Hi ladies. Feeling very confused following first appointment with fertility specialist. I am 41, DH early thirties. Been trying for 6 months and so far, nothing. It would be our first child for both of us, and I have never been pregnant. We are from the UK but live abroad so different healthcare system.
It’s easier to get tests and investigations done under the public system here, and so far everything has come back fine, except for slightly high blood glucose, which I need to watch because I’ve put on quite a lot of weight recently and diabetes runs in my family. Have appointments lined up to test for my ovarian reserve and AMH (thought these were the same test but apparently not? – am not conducting appointments in my first language so it can be challenging!) and DH’s sperm but will not get all the answers from the public system for another few months. We would not be eligible for any treatment though, due to my age, so will have to go private for that.
Anyway, going into this I had, in my own head, a very clear plan, and DH was fully on board. This was to see if there were any problems that could be treated without having IVF (ie no blockages requiring surgery, nothing that could be treated with hormones/drugs) and if nothing of this nature cropped up, continue trying naturally for a year or two. I have absolutely no issue with using donor eggs, and regardless of how test results come back, feel a certain amount of trepidation when I look at the statistics for OE IVF over 40. We can afford a few rounds, but do not have endless amounts of money to throw at this. In short, would rather try naturally for longer then straight to DE than jump in using own eggs right now.
However the fertility doctor threw all this into confusion. She encouraged us to go straight to a private clinic, where we would get results and consultations faster. She said I may well still be a good candidate for OE IVF, but that at 41 I couldn’t waste time. She seemed to see DE as some sort of last resort consolation prize, which is not how I see it. This has made me question myself. We are lucky, in that we could go and get the ball rolling privately tomorrow if we wanted. However for various reasons (mainly related to work and finances, also some health reasons too. Nothing that would prevent TTC/IVF but things I’d ideally like to get sorted first) it just doesn’t feel like the right time.
I realise most people would think it mad to still be postponing at my age, but I’ve got a history of making unconventional life decisions! At this point I’ve waited such a long time to be a mum that I don’t want to get on the IVF treadmill, with everything that entails, until I feel like the timing and our situation is right. Am I mad to leave it, and potentially lose my last chance to use my own eggs, as the doctor seemed to think? Or should I stick to my guns, and do what I feel is right in my gut? Any perspectives/experiences/input much appreciated! (Sorry for the essay!)