Trying to conceive over 40 part 4

So sorry @TT82 . That’s tough. I’m going down the donor egg route. It took time to accept, especially having a bio child already. You’re doing the right thing reflecting and researching it.

I tried ttc since Jan last year aged 42. Finally got pregnant in July but lost it at 11 weeks just after turning 43. My AMH is not good, my other hormones not too cracking either. So decided against IVF with own eggs as I know all will be aneuploid embryos - assuming any eggs come out! We tried again from October to now and nothing…I just know my ovaries are done. 😞

So off to Spain to pursue donor eggs because the only good news I was given was that my uterus is great, as is husbands sperm!

@praying4babba thank you and sending virtual hugs too!! ❤️

I actually thought I am stronger, but it just broke me.. where i am, they don't do duo stimulation, so would need to travel too.. But just want either do here one next month or to even close it.
For donor route, I started having panic that child will feel bad in a mix family, how society will accept and all other stupid thoughts, so mentally not ready there either. Found a podcast donnor egg mama, reading donor egg network... Maybe I need time 😔

@TT82 I am so sorry to hear that. It is such a vicious journey and so exhausting. You are not a failure at all, I can resonate with how you feel but just remember that you are not a failure, you are actually so strong. This journey as I said sucks life out of you. You must do what you feel as I think living with regret is the biggest challenge. We are still plodding along on our journey of medicated IUIs as I am still not out off medicated menopause. The meds have really taken a toll on me and I am just feeling drained . This month has been the hardest month for me, i feel done. I know the emotions are like a rollercoaster but this is so hard for me. Sending love and strength to all and virtual hugs xxx I have heard about duo stim but not sure they do it where we live. They do not do PGTA testing here either so we have to keep traveling for our IVF and that is another expense altogether and hard when you have to balance work and life. Gosh why is this so hard.

Hi, hiw is everyone doing?
I am not so good, finally got results for my 2 embryos from second EC, both uneuploid.. 😔 Kind of expected but still hurts tremendously.. Now just want to stop everything.. Have booked 3d EC in February, not sure if do as last try, or to try abroad with duo-stimulation..
i know I am lucky to have kids, still feel like failure and emotionally in pieces..
Maybe best to do one final cycle here as it us booked and to accept it.. All dr said that protocol etc was good and nothing can be really changed.. just duo stim gives a chance of more embryos.. Dont know how safe it is

@BertLiv yep, echoing the others here… there’s absolutely nothing that you did wrong ❤️ it didn’t implant because there was either something chromosomally wrong with the embryo itself, the timing was wrong or the environment was wrong for it (imbalanced hormones, raised NK cells, immunology issues…. the list goes on - hence the testing 👌🏼)
we all blame ourselves but we absolutely shouldn’t. Try not to make it harder on yourself xxxx lots of love xxxxx

@BertLiv just wanted to send you hugs and support ❤️🥺 be strong! Nothing you did was wrong, it just didn't implant

@pcmod Thank you. I know I shouldn't and my husband says the same thing - I am trying not to! Hopefully, by Friday we'll know more, and can then start looking at when we can do our next round and how we might be able to improve our chances.
I also think that next time I'd like to tell as few people as possible, which will be easier not over Christmas anyway (we only told my best friend and our families as they would've queried my not drinking). I know it's because they care, but my in-laws have now both asked about it (MIL subtly, FIL, not so subtly) and I've just had to tell some white lies as we don't want to say anything until we know for definite.

I know it’s easy for me to say @BertLiv but please try not to ruminate on what ifs. It’s really tough if it hasn’t implanted but it won’t have been down to anything you did. It’s just really unlucky so please try not to beat yourself up when you couldn’t haven’t changed anything.

@pcmod and @Kelb79 thank you both. Feeling pretty numb today. Taking another test tomorrow, but I’m not holding out much hope. Not sure why I haven’t had a bleed yet if it’s a bfn, but we have a call with our consultant on Friday, so hopefully he’ll have the answers.
We have two embryos frozen, one 9/10 and one 8/10, which is good, and (as you suggested) I’m going to ask if there are any tests that can be done before our next round that might explain why it didn’t implant. I just keep going over the last two weeks in my mind and trying to see what I might have done wrong…😞
Hope everyone else is doing ok xx

I’m so sorry @BertLiv ❤️❤️ sending hugs xxx
am I right in thinking you’ve got one embryo left? It might be worth checking with the clinic about tests looking at why this transfer failed before another transfer. It can be down to such simple things sometimes.
be kind to yourself and don’t underestimate how much a failed transfer can hurt - it’s still a form of loss so take all the time you need. Lots of love xxx

Sorry to hear that @BertLiv 😞. Such a horrible process desperately wanting to see that second line and getting nothing, my heart really goes out to you. I really hope is it just a late showing one. Hope you get chance to take care of yourself over the next few days, all this waiting is really tough.

@pcmod thank you for your lovely message. I have tested again this morning and bfn again, so I think it’s likely that’s the definite result 😞. I’ll call the clinic today and I think they’ll say to wait a few days and test again and then that is the definite result. So, I’m expecting the worst but still holding out a tiny bit of hope. Either way, I guess we’ll know by Thursday.

