TTC after miscarriage thread 13 💕🌈✨💛

Happy Monday all!
I've got my scan tomorrow (I'm 7+3 today) and scanxiety has hit. My boobs still haven't popped nor are they tender and it's making me so worried. With both my previous pregnancies it was my earliest and strongest symptom. Also tiredness and nausea are totally manageable so I'm worrying myself sick that something's wrong. That's on top of all the bleeding I've had.
If I hadn't had the loss, I'd probably just roll with it and count myself lucky that I'm not suffering. Instead I'm an anxious mess.

@HJA87 @bunnykins123 I wouldn't worry about receipts I work in the industry and they are all bpa free now and have been for a few years. I def haven't changed any pots or pans those things are expensive 😂

@HJA87 the author did another version and she said not to get obsessed about products etc but just me mindful of how much your exposed to. For example if you work in a shop, you may want to consider how you handle receipts due to how they are coated. I never binned my pans - I was close though!

Thank you all for your input re the book. I think I’ll try to make some changes if they’re easy enough but also don’t want to obsess over what pans I’m using etc.

Feeling quite negative today, been having these intrusive thoughts that maybe it will never happen for us now ☹️

@Margo34 I'm sorry you are feeling this way. For me I grieved a lot with the first miscarriage (I couldn't eat, couldn't see joy in anything and it passed very slowly) the second one I didn't cry as much. It's that first baby, the baby I have a scan of that I want. But I can't have it. I don't know if this is a normal feeling. Like others said your mind is trying to protect itself. I don't think it's because it DC2. In my opinion and believe me I'm no expert it's the grief of the EDD. And the hormones. I hope you feel better soon and feel free to talk here. Miscarriage is hugely traumatic xx

@ChloeN I know bless him he only got to come to one because of lockdown so we had an extra couple of private ones. I don't know why we did really because even at our 4d at 26 weeks he couldn't tell what was what 🤦🏼‍♀️ haha I think everyone would have been onto me since I was so adamant he was a girl a switcharoo would have def given it away 😆 oooh weird I've never had that before let's hope it's something I'm keeping everything crossed for you 🤞🏼

@mummatara really🤣🤣 why are they so thick sometimes, it actually amazes me🤦🏻‍♀️ oh there’s no way I’d be able to keep it to myself, surely you’d slip a he or she out in conversation every now and then! At least you won’t be panicking if it doesn’t happen this month, sure you’ll be back to normal by next! It would be a lovely surprise, I’ll be crying about it next weekend either way! The pains gone now, it’s a really weird one it’s just a shooting pain like up inside, it might not even be related at all could be a coincidence!

@ChloeN yes your prob right I have spent too many days this year wallowing 🙄 oooh it was when they said turn away now if you don't want to know I was so tempted to look but stuck to my guns. DH didn't turn away but he had no clue what he was looking at anyway 🤣 I had to explain the picture when we got in the car which end was which 🙄 I had a few more scans after that too but somehow managed to curb my curiosity if only for the fact I'm a terrible liar and was so adamant we were having a surprise I wouldn't of been able to keep it secret I knew. I was obsessed after the first but it didn't happen never got a temp rise so I think I'm just like it won't happen this time either. Haha sometimes I think when we have 0 expectations it's the one that surprises us the most 😳🙊 wow vag pains don't sound like fun

@mummatara might be better to be busy? No doubt I’ll just sit and wallow all day by myself🙄 I feel like the temptation to find out at your 20w scan must be crazy but I feel like the surprise must be so worth it! That sounds like a nice way to be! I got obsessed with ovulating immediately after but don’t think I ever did, period came exactly 4 weeks after the first bleeding started so I don’t think I would of had time to ovulate again!
Im going to try my very best not too, I’ve just started having the shooting vag pains I’ve had the past 2 times but trying to ignore them, tbh my hopes for this cycle are about 0 right now 🤣

