's nothing to be ashamed of. And maybe it'll help them think about how to approach those topics.

Hilarious about the condoms!! When's your appointment? To be honest it's nice just having sex for me, as opposed to pregnancy (although that would be a lovely benefit so soon). Just trying not to get my hopes up. I'm planning to test two weeks Saturday if AF hasn't arrived as that'll be just shy of 6 weeks post MMC x

@ThelastRolo20 good for you! I've not been asked this but if anyone does then I will say "actually yes, we've had three pregnancy losses this year" - I don't want to say it in a horrible way to make them feel bad, but I do think people need to be aware that this is actually a delicate topic and not one to be brought up lightly. As you say, it's all part of breaking the stigma around loss too.

Admire your commitment to dtd. I'm now slightly nervous as it's been about 2 months' since we last did and I've just stopped bleeding again but now nervous as don't really want to get pregnant again until we've seen consultant. And luckily (?!) that's one part of the process we don't seem to have an issue with! I guess I will do opks to keep track and see how things go..! May have to buy a pack of condoms... That will be a novelty 😂😩

Hats off to you @ThelastRolo20 - I’ve been in that situation like with your hairdresser a few times and I have wondered what would happen if I said “yeah, I was pregnant for three months but the baby died and then it took me nearly three months to finish miscarrying and it ended with a blood transfusion…” or even just “yeah we’ve been finding that hard”. I’ve generally just laughed it off and said “we’re still tired from the first one”. Well done for speaking the truth. I do hope a bit more of that will eventually change the broader culture.

@Ladyinpink1 so sorry to hear about your negative. I understand the sadness and disappointment - try to do something positive for you to help over the next few days.

I got my hair done today, which really helped. I did my my hairdresser pause though - she asked if I was thinking about baby 2 and I said yes but I miscarried 4 weeks ago! She went silent, which I understand. I just want to help break the taboo around it all.

I've been good and not been doing any OPKs, just having sex every three days (yes it's that regimented haha!). My husband tried to delay the last one due to work - absolutely not 😂😂 definitely not expecting much though so just waiting for AF xx

Not pregnant but did anyone have HG in their pregnancies? One of the cheapest thing about my miscarriage was how sick I had been for 12 weeks before finding out I’d had a missed miscarriage.

i want more than anything to be pregnant but also HG has a very high reoccurrence rate and is utterly debilitating for me. I was on about 6 different medications and still felt nauseated all the time as well as being sick.

it’s hard to both equally look forward to and dread anothe pregnancy. And if I was to get pregnant and miscarry again having gone through the sickness, I’m not sure I could handle it.

I go away for a few days and come back to see another BFP 🤯💗 huge congratulations @Liz2681!

I’ve been trying to keep a ‘what will be, will be’ mindset but I’ll be honest, the anxiety is starting to creep in the past few days.

My symptoms are starting to ramp up now, a lot earlier than last time, I don’t know if that’s a good sign or not?!

Before getting my BFP I didn’t think I’d want an early scan as my scan at 8+4 last time lulled me into a false sense of security, but this time I think I’m going to have one at 7 weeks and one at 9.5 weeks to break it up until the 12 week scan (if I get that far that is). The thought of another MMC and potentially losing so much time again is really tough to bear.

Sorry to hear it’s a BFN so far @Ladyinpink1 but it is still very early, you definitely aren’t out yet! X

How are you getting on @Haylsttc? X

@CluelessInLondon you are right. I find myself wishing the days away and then I get annoyed at myself for doing so. Prior to TTC I never wished time away and was the sort of person who saw something positive in everyday. I need to get back to that way of thinking.

@Ladyinpink1 I’m sorry to hear you are feeling so down. As others have said its still so early. I only got my BFP with my son on 13dpo and even then it was very faint. But I also know how disheartening it is to see those stark white tests.