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Conception

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Original poster

Really want another child but im 42. Am I too old?

213 replies

Pjsandpringles · 07/01/2023 00:45

I currently have 2 children. Myself and my partner really want another. I don't know if I'm kidding myself because I'm 42. I am very aware that at my age it will be much harder to conceive and there is obviously risks involved.

Am we being totally stupid?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 12:29

@LlynTegid Yeah, we are totally aware that it might not happen but we would be so happy if it did. We wouldn't go down IVF or medical intervention routes. Just remove the barriers we had in place and see what happens.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 15/01/2023 12:26

As long as you are prepared to accept the risks and that you might not have another child, then reasonable I think.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 12:24

@Purplemagnolias well thankfully we don't see a blended family as a bad thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 12:23

@BungleandGeorge , it has been investigated, and I was told just bad luck. I also have a tilted uterus, but they said they don't think that was the issue. If I had a disabled child, then we would look after them. My partner is a nurse, so he has medical experience. A disabled child would be loved as much as an able-bodied child.

OP posts:
Purplemagnolias · 15/01/2023 12:19

For all the reasons already mentioned on this thread

BungleandGeorge · 15/01/2023 12:18

No reason not to although I do
think you have to think carefully about the ramifications of having a disabled child and who would care for them.
have you had the 9 miscarriages investigated? If not I’d get on that asap as sometimes medication can help.
good luck!

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 12:14

Purplemagnolias · 15/01/2023 12:12

If something happened to your DH and you met someone else who wanted a child would you refuse because you have 2 already?

Yes I probably would avoid getting pregnant again in that situation

Why?

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 15/01/2023 12:13

Purplemagnolias · 15/01/2023 12:12

If something happened to your DH and you met someone else who wanted a child would you refuse because you have 2 already?

Yes I probably would avoid getting pregnant again in that situation

If that was me I would have another one.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 12:13

@Purplemagnolias Yes! That's exactly what we want. A child doesn't need to tie you down. They are not a dog (we also have pets that do tie us down). What will having a child stop us from doing?

OP posts:
Purplemagnolias · 15/01/2023 12:12

If something happened to your DH and you met someone else who wanted a child would you refuse because you have 2 already?

Yes I probably would avoid getting pregnant again in that situation

Ragwort · 15/01/2023 12:10

You are not too old ... I had my first (& only - by choice) DC at 42, wasn't even 'trying' to get pregnant. No issues with the pregnancy. Personally I feel I am a much better parent for being older ... but everyone is different.

Whether I would choose to have a child in your position with two older ones is a different matter... but that's not the question you are asking.

Purplemagnolias · 15/01/2023 12:10

No, I wouldn’t create a blended family and muddy the waters. Just be content with what you have. You don’t need a baby with every partner.

This. I'm just over 50 and both my children are at University now. I really enjoy the new found freedom to travel and enjoy with my dp.

A new baby at your age would 'tie you down' until beyond 60 Shock. Is that really what you want?

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 11:57

@LaLuz7 you seem quite grabby. The house is in our name. We have wills that protects us both. I make way more than him. Im not interested in his money. It's him im interested in.
So you think women should marry for money and security? I've got that on my own. I don't need a man for that.
I'm with him because I love him.

OP posts:
Emmelina · 15/01/2023 11:56

I’m 42 and my youngest is 10, I personally couldn’t start again! But good luck whatever you decide 😊

LaLuz7 · 15/01/2023 11:52

A child is not a bigger commitment to YOU.

If you get married, all income is shared income. If you give up work to care for baby you are legally entitled to his income. If you divorce down the line you will walk away with a share of his assets including his pension. If he dies you inherit him.

If you split unmarried you are entitled to zilch. Nada. Child maintenance and nothing more. If he dies, you get nothing of his and if you own a house together you might find yourself owning it together with his next of kin. Have fun with that...

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 11:52

@LaLuz7 i didn't dodge anything. We have been together for 3 years now. Do you want months and weeks too? Do you think a marriage actually means anything? In my experience it doesn't. The fact this man is there for me, my kids and my friends shows me he's committed. The fact that he is my partner and equal shows me he's committed. If you need a ring to show commitment then I feel for you

OP posts:
Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 11:46

@LaLuz7 a child is a bigger commitment than a marriage
@Cuppasoupmonster i don't want to get married. I want a third child as much as he wants his first. You can understand wanting a third can't you? If something happened to your DH and you met someone else who wanted a child would you refuse because you have 2 already? Even though you want another?

OP posts:
MissCrowley · 15/01/2023 11:46

It's absolutely your prerogative. However from my own opinion I would not wish to be parenting an 8 year old at 50.
I have an 8 year old now and she's hard work.

AnnieFarmer · 15/01/2023 11:44

Definitely not too old.

Emmamoo89 · 15/01/2023 11:44

LaLuz7 · 15/01/2023 11:35

How long have you and your partner been together? How commitment is he? Any reason you are not engaged/married?

I would never "gift" a baby who a man who has not shown actual commitment to me. No ring, no baby. It's the least a man can do.

I'm engaged but we've decided not to get married and have a son together. You don't need to be married

Emmamoo89 · 15/01/2023 11:43

Cuppasoupmonster · 15/01/2023 11:40

Yes to be honest if you’re not married or at least engaged that’s a red flag that he just wants a last minute baby and sees you as that opportunity.

No it's not a red flag.

LaLuz7 · 15/01/2023 11:43

Pjsandpringles · 15/01/2023 11:40

@LaLuz7 really? The least he can do? That just seems ewww to me.
Marriage means nothing. It's a bit of paper. I have no interest in it. We have both been married before and don't plan on doing it again. We are fully committed. So much so we want to have a child together

Marriage is just a piece of paper just like a house title is just a piece of paper. Just like a will is just a piece of paper. It's got major financial implications.

Making a baby with you shows commitment to the baby, not to you. Marrying you would be a social and especially a financial commitment to YOU.

And I can't help but notice you dodged the question of how long you've been together...

VladmirsPoutine · 15/01/2023 11:42

I'd go down the route of trying and seeing what happens. All that matters is you keep your mental and emotional health balanced no matter the outcome.

Cuppasoupmonster · 15/01/2023 11:40

Yes to be honest if you’re not married or at least engaged that’s a red flag that he just wants a last minute baby and sees you as that opportunity.

LaLuz7 · 15/01/2023 11:40

Committed *

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