Coming to terms with just having one child

I’m currently pregnant with my first after being told I wouldn’t be able to fall pregnant naturally (I’m only in my mid-20s). I did! However, pregnancy has been so difficult so far and I’m coming to the end of my second trimester. I suffered really bad morning sickness in my first trimester. I now have pelvic pain and fatigue. I’m considering being one and done but I always wanted two dc. I don’t know anyone who is an only child.

What on earth has the school said about you only having one child? And how is that even remotely any of their business?!

I think focus on your current healthy child, it’s not fair if you’re distracted with possible future children. Lots of people would love even one

We're one and done. I found the baby stage really hard and it took me a while to realise why, by which point our "window" had passed by (we didn't want an age gap of more than 3 years)

DD is now 6. Sometimes she'd probably enjoy a sibling to play with but that's a very idealised view, they're not there just to provide playmates, they may not even get on! I'm pretty happy with our decision, I'm an only, it never bothered me and I've appreciated it more as I've grown up. School have been VERY critical of our decision but it's not really their business. If we'd had two she wouldn't even be at that school anyway!

We’re one and done, as I see it there are loads of advantages in terms of time, money, physical load, mental load, opportunities for our DD etc. Life can be a juggle even with one child and two full time working parents, we just about make it work whilst still getting lots of time with DD plus time for ourselves and as a couple, with two it would just be stressful all the time.

I think the first step is to change how you speak about it. Saying "just having one child" makes it sound like it is not good enough or perfect. You have a child, you are a mother, your child has parents, it's a family.

My kids have quite a lot of friends in your child's situation and they are honestly the happiest, calmest most stable friends they have. They are utterly lovely and so nice to be around and they really don't seem to miss having siblings at all. I don't know any that fit that stereotype of being lonely, weird or sad. Just encourage friendships, listen to her and have fun with her and she will be absolutely fine.

We are a one child only family. We decided early on we would only have a 2nd child if we could afford a house with three bedrooms so each child could have their own room. Feel quite strongly about children not sharing a small roon as they grow older. He is 10 now and has a better social life than us with his cricket and football clubs and being invited to birthday parties most weekends so not overly concerned about him being a only child.

I know a fair number of friends with a single child, for a number of reasons. The kids have a great life and the absence of siblings usually gets sorted by close friendships, extra playdates or (in one case) a cousin moving in next door.

I'm an only child and I have an only child. Before we had kids I had always dreamt of 2-3 children but it quickly became apparent that my body did not do pregnancy well so we knew before DD was even born that there was no way we could do it again.

The way I dealt with it was to work out all the positives of only having one child, both from my experiences as a child and from our perspective as adults. I also did the opposite and told myself all the negatives of having a second. I then reminded myself of both lists whenever I felt like I was getting upset at not having any more.

DD is now 4 and I am pretty certain one child is perfect for us. I still get pangs when friends have newborns (we've had a few recently and at least one more due later in the year) and I suspect that won't ever go away completely but ultimately I'm happy with where we are as a family.

It's hard when the decision is taken out of your hands.

I often wonder if raising a child as an 'only' (I wish we could find a better word than that!) is the optimal way.

All the adults I know who are onlies (in the fullest sense of the word, so no blended families, step or half siblings etc) are lovely, secure, well adjusted people. I worked with one young woman who was totally unflappable in a professional setting, not one single whiff of imposter syndrome - when another colleague asked about the origins of her self belief (and it was self belief, not arrogance) she said she thought it was probably because of having her parents undivided support and that they had instilled in her an unshakable sense that whatever happened, whether she failed or succeeded, she was fundamentally 'alright'

We only have one due to secondary infertility/miscarriage. DD is nearly 18 now, and I think she has had a wonderful, happy childhood. It wasn't what we planned, but honestly, I am so grateful for it now. There are so many advantages to only having one - we have more time and energy for dd. More resources. I have been able to retain my career and identity. I have not had to play referee between squabbling children. And we have an incredibly close bond. I don't think dd has ever felt "outnumbered". I do think that we have less of an us & them atmosphere at home than many families where there are multiple children.

None of the stereotypes about only children are recognisable in dd. She is privileged but she knows it and she has never acted spoilt in the slightest - quite the contrary, actually. She has fantastic social skills and a real talent for making friends, so I never worry about her being alone in the future. She is wonderfully generous. And she interacts with adults as if they are human beings rather than a different species, as some children do!

Honestly, if I had my time again, I would actually plan it this way. I could never have imagined feeling like this when I was still focused on having another child, but our family is complete, our dd is thriving and I'm genuinely happy with how things worked out. Whatever happens, I hope things work out for you too.

In my limited experience, quite a few of my friends have experienced this - one child came along easily but then unexplained infertility.
One family are now at the point of their baby being an independent young woman and they've had a lovely experience of being a small family. Very loving and supportive - one child is also very portable, so they've travelled a lot.
I have an only but also step children, so DD has also experienced being part of a bigger family some of the time.
There's lots of good things about having one child. I would have liked another when DD was small but now she's a teen I actually really appreciate how close we are as a little nuclear family. It's more affordable and better for the environment too!

I'm an only child with an only child. I understand what you're saying completely.

I swore I would never have an only child as I was so lonely but life being what it is, here we are.

Your child won't be outnumbered if you treat them well and spend quality time together. I was kind of left to it while my parents enjoyed life together with holidays etc. just don't do that and your child will be happy.

One of the people I admire most is an only child with two parents - so 'outnumbered' if you like but is now an adult and all her life has been very confident and popular as well as being a nice. decent person. Hope this helps.