Hello @BertLiv
Just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear that so far it’s a bfn. I haven’t been through IVF so don’t have the same experience but I’ve been there with the bfn and know how heartbreaking that is. It’s true what they say about not being out until you’re out. I imagine if there is a point the clinic says to test, you should wait until then before you accept the result.
I do test early and have never got a bfn that has turned into a bfp. So for me the early bfns (there’s usual several as I keep testing) help me prepare for the fact I’m not pregnant, but of course just because that’s my experience doesn’t mean it will be yours. Some people don’t get a bfp until further along. It’s really hard and totally sucks going through this waiting period, so just try to do whatever will help you. (I really appreciate that’s much easier said then done).

Morning all,
Hope everyone had a good Christmas and Happy New Year!
So, we caved and I took a test a day early this morning (I’m 13dp5dt). The first was invalid annoyingly, and the second finally started working and was then a bfn. Feel heartbroken but still holding out a little hope, but part of me thinks I should maybe just accept that this round hasn’t worked.😞

Hi all, so had 2 consultation for a second opinion. One with private clinic here in Switzerland (dr was head of department for 30yr at hospital I am with), another with IB Spain. Both said my protocol, stimulations, checks etc were all good, I responded well and they wouldn't change anything. Embryology department in my hospital apparently best in Switzerland and this dr wouldn't recommend changing to a different. Both said my prognosis is very very low. I need to test these last 2 embryos and then if out of 6 all bad (previous 4 were abnormal), then my chance of banking extremely low and they would not recommend to continue with my eggs. They mentioned to do fragmentation test for my husband sperm and something else, but very unlikely problem is there.
So our next step to get results for these two and then decide. They said both to change a clinic only for my psychological reassurance I did something new but not from quality reason, nothing new clinic can bring, will be purely luck.
We are open both for donor but in a country/family we are from it is not acceptable or understandable area, we need to think how it will impact as we already have mixed kids and attitude is different to both of them. We weee thinking first to be private and not disclose, but now I actually read it is not good for a kid... so all got very complicated.
If you know some good resources to read please share 🙏
But for now we need to get to a finish line with my own eggs trying first

Question for anyone who’s done IVF, did you continue to take your conception vitamins during your tww, or did you buy pregnancy ones? I’m currently taking Pregnacare conception.
Thanks in advance! X

@praying4babba Congratulations to you too! And everything crossed for you as well! Hopefully the new year will bring us both some amazing news! ❤️
I’m currently trying to plan what I should be eating, according to the NHS website, without going overboard. Luckily, I think my diet is already pretty good, but may add some things!

@BertLiv congratulations and fingers and legs crossed for you ! We did our IUI today so we are on the same 2 ww 🩷

@TT82 Thank you! ET was successful today, although took a while as they couldn’t find my cervix! 🤦🏻‍♀️ So, now the TWW…hoping the distractions of Christmas will help! Xx

@BertLiv oh lots of strength and patience today and next 2 weeks!! ❤️

Morning Ladies
So, my ET is due to be this afternoon (I'm still saying due as don't want to tempt fate!). Having started with 6, and then 4 fertilising, we dropped to 3 on Sunday and I think we have now dropped to two (I don't know this for certain, but we went for the time lapse video and there are two, but I haven't watched them yet as waiting to watch with hubby). Got quite emotional reading the 'After ET' document, for some reason, so I think I may be a nervous wreck later.
Hope everyone else is doing ok. Xx

@TT82 I’m sorry lovely. Drs can be so straight talking sometimes and the words hit hard when we’re already fragile from this process.

When I was at this stage, I asked the question around embryo grading and my clinic basically said not to get hung up on numbers and grading as it can add an extra layer of worry to an already fraught time. They said if an embryo is good enough for them to biopsy and freeze/thaw then it’s good enough to go on to successfully implant and grow. As we were PGTA testing as well, the clinic really weren’t concerned by grading.

This helped me a lot and meant I didn’t spend the time post transfer thinking about whether it was a good quality embryo being put back in.

Sending lots of luck to you and hope that helped a bit x

@TT82 yeah the doctors can be pretty harsh. But honestly, after the initial sting of it, it’s definitely better that they’re realistic rather than leading you up the garden path. At the end of the day, good eggs after the age of 40 are generally the exception not the rule. PGT-A testing will give you the best idea on what’s going on. I managed to send 3 for testing and they all came back with different chromosomal issues so we just knew that it would be hard to find a good egg, not impossible - but it would take time and money with no guarantees. My embryos were the same grade as yours and my doctor was pretty confident that we would be going to transfer with one of them, even though it didn’t work out that way so definitely stay hopeful 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

@BertLiv good luck!!! The 5 day wait is almost worse than a TWW 🫣🫣

@TT82 I'm so sorry😞. Hopefully the tests might come up with good news. Sorry the dr was so harsh - I feel like that comment wasn't really necessary. I hope you're able to make a decision soon. Make sure you look after yourself mentally though and take a break if you need to.x

We've just had the call to confirm that 4, possibly 5, of our eggs have fertilised. We've got a long way to go yet, as I know a lot happens on days 2 and 3, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it is a positive start. Xx

Thank you for your nice words!! We have booked a private clinic consultation near us for next week (got a cancelled slot for second opinion), and also clinic in spain. Our current hospital can do a next egg collection in February-beginning of March. We will test these two, just deciding if to send 2 and then try with another clinic, or try one more with current and send all together after that final run.. I am not sure I am mentally ready, dr was too straight harsh- we cannot change your age comment 😔 but yeah maybe I needed the truth to be said.
So depending how these two private clinics approach our case, we would need to make a decision
I will update later xx