Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

fed up with DH being too tired/too ill/ too something to do the "deed"..............

37 replies

herbgarden · 26/02/2008 22:29

Sympathy please......December, felt under pressure to perform, January both had the noro virus, this month, managed day 11 of cycle but wanted to have another go on Day 13 and DH says he feels ill again................aaaaaaaaaaaaargh (in fairness he looks rotten). I suppose I have to stop being so hard on him and be a bit sympathetic,,,but am getting frustrated. DH finding the whole thing "knackering" apparently.....is it that bad ?!!!!!!!!! Help ! Do you all suffer from unenthusiastic husband syndrome?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
herbaceous · 07/04/2008 10:00

Well, ladies, a salutory lesson for you.

I had a word with DP, saying we've only got a few more months to do it and we'd better start getting jiggy more, even if neither of us feels like it, and now I don't get a moment's peace. Be careful what you wish for!

Original poster
herbgarden · 03/04/2008 20:33

I was talking with a friend of mine...her dh is always up for it and she's not that fussed ....he loves kids she's not fussed. We decided that if we swapped partners she'd have no kids and her dh and I would have a massive brood !!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Shreksmissus · 03/04/2008 18:54

Message withdrawn

Original poster
herbgarden · 03/04/2008 18:08

Glad we're all still moaning about UHS. We are only BDing now with a view to conception - it's just a about finished him off. He's gonna get a big shock when his 2 efforts this month don't end in a BFP......I think the more months this goes on the faster the penny might drop. I really wish they'd read the stuff that we do - it's like giving them a biology lesson each bloomin' month !!!

OP posts:
mistlethrush · 27/03/2008 15:59

I do feel a bit going to the recurrent mc unit where they are saying, leave it for 6 months, then we'll perhaps get a bit more proactive, and thinking that it would help if dh got a bit more proactive too! It is very annoying when you should be on a 2ww and you're not bothering as you know there is absolutely no way in the world that you've got anything to wait for.... Although I'm glad that I'm not the only one. And isn't it good to let off steam to some other people in exactly the same boat!

londonlottie · 27/03/2008 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

herbaceous · 27/03/2008 11:30

It just gets right on my nerves that every month I' feel under enormous pressure to catch the egg, and worry about supplements, booze, caffeine, agnus castus, water, cough medicine, etc, and engineering 'spontaneous' sex in fancy undies even though you feel exhausted, yet a little bit of pressure over two days of the month leaves the poor men coming over all faint and 'pressurised'. Grr.

mistlethrush · 27/03/2008 11:03

Herbaceous - perhaps you need to plan ahead and suggest to dh that you have a Thursday off every now and again (!) so that you can have some time together and not be quite as tired etc etc... Not that it would work for me either!

herbaceous · 27/03/2008 10:12

Oh lordy girls. I know just what you mean.

I've been pregnant four times in the past three years, though lost them all to miscarriage. Time is now seriously running out (I'm 42), so each month I feel more and more pressure to do sex at the right time. But damn my regular cycles - the right time is always on a Wednesday and Thursday. If it was at weekends - as I suspect they were when I conceived before - I'd be pregnant again by now.

I had been thinking that I'd sit DP down this weekend, and say that we've got six more months to give it a proper go, and then perhaps give up, but perhaps that's not such a good idea...

pinkmook · 27/03/2008 09:08

god mistlethrush I totally know that feeling! Feels like everyone is popping up pregnant - where i work, at the school gates, my neighbours, friends and I am struggling to get in enough shags on fertile bloody days - then people say "relax, it'll never happen like that , just have sex when you feel like it" well I did that the first 4 months of trying and feck all happened and I haven't got forever!! OK rant over steppiung away from the persona monitor and going to sob in a corner!

mistlethrush · 27/03/2008 09:04

Serious UHS in our household. Somehow the 'spontaneous' sex only happens too early or too late in the cycle... Any pressure and he can't perform, and there goes another cycle with absolutely no chance of bfp...

pinkmook · 27/03/2008 08:44

Sarah76 - IKWYM about thinking back to when you first met and the amounts of rumppy pumpy! I could sob when I think how much effort I put in to NOT getting preganant and HOW MUCH SEX was wasted!! (only joking....well only slightly joking!)

My heart sinks when I read all the threads aout secondary infertility....must stop reading them!

sarah76 · 27/03/2008 00:47

There seems to be something about baby-making sex that just puts men off. . . I'm not going to tell him what I'm planning this month...

