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Conception

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Original poster

Really want another child but im 42. Am I too old?

213 replies

Pjsandpringles · 07/01/2023 00:45

I currently have 2 children. Myself and my partner really want another. I don't know if I'm kidding myself because I'm 42. I am very aware that at my age it will be much harder to conceive and there is obviously risks involved.

Am we being totally stupid?

OP posts:
GingerFox2021 · 17/01/2023 17:11

I think there’s no right or wrong answer as everyone makes their decisions based on their circumstances and how they feel.
Someone feels old at 37, someone feels better than ever at 43. The same with the look. Someone at 37 might look like 43 and the lady at 43 might look like 37.

Emmamoo89 · 17/01/2023 13:56

Cuppasoupmonster · 17/01/2023 13:47

Plenty do. But the risks are higher. And of course it’s up to her, you don’t need to state the obvious.

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🙄*

Emmamoo89 · 17/01/2023 13:56

Cuppasoupmonster · 17/01/2023 13:47

Plenty do. But the risks are higher. And of course it’s up to her, you don’t need to state the obvious.

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😬

Cuppasoupmonster · 17/01/2023 13:47

Emmamoo89 · 17/01/2023 13:32

It's up to her tho. And plenty have babies in their 40's and are healthy.

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Plenty do. But the risks are higher. And of course it’s up to her, you don’t need to state the obvious.

Pinkdafodils · 17/01/2023 13:40

Actually menopause is a good point. I'm early 50s and really struggling with it. Thankfully my kids are both young adults and independent.

Pinkdafodils · 17/01/2023 13:39

I'm now 50, and both my parents are in their 90s and healthy (drive, live alone, etc).

You are lucky. That's not the norm unfortunately given the average life expectancy.

MissWings · 17/01/2023 13:35

Don’t do it. Think of peri meno and meno! Don’t make your life harder than it needs to be. Wait for grandkids.

SimonRiley · 17/01/2023 13:33

I'm 42 and have 2 kids already. I'm never having another. My reasons are:
Horrendous birth with DS1
Awful pregnancy with DS2
Cost of childcare/bigger house/bigger car
My career and body are already fucked, don't want further damage
Risk of autism (DS1 is autistic)
Risk of complications (see awful pregnancy)
I'm too selfish and tired to go back to the baby stage TBH
Family history of twins

Emmamoo89 · 17/01/2023 13:32

Cuppasoupmonster · 17/01/2023 12:53

Best to be realistic without exaggerations either way.

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It's up to her tho. And plenty have babies in their 40's and are healthy.

BunchHarman · 17/01/2023 13:26

Pjsandpringles · 17/01/2023 13:04

@BunchHarman so your picking up on a comment someone else made and I was trying to explain? I certainly wouldn't say to him im giving him a child or even gifting him one. It's something we both want. I can't do it without him and he can't do it without me

I read it and commented on it. That’s all. You took umbrage and questioned my comment, so I just showed you the comment of yours that I’d read (I did a see-all). And I don’t think you can ‘gift’ a human life.

Apollonia1 · 17/01/2023 13:16

My mum had me at 42 and my younger brother at 44 (plus my older siblings when she was in her late-30s).
I'm now 50, and both my parents are in their 90s and healthy (drive, live alone, etc). I also had children in my 40s. It's normal to me, since it's what I've grown up with.

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 17/01/2023 13:04

@BunchHarman so your picking up on a comment someone else made and I was trying to explain? I certainly wouldn't say to him im giving him a child or even gifting him one. It's something we both want. I can't do it without him and he can't do it without me

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 17/01/2023 13:02

My DHs aunt had her first at 42 then went on to have two more. Everything was fine and she is still around now, hale and healthy in her 80s and now a grandmother.

If you want another OP go for it. It's up to you and your DH.

BunchHarman · 17/01/2023 12:57

Pjsandpringles · 16/01/2023 16:49

@BunchHarman where have I said I want to give him a child. WE want a child.
@MintyPrincess having children is inherently selfish no matter the circumstances. Doesn't mean we shouldn't do it. Should he be happy with the children he has? That would be none btw.
@Purplemagnolias im not gifting him a child. WE want a child. Me as much as him. Joint decision. It was my suggestion because if we want a child then we need to get on with it.