@Margo34 hey lovely, sorry to hear of your anxiety but congratulations on your pregnancy! I would imagine the way you’re feeling is so so normal! Me and my partner have planned to not tell anyone until after 20 weeks if possible next pregnancy, we would of never done that if the first pregnancy had been successful, we’re not announcing on social media or finding out the gender either which would would of previously done! I think it really changes your outlook on things! Do you feel like you darent get excited just in case it you jinx it almost? Xx

@Margo34 oooh lovely I think it's probably totally normal to feel the way you do. ❤️ also having the due date def won't be helping and all your hormones make everything just that much more. I honestly couldn't get very excited when we fell the second time and when we went for a scan and it hadn't turned out well I honestly wasn't even that shocked so I think it's really normal you're probably protecting yourself a little bit by not getting excited about it. I would love to say that the anxiety goes away but I imagine it probably doesn't until that bubba is safely in your arms. Have you chatted to DH about how you feel? We are always here to talk to we totally get it xxx

Hey ladies, feel free to boot me out but I'm really struggling atm (15w) and can't seem to get excited about this pregnancy and I think it's because I didn't really deal with my losses this year very well and feel like I'm waiting for this one to go wrong too. Had the 12w scan, all good, and now I'm off the progresterone too, no problems so far, so I feel like I should be super excited but I'm just...not. Delayed telling family until this weekend and I have no idea what my face was doing. Do you think this could be just normal pregnancy hormones messing with me? Or is it because it would be DC2 so will obviously be very different to pregnancy with DC1 so this feeling is normal? Or is it that I didn't deal with my losses this year and my first EDD of the year has just passed (3 days ago)? I'm not sure the MN birth club group really get it.

I'm sorry to vent here, I know you're all going through your own sh*tty experiences with TTC and losses. The anxiety losses brings just hasn't seemed to have lifted at all yet and I thought it would have at least started to by now.

@ChloeN oh yes should have said cake will be included either way 😂 I won't be able to take the day off it's our busiest time at work and no holidays allowed in Dec. We do close for Christmas the week after so might do a bit of reflecting then. It was so lovely and a shock my mothers intuition was terrible 😂 I let DH choose if the next one is a surprise or we find out as I wanted the surprise for DS. So far both times he said he wants a surprise again which I was shocked about I felt sure he would want to find out

No sign of it yet I'm on CD20 today but my temp only dropped 8 days ago there is still hcg in my system which might stop it or delay it. I'm not worrying too much this cycle we've dtd every few days and if we get lucky great but if not then next cycle we'll go back to opks

Do you think you'll test early?

@mummatara I think I’d be going for the cake either way, sounds delightful🤣 oh love that you waited till he was born to find out, what a lovely surprise🥺 2nd March, desperately hoping to be pregnant again by then but will want to do something regardless! It’s a weekday so doubt my bf will want the day off work so I’ll probably just have the day to myself.

You know my mum had me worrying about all the ewcm coming out business, I shouldn’t listen to her🤣🤣 no signs of ovulation for you yet then?xx

@ChloeN if I'm not pregnant I'll be having a bottle of wine if I am then I'll be having some sort of cake most likely triple chocolate heavenly deliciousness. Do you think you'll do anything for yours? When were you due? Weirdly I didn't have any feeling what that one was. With my son I was convinced he was a girl right until I had him and as the doctor pulled him out and lifted him up to show me I shouted so loudly omg it's a boy 😂

Ahh maybe that's what I'm thinking of 🤔 you probs don't need it then 😂 it's meant to give you more cm in general I think so around O more ewcm. Haha not being pushed out by the egg then 😂 I haven't had any ewcm yet but I've def had more general cm than I was having post previous MC

@MrsCristianoX ahh glad char got her bfp as know she had a chemical too. I jinxed this last one too and went to the due June board to nosey 🤦🏼‍♀️. I will do, thanks. Been so nice to see a familiar name, even though I wish I hadn’t xx
@ROZRAX I tried l’arginine and made no diff for me. Wouldn’t it be great if we had a hormone reset button.

