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Conception

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Original poster

Really want another child but im 42. Am I too old?

213 replies

Pjsandpringles · 07/01/2023 00:45

I currently have 2 children. Myself and my partner really want another. I don't know if I'm kidding myself because I'm 42. I am very aware that at my age it will be much harder to conceive and there is obviously risks involved.

Am we being totally stupid?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 11:40

@LaLuz7 really? The least he can do? That just seems ewww to me.
Marriage means nothing. It's a bit of paper. I have no interest in it. We have both been married before and don't plan on doing it again. We are fully committed. So much so we want to have a child together

OP posts:
OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 15/01/2023 11:39

I was 35 and 38 (nearly 39)
But I have 2 friends pregnant in their 40's at the moment one is 43 and one is 45.
Both Have had ok pregnancies no worse than their previous ones and both are under consultant led care

If you want a third I'd have one - we're 2 and done I'm ok with that they're a handful and I'll be 50 with a 15 year old and a 12 year old

By 60 they'll be 25 and 22

Emmamoo89 · 15/01/2023 11:39

Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 11:12

You didn't read my last comment, did you? Isn't a forum like this to find other experiences? Gain other people's perspectives? Looking at your other comments, you seem like you just want to argue with people. What is it about my situation that triggers you?

Show quote history

She loves to argue with people 🙄 just ignore her

Emmamoo89 · 15/01/2023 11:38

Go for it 😊

LaLuz7 · 15/01/2023 11:35

How long have you and your partner been together? How commitment is he? Any reason you are not engaged/married?

I would never "gift" a baby who a man who has not shown actual commitment to me. No ring, no baby. It's the least a man can do.

Psychonabike · 15/01/2023 11:32

I had my 3 at 35, 38 and 42. I have been perimenopausal since delivering my second so very lucky that no3 came along.

First thing I would say is that a lot of the pregnancy and delivery related risks that people quote are from data based on delivering your first child over 40, not subsequent children to someone who has already birthed children.

Personally I think having little kids around keeps you young. You have to take care of yourself, eat well, exercise etc to keep up the energy for them. If you don't do this, I guess it can be tiring!

I have no regrets. No3 is a delight and I've felt like a more patient and relaxed parent the older I've got.

Moonriver79 · 15/01/2023 11:29

I am 45 and have been trying for 18 months now and nothing, you are a bit younger though. I completely get why you would want another - go for it!

Iusedtobedontcall · 15/01/2023 11:21

I’m 42 and pregnant now - I have teen dc and this is my first with DH.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/01/2023 11:15

I had Dd at 42.

Having a teen in my late 50’s is no different to having a teen in my 40’s.

l never understand people who say they don’t want a teen in their 50’s. The world doesn’t fall in at 49!

l would say I’m a better parent as l have more time to spend with her.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 11:12

Cuppasoupmonster · 15/01/2023 10:53

Why ask on here then? Sounds like you’ve made your mind up.

Show quote history

You didn't read my last comment, did you? Isn't a forum like this to find other experiences? Gain other people's perspectives? Looking at your other comments, you seem like you just want to argue with people. What is it about my situation that triggers you?

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 15/01/2023 10:53

Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 09:24

@Cuppasoupmonster I know you don't need a baby with every partner. The fact I have two children and have had more than two partners shows that. I want a child with this partner. He has no children and its something we both want.

Why ask on here then? Sounds like you’ve made your mind up.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 10:04

EggsActly · 15/01/2023 09:59

It sounds like you and your DH both really want this and have made up your mind, so you should go for it.

It doesn’t really matter what other people think, and you know the risks and that potentially it might not happen. You don’t need 10 pages of people listing them for you if in your heart you know you’re going to do it anyway!

When I started this thread, yes we wanted it, and yes we knew the risks but we weren't 100% sure if we should do it. After lots of talking and the positive comments on this thread (we already knew all the negative stuff) we have decided to let nature do its thing and see what happens

OP posts:
EggsActly · 15/01/2023 09:59

It sounds like you and your DH both really want this and have made up your mind, so you should go for it.

It doesn’t really matter what other people think, and you know the risks and that potentially it might not happen. You don’t need 10 pages of people listing them for you if in your heart you know you’re going to do it anyway!

Ihaveawonderfulpartner · 15/01/2023 09:44

I had a baby at 40 then one at 45. Both pregnancies were easy and so were the births. Both children are happy and healthy and we are all currently in bed eating chocolate biscuits. Well, it is Sunday 😊.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 09:40

All kids will be treated equally. Also, Everything we have is ours. We don't have a this is mine and this is yours home.

OP posts:
orangegato · 15/01/2023 09:34

Be careful with this, another baby would mess with the inheritance of existing kids. The baby will get all of his plus 1/3rd of your property, your kids only a third each. Morbid but you want to make a will making all kids equal when you have kids by different dads as it’s a right mess in the end (from experience).

Darkdiamond · 15/01/2023 09:34

Op I read that taking a coenzyme q10 supplement for 90 days before conception supports healthy division of the fertilised egg, so I started taking that but got pregnant 2 weeks after starting the supplements!

Darkdiamond · 15/01/2023 09:32

I was 38 when I put this question to mumsnet and the overwhelming majority advised me not to.

I didn't listen and conceived a beautiful, healthy baby the second month of trying. Easy pregnancy, easy baby. I always felt like I had one more 'room' in my heart and now that baby 3 is here, the house is full and complete. Sorry if that sounds incredibly corny but that's how I felt.

I'm now 40 and am currently breastfeeding said baby. She is such a delight and very much feels like like the icing on the cake. Having 3 kids is obviously hard but my other 2 are still small which is the main issue.

I still wouldn't change it.

If I was you I would go for it.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 09:24

@Cuppasoupmonster I know you don't need a baby with every partner. The fact I have two children and have had more than two partners shows that. I want a child with this partner. He has no children and its something we both want.

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 15/01/2023 09:21

Pjsandpringles · 07/01/2023 00:57

My partner is not the father to my other 2. He has no children of his own and my children don't need him to "parent" them. Why does anybody want a child? Mine are nearly grown and I love being a mum. I have the financial security, relationship security and love that I want to give to another child.

I can't see why wanting another child means there was something missing from the children I already have.

No, I wouldn’t create a blended family and muddy the waters. Just be content with what you have. You don’t need a baby with every partner.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 09:19

@bellabelly I think twins are a possibility and I would be totally ok with that.
@margegunderson I wouldn't have the test. A child with downs would be as loved as a child without.
@Luckystar7jf is there a TTC thread for us geriatrics (my partner found this hilarious when I told him that's what the pregnancy is called after 35)
@OfCourseChangs I have more money than my partner so financially, I would be fine.

We have decided ill come off the pill and start folic acid and I'm having a blood test to check my other levels to see if I need additional supplements.
We arent going to track or do anything different and we will just see what happens. It would be amazing if it happens but if it doesn't then it doesn't.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 14/01/2023 21:36

GoT1904 · 14/01/2023 21:10

Ignore the negative Nancys and go for it! It's your life. You already sound like you very strongly want to. You're aware of the risks and that it may take some time.

Rooting for you ❤️

Agree!

OfCourseChangs · 14/01/2023 21:29

Apart from higher risks, what would happen if you broke up financially, that’s it but I’m practical.

TheFormidableMrsC · 14/01/2023 21:27

I had one at 42, he's autistic (and in my experience that is fairly common among older parents) but it's been fine. I'm now a single parent at 53, DS is 11 but an absolute joy. So I would if I were you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fivefootoffun · 14/01/2023 21:17

Definitely not too old-if you’ve got the yearning and the energy to boot - go for it. It sounds like it’ll be a very much loved and wanted baby - wish you all the best (in my 40s with 2 under 4 - tired but honestly not sure if I’d have been any less tired at 20!)