Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

TTC After Miscarriage

32 replies

Jadelr · 04/09/2023 15:28

I had a miscarriage on 21st February at 8 weeks. My cycles were all over the place after up until around May, we both decided after the miscarriage we wanted to try to conceive again however I've still not fell pregnant since and I'm feeling rather depressed. Each month I obsess over wether I'm pregnant in the two week wait and then when my period comes I'm devastated. When I had my miscarriage and was scanned etc they checked everything ovaries etc and I don't have PCOS or anything like that and they said everything looks healthy and fertile but I just wanted to know if it took anybody abit longer to conceive after a miscarriage? It's been like 6 months now and as we are trying for our first I feel like it's never going to happen again 😞

Everything I see online most women seem to fall pregnant pretty fast after a miscarriage and I'm quite disheartened it's not happening, I feel like it's never going to happen again and i can't figure out if I'm stressing myself out to much and that's the reason I'm not falling pregnant. TTC is so stressful it took me around 5 months to fall pregnant the first time after coming off contraception. Any advice or anything is much appreciated x

OP posts:
moosey89 · 04/09/2023 21:15

@Jadelr it is so so hard to do! Sound so simple too, right? "oh just relax"!

To be honest, first time around I did get totally wrapped up in it for the best part of a year. After that I stopped being so intensely focused, but it still took 18 months to get pregnant. So I would say whilst relaxing does help, it also isn't always the answer. The world of ttc is sent to try us!x

Original poster
Jadelr · 04/09/2023 20:47

Silverfoxlady · 04/09/2023 19:56

Sorry for your losses.

I agree, it is awful and sad. One minute I am ok, and then next I am not. I had my first miscarriage mid-July and it seems like the ground fell from under me. There was always going to be a high risk of a miscarriage, but I didn’t expect it to make me feel so sad when it happened.

We are trying again to fall pregnant, but I must say - TTC sex is not fun. So much pressure to conceive when we are both so busy, and doing it when I am seriously not in the mood (First thing in the morning is the worst!). That is the worst part of it for me.

Sorry if TMI!

So sorry for your loss, I remember feeling the same it didn't hit me at first then before I knew it it all hit me at once and I didn't quite know how to carry on. I agree TTC sex isn't fun as much as we do try to make it fun it's just not the same and it begins to feel abit like a chore! I have heard several women on mums net say when they stopped trying it happened, TTC causes alot of stress well for me it does because I just become obsessive and have to do everything and try everything.

I think I'm definitely going to take a step back from this month and see what happens

OP posts:
Original poster
Jadelr · 04/09/2023 20:44

LilyJessie · 04/09/2023 19:59

I have had miscarriages.
All I can say is when I have tried desperately to fall pregnant, it's never happened. Whenever we had been like "ah sod it let's not try this month and relax" bang, pregnant.
It's so easier said than done. But just remember to enjoy the sex and not make it a mission of pregnancy. Sometimes the spontaneous sex is the time you fall, even if it isn't when your ovulation calendar/ sticks are telling you too!

Sorry for your loss, yes I have heard a few people say that. I think after my miscarriage I became so obsessed with trying to get back the one thing I lost and the only way was to strictly try to conceive and try really hard when in reality I do think it's having the opposite effect it's putting so much pressure on me and I'm just depressed and very stressed 😞 I think I am going to take the relaxed approach from now on and not try as such as it's not good for my mental health. I do think stress is a big factor in not falling pregnant well for me anyway, when I first fell pregnant we were trying but it was if it happens it happens if not we wouldn't stress and it happened so maybe I need to try that again haha!

OP posts:
LilyJessie · 04/09/2023 19:59

I have had miscarriages.
All I can say is when I have tried desperately to fall pregnant, it's never happened. Whenever we had been like "ah sod it let's not try this month and relax" bang, pregnant.
It's so easier said than done. But just remember to enjoy the sex and not make it a mission of pregnancy. Sometimes the spontaneous sex is the time you fall, even if it isn't when your ovulation calendar/ sticks are telling you too!

Silverfoxlady · 04/09/2023 19:56

Sorry for your losses.

I agree, it is awful and sad. One minute I am ok, and then next I am not. I had my first miscarriage mid-July and it seems like the ground fell from under me. There was always going to be a high risk of a miscarriage, but I didn’t expect it to make me feel so sad when it happened.

We are trying again to fall pregnant, but I must say - TTC sex is not fun. So much pressure to conceive when we are both so busy, and doing it when I am seriously not in the mood (First thing in the morning is the worst!). That is the worst part of it for me.

Sorry if TMI!

Original poster
Jadelr · 04/09/2023 16:41

I'm so sorry for your losses it's awful 😞 yeah I completely agree I have just been wasting two weeks every month absolutely fixated on it and it's getting me down massively but I do feel like I need to start enjoying my life more and just taking the "it happens when it happens" approach as TTC can be draining. I think after a loss well for me you just wish it would happen again but it's not that easy. But I have been very stressed and depressed about trying since as I have became obsessive, it is just so hard isn't it. Thankyou for replying x

OP posts:
moosey89 · 04/09/2023 16:03

I'm really sorry for your loss, miscarriage absolutely sucks, I had my second in July.
I know it's hard but it's best for both your physical and mental health to not obsess over the tww, stress can do all sorts to the body including messing up hormone levels and even preventing ovulation. Keep busy doing things you enjoy and don't wish away 2 weeks of every 4. 6 months feels like forever but it's not that long. It takes a lot of women 3-12 months post miscarriage to conceive. I don't have a good news story yet, the first time I conceived took 2.5 years with my ex (he refused to go see a fertility specialist) and this time was 6 months
No living children yet, and I'm back in my first cycle of trying again since the latest loss.

The internet is rife with stories of super fertility after miscarriage but there's no scientific evidence to back this up. I think it's partly because people who do get lucky feel so lucky with it so of course they share their stories (rightfully so), but that doesn't mean anything is wrong if it's taking you a bit longer. X

Swipe left for the next trending thread