@Emmamoo89 thank you

Pjsandpringles · 08/01/2023 11:44

Why would it make you uneasy? How would you put it? Giving someone the opportunity to be a parent is a gift. Not in a here's a box of chocolates, thanks for looking after my cat kind of gift but an opportunity to have something you have always wanted. Wouldn't you can that a gift?

Here @Pjsandpringles. You said it here.

Cuppasoupmonster · 17/01/2023 12:53

Emmamoo89 · 17/01/2023 12:20

There's no need for people to be negative. Best to be positive

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Best to be realistic without exaggerations either way.

Emmamoo89 · 17/01/2023 12:20

Pinkdafodils · 17/01/2023 12:14

Op, it sounds like your mind is made up and you're not really keen to hear negative arguments. Good luck.

There's no need for people to be negative. Best to be positive

Pinkdafodils · 17/01/2023 12:14

Op, it sounds like your mind is made up and you're not really keen to hear negative arguments. Good luck.

Moonriver79 · 17/01/2023 10:33

Littlegoth · 17/01/2023 07:53

I’m 41 and pregnant with what will hopefully be my second. I’ve got APS and that carries a much higher risk of miscarriage than my age, and I had my 4th miscarriage in August. This one is so far so good at almost 13 weeks.

Lots of negativity about the risks being much higher for people our age, 1 in 25 babies are now born to mums over 40. We are all aware of the risks, but that’s all they are - risks, not guarantees of problems. I know people in their teens, 20s and 30s who have had children with DS or autism, and people that age who had the most horrific complications. Risks are there for everyone and we make our own choices about what risk level is acceptable to us.

Despite my clotting condition my last pregnancy at 38 was relatively uneventful and my recovery from a planned section was exemplary - I’ve no reason to expect otherwise this time. Also conceived first time in both pregnancies in my 40s. We’ve already decided it’s worth doing and I wouldn’t change it. Good luck OP xx

Exactly this! Good luck with your pregnancy, hope all goes well

Littlegoth · 17/01/2023 07:53

I’m 41 and pregnant with what will hopefully be my second. I’ve got APS and that carries a much higher risk of miscarriage than my age, and I had my 4th miscarriage in August. This one is so far so good at almost 13 weeks.

Lots of negativity about the risks being much higher for people our age, 1 in 25 babies are now born to mums over 40. We are all aware of the risks, but that’s all they are - risks, not guarantees of problems. I know people in their teens, 20s and 30s who have had children with DS or autism, and people that age who had the most horrific complications. Risks are there for everyone and we make our own choices about what risk level is acceptable to us.

Despite my clotting condition my last pregnancy at 38 was relatively uneventful and my recovery from a planned section was exemplary - I’ve no reason to expect otherwise this time. Also conceived first time in both pregnancies in my 40s. We’ve already decided it’s worth doing and I wouldn’t change it. Good luck OP xx

anotherscroller · 17/01/2023 07:20

Go for it then! All the best

Original poster
Pjsandpringles · 16/01/2023 20:24

@anotherscroller we aren't going to let it rule us. If it happens then great, if not then it's not meant to be

OP posts:
Pinkdafodils · 16/01/2023 20:20

I don't know. If a women conceives age 43 and her baby is born age 44 then she'd be 65 when her child turns 21. I do find that quite old actually.

Squintinghelp · 16/01/2023 19:40

Some real negative nellies on this thread! You sound like you have made your decision @Pjsandpringles best of luck. 42 isn't too old these days and you sound like you have a lot to offer another child.

anotherscroller · 16/01/2023 19:33

of course you’re not “too old”, but maybe consider the toll TTC takes when it takes a long time.
I am 33 and I’ve been TTCing baby 2 for over a year unsuccessfully, and it is incredible hard emotionally, not to say boring and soul sucking.
personally if I was 42 and already had two kids I wouldn’t put myself through what I’m putting myself through now. I would try and enjoy my life rather than peeing on sticks and crying bitterly every month.

Emmamoo89 · 16/01/2023 19:25

Suzi89 · 16/01/2023 19:23

Wtf 😅 it’s more common for women to have children aged 35-39 now that it is 20-24. It very common for women to have children in their late thirties so a couple more years isn’t going to make a difference. You sound really miserable.

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I think she needs a hug