Last month was the first month where I actually said "I think I'm going to ovulate, we need to do it NOW!" and it didn't go over too well. He says it stresses him out.

We're both feeling a bit fat and lazy, so not as in the mood as we were when we first got together. It makes me want to cry when I look at the charts from those first months (I was charting before we met). We were BDing almost every day! That soon had to stop, I mean we're not 18 or anything anymore . We haven't really settled into any particular pattern. Some weeks nothing. Occasionally twice in one day. Every other day is just not going to happen.

Davidsmom · 26/03/2008 21:42

Sorry, includes DP etc

Davidsmom · 26/03/2008 21:41

Hi,

Wondered if the reluctant husbands had been seduced and anyone concieved yet????

Any tips appreciated!!!

Original poster
herbgarden · 27/02/2008 13:46

I sat there with ds at lunchtime today when he was being oh so cute (he's 19 months what a gorgeous age) - the sun is shining outside and I thought how glad I am that I've had ds all to myself at this age....I will relax and see what happens [hmmm] but agree that dh needs to get better. I'm off to buy echinacea and multivitamins for us this afternoon and next weekend we have a long weekend away together without ds so a chance to re-charge our batteries - hurray! Wrong time of the month but maybe we can have some more relaxed "non-conception sex" for a change !!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
anniemac · 27/02/2008 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Moonlit · 27/02/2008 10:30

Sorry about my gibberish post!

It was meant to be....

Davidsmom 39 is not old hun. Older mums make better mums!

Breastfeeding nighties!!!!! That sounds familiar. I still wear my pregnancy bras(non underwired ones). Not very sexy at all But ohhhh so comfortable!!!

xx

SheherazadetheGoat · 27/02/2008 09:20

hg, it is a pain. give poor dh a chance to get well and write this month off. next month plan an afternoon off work with childcare sorted and do it in the afternoon in the marchsunshine. guarenteed to get the sap rising...

Original poster
herbgarden · 27/02/2008 09:16

I want 3 but like you it is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN at this rate - I'm 37 going on 38. DH fell asleep on the sofa last night. As soon as I walked in the door he told me he'd felt really rough since about 3pm - didn't have any dinner and promptly nodded off at 8pm...I did say about 7.30pm "no chance of a shag then" and he looked at me incredulously ( I was half serious being the witch I am) - but he is a bit man fluey about all illnesses and since ds has been in nursery we have both been permanently ill since about September. I just work through it - see it as an inconvenience and then get on with it - it's become my normal state - he uses it as an excuse for allsorts !!!!!!!!!!! I often think it would have been far easier to have met, got married within a couple of years and got on with it whilst we were both still very much up for it a lot. Now we're 10 years together and a bit more comfortable IYSWIM....turkey baster MAYBE ?????!

OP posts:
Moonlit · 27/02/2008 01:21

Davidsmom 39 is not old hun. Older mums make better mums!

Breastfeeding nighties!!!!! That sounds familiar . I still wear my Melanie Davies. She works out of the EGA at UCH regnany bras (non underwired ones). Not very sexy at all But ohhhh so comfortable!!!

xx

Davidsmom · 26/02/2008 23:28

Hope it works Moonlit. Sorry to hear you have been ttc that long.

Fair point- think I will have to ditch the old breastfeeding nighties!!!!

But DS with poor sleeping patterns doesnt help.

Moonlit · 26/02/2008 23:23

Oh ladies,

I totally understand. We have been TTC since October 2006 for DC number 2. My DH told me, he found 'calulated' sex boring. And that baby making is a turn off. I am 29 and he wants another 5 kids. At this rate I will be 50 when the 6th child turns up.

Ladies don't dispair. Let's help ourselves; 1)If you already have children, get a baby sitter and go out for a romantic dinner and don't talk about babies. 2)Give yourself a makeover, new underwear etc, make yourself enticing!!!! 3) Candlelit BDing, a bit more romantic than a quickie.

I will be using all my own advice next month

Good luck xxx

Davidsmom · 26/02/2008 23:21

I concieved DS when 37 and am now 38 (soon 39 ) so am a little err twitched by the age thing too.

If I knew my cycles were back I might try a "procreation vacation" at the right time!!!!

Original poster
herbgarden · 26/02/2008 23:17

a machine....not sure if maching is even a word !

OP posts: