How old is too old to become a dad

My brother and wife had their first child in his mid 40s, the child has recently been diagnosed with autism, and this seems to be an increased risk with older fathers, so that might be a concern.

@Goldencup what a nasty comment!

My personal limit WAS 42. However infertility has really changed my perspective. Life doesn't always go to plan. So now my opinion is that I would go for it. I think if I had to say a hard cut off age limit it would be 50.

I’ve just read the news that Al Pacino has become a father again at 83 so that might put it into a bit more perspective! His oldest child is only 33 so he was 50 the first time and kept on going, your husband has a way to go😁(I don’t actually advocate having a baby at 83 btw!)

Basically, if you have money a lot of issued can be overcome - but of course it would also increase the risk of your child losing their dad earlier than their peers.

I would say it depends on the person, your health, financial situation etc. Having kids is tiring, and a lot of people start to slow down by the time when they are in their 50s. If you are comfortable financially (no need to work all hours/ one of you can stop working), and can afford help, then why not?

The only other issue is the increased risk of mental health problems for kids of older fathers.

Yes it’s too told. My parents and in laws all started having health problems in their 50s, including cancer and mobility issues needing joint replacements. It’s for this reason i’ve chosen to stop at 35.

A few years ago one of my friends was in her early 40s and she was going out with a man a bit younger than her. She knew early on that he wanted a family. My friend was not against having a child with him but she had more experience with babies and children than he had.
My friend was overweight and so was he. My friend knew she needed to lose weight.
She said to him one day we both need to do something about our weight as we could up with health problems like dieabtics. His attitude was so what if I get that.
He ended their relationship shortly after this.

My friend heard later on that he had a new partner who is a few years younger than him. When he was in his mid 40s they had a child together.
She was chatting to someone who knows him recently and said to them how is X.
My friend found out that he now has high blood pressure, has dieabitis and sleep apnoea.
He has been in hospital several times due to his health. His child is young - under 8.

I know a lot of people are now having children older but you have to consider the child in this situation also. Older men have a higher incidence of having a child with autism. Woman have a higher chance of downs syndrome ect as they get older as well.
As you get older you may not have the same health or energy as you do now. Dealing with a child with a disability or a teenager going through a bad time can be harder if you're older.

You also need to consider the cost of raising a child and the number of years that you have to fund them after secondary school for university. Do you still want to be in work past retirement age? What happens if you end up in poor health and can no longer work or physical can only work part time? Could you manage on one income if this happened?

I personally would not have a child with a man older than 43/44 because you want the best chance possible that you will have a healthy child. You want to be in a position to have good odds that you both be around to see your child grow up.
The reality is that you get older you can end up with health issues especially if you had years of poor eating, smoking, drinking or a lack of exercise. I have seen people even if they minded themselves end up with health issues which can have impact on their life.

And now you are an orphan ? In your 20's. I think that's tough, I would put my DC through that if I had any sort of choice.

My father was 65 when I was born. He was a wonderful Dad, attentive, hands-on, patient, kind and loving. I had twenty happy years with him in my life.
My mother was 35 when I was born. She was very a cold-hearted perfectionist, refused to provide any physical affection so I never once had a hug or even got to sit cuddled up next to her. She passed away aged 45.

Just do your life, nobody else’s opinion matters one iota.

I think about 50 should be the maximum age to become a parent - you have decent chance of being around till your kid is in their 30s.

It’s older than ideal for sure, but I think it’s just about ok.

As the child of older parents I felt loved, treasured, wanted and got a lot of support and wisdom. I can appreciate having young parents is awesome but I was born to two parents who really wanted me and gave me everything. Older parents rock!

If it can happen why not go for it? You can screen for many problems and loads of young parents I know have autistic children so it seems to be luck of the draw in many ways.

its worth thinking about costs for an older child. My youngest is at uni and we pay his rent (he is taking his full entitlement of loans which gives him £90 a week which he lives on), £650 a month.
It’s a lot, we couldn’t consider retirement at this stage. Luckily we’re both under 50 so don’t want to, but it’s an expensive age. We are helping our older two out with house deposits and we absolutely need a double income.

Yes it is too old. The quality of sperm degenerates as men age and men who become father over the age of 40 are more likely to have children with special needs and depression in later life. There's enough evidence for this to be public knowledge but it's not because men don't want it to be.

If he wants to be a father then do it. Some people die in their twenties leaving children fatherless when the parents were young anyway.

No! It's it up to society to decide. It's up to you and your partner. If you both want a baby go for it. If he's a first time dad he won't have anything to compare it fo.

DH was 45 and 48 when our DC (now teens) were born. 50 was our cut off point.
He is sometimes impatient when they get up late or don't want to do stuff (he sometimes seems properly surprised when they don't want to go to the garden centre or the antique market i don't really want to go either!) but they have shared interests - he does sports with DS, and he and DD go to gigs, exhibitions or galleries together.

I hope jumping out of a plane isn't the criteria for being a good parent as I'm not willing to do that even if I fall in to a MN acceptable age bracket!

Becoming a grand parent isn't an achievement as such, but having active and involved grandparents does make life easier for both the DC and the DGCs.

@GoldencupI agree with you that it may be a fact but it doesn’t alter his relationship with her, nor hers with his (BTW it’s not my Dd or DH). And grandchildren shouldn’t be a measure of successful parenting, should they?

I’m 58 with similarly aged DCs and I don’t believe I will live to see grandchildren as I don’t think they’ll have them but that doesn’t bother me one bit and is none of my business.
I’m an observer of this relationship in which age plays no part. I think in past decades it would be a significant factor but nowadays it isn’t, as attitudes have moved on, although some PPs on this thread about men in their 50-60s would seem to suggest otherwise.

It's about shared interests and experience s. It may not be jumping out of planes, it might be music or surfing or sailing or travelling. My DS's GM is 80, she has a completely different perspective. Your DD's father is the same age as most of her contempories' grandparents he is unlikely to see any grandchildren. That isn't ageist, it's just a fact.

My cousin became a first time father at 51. His partner was 42. They are great parents and not too old. They never had the second though.

@Goldencup The 18 year old concerned is very happy and loves her dad regardless of his age. They have an amazing relationship. He’s a very young 80 and works full time in the arts, which she is also very passionate about, so is an inspiration to his child, as he is to me.

I don’t think jumping out of planes in your 40s qualifies anyone to be a more effective or loving father and in the kindest possible way, your comment makes you sound sneery and ageist.

That’s probably true, but I see a lot of men who have not wanted to commit to families for a long time or who did commit but divorced to ‘be free’, and also hook up with younger women. And those younger women often want kids. So I see a lot of acquiescing.

My father did this. He was not really into parenting at all, didn’t parent me. He had affairs with younger women, left for younger women, and unsurprisingly remarried a younger woman. After marriage, she pushed to have children and he just went along with it, as by that time, he was 50 and I think he just wasn’t up to leaving and starting again.

In my immediate family there 2 men who became fathers between 49 and 55. Neither are what you would describe as hands on. Neither child (both female FWIW) are what you would describe as confident or well adjusted. Coincidence? Maybe, but just my experience.