How do I concieve a girl?

transracial adoptions have their issues. There are however not enough multi(ie more than two races) racial adoptions around to draw any conclusions. You could ask a couple of Mumsnetters who have children adopted from more than one country what they think though for a opinion.

Social workers prefer to place within ethnic groups - of course they do. It is by far best solution if possible but its rarely possible.

Once a child has been relinquished for adoption there is no ideal option anymore - at that point it becomes the next best option and there is a kind of hierarchy of desire includig but not exclusively race.

I'm not an ideal parent - I'm single, I'm a differnt race to my DS, I work, I listen to the Archers. I am still many million times better than the option of growing up in the institution he was in and beleive me - people weren't queueing around the block to adopt him - three months premmie, extermely delays teh size of a six month old at 1yr, suspected cerebral palsy. Many of the chidlrne show these kinds of challenges becasue of the conditions they live in. Even the best institutions (and DS's was very good) aren't good

I don't know how old your DC's are but imagine a 5 year old who lives in a dormitory room with beds about one foot apart. Everything is communal - no clothes or shoes of their own that fit - just whatever comes off the pile first, no favorite toys, no favorite food, same meals every day with slight seasonal variations, no days out no books, no bedtime stories, don't bother crying becuase it doesn't have much affect.

Fast forward to 15 - life is most likely on the streets in crime or prostitution or ended early by suicide or illness. And to be honest no-one much will care anyway unless you keep in touch with your fellow inmates children becasue no-one "owns" you, you don;t belong anywhere or with anyone.

Dealing with multiracial issues is a price I'm afraid my son will have to pay for the chance of a better life than that.

Please don't jump on me, just wanted to share this with you.

I do believe the authorities in this country prefer to place children with parents of the same culture
My aunt has been a foster mother for 20+ years. She had a little girl placed with her 7 years ago who was black (aunt is white). This little girl was 3 weeks old when she arrived and in a terrible state, and my aunt did what any mother/human would do and loved this little girl.
After 6 years of living with my aunt the authorities decided she was to be adopted and refused my aunts application as she wasn't the same culture/colour as the little girl who was now calling my aunt her mum

but you haven't backed up any of those views. e.g. you say that a.j's lawyers harrassed zahara's mother to give her up for adoption - where is the evidence of this? You can't just go spouting that you think celebs steal the babies of innocent victims without backing that up.

London Lottie - I said that adopting 'lots' of children from different cultures is problematic.

I didn't mention having natural children with non white partners. It's entirely different.

I haven't seen any other direct quotes and references - I've seen personal views stated. Everyone has a different view, I'm expressing mine I'm not trying to convert people.

nancy66 as far as possible ss try to match childrens adoptive parents as much as possible. what has now happened is there are now large nos. of mixed race children in care, and very unlikely to come out of it , because of this policy.

whats best years of foster care, or being included into a loving family? there arnt enough "perfect" white babies to go around but plenty of others that are mixed.

someone i know is adopted, he doesnt know what he is but presumes he is of asian origin, his adopted sister is west indian. both were braught up by a white couple and are perfecrly ok.

Nancy - I suspect that you do disapprove of intercountry adoption unless the circumstances are to your liking - ie proven orphans, only ever adopt one and only if you can be a SAHM and never ever if you are pretty and famous.

(Actually I don't qualify on the pretty anf famous bit)

M

Oh and as for children being matched racially, how many children do you think there are that are black with white mothers??? TONS, if a white woman has a child with someone of another ethnicity then more often than not the child will look like the fathers race, so that sort of thing is quite normal.
My next dfoor neighbour when I grew up was mixed race, her dad and her sisters dad were was afro-carribean, her mother then had a son with a white british man and also adopted her nephew who was yugoslavian, all the children looked very different. I don't think it was ever an issue.

it's an issue if the adoptive parents don't make the effort to find out about the cultures their children are from. but... erm... let's see. Choice between living in an orphanage in a country where you're likely to end up back on the streets if not adopted, or being adopted by someone from a different culture and brought up in a loving family with other children who are perhaps from different cultures.... decisions decisions...

