Really want another child but im 42. Am I too old?

Definitely not too old, my parents were older having me and were amazing and are still around, fit and healthy and nearly 80.
I say go did it.

Good luck!

If it helps, I'm 38 and in 3rd trimester. When I had my first 9 years ago, I found pregnancy really hard - this time it's been a breeze (so far!) and I'm not worrying about anything at all, just taking each day as it comes and I'm grateful for each extra week.

It sounds like you've made up your mind then and aren't really looking for opinions. Good luck!

Well, just to mention a few benefits of having children younger: Your body bounces back more quickly, less risks of birth defects, your children will have longer with you and likely meet their great grandparents, you have more energy. There's probably more but these popped into my head first

Yes, it’s selfish to be an old mother

It doesn’t matter if he is acting like a friend not a dad to your kids. As any friend or parent who spends a lot of time with other children, he may start putting his own child’s interests, wants, needs and like above yours’, especially if the new child is likely to get outnumbered.

This shouldn’t be a problem if your kids are older teens wanting to spend time with their friends or stay at home over spending time in family outings but if they are younger, a good gap between their ages can make these family activities not suitable for all the kids to join or enjoy.

No judgement from my part but… I remember baby brain being so bad I couldn’t remember what I just read. Perimenopause brain fog has been even worse. Combine the two and I would spend the day wondering where did I put the baby!

Be aware also that your OH relationship with your children can change significantly when he has a child of his own to favour and protect over the others full time (something that happens to every parent regardless of the circumstances).

I admit that I was very broody for another one at your age. I realise now, that it was the hormones shouting over my brain.

With regards to “gifting” your OH a child of his own… oh well, I have been raising that “gift” single handedly for most of his life even when it took us years of fertility treatment to conceive him. Don’t regret but it has not been easy at all.

Aw @Pjsandpringles I really feel for you as the trolls have come out in force on this thread. You need to stop feeding them so they get back in their cave! 😝

My sister had her 4th at 41. She’s now 52 and never been happier with her family.

Also, I lost a parent at 21 and have many friends that have lost a parent too. I’m 31 now.

And can we please stop using the phrase ‘muddy the waters’? It’s horrible and thankfully this new generation will never think like this.

Wishing you lots of happiness!

@MissWings Good for you! Gladly we live in s democratic country whereby everyone is entitled to their opinion and feel respect for it. Hats off to you, you should feel proud 👏

Ps good luck to you

Why shouldn't you have another one lots of people have babies when they are 40+ now - if you both want one then why not

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

So you had a terrible time dealing with your menopause and you don’t think for one minute that did not impact your teenagers at the time?

Yeah right. Unless you live in a vacuum far away from family members I find that very hard to believe.

@Pinkdafodils

Exactly. My sister in law has never struggled with her mental health but she’s now on a cocktail of antidepressants because the generic one they initially prescribed didn’t touch the surface. She is also on HRT, but has admitted she has struggled to deal with her teen daughter and peri coinciding at the same time. The menopause has hit her like a ton of bricks.

I am the same age with older kids, husband of 5 years has kids of his own and we have blended. I personally feel too old but more crucially, the wonderful blended family we have built works so well I would be fearful of disrupting it! We got off pretty lightly with our kids, they get on well and are strong friends but i wouldn’t tip the scales and ask for even more acceptance.

Actually l had a terrible time. But it didn’t affect anything to do with teens.

It is, actually.

Well you're lucky! Not all women find the symptoms of menopause easy.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Well it’s not fine for my sister in law who is going through hell with her perimeno. Her daughter who is 13 and also hormonal, doesn’t seem to be a good mix. It’s not something that will effect me anyway so I don’t need to concern myself with that thought.

I’ve gone through peri and menopause with teens. It was fine. No issues.

@Morgana123

Lol at your outlier definitions. I didn’t have a rich bank of mum or dad and wasn’t from a privileged background. I do have a fortunate life though and one that I started to build long before my brain fully matured 😉. You might have been immature at 18 but I certainly was not. I had had a lot of life experience by that point believe me. I am 34 and wouldn’t do anything different. Infact im proud of how my life has turned out, particularly from all the earlier adversity that I had faced in my life.

Three well adjusted kids, a home of my own, a husband who I love and a degree that I am just about to finish in May. (And a pretty good job too). You may wish you lived your life differently but that doesn’t apply to everyone who had kids young. I was determined to live a good life and give my kids what I did not have.

Also, you refer to stable hormones. I am not sure going through menopause with adolescents is much fun but I’ll be long past that stage thankfully.