Is this a line?

@Releasethehoundss

Good question. Fuck me he just came back.

@Releasethehoundss

that made me laugh 😂 Lots already I suppose the fun has worn off and it’s more like ffs baby, I love you- but more money now? Haha.
Hes sneaking about trying to be nice again now. Do I want to log onto his Netflix 🥴🙄 erm no. There’s food in the kitchen I put it on a plate if you get hungry. (The food I said more than once I didn’t want cos he will moan if I waste it that’s another thing, waste. It makes me sick before I even eat Incase I don’t finish) and then said I’m nipping out won’t be long.

The nipping out I wonder. One- is he trying to make me feel insecure and worried or whatever.

Is he trying to nip out then catch me on the phone like he almost did last night.

Or does he have a recording thing here and wants to know if I’ll be straight on the phone to them and see what I say?

The helpline lady asked if he possibly has recording devices. It wouldn’t shock me in the slightest. So I’m not ringing now.

Let him play chess on his own. He’s not catching me out. Bastard.

Sorry im not replying to everything/ doing everything right now. Im scatty in my head with all this

I told the lady at Tesco a little bit and my hands were shaking and she held my hand and was so sweet

@Releasethehoundss

Well whenever he nips anywhere, either he gets me to go with him or he’s so fast. I can’t think what I could ask him? The line is usually a while wait, and then I get so anxious when he comes back like last night he came back when I was on the phone to them and I just said he’s here he’s here he’s here I have to go and I hung up. And nearly had a panic attack. He’s sneaky as hell. If he caught me doing that I’m fucked then I think. Can I do a Claire’s law check? Oh that reminds me today- he was going on about how I make it up in my head that he’s abusive (literally never said that to him especially since the warning from the helpline lady) and that he’s had loads of exes and they never said he was abusive. Neither did I. To his face. That makes me wonder why he would say that. X

I did change all my passwords and stuff now on my phone. Face recognition and password required so. He can’t sneak on it now x

@Releasethehoundss

Please don’t worry about dampened excitement. My baby safe is more important than my ruined excitement which is his fault not yours for giving amazing advice!
I will do what you said that’s a really good idea. I’m not by any means underestimating this man. Or what could happen. But the lady at the shelter/womens aid/national domestic violence helpline (I don’t know which it is I think the latter) said to act normal. So that means I can’t go all doe eyed and compliant neither can I go nuclear. I have to be the same fiesty but not too far with it, person I have been so far. So as not to let him onto anything

These men! Jesus.

It’s very hard I have to say to not wind him up. He has been stupid and given me so many buttons, he underestimated me for sure. I’m the most loving and nurturing person. But I’m also the most nasty and cruel of people in instances like this at least. But alas I have my baby to think of. He’s not worth it. I could reduce him to tears by just a few words and a laugh. Make him feel like shit. Less of a man. So easily. Like he does to me. But again. Baby. He’s not worth it

Comes with matching tiny pants 😍

Babies first thing ❤️ And I’m making a baby book.

@Releasethehoundss

not yet. I need to be able to ring woman’s aid/ domestic violence helpline thing to get a refuge it isn’t easy I can’t call when he’s here. They don’t allow it anyway and rightly so. And also they said ring from 10am for the best chance of a refuge but again he works nights so he’s home at 10am.

I asked him how did you hear this mysterious “gaslighting” I was supposedly talking about through the wall when I never said it (not with him here anyway) and he said it wasn’t through the wall it was by the door. So he was standing listening to me on the phone? He said no he was walking from the kitchen and I thought well the only phone conversation I have had have been me whispering and I didn’t hear him walking from or to the kitchen I would have heard and even if he was how would you just happen to catch that particular word whispered at the other end of the room to the door if you’re just passing? I think he has some recording or something. I don’t know. Or he’s remembered the only abuse term he knows and is making guesses

Also I was typing to you and he tried to sneak behind me to see what it was. I moved my phone and I never do that with him. So he can’t see. So now he’s not working again. Bastard. I went out and purposely bought my first baby item like I wanted to in Aldi the other day and he wouldn’t allow it even with my own money. I mean he couldn’t stop me but I can’t handle the moods and how he will throw it in my face later. So I bought a lovely set this afternoon from Tesco ❤️

Do you want to see it?