Well Kewcumber you have your views and I have mine. I find it hard to debate with you, however, as you seem to deliberately take a statement and twist it into something else to make your own point seem more valid.
Good luck with your son

Maybe in normal families that live normal lives day-to-day, but surely that's where a huge difference comes in with aj's life?
She isn't normal, the children will grow up in a totally different environment to our children so it's actaully less likely to be a problem.

Yes - adopting lots of children from different cultures is a very big issue. It's naive to think that it isn't.

Why do you think that, in the Uk, they try to match children racially? Because not doing so leads to huge, huge problems later in life.

yes I work (not a film star but not sure why what job you do is relevant in fact she has very long periods between shoots and I understand often takes her children with her)
yes I use a childminder - are you saying that people who work shouldn't be allowed to have children?
I have sold a picture (and article in fact) of me and DS to the national press - though proabably for less money than she makes - I belive all proceeds are put into charities and are done in an attmept to avoid the media taking random shots (though I may be making that up). They ahd a particularly nasty experience of their car windscreen being smashed by photgraphers in Vietnam.
"Do you have lots of children from lots of cultures?" not yet but it would be lovely.

the abnning of adoptions from cambodia by the UK is very contentious - people have been petitioning (under freedom of infomration act) to get the proof behind the allegations and failing. There is also lobbying happening to get us to help put safeguards in place to prevent this happening but the Uk isn't really interested - no votes in it.

She ahs children of different cultures?Thats a big issue is it?
What if Kewcumber were to decide to adopt again, and this time chose a different country, for reasons known only to her?
Would that make her adoptions any less 'proper'?
Also what if kewcumber worked full-time and left her children in care of nannies? There are many people on MN that do this with their own children so why should they not do it with any they have adopted?
The only point that makes any sense is that she is a movie star, which makes her none the less, human, and maternal and doesn't take away her right to adopt.

it has been alleged (and disputed that it is endemic but only rare cases) wannabe but only with girls below 1yr. No-one wants boys

if I remember rightly there was an issue in cambodia re children being given up for adoption who were not techically adoptable, ie they had been given up by their birth families and the birth families had been paid but don't remember exact details.

But I remember watching a programme on bbc about inter-country adoption and they interviewed a woman who had adopted from cambodia and who found out at the point of signing the papers that this child had actually been taken from her parents to be adopted and not from an orphanage. But if she had not adopted her, someone else would have. And if I remember rightly the UK stopped allowing adoptions from cambodia about two years ago because of this.

But if this was the case then it's the agencies who are at fault and not the perspective adopters.

I wouldn't really call that 'similar'.
You're not a movie star, you don't sell pictures of your family. Do you have lots of children from lots of cultures?
Do you work pretty much full time and leave your son in the care of nannies?

her adoptions are all highly suspicous - OK so basically you think she knew that Zahara had a birth mother who wanted to keep her but got lawyers to bully the birth mother into staying away and got the grnadmother to lie in court just so she could adopt her - rather one of the other numerous children availble for adoption without any obvious signs of invloved parents?

What was the problme with the otehr adoptions? Other than you think she shouldn't be allowed attractive children - which we'll have to disagree on as being a particularly relevant factor?

he is irrevocably mine - the adoption order made him my son it is not reversible. Should any member of his birth family have visited him during his time at the orphanage the adoption would not have gone ahead. I believe this to be the case in the vast majority of countries.

he is breathtakingly gorgeous

he is not an orphan

if the mother reappears it would be the grandmother who lied under oath in court

I adopted an asian boy as a single parent.

I only know one country where potentially you could be offered more than one child and asked to choose. In practice it very rarely happens. Most countries work on a referal basis you are generally expected to have a reasonably good reason. MOst paretns I know are too thrilled to be matched to consider saying "nope not pretty enough"

I think your point is fiar wannabe - how many ugly 3 yr olds do you know? They mostly look cute to me. Sadly orphanage children tend to look even cuter as they are often underweight which makes their yes look quite big and they often look very "fey".

There may be some confusion as she worked in cambodia on a film a year and visited the orphanage before the adoption was final. She had been matched with Pax before she ever visited.