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Conception

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Original poster

Really want another child but im 42. Am I too old?

213 replies

Pjsandpringles · 07/01/2023 00:45

I currently have 2 children. Myself and my partner really want another. I don't know if I'm kidding myself because I'm 42. I am very aware that at my age it will be much harder to conceive and there is obviously risks involved.

Am we being totally stupid?

OP posts:
Suzi89 · 16/01/2023 19:25

MintyPrincess · 16/01/2023 19:02

@Emmamoo89 you think health reasons are a lame excuse? Wow

You realise the majority of babies born to women aged 42 age still healthy?

Suzi89 · 16/01/2023 19:23

MintyPrincess · 16/01/2023 18:39

@Emmamoo89 it is.Kids can be cruel a 52 year old at the school gates isn't fair on the child never mind the health risks to a baby with an older mother/father

Wtf 😅 it’s more common for women to have children aged 35-39 now that it is 20-24. It very common for women to have children in their late thirties so a couple more years isn’t going to make a difference. You sound really miserable.

helloelsie · 16/01/2023 19:19

Only you can answer this OP. Physically, you may or may not be. You won't know that until you try.
But, what do you want, what do you feel? Do you feel you're too old? Maybe you need to ask the question in a different way, such as what challenges might I face being an older mother, and see if that gives you your answer.

At the end of the day, if you want it, give it a go. But don't dither!

Emmamoo89 · 16/01/2023 19:10

If you have no known health reasons and are healthy. I'd say fuck what anyone else thinks and go for it

Emmamoo89 · 16/01/2023 19:06

MintyPrincess · 16/01/2023 19:02

@Emmamoo89 you think health reasons are a lame excuse? Wow

That's not how I meant it. You don't know for certain that they'd be health risks.

MintyPrincess · 16/01/2023 19:02

@Emmamoo89 you think health reasons are a lame excuse? Wow

Pinkdafodils · 16/01/2023 18:58

I do think children of significantly older parents are aware of this and may be slightly embarrassed about it. There's also the inevitable fact that these children are less likely to have their parents as far into adulthood as those of younger parents, assuming an average life span of 85 years.

Emmamoo89 · 16/01/2023 18:53

MintyPrincess · 16/01/2023 18:39

@Emmamoo89 it is.Kids can be cruel a 52 year old at the school gates isn't fair on the child never mind the health risks to a baby with an older mother/father

What a lame excuse and a load of bollocks

MintyPrincess · 16/01/2023 18:51

@Moonriver79 sorry its just my opinion.Yes of course the child would be loved but there's the bigger picture to look at

Moonriver79 · 16/01/2023 18:49

MintyPrincess · 16/01/2023 18:39

@Emmamoo89 it is.Kids can be cruel a 52 year old at the school gates isn't fair on the child never mind the health risks to a baby with an older mother/father

Isn’t fair in the child??? Oh come off it! As long as a child is loved and cared for I’m sure they won’t care about their parents age - and I say this as I was born to older parents! And people have health issues of all ages!!!

MintyPrincess · 16/01/2023 18:39

@Emmamoo89 it is.Kids can be cruel a 52 year old at the school gates isn't fair on the child never mind the health risks to a baby with an older mother/father

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 16/01/2023 17:36

@Felix01 they are probably as excited as we are. We have spoken to them about it

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 16/01/2023 17:17

MintyPrincess · 16/01/2023 16:11

No i think its a bit selfish tbh be happy with the children you've got.

Its not being selfish at all. Jesus some people

Felix01 · 16/01/2023 17:09

I think as he doesn't have children that's ok. Would your existing DC be ok with it?

tattygrl · 16/01/2023 16:59

No. You’re not too old.

There are no certainties in life at all. It’s understandable why people look at life and ageing and think about what “should” happen at each age and stage, but the future isn’t certain for anyone so planning an ideal future is only guesswork. You might find that having teenagers while you’re 60 keeps you young (many older parents report this). You might find you get so much life force and joy from more family, of more varied ages, around you as you age. You might find you are more motivated to look after yourself as an older parent, thus increasing your health, wellbeing and length of life.

There could be downsides too, which I’m sure are swirling around your head plenty. But there are upsides and downsides at any age.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 16/01/2023 16:49

@BunchHarman where have I said I want to give him a child. WE want a child.
@MintyPrincess having children is inherently selfish no matter the circumstances. Doesn't mean we shouldn't do it. Should he be happy with the children he has? That would be none btw.
@Purplemagnolias im not gifting him a child. WE want a child. Me as much as him. Joint decision. It was my suggestion because if we want a child then we need to get on with it.

@Emmamoo89 thank you

OP posts:
chocolatepot · 16/01/2023 16:44

I'm enjoying being a Grandma in my 40s I couldn't imagine going through pregnancy again now, it feels a lifetime ago.

MintyPrincess · 16/01/2023 16:11

No i think its a bit selfish tbh be happy with the children you've got.

Emmamoo89 · 16/01/2023 16:06

Purplemagnolias · 16/01/2023 15:04

I don’t get this desire to ‘give’ each man a baby. It seems somehow wrong to talk of a human life that way. Especially not in your forties when there’re existing children and a substantial age gap. I just find the idea so unappealing.

It seems that the 'gift' to the new man is more important the needs of the existing children. The latter should always be prioritised imo.

That's not being the case at all here. There's nothing wrong having another baby to a partner you haven't got kids with. Doesn't mean the older children are going to get forgotten

Purplemagnolias · 16/01/2023 15:04

I don’t get this desire to ‘give’ each man a baby. It seems somehow wrong to talk of a human life that way. Especially not in your forties when there’re existing children and a substantial age gap. I just find the idea so unappealing.

It seems that the 'gift' to the new man is more important the needs of the existing children. The latter should always be prioritised imo.

BunchHarman · 16/01/2023 13:28

I don’t get this desire to ‘give’ each man a baby. It seems somehow wrong to talk of a human life that way. Especially not in your forties when there’re existing children and a substantial age gap. I just find the idea so unappealing.

I do accept that I am not particularly romantic or sentimental about having children, and was always largely devoid of any biological urges to have them, though.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 16/01/2023 13:02

@Thesonglastslonger ive also only had sleepless nights with puppies and not really babies 🤣🤣. My children were very good sleepers from the start. Sleepless nights have never bothered me

OP posts:
Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 16/01/2023 12:59

@Thesonglastslonger that would be exactly what we would do. Just remove the barriers and if it happens it happens and if it doesn't then it doesn't.
I was very sick during my first pregnancy but wasn't even nauseous during my second. Other than that both were straight forward. No health issues to worry about

OP posts:
Thesonglastslonger · 16/01/2023 11:51

Depends on your physical (and mental!) health.

If you’re in great shape, go for it!

If you’ve got a bad back / prolapsed womb had SPD / incontinence issues from previous childbirth / can’t handle 2 yrs of multiple night wakings and crawling around the floor with a toddler, then maybe have a hard think about whether you can afford practical help.

The hardest bit will be trying every month, convincing yourself you have early pregnancy symptoms, and then being disappointed if it doesn’t happen. I did this for many many years and it was soul-destroying, I am a different person now. I wish you better luck but suggest you try to view it as a ‘This might happen or it might not’.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 16/01/2023 09:10

Purplemagnolias · 15/01/2023 16:42

You say that one of your existing children has autism. Sure the needs and deserves a lot of your time and support. Would adding a newborn really be wise, not to mention the increased risk of complications?

I have an ASD Dd. There’s different ways of presenting on the spectrum.

She has sensory issues and won’t speak to the teacher in class. But she has loads of friends. She doesn’t really need loads of support.

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