Entries wanted: Most idiotic advice from well meaning family/friends to ttc mumsnetters.

I've just had to change my diet to wheat and dairy free and suffer from IBS. Just spent the w/e with my Mum who keeps telling met that she thinks my body is 'just sorting itself out' (whatever that means) and when it has I will get pregnant again!!!!!!!! Oh, and not to get depressed about it and how much they love the gd I have already given them!!! I do wonder about her sometimes? I am at a loss as to what to say to her really!!!

MancMum, you said it perfectly. The only context I don't mind being told that it was probably a defective embryo is if people think I might be blaming myself/thinking I could have done something that would have led to a different outcome.

But nine times out of ten, when people say 'It was all for the best because there would have been something wrong with it' what they mean is, 'You should be pleased! Just think, if you hadn't had this mc you would have had a defective baby!' And I want to scream back at them, 'I'm not saying I wanted to carry on being pregnant with a foetus that wasn't viable! I wanted to have a baby! And I'm not just mourning the miscarriage, I'm mourning that I didn't produce a viable embryo! Is that so hard to understand?'

Apparently, it is

I had 'well it is very common' after my mc. Yes, so, death is universal ffs! I also had better then than later. Er sorry, don't see that much advantage tbh.

not sure if this has been mentioned...but "it was for the best" when I lost DD twin at 12 weeks really still kills - how exactly is losing what had been seen over 7 scans to be a healthy and wanted baby after 3 years TTC and loads of tx be FOR THE BEST ffs?

Surely everyone has been told about the couple they heard of that tried for years and years and then gave up trying and conceived immediately. That goes with the whole "just relax" and "stop worrying about it" lines.

Several people told us we were lucky that our mc came between our children rather than before our first (not ttc, I know, but just as annoying). Strange, cos lucky was never a word I attached to having my baby die!

initially we only told DH's family (mine's so big one whisper and the whole lot of them know) but in the end I rang my mum up so depressed about it, and DH didn't know how to calm me down - ( I told him nothing beats a hug from ur mum so he stuck a pillow up his jumper and said, right will this do?) any ways in the end he said, 'oh ring ur mum and tell her everything, maybe she'll have better ,luck with you, low and behold she did, and about 2 hrs after I rnag her, the whole family were on the phone giving me their advice..... note to self for future, don't tell anyone!

Heheehehee.... this is why this place is the best, because you are surrounded by people who can share your thoughts and concerns.
now when people ask me what about babies i tend to say may be will start thinking about it next year. It's none of their business, because unless you find sommeone else who have struggled through ttc, people don't really undertand the turmoil we go through.

Great post, SweetFudge! Insemination does have a knack of bringing out the complete idiot in people. The follow-up to the charming, 'Why don't you just pick up a stranger in a pub' suggestion was me explaining that that was unlikely to work because it would be a one-off (alternative replies: 'Because I don't want to get raped/bashed/herpes', 'Because I happen to be in a monogamous relationship', 'Would you??'). Follow-up suggestion: 'Well, why not find a man at work and start a secret affair with him and keep going till you're pregnant'. My response: 'How would that be fair to me, my dp and the hypothetical man?'. Their response: 'Well, if you REALLY want a baby...'

What hurts is the sense that because I can't make a baby in the normal way, I've somehow become bizarre and unnatural and immune from normal feelings and sensitivities. Don't people realise that I would do anything in the world to be able to make a baby in the normal way with the person I love? No, presumably not.

I so agree with people on this thread who have kept it quiet from the start. I told too many people and have had to try to reel it in. I'm much more protective now of my privacy, since there's relatively few people who can be trusted to say the right things. Thank god for MN!

Had to tell MIL we were ttc cause i needed her to babysit ds while i was seeing the gyno and natrapath.

Isn't it amazing how heartful people/relatives can be even when they mean well.

I must admit I followed MeerkatsUnite path and have not told relatives about our issues. They would not understand, you are so right, Meerkats. Although my dh from time to time gets on my nerves with his coments "I am always ready, you just have to produce an egg".... as if i am just sitting on top of them not letting them go....

You know i have learnt in this ttc journey to say "No not really cause i have heard it all!!!!"
DH nearly had his head through the wall the other night when he told me that we need to relax about it and it WILL JUST HAPPEN!!!!!!! Grrr feeling all angry just typing it!

She said it on the phone and she did start of with the good old saying "can i be frank" and "please dont take this to offence" Grrrr but i managed to keep my cool (mainly cause she is my only babysitter!!) and said that "we knew it would take us a while so why wait!!!! and... our children will be rich with love!!!"
She soon shut her gob and said fair enough now we are getting presure to produce a girl cause she only has Grandsons. typical!!!

OMG have i killed this thread??????

Hi girls i just had one from my MIL the other day. "why are you ttc another baby when dh is starting another buisness you wont be able to afford another baby" Yeah that eat you out of house and home its not like i am giving up work or anything gave that up when pg with ds. GRRRRRRRR she can talk pg at 17 living at home with her mother and 6 siblings.

And I'd thought I'd heard most of the rubbish spouted by now from family members and friends commenting on how best to ttc!. Seemingly not. Am very sorry to read you have all been on the receiving end of such nonsensical "advice" (I use that term advisedly).

I never got any such "meaningful" or "helpful" NOT advice only and primarily because we as a couple made a conscious decision not to tell any family (especially mis parentes) about my fertility problems. They just would not get it.

I always knew it was going to be difficult for me in particular when it came to ttc anyway because of my irregular and excruitiatingly painful periods. I didn't need "well meaning" family members or friends to make me feel any worse than I already felt.

My best wishes to you all

From well meaning friends after mc - "Look at the positives, at least you know you can concieve" - yeah like that makes up for it how exactly?

your mother-in-law saying.........
'I think you should go for IVF.....I am not sure what that exactly is ...but I think you should go for it!'

or.........
her saying.......'oh it must be so hard for you...I caught on in a month with your dh!'

it will happen when u least expect it....

ur dad saying to u, well you were bloody hard work when we went in for u.....

ur nan saying.... all your grandad had to do was look at me and I was PG!

(embaressing more than anything)

Aw Slink poor you! Maybe you shouldn't come out with that line to your MIL over Christmas dinner though....