Really want another child but im 42. Am I too old?

And while you and others looking forward to kids “off your hands” in your 50s were settled down, knee deep in nappies in your 20s

No, I was studying, working abroad, traveling and building up my career during my 20s.

For kids to be 18 in your early 50s you don't need to get pregnant until 33 or 34!

That's totally my experience too Missed ... I would have hated to spend my 20s and 30s raising DC but felt much 'readier' for it when I reached my 40s. And topping up my DS's Uni loan is much easier when you are established in your career and the mortgage paid off .... even if am early 60s ...but each to their own .. so long as we are happy with the choices we make in life .

Bloody hell @ShowOfHands I’m 60 and exactly as fit, active, energetic and willing and able to parent my teenagers as I was at 30. And while you and others looking forward to kids “off your hands” in your 50s were settled down, knee deep in nappies in your 20s, in mine I was travelling the world, single, having fun. I loved parenting toddlers in my 40s and teens in my 50s+. I had the enthusiasm and patience for it I would not have had when younger. Everyone is different. We all prioritise different things at different ages.

Good luck OP!

I'm anticipating the next stage, the one where my dc are independent and for me, that will happen in my 50s. I plan to have a whale of a flipping time in my 60s, not give up on life!

Completely agree.

I'm early 50s and all our kids are now off at Uni. I feel so excited about the fun things dh and I can now do together!

@Ragwort you misunderstand me. I don't mean winding down life, I mean winding down on the active parenting/responsibility. My Mum still works part time, volunteers, runs her allotment, travels, has a very busy social life and is doing up a house. MIL works full time, volunteers, supports FIL through marathon training, exercises, hikes, runs a couple of social clubs, hosts students at home. They're actually busier than ever but they can be because their children are fully independent.

What I meant is that they aren't actively running a non-driving teen around or topping up student loans, nor do they have DC living with them. They host Christmas as much as ever but they aren't taking responsibility for other people's Christmases iyswim, more hosting disparate families who come together as a wider unit. My friend has a 19yr old and 17yr old at home and had to drive them to parties, pick them up late on the 24th, take into account their presence in the house over Christmas. Her DC need her active support on a daily basis in a way that my parents/ILs don't.

I'm anticipating the next stage, the one where my dc are independent and for me, that will happen in my 50s. I plan to have a whale of a flipping time in my 60s, not give up on life!

It truly isn’t anyone’s else’s decision but your own as you know and you sound pretty convinced it’s right for you so only want to wish you well, good luck!

@Maryquitecontrary55 mine was a natural conception too, second month trying x my midwife tells me I'm not old, lol x

I'm 20 weeks and I'm 42 in a couple of weeks. Don't care about whether people think I'm too old. Natural conception - no help.

@Pjsandpringles I'm 6 weeks pregnant and I am 41. Will be almost 42 when he/she arrives, if all goes well. I have three children from a previous relationship with my ex husband, who are 12, 9 and 7. Good luck to you. There of lots of us in our 40s. I have to say though I didn't ever think back when I had my 7 year old, that I would be in this boat again x

I would do it, especially if my OH didn’t have children. Plus I didn’t get to experience raising a child with an OH so it would make me more willing to do it.

You say that one of your existing children has autism. Sure the needs and deserves a lot of your time and support. Would adding a newborn really be wise, not to mention the increased risk of complications?

Neither do I! But I still wouldn't want to get pregnant again at your age and in your situation with two older children

Personally I wouldn't do it - the health risks to the child posed by higher maternal and paternal ages would be too much for me to bear.
Also, for the woman, reduced fertility, higher chance of miscarriage etc.
You'll have loads of replies saying 'I did it and it and everything was fine, go for it' - but those replies ignore the fact that higher age means higher risk of serious health issues.

Haven’t read the full thread
I had my second at 42 - not intentionally
(&DH ran off halfway through the pregnancy)

It is harder being older compared to being in my 30s and of course back then I had more support

Show you make it sound like 60 is ancient! I am mid 60s, can easily host Christmas, am working, caring for an elderly parent (who is actually pretty active herself at 90!) volunteering with rough sleepers, busy with other commitments and my DS is 21. I would never see someone in their 60s (assuming no serious health problems) as 'winding down'. Many of the people I volunteer with are in their 70s and older, full of energy and enthusiasm.

Theoretically, I don't see any issue with it and have friends the same age as me (42) who are pregnant or have little babies. However, I could not do it I don't think. Not because I'm not fit and healthy and I'd find it tough as I'm in good shape. The pregnancy, labour and early years wouldn't be the issue, it would be the teens and twenties.

I spent a lot of time thinking about ageing over Christmas. My Mum is 68 and my MIL, 61 and both have said this year that they couldn't host in the same way anymore. They're older and for the first time it shows. Not old, that's not what I mean. Just that they're both at a point in their lives where they are ready for retirement, embracing the next stage. And they're fit and healthy for their respective ages but just ready to dial it down. Their youngest DC are 42 and 34 respectively and they aren't having to support through A Levels, university or housing young adult DC. They're solvent, travelling, doing hobbies, learning new skills. And they deserve it. They were lucky to have the joy of parenthood and are now enjoying grandparenthood. I looked at them and thought, yes, I want that. When I'm 60, my youngest will be 30 and hopefully, there will be a clear segue into enjoying my autumn. I'm sure there's utter contentment whatever your path but given a clear choice, I choose to let new parenthood go as a potential option in my life.

UK average age for a first time mother is now 31 and for fathers 34.

If it's what you want and you are still able to conceive I see no issues with your age other than the increased risks which I'm sure you already know.

Why is this unusual after 3 years together? Send quite usual to me

You initially say all money is shared (which is unusual after 3 years together) then say you are completely financially independent?

I agree with this.

Not doubting at all that you’ll love the child but I think you do have to consider the practical implications of who will potentially provide care when you are unable to.