Saw the GP today...

@vitahelp @Anonbaby I think I need to get a grip - you'll have to excuse me, I'm in that really hormonal no-hope bit between realising it's a bfn and the arrival of AF! Just met a lovely woman this evening who is the mum of a single child. For some reason this made me feel much calmer.

Thanks @Anonbaby for the info, I am going private but I'm still doing the nhs tests as I understand they do test for ever so slightly different things (as well as overlapping)

@vitahelp do you n ow if it has to be cd 4, can it be before if that happens to be on a weekend? Yes, I think they are hormonal tests but I have also heard they might do a few tests for general things like kidney function, stuff that might affect fertility. I thought they tested for thyroid issues too but I had to ask my gp to tick an extra box for that. But I expect it might be the kind of thing where there is some variation depending on your area. Someone else will know more than me as I haven't actually had the test yet!x

@oliveroses i don’t think men have the overpowering feelings women have when it comes to wanting additional children but maybe that’s a generalisation.

we went through the GP and once we had the day 3 blood tests and semen analysis, we were referred to the local nhs fertility clinic. They did additional tests such as ultrasound, AMH and HSG and we had a consultant appt who talked us through the findings (of which there were none) and they just advised us on next steps which at the time was to give it longer. I think you can always have IVF at NHS facilities even if you are paying x

I went for my first blood tests last night (CD4). I was surprised when 3 samples were taken, I assumed it was just one. I have to admit I don’t even know what they are testing for at this stage, something about hormones?

@Got2besoon Im sorry you aren’t pregnant this cycle. But that’s good news about the progesterone and that the clomid is working as it should.

@oliveroses My DH is the same, he is happy to have another one but would also be happy just with DD if this doesn’t work out. I’m a lot less accepting..he does understand where I’m at and I can see he really feels for me but it can be hard knowing he isn’t taking it as hard as me.

@Got2besoon great news about the progesterone! Hang in there

Yes, suspect it might be progesterone in my case or maybe a polyp or something as I've read hormonal changes can make them bleed?! I am calling the clinic to book as soon as AF arrives for sure. I mean, I have no hope of pregnancy this month but you have to pay for the clinic at time of booking so I'm not risking it!

@Got2besoon Sorry about the bfn but I'm pleased for you that your progesterone level was good! :D

@Anonbaby how did you reach the fertility specialist? I went to the gp and have the blood tests and scans coming up. Would it be through that route? I didn't realise you could pay for ivf treatment through the nhs. Is that everywhere, do you know? I completely know what you mean about postponing things due to the possibility of pregnancy. We did too and to be honest my work has suffered from it. We booked two holidays last year for this Easter and summer and for me that was quite a big concession to the realisation that things weren't happening. It is so shit. Just had a chat with my DH and he has such a different view, would be happy with just our DS if that's how it pans out. I wish I could be that relaxed about it. For me, our early miscarriage was the loss of something huge, whereas for him I think he doesn't understand how I can feel I have lost something I didn't have. It gets worse as time goes on, not better. I do think it might be different for women.

@oliveroses yet still we can’t decide whether to push the button! I think if we don’t, until I literally cannot have enough baby physically then I will still toy with the idea of doing it. But similarly I am so scared of something going wrong. We have a lovely life with our two children. I don’t know why I can’t get rid of the idea of having another but I just don’t seem to be able to!

@oliveroses thank you. I’m a massive worrier. I worry a lot about things going wrong and the impacting on our two children.

we were referred by our gp after 8 months of trying. We saw the NHS fertility consultant after around 12 months of trying. We had lots of tests and they suggested speaking to them again at the 18 month mark which we did. All of this was free apart from the AMH test which cost £80.

Also around the 18 month mark we paid for some testing and a consultation at a private clinic as we thought if we did ivf we would go private due to them offering packages etc which nhs don’t offer. We didn’t get the best vibe at the private clinic and this is when we found out about the poor SA results so things have been on hold since then anyway.

if we do ivf we are going to go back through the nhs although obviously we will need to pay for the actual ivf. So far all investigations and consultations have been free. But the main reasons are because we like the consultant and it’s just down the road. The private clinic is 1.5 hours each way and I just think it’s stressful enough without all of that travel time, the impact on work etc. we won’t be able to do a package so we will probably only do one round plus any frozen embryo transfers but I think we’ve decided that’s enough for us with having children already, financial implication, time implication. I’m so sick of my life being on hold. It’s been two years nearly of I can’t do this because I might be pregnant, can’t book this because I might be pregnant, can’t clear my house out of baby things in case I get pregnant, can’t progress my career because I might get pregnant. I’ve literally had enough! It really feels it’s at the point where it’s now our never

@oliveroses Ours was separate. We paid about £450 for the initial tests and consultation.

@TheBirdintheCave that's great news! I'm so pleased for you. But yes, I guess it doesn't make the decision any easier. I heard that a lot of people fall pregnant naturally in between the first and second rounds of ivf because the pressure is off during that time. Obviously it would be better if you could fall pregnant naturally before the first round!