Hes not in work again. He was meant to be all week. Now I can’t ring the women’s aid again to log what’s happening. Like I did last night when he went not to work but out somewhere

He’s fucked off for a minute. He told me he spent the last of his money on ten pack of cigarettes. The fucking idiot. Does he not know that you can’t buy those anymore? Does he think I’m stupid? 😂🤦‍♀️

@OrlandointheWilderness

made me tear up again. The part about a good home and fill it with good things.

Hes started again. The woman asked me last night when he went god knows where and locked me in, if he’s possibly got a listening device which I had considered myself. Now he’s going on about hearing me say “gaslighting” on the phone. I asked him how could you possibly have heard that I have only made one phone call when you were here and it was nothing to do with gaslighting. And he said he heard it. And it’s all in my head. And cos I laugh when he says nasty things disguised as faux concern or something he says how can you be scared of me if I’m an abuser if you’re laughing.

Noone mentioned abuse to him. Also I asked him where that bar came from and despite the many MANY kick offs when I have “irony laughed” or defence mechanism laughed, this time he laughed and said it was there the whole time. I’m sure it wasn’t.

Hes saying it’s all in my head. He does nice nice nice then nasty. If I don’t work to his time frame.

I’ll reply later he’s mithering me mister nice guy routine. Cos I’m off on the motorbike to get my own stuff and he wants to control how I get my things and how independent I am. Ffs.

I suppose this is the point. But I’m losing mental energy. I’m so sad. And fed up.

Checking baby is still there and also that my hcg is rising. I’m shocked at how much stronger and darker and pinker this line is! A few more days and I’ll do the final expensive one. I’m 4+6 now.

Arsehole has been banging about for a few hours so I only got 3 hours which isn’t a lot for pregnant me after no sleep all night. He’s doing it on purpose. If I banged about like that while he was sleeping he would go fucking MENTAL. But his excuse is “well I work” (nice dig) but that’s not the point is it. The point is we all have to sleep and it’s mutual respect.

And for the kicker? He’s not due at work til tonight. He’s now gone out god knows where. And locked me inside. No word, no checking im ok, nothing. Just banging around and then locking me in the house so I can’t actually get out. And no idea where he’s gone cos it isn’t work this early. Not that I care but he could be gone hours or ten minutes. What if there is a fire?

Also noticed he now has an iron bar next to the door. It wasn’t there before. He was telling me all these home made weapons he used to have and how he needs to start having them again. But didn’t do it. Now there is a very nasty looking iron curved wrench next to the front door in the corner.

Jesus. I can’t handle this shit. Who treats a pregnant girlfriend like this? This is low for even an abuser. At least they fake it. Well he did earlier offering me food in the middle of the night sneaking about. But since then nothing. And he’s eating and enjoying 150 quids worth of my money on the Aldi shop. That’s pissing me right off cos any treats I have if I don’t get to them soon enough he eats them all and doesn’t save one thing. Not one. Selfish pig. I hate him. I told him I’m going to have an abortion. I’m gonna try and pull that off. But only when I have a refuge place. Play nice. Get the keys (I only got them once when it took an argument for him to hand them over and trust that I would wake early to let him in). Wait til he’s at work. And go. When I get a refuge. Lock the door and hide keys. Message saying abortion was successful. Block delete and never speak again. And have the sanctuary of a female only space. I have had murders moving around with men. Not in a romantic capacity even. One was a shared house the man tried to choke me so I slapped him hard. Three times for each time he went for me calling me a slag and lunatic after he had drunkenly knocked over my motorbike and not given a shit. The other a “family friend” except it was my grandads friend and that grandad is dead so no vouching. 67 year old pervert. The other places just the sheer lack of stability. I’m so done.

Im starting to feel depressed now. What’s the point?