@bunnykins123 I know you’re right. I just have fear that I won’t be taken seriously and it’ll be a “don’t know you 1 in 4” etc etc. Thanks for info re NK I recall a lady I used to work with who had a similar diagnosis after lots of losses, all worked out for her with right treatment. Hope you feel better soon

@Bubblesandballoons I’m thinking something similar. Had coil out in April and periods have been Max 2-3 days and very light (but more painful). Even miscarriage bleeding was very light. I’ve been using l-arginine and think it’s made a tiny bit of diff but again feel I’m clutching at anything.

@mummatara are you doing anything on the day do you think? Me too, I’ve only looked at my photo once but I’m glad I’ve got it! I always had the feeling mine was a boy, no idea why! It goes feel like forever, I feel a different person than who I was before all of this started!🤦🏻‍♀️ I’ve had a couple of cramps tonight but nothing major, af isn’t due till next Friday🙄🙄
Id noticed extra discharge maybe that’s what you’re thinking?? I’ve had loads of creamy cm but I thought that might of been because I was going swimming🤣 does it give you more ewcm?? I feel like I wouldn’t mind a bit extra of that just to make sure it’s all up there😂

@bunnykins123 ah okay, that’s good you had someone understanding! I think I’ve had a different gp everytime I’ve been lately, none female🤦🏻‍♀️ I asked a nurse for advice on vitamins and she said ask a dr, but they never give you an appt 🤣

@ChloeN forgot to say I think it was you asking about CM and not seeing much? Sorry if it wasn't you but I remember thinking I hadn't seen much after the MC and around O day or after really and I've always had a fair amount before def enough to track it easily just by looking in my undies. I thought I'd try having grapefruit juice as heard this helps I've had a glass every morning for about 4 weeks now and I have to say I've def seen a lot more than what there was just after my last mc cycle.

@Bubblesandballoons I think char is pregnant due in May ( that was the chemical cycle so I browsed the May board absolutely jinxed myself there ffs) and as far I know biscuit lover is still trying,..? I can't cope with those threads anymore, I refuse to look🙈 let us know how you get on this Saturday and good luck xx

@ChloeN for me I lost wall 3 within 5 months. I was lucky as my GP was female and experienced miscarriages herself so she referred me immediately. I've seen quite a few women get referrals without too much issue.

@ROZRAX it's basically where my immune system is too good and attacks a baby thinking it's something bad. We conceived easily and now nothing so I do think my body recognises DH spermies as bad and attack them before they even get to the egg. I'm on immune suppressing drugs and currently going through hell with my 1st bad illness. I really hope it works!

@ChloeN I was due Dec 16th so not long really ☹️ I wish we could have known the gender but I do have a scan picture at 10 weeks which I'm glad I got. Yes it's crazy to think that's all happened in such a short space of time but I bet it feels like forever for you ❤️ ahh yea I'd wait see if AF shows. I didn't feel pregnant with any of them. My only weird symptom I ever had was heartburn at 6DPO with the last pregnancy and I carried on getting heartburn until about 7 weeks and the poof it went bloody gagging and nausea didn't go though 🤦🏼‍♀️

@mummatara definitely! If I hadn’t of lost the first and been trying the whole time I would only be on cycle 5 now which is nothing🤯 I don’t know how I’ve had time to have a mmc and a chemical in 5 months 🤦🏻‍♀️ would your first mc be nearly due by now?😔 I’ll give it a look up on Amazon, I might wait and see if AF arrives this cycle, I don’t feel very pregnant this month but guess there’s always hope🤷🏼‍♀️

@bunnykins123 so did you just call the GP after all 3 loses and ask for a referral? Xxx

@ROZRAX i think it’s very easy to make yourself so aware of everything little thing your body does they all become symptoms😔 it’s just shit!

@bunnykins123 no I'm taking 400mg of ubiquinol. If you take the coq10 not ubiquinol it recommends 600mg but 400mg for ubiquinol in 2 doses. 200 in the AM and 200 at lunch but I tend to take mine Breakfast and dinner

@ROZRAX don’t know why it didn’t tag you in my reply above