@Anonbaby do you mind if I ask whether the ivf consultation is paid for? And then you pay for ivf treatment separately, so it isn't all rolled into one? I have thought about ivf and I don't know what I would do either if I get there. I am hoping that going private will give me a few things to try before then.

I think 36 is really young so I wouldn't worry about that! I had our DS at 39. Now I'm 41 so no surprises why things are going a big pear shaped right now for me. But 36 is a great age.

@TheBirdintheCave thanks. We’ve had lots of tests and consultations but not making progress with making a decision. We have another appt in feb but the thought of it is making me feel sick because I still don’t know what to do but I know we need to make a decision x

@Anonbaby We've been trying for a year for our second and have had two missed miscarriages in that time period, both confirmed at nine weeks. I'm confident that we could have a healthy baby at some point, it's purely the time frame it takes to get there and whether we'd have to suffer more losses in the mean time. I'm not sure if I want to take that risk :/

We got very close to having IVF the first time round as we'd been trying for 1.5 years with no luck. We were literally a day away from the first round starting when I got my first positive test.

I'd suggest starting at least choosing a clinic and maybe having an initial consultation with them then seeing how you feel afterwards.

@TheBirdintheCave may I ask how long you have been trying? We are in a similar boat. Looking at IVF for a third baby. In June it’ll be 2 years since we started trying. I am also 36. We’re not sure what our issue is. We have conceived before naturally twice without any problems but this time around it hasn’t happened. The latest SA for us was under the threshold on all measures but the one before was above on all measures so I do think it’s something that constantly changes.

have you had ivf before? We are really struggling to decide whether to go down this route but it I feels a ticking time bomb. I don’t know if I can walk away from the opportunity of potentially getting our desperately wanted third baby. Similarly, from a philosophical point of view, maybe our bodies are trying to say no, as it’s happened before and won’t happen again. Is this a sign? It’s just so hard to decide

@oliveroses I'd go private. Even just booking the appointment made me feel better as I had a time and date fixed as to when I could start trying to solve the problem.

So we had our consultation this morning and in summary the choices are to keep trying or to have IVF. Turns out we wouldn't need ICSI as my husband's motility is now classed as normal! 😦 I can't believe it after all the stress trying to have our son and having results at 13% and 16% that it's now sitting at 44%.

I have no idea of what to do. My AMH is apparently very good for 36 so the consultant said 37/38 is when he'd be pushing for us to have IVF but I really don't want a second child that late.

If I were younger I'd just keep trying naturally but I hate not having any control over how long it takes. At least with IVF I'd know that in six weeks time we'd have a good possibility of being pregnant.

I'm now on cd 23 and bleeding/spotting but not properly on my period. This just seems to be getting worse and I am freaking out that my cycles are getting shorter. I am torn between calling the private specialist now to book an appointment and just giving up. I know this is just me being extreme and hormonal. I just can't see how another baby is a possibility for me now. I can't imagine it. Do you think the fertility clinics deal with spotting/bleeding and it's causes? The gp said they can look into it but not until the ultrasound and I don't know when that will be. Sorry, I am having a meltdown.

@vitahelp Thanks for sharing, and I'm sorry to quiz you so much! That's interesting that your LP has extended, mine has done the same...it was 12 days for the first 8 cycles but has been 14 days for the last 2 cycles. I've long since stopped breastfeeding so I can only put it down to the fact that I only stopped taking the pill in May 2022 and perhaps my cycles are only just returning to normal..

That's interesting to know that Clomid can still be useful even if it appears you are ovulating. I suppose it eliminates the doubt.

I don't blame you for getting your hopes up especially now something is being 'done' as it will increase your chances. And like @TheBirdintheCave says it sounds like you are still managing your expectations.

@Got2besoon It's not a bad thing to be hopeful, even by writing that I can tell you're tempering it just in case which is the best way to be really. Hope for the best outcome but be ready to deal with the worst. There's every chance it will happen for you this cycle :)

@Got2besoon How long is your luteal phase usually? Mine is anything between 12-14 days, overall cycle is 26-28 days. Quite thankful for shorter cycles as it gives me more 'opportunities', not that it has served me well so far..

It seems funny thinking back to planning age gaps etc doesn't it. I naively thought I could decide when I wanted my second one. I even told several people I was starting trying for another one because I was so sure it would happen quickly (only close friends & family). I'm quite grateful of that though as it has forced me to share this experience with them which has helped me a lot.

Ah ok, was it found that you weren't always ovulating or are they issuing Clomid/doing the test just to be 100% certain? I assumed I was ovulating as I get a temperature shift every cycle, but I'm not sure if that is enough to confirm ovulation with 100% certainty.

@Got2besoon yeah, stress is not ideal! After this week I should be clear of high pressure things for a bit. I was feeling happy because my weird mid cycle cramps hadn't arrived yet this month but they have started in the last half hour. Ffs. Still. At least it's not 6dpo like last month ... thinking of skipping ahead straight to private at this point...