Really want another child but im 42. Am I too old?

In your 30s you are usually still building your career, not much flexibility some still paying their study loans and building savings for their mortgages.

If you go to University and graduate aged 21 then you could easily have built up a good career/salary by age 30?

I have to say l had my last at 42. She had a much better deal than the others.

I am not implying that’s my opinion… to begin with the human brain fully matured by age of 25. In your 30s you are usually still building your career, not much flexibility some still paying their study loans and building savings for their mortgages. By late 30’ early 40’ you have lived through various experiences, learned tones, enjoyed your freedom and marriage, learnt to accept your flaws and your partners flaws, your hormones are much more levelled, your career much more stable to be able to work less or maybe more flexible … I did it all… from marrying at 18 having kids from 21 to 30yo and adopting at 38yo… my adopted child definitely got the best out of my other 4 children. Nope, I was never a stay at home mother (not that I see as a problem it is actually wonderful if you can afford!), high earner banker in the city whom had to build a career, study and attain mortgage et tal by working and raising kids. I would do completely diff if I could revert back time.
Finally, yes, I am generalising, I am not referring to the outliers ie those with bsnk of mum and dad, family support for babysitting, from a rich or privileged families etc . I am referring to working class, lower middle class.

To be fair, I would much rather have older parents that are financially stable, emotionally mature and confident on their skin over younger parents any day.

You seem to imply that younger parents are not financially stable, emotionally mature and confident?

By late 20s/early 30s many parents will have built up their careers and feel ready and mature enough to welcome children.

I know this is horribly shocking for Mumsnet but it is perfectly possible to have children young whilst doing okay financially and also being mature enough to raise well adjusted kids. I mean speak for yourselves but I was quite self sufficient from my 20s onwards.

I am 34 now and mine and my husbands children are getting on just fine. Many of our couple friends are in their late 40s/early 50s because we made friends through our kids (and their sports teams etc).

From what I can see there are a lot of couples in their late 40s who are definitely not as emotionally secure as me and my husband. Lots of affairs, failed businesses and people feeling trapped in unhappy marriages which often doesn’t have favourable outcomes for their teenage kids!

I mean I’m not saying me and my husband are immune to life but we are in our 30s with teens and older kids and still very much together and in love. I think that’s a very significant factor to be honest when thinking about how secure your kids will feel from their adolescence and onwards. Some of our friends are very wealthy but it doesn’t mean much when you can’t stand each other.

To be fair, I would much rather have older parents that are financially stable, emotionally mature and confident on their skin over younger parents any day. The worst thing ever, by experience and observing, is to have a set of parents that want to seal their marriage with a child. Normally when you are older and mature if you become a parent is by choice and consciousness.
I realise this is a board where you post to fish ppl’ experiences but at the end of the you are the one who knows you, your partner and the logistics of it all! I would apply logic, common sense and a lot of planning root to deciding … but if it is in your heart and you both can afford the financial and emotional changes a child can bring to your lives and household, by all
means ho for it ❤️ good luck in your decision x

Money doesn’t make up for losing both parents quite young. Which hopefully won’t happen but its more likely. Plus if he/she chooses to have kids you’ll most likely be approaching your late 70s, which would be a little sad. It may also muddy the waters with your older children - do you have half siblings or step siblings?

I had DC2 naturally at 45. Took several years of trying I had intended to have DC2 by 41/42. You're not kidding yourself, good luck!

Of course! The miscarriage rate at 42 is 45% though which is quite high. Everything else can be tested for or investigated through scans etc. For me the issue would be the baby would grow up as an ‘only child’ with 2 older parents.

Defo not too late!!

Yeah it’s so bizarre

Yeah she seems miserable. You get them on every thread unfortunately

Will you get over yourself!? You seem really miserable, there are higher risks of birth defects for women who have smoked, are overweight, are using IVF, shall we stop all those people having children?! She’s much more likely to have a healthy baby than one that isn’t, it’s only slight elevated risks.

I'm the same age as you op. Do you know anyone with a toddler you can visit/babysit?

My best friend had a baby 18 months ago and I spent the first year feeling broody and wanting another. Now her baby can walk and when I looked after her for friend the other day I remembered how hard it is having a toddler and how I couldn't manage it now.

The night feeds, the babyproofing everything, the cost of childcare if you work

I also forgot how much you have to concentrate all the time to keep the tiny human safe. I was exhausted after a day I can't imagine doing that day in day out at my age 😂

I was saying there’s no wrong or right answer as everyone looks through their “angle” of life and experience. Everyone sees the same thing differently. For someone statistics is important, for someone to have chance to be a mum..

I didn't mean miscarriage. I meant in raising a child. That it would help that aspect.

You can have a miscarriage at any age. It's the risk. I've had 4 but won't stop me trying for my second. It's the luck of the draw so I think if she wants to try I say go for it. But when I said it helps to be young and fit I meant raising a baby that aspect

No but it helps if you still feel young and fit

No, the higher risk of miscarriage or birth defects are due to biological factors within your ovaries and the man's sperm. Not helped by feeling or looking young and fit.

I would go for it*

Another vote to say you're not too old OP. I would for it How old is your DP out of interest?

How? How exactly will feeling young and fit help if a women experiences a miscarriage or gives birth to a baby with a birth defect? Do tell

No but it helps if you still feel young and fit

The higher risks of miscarriage or birth defects and other difficulties facing older mums has nothing to do with you they feel or look