Things I wish I knew before starting IVF

It's took a bit of thought to write this but I'll try.

We tried to conceive DS for four years. Tried EVERYTHING but just could get pregnant.

Tests revealed everything ok with me but DH sperm was slow, shit and the wrong shape 🤦‍♀️ so the first thing that was hard was taking that news and not going down the blame game route.

Second is the postcode lottery funding but I guess if you're going to go private it won't matter to you as you will be paying anyway. I had to go through lots of invasive tests even though we knew there wasn't an issue just to get the funding. It took 18 months.

Then the actual process. Once you get going it's ok. It's hard in the body and your dignity is completely gone. The hormones do things to you that you would imagine for example one of the side effects of the drugs was excessive shopping 😂

The egg collection process was brutal. I was wide awake and had barely any pain relief. It was the hardest bit of the process for me including labour!! I developed OHSS and was poorly. We had to stop treatment so yet more waiting. Then started again. We lost an embryo that didn't survive the thawing. Then more drugs for after transfer. We were lucky it worked first time and have our amazing DS. But was it hard?? Absolutely. Worth it? Definitely.

We fell pregnant with DS2 naturally (weirdly!) and had to make a decision what to do with our frozen embryos and that was so so hard.

It's an absolute rollercoaster and I would say if you're considering it make sure your body and mind if possible is in tip top condition to really give it your best chance.

It was expensive but didn't "wreak havoc".

I felt like I was a bit on a conveyor belt and was one of many "customers", but I can't really fault the actual processes, just a lot to take in.

The biggest thing was after success (2nd round) we had to decide what to do with the frozen embryos that we didn't want to use, and I have to admit I wasn't prepared for that.

Oh, and once pregnant and in the "normal" nhs midwife etc system, I was astounded at how many doctors and HCPs have zero idea of what IVF is, how it works. For example, i kept getting asked my last monthly period date. Despite explaining I could tell them the date of post-fertilisation transfer etc, they didn't grasp what that was and kept wanting to calculate from LMP. Plus bizarre comments about it being a riskier pregnancy due to ivf, for seemingly no reason. I'd had a healthy natural pregnancy before so was able to compare.

I'm also an impatient person so found the sheer amount of time it all needs really difficult! But same for natural conception!

Also I definitely wouldn’t jump straight to IVF after five months! It really does wreak havoc on your body and five months is really nothing. Your partner should be on conception vitamins like Proxeed and ejaculating very regularly (every 2-3 days) as fresh sperm is the healthiest.

1. It might not work whether it’s the first, fifth or ninth time. Statistically, it’s unlikely to work on the first go
2. You will spend far more than what the clinic initially quoted you per round
3. The most traumatic part isn’t the treatment, it’s when it doesn’t work. The physical treatment is a bit unpleasant and sometimes a bit painful but nothing compared to the stress of failure.

We needed six rounds to give us our wee miracle girl.

It’s a lot. There’s a reason therapy is given alongside it. This clinic lists what you might feel while going through IVF; Fear, Guilt, Shame, Grief/Loss, Low Self Esteem, Anger, Jealousy, Stress.
Notice a theme?
https://internationalcliniclondon.com/articles/six-emotions-during-ivf

It doesn’t always work. I feel like media has shown IVF to be the cure all, and easy option to having children. It’s not. It gives you a chance of a baby, not a guarantee. Even with everything on your side, you still only have a 30% chance of it working. The odds are not in your favour.
One round and two failed transfers in, I wish I’d been more realistic to save the heart ache of it all.

I think your views of IVF probably depend somewhat on whether it was successful or not. Our IVF cycle was long with lots of delays - it was about 6 months from start to finish with lots and lots of drugs that messed up my periods for about a year afterwards. Lots of steroids too so I put on huge amounts of weight. It was traumatic at times and I needed a lot of psychiatric support. It was unsuccessful in our case. I refused to do more than one round. Even when it is successful, IVF pregnancies are more likely to result in PND.

One successful round after unexplained infertility on my side. We had been trying for 2 years.

I wouldn't change a thing - I was lucky that a very good friend of mine went through the same process a year before to have my DGodD so I asked her everything I could think of!

Hormone injections were fine - same time every day. Alternate the side you do them daily, I chose to do mine in my lower stomach. When you put them in, go in at an angle slowly, if the skin doesn't pierce straight away try another spot at pre-injected skin hardens. Do the suppositories on a morning or on an evening if you're going out to work.

After transfer I cried my eyes out because the reality hit that those little eggs could turn into babies, or not, and you realise that it's all about the waiting. See if you can wfh during the two week wait, I was told not to lift anything including shopping and to be careful to just make sure I didn't do anything that could impact the chance of implantation

Have you had any tests/investigations done to see if there is potential problem? IVF is expensive and potentially stressful/difficult as and jumping straight too it without first finding out if it is an appropriate treatment seems like putting the cart before the horse.