Things I wish I knew before starting IVF

Investigation yes go ahead but jumping to private IVF without first having investigation done seems like madness. It could mean pouring £1000s into a treatment that doesn't work because the problem isn't one that IVF will help or spending unnecessarily 1000s because there isn't a problem at all.

Everyone is saying don’t jump into ivf but personally I would start investigating it now. I was late 30s and every month my egg amount and egg quality seemed to get more crap. I wish I had prioritised IVF rather than play wait and see, I wish I had left myself with a decent time frame to give it a crack. I ended up throwing in the towel

IVF stimulation – absolutely fine, didn’t even have discomfort. Maybe some mild bloating at most.

Not done the other bits yet

Personally I would say infertility in general will do this to you. Some aspects of ivf can help you feel in control. However I say this as someone for who it worked for first time. I plan to go down this route again for another but I am aware it is likely I will have much less luck this time and it might break me.

Keep trying op and save up. Have you had all the tests done? Then by a year you can press go.

I echo this 100%.
IVF is an absolute last resort that will test every fibre of you as a person, woman and your relationship. If there is the tiniest of cracks in your relationship, don’t be surprised that the process of IVF will crack them wide open.
’opting’ for IVF because you’ve got the money doesn’t guarantee a baby.

What a ridiculous thing to say.

Like others have said, 5 months is too early to be considering IVF. Especially if you are considering private treatment. The months that you won't be trying yourselves because you're in the middle of an IVF cycle are months you could be getting pregnant naturally, especially as you have no diagnosis of infertility on either side.

Yes the first few cycles are manageable physically, as others have said it's the emotional toll that is the hardest. You'd be putting yourself through some really serious stress and with your dad being ill it sounds like you don't need that. The TWW while trying naturally and the TWW of IVF are very different experiences!

Also as others have said, each cycle of IVF only has a 30-50% success rate. MOST PEOPLE who go through IVF due to infertility do not end up with a baby. The media does not tell you that. No-one speaks about when IVF doesn't work - that's too painful a story - it's not a miracle solution.

Personally IVF didn't work for us. I underwent 9 cycles of IVF over 3 years with "high quality blastocysts" and no ascertainable reason as to why it would work. Not a single one stuck. What did happen to me though was that each cycle became physically more challenging, exhausting, painful. I stuck out a job in a toxic workplace because of the chance of falling pregnant and I prioritised ivf. Friendships drifted and I became very isolated and withdrawn. My relationship with my husband became solely focused on getting through the next cycle together. Each failure made me feel like I was letting everyone down and I was failing my husband and my family. My mental health deteriorated to the point that I made plans to kill myself and we made the decision to stop because it physically, mentally and emotionally destroyed me.

The month we stopped I got pregnant naturally. I have no idea why and I'm not here to say "just relax and you'll get pregnant". But IVF is NOT the first port of call. Those years I was on the relentless stress of back to back cycles are years I could have been focusing on keeping myself well and trying for a baby.

I would say to anyone considering IVF - draw a line and stop there even if it hasn't worked, don't bend under the pressure from clinics and doctors to keep going because "there's no reason it shouldn't work". I wish I had stopped at 6.

@heartofglass23 😂 ivf is easier than any of those things

WTF???

Find a good clinic and you don’t have to worry yourself sick. It’s horrible, we all know that. It takes over your life. But for some of us it’s necessary. Just get on with it and try not to let it consume you I say. Stressing about it only has a negative impact. Hearing horror stories from other people definitely doesn’t help!

this. Sorry but you do not need to be considering IVF at this stage. I think your post is quite disrespectful to others who’ve endured unsuccessful IVF as a last resort.

@heartofglass23 what an absolutely stupid
Thing to say

My advice, get your head down, don't think about it too much, don't ask too many questions (some women stress themselves out writing down test results, questioning med doses etc) just get it done. Because if you stay calm and positive and have a positive result it will be the best thing you'll ever do. I've had 4 rounds... got two beautiful perfect little girls

I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself. Five months isn't that long in the grand scheme of things.

This is mad that you were awake for egg collection! I've had two and both times was so heavily sedated I might as well have been under general anaesthetic, zero memory of it.

100% this.

The physical stuff is not the nicest but bearable to get your miracle baby, but the failure is heartbreaking.

