Honesty and kindness required: natural conception after 40?

I got pregnant naturally at 40 and gave birth at 41. We started trying when I was 38 and it took us 27 cycles to conceive. I have not had any miscarriages.

This is ridiculous. Great that your life turned out exactly how you wanted it, but it’s not that straight forward for a lot of people. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for over five years. I’m now 37. I haven’t prioritised any sort of career over getting pregnant. I decided getting pregnant with an abusive expartner and no stability wasn’t a good idea. Get off your high horse.

I personally don’t think that’s the right approach to have. Infertility and loss can happen at any time in a woman’s life, statistically it get’s higher as the woman ages but some women are more statistically affected anyway. There are women who have suffered many, many losses who started trying in their twenties and women who have conceived naturally in their forties with no loss. Statistics give an overview of the general population but each individual case is different and on the whole I don’t think we should encourage girls not to have careers for conceiving children. Especially as if they have a career, they are more likely to get paid sick leave for their losses so they don’t have to continue as if nothing happened.

With regards statistics, the statistics say that across the general population women in their 40s struggle to conceive naturally, will suffer more losses and have higher risks of having children with additional needs. There will be individuals and stories of those individuals that don’t follow the statistics but they don’t help you because you will either follow the statistics or you won’t. Hearing stories doesn’t increase your chance of beating the stats.

I think what you need to do is really work out how you would cope with a child with additional needs. You’ve said you tfmr but you’ve also said you are Catholic, so even if you know that the baby won’t survive or have any quality of life - how are you and DH going to feel about tfmr? Are you going to be able to live with your decision after? It’s a heartbreaking decision for anyone to go through but being Catholic will add another layer to that. What if the child has additional needs that aren’t evident until the child is born or the child is in school? Can you cope? If you are happy with the worse case scenario, then try until you are successful or unfortunately until the heartbreak becomes too much to bear.

I’m one of those who only decided to have a baby post 40. Conceived naturally, quickly and carried. Did need a c-section for placenta previa where age seemed to be the only relevant risk factor that fitted.

Definitely more than one health professional raised eyebrows and didn’t seem to believe me immediately when they were asking how many previous pregnancies I’d had including those that resulted in miscarriage or termination (0).

My friend had her 3rd just before her 41st birthday. Baby healthy and healthy pregnancy. Although as others have said risks are greater, it's definitely becoming more common to have children in early 40s x

I've been ttc for 1.5 years. I'm 41 now. Only had one bfp in that time that ended in a mmc. Fertility results from clinic aren't great at all but hoping to try ivf. Aware the odds are still very against me unfortunately. But at least I can say I have it all I could. But very much coming to terms with not conceiving whether naturally or ivf.

I'm 42 and due my second baby in 4 weeks. I had my first nine years ago and had years of secondary infertility and two miscarriages. All pregnancies were natural and no particular explanation for the infertility in my thirties. I would recommend that any woman who wants guaranteed two or more start having children by thirty at the latest. Just too risky unfortunately to start later.

I’m also in this position, two gorgeous children age 9 and 11 but me and my new partner want a baby together. We started trying this month using an ovulation calculator and I’m taking extra supplements. I’m 43 x

Conceived dc1 at 40, 41 by the time she was born. Dd2 at 42, 43 by the time she was born. Extremely easy each time, I got pregnant as soon as we started trying. I know lots of women who had babies naturally at around the same age as me.

A friend is about to have her second after conceiving easily at 39 and 41. Easy, healthy pregnancies. It can happen. Unfortunately I have other friends our age who have had recurrent miscarriages, flat out failure to conceive, two tfmrs and repeated failed IVF. I think it’s worth considering how you would cope if you got pregnant and baby had a serious or terminal diagnosis. What would you do? How would this affect your existing kids? It’s not just about pregnant/ not pregnant.

My best friend is 41 and pregnant with a naturally conceived baby 2 years after having IVF resulting in her first child

My MIL conceived my DH at 40 with no issues (was an unplanned pregnancy) and he's grown to be a wonderful man.

Had my children at 37, 39 and 42

I've told my daughter that there's nothing so important as being financially independent.

You can't "start early" if you haven't met a decent man, can't afford your own home or need to protect yourself by developing a career, though.

I had two miscarriages at age 40 before I went onto have my second child.

I had my first son at age 38 and then my first loss just before my 40th and then another one 6 months later.

My second son was born when I was 41.

When I had my first loss I said to my consultant I was worried about conceiving again now I was 40. She said the cliff is real. The problem after 40 is you don't release an egg every month. She prescribed medication to boost ovulation and that worked for me twice - took it twice got pregnant twice.

But agree - I don't think people will talk about the struggles or the losses.

And for me 4 pregnancies between age 38 and 41 with two losses so 50% loss rate

I have a few friends who conceived. Would you consider the taking of extra supplements? I am not in that space but their used to be specific supplements meant to ensure all of your vitamins and minerals were in tip top shape. Wishing you a successful and healthy pregnancy.

Yes I conceived my first DC naturally at 42, he was actually a 'surprise' as I wasn't trying to get pregnant ... DH much keener than I .

I think it's fine to try for 4th, as long as you understand the risks are higher the older you get. And if you are prepared to raise a disabled child alongside your existing kids, as this is always an possibility at any age. Good luck

I became pregnant first time trying for number 1 at 39, then again the first month trying for number 2 at 41 and then again unexpectedly at 42 with number 3. All easy pregnancies and I have happy and healthy DC 1, 2 & 4 (I’m now 44). I have never had a miscarriage, and truly appreciate how fortunate I am to have had no fertility issues.