Can failure to conceive or early menopause lead to nervous breakdown?

Nervous breakdown is very old fashioned phrasing. Maybe she is suffering from a mental health problem. Maybe not.

Stop trying to force her to tell you about it. Whatever it is, she has the support of her husband, who quite rightly is saying it's her choice whether to tell you or not. But wrongly arranging for you to visit against her wishes.

Leaping to menopause/lack of children/existential dread is pointless.

The only actual problem is that she's stopped visiting your parents. There could be lots of reasons behind that, that aren't anything to do with mental health as such, but I do understand why you want to understand why. Instead of assuming she is unwell and asking her what's wrong, have you asked her nicely when she'll be coming back up to your parents?

I would have been down to see my sister by now out of love and concern

I'm going down to visit soon, at her partner's invite, but against my sister's wishes, in the hope my visit can achieve something.
Sorry but what are you thinking?! Nothing like your sister and your partner conspiring against you and coming into your home uninvited to encourage open communication about her problems eh…

There really is no such thing as "a nervous breakdown", for a start. Your sister may be stressed, but there's no reason to think it's because she's childfree - and, at her age, she presumably accepts that that ship sailed a long time ago.

Please don't go and visit if she doesn't want you to! By all means be available in case she needs help, but she is perfectly within her rights to want to preserve her own privacy. If she has difficulties, she needs to deal with them in whatever way is best for her, without interference from others.

I would not assume it's childlessness - it could be of course, but to have that dawn on you at age 50+ would be unusual. Most woman are acutely aware of this kind of situation from 30 or earlier.

That said, menopause can be a fucking evil bastard at whatever age it strikes. Again, 50 ish isn't early for that but it could be fucking her up in all sorts of ways, mentally and physically.

Any number of things could precipitate a breakdown - family illness, infertility, work, money, relationships, menopause, assault.

Why would you automatically assume her menopause and childlessness is the cause?

If she doesn't want to tell you, have some respect for that. You said yourself you're not close. Don't be such a bully.

You’ll need physiotherapy if you continue with such mental gymnastics.

Your poor sister, it sounds like she has a lot on her plate worrying about a sick parent.

You latching on to her partner speculating as to what’s wrong with her is nasty and unhelpful.

I really think you are in the wrong forum here.

Maybe your sister is stressed and needs to deal with it her own way, maybe she is grieving for the potential loss of your parents, maybe she just wants people to stop interfering in her life.

You have made a huge leap in diagnosing someone with a nervous breakdown, and now against her wishes you and her DH are ganging up on her?

Speaking as someone who has experienced a breakdown, it is really unhelpful when people try and guess or empathise with a situation like this.

be there if she wants to talk, but that’s her call. You need to be comfortable with her not sharing the details because they are hers and hers alone. As others have said, it could be ANYTHING. Making assumptions just to fill knowledge gaps won’t help her or you.

perhaps you could message her saying something like “I’m not going to pry, but I’ve noticed you’ve seemed out of sorts lately. I just want you to know that I’m here if you need me.” That’s all she needs from you right now, the knowledge that you are open to hearing more, but not demanding it (because that is crossing a boundary).

I've been in communication with her partner who sounds like he's doing his best to help her but he won't tell me what the problem is because my sister doesn't want him to, but he has been pushing her to tell me. I'm going down to visit soon, at her partner's invite, but against my sister's wishes, in the hope my visit can achieve something

Perhaps that stress is connected to having a bullying DH and a DS who trample all over her boundaries and who insist she tells them what's wrong when she doesn't want to and visit when they're not welcome.

Do you know if your sister actually wanted to have children? It’s a big old leap to assume that’s why she might be struggling. I know you’re probably just trying to think of all the possibilities because you’re worried but as a child free woman I’d be more than a bit offended that someone assumed I was having a mental health crisis because I hadn’t had a baby.

I think anything could trigger it and if wanting children was a big issue for her then yes I guess it could, but there's not much point in making assumptions really as it could be anything. Perhaps whatever it is she'd rather tell you in person or maybe she wants to work through it herself. If she's generally talking to you normally etc I wouldn't call that a nervous breakdown maybe more just doing through a difficult time or treatment for an illness.

As someone without children (and never likely to) that's a rather depressing read, why do you assume it's that, it couldn't be anything unless this is something you've specifically spoken about before and you know bothers her to the extent it might cause a breakdown.

I think you should focus on letting her tell you what and when she's ready, and help her get support rather than assume it's something quite specific like because she's missed her chance to have children.

Yes. Anything or combination of things could cause a breakdown.

I suggest stop trying to get her to tell you what's wrong, and focus on encouraging her to get some help. If it's what you suspect then - if she can afford to go private then it would be a good idea to get a GP referral ideally, if not directly to a counsellor or therapist for some talking therapy.

However, you've made a big assumption it could be something totally different.