I went in to it "thinking positive" and convinced it would work for us first time. It didn't, it took 4 rounds and I had suicidal ideation daily.

My advice, especially if you're paying privately, is to find a doctor you like and trust. We used a few doctors who I'm sure we're perfectly fine but just didn't align with my way of operating. Too softly softly, I like cards on the table honesty and robust future planning.

I'd second the suggestion of therapy. We had official unexplained infertility but some male factor issues. I really struggled with my feeling towards my husband and my marriage in ways I wasn't comfortable talking to friends & family about.

Finally, as much as you can, don't put off life "because you might be pregnant then". I missed out on some very cool experiences and trips because I assumed I would be pregnant. When it finally did work for us, there were a few things I had to cancel or were a bit awkward, but it wasn't really a big deal, and I didn't care anyway because I was so happy to finally be pregnant.

Ahh the 'just relax' chestnut - I was relaxed for the first years or so of trying and nothing. My one and only (sadly miscarried) natural conception happened on month 23 when I was stressed about nothing happening.
I had an easy time with IVF in that I didn't have any sort of reaction to the drugs and I produced loads of eggs each time and most of them fertilized. But we never got to blastocyst stage in three cycles so couldn't freeze any embryos - this was something I was unaware of, I assumed that if there were eggs and they fertilized that they would progress as expected and that we could pretty much count of frozen cycles but alas not.
We had three rounds over 18 months (I didn't want to tell my work that we were trying for a baby) so we had to leave gaps between cycles so I could have 'holiday' to cover the time when we were in and out of the clinic every few days. This probably help reduce the stress in that a) hardly anyone knew what we were doing so we didn't have to update people on every failure b) it wasn't relentless month after month and we could have a few months of trying naturally in between.
IVF seems to be seen as a magic way to get a baby but it isn't that. It isn't a suitable treatment for all conditions and it isn't a guaranteed route to success even if it is the best treatment for you. Don't rush in to expensive, invasive treatment that can also be physically and emotionally demanding and will find any weaknesses in your relationship and test them to breaking point.

IVF doesn't guarantee a baby, OP. It can be gruelling and heartbreaking and takes a significant toll physically, mentally and emotionally.

5 months is not long enough for you to consider this route. Please do not wish fertility issues on yourself to justify going down a road that you do not currently have to.

I’m not sure what tests you’ve had done but over the course of 5 ivf cycles we found more and more things wrong, it wasn’t a simple case of male factor infertility. So if anything I would recommend going to a very good clinic where they will test both partners thoroughly. We wasted thousands of pounds and 2 years with one clinic.

How old are you both?

nutrition, wellness and lifestyle do matter (though some clinicians will say they don’t).

you and your DH should be prioritising

• enough and good quality sleep
• reasonable regular exercise
• eating well, good mix, fresh food cooked from scratch
• no caffeine, little alcohol
• the right supplements- research that yourself.

i had much better egg quality than tests to predicted which I Put down to the above.

it takes at least three maybe six months of consistent better leaving for it to show up in egg / womb lining / sperm quality so may as well get on with that now before you start any process.

it costs at least £10k per round from first egg collection to all embryos transferred.

how many you out back depends on age. Approaching 40 go two at a time.

if you have evidence of a known issue, push to get that treated first. We didn’t and wasted an entire cycle and four great embryos pressing them to treat me for something I knew was part of the reason we needed treatment

sometimes clinics shut for Xmas and timing will mean you have to wait months between cycles.

the stats rarely lie. Read them and face that. I was late 30s, the stats said chances were 1 in 10. I became sustainably pregnant on the 9&10th embryo transfer

Research your clinics and have one close by as you’ll be there all the time

Also I did not realise how different each clinic's procedures were, until I was going though the treatment and discussed it online with others. It's not a standardised proccess, but that's never mentioned. E.g. My clinic wanted all patients to do the daily injections first thing in the morning, other clinics do evenings which would have suited me better. Some clinics do more frequent scans while the eggs are developing. Some protocols prioritise egg quality over quantity, or vice versa.

We had two rounds of ivf, first was unsuccessful, second I got a positive test only for them to find no heartbeat at the scan and have a MMC.

Too often people only talk about successful ivf, too few talk about how unlikely it is to work, and how you’re just as likely as any pregnancy to have a miscarriage even if you do get a positive test.

I was asleep for egg collection which I personally prefer