Bus 9 - Donkey Cart departing soon, all aboard with ivf, pcos, endo, sub/unexplained fertility jump on

When did you all tell people IRL that you were struggling? Who/when/how. I/(we) havent yet. One or two friends know "id be happy if i got pregnant now" - we are mid 30s, these are friends who dont want any(/anymore) children. Finding it especially hard to be around colleagues who are expecting etc. I think if someone very close to me got pregnant (a close friend, DH's sister etc) I would really struggle. Any advice?

@Marvellouslymadmum I’m not sure about donor yet. I don’t think I’m quite there. We got 3 day 5 blasts this last cycle. I’m 35, 36 in Jan so I’ll keep trying with my own for now. Although they’re clearly a bit rubbish because our fertilisation rates are poor, even with ICSI and it seems to be an egg issue rather than a sperm issue (my eggs don’t activate properly and we used zymot chip and AOA and ICSI this last round).

It’s something I might consider in the future though, I’m not sure. I’m more comfortable with that than adoption. I 100% know I couldn’t deal with a highly traumatised child. Spoke to a friend recently about our struggles and first thing she said was have you considered adopting? After I said I had considered and then disregard it, got a story of someone she knew who had adopted and was very happy and then had a surprise BFP in her 40s. Literally the last thing I wanted to hear, she meant well and I love her to bits but… surprise BFP results after years of infertility are not what I want to hear.

@thislittlebird I agree, I don’t think I’ll go on another month IVF cycle thread. It just makes me angry, I’m pleased for them, to even do one round is tough but I can’t really take it anymore and I increasingly come across as defeatist and miserable.

I think I’ll pop onto the Emma/Alice/Era thread once that’s been agreed with the clinic. Which it will be, because we already discussed it as an option if this one failed.

I’ve got to remember that although this was my third transfer, it’s still from my second cycle. I’m not on my third collection yet and it can take 3 rounds, not just 3 transfers.

The money thing is another problem all on its own.

@Lauralozzle yeah that’s why I couldn’t go on those threads anymore. The EMMA/ALICE testing thread is good, this one too, but I couldn’t deal with the threads where people do one attempt and they’re pregnant, it’s too much to comprehend how it doesn’t work for us but immediately does for others.

My doc just stuck me on the blood thinners without the test, but he did do the NK cells test and that came back normal. However I self-medicated with pred to get my first BFP (chemical) and told him I wanted to try low dose again for this one, even though my results were normal. I’m only on 10mg but maybe it helped. also push for all the progesterone tests in case that’s low, I wonder if this is the first cycle where my progesterone wasn’t too low. Not sure.

Give yourself a break from it all and then when you’re ready definitely go the kitchen sink route because you’ve got nothing to lose (but more money 🫠) and they do say it can take three rounds.

@2023b it’s incredibly frustrating how so many find it so easy and others are the exact opposite.

Thanks everyone. It’s shit. That’s all I can say really. I’m tired and fed up of this. Kitchen sink approach is needed, I reckon.

What’s hard is being on IVF cycle threads, where it seems to work first time for so many people. I’m definitely taking a break, I don’t have much hope for my day 6 frozen which I’ll try in the new year.

@2023b It sucks doesn’t it.

Why is it so hard to get pregnant? Just tested... negative.
How are there so many people accidentally getting pregnant? Why is it not happening despite meticulous planning? Ffs

@Lauralozzle I'm so sorry. @Misty84 it's crap isn't it, from 3 cycles we had quite a few fertilise but only ever had 2 to transfer. Trying to decide on whether to do pgta as evidence is odd in that it reduces miscarriage risk but doesn't make any difference to pregnancy rates. As we don't get many embryos on the fence about it 🤔

I’m so sorry to read your update @Lauralozzle. IVF is absolutely shit when it doesn’t work multiple times. And such an enormous drain on finances. NK killer cells ended up being the issue for us (possibly, at least that’s what I was treated for) and we improved our male factor issues. But everyone’s different and it’s overwhelming trying to work out what to test, what to spend money on, what’s the key or if it’s just down to a lot of luck in the end!
Terrible timing for your OTD, there are no words😔 Go out and spoil yourselves with a nice meal and get drunk if you feel like it, that’s what we did after failures.
It’s miserable and I’m sorry.

@thislittlebird Thank you. I know you get it, it’s easier talking to people who get that IVF seems so much harder when it doesn’t work and you’re on multiple failed transfers.

So, OTD is Sunday. Which is cruel, cause it’s our 6 year wedding anniversary! So I’m in that limbo where clinic won’t accept the result yet. But at 9dp5dt I’m realistic enough to know that it’s basically 14dpo and a BFN on a FRER is going to be accurate.

Consultant said that if this transfer fails we’ll look at ERA/ALICE/EMMA and blood clotting issues. I’m going to ask about immunes (NK Killer Cells) but they’ll probably say no. The trio test is £1.7k so we’ll need to save for that anyway. Blood clotting test is only a couple of hundred. I’ll get them both done before next FET so not looking at another transfer until next year, probably April at the earliest because we’ll have to save hard for this.

If next FET fails, we’ll have another round on the multicycle. I’ll be 36 then and might look at PGT-A then and further immune testing. It just gets so expensive though.

@Lauralozzle sorry to hear that, I know it’s hard to keep going through these failures. what number is that for you now? This was my seventh embryo (over 3 rounds and we only have one crap embryo left, so 8 in total from three rounds) so I know first hand it can take a while. All I would say is, when you get to that last round make sure they’re throwing the kitchen sink at you so that you can try things you haven’t to date. Be pushy about what you want to try, which is what I had to do. I do think the changes we made this time is what made the difference, and maybe I don’t need blood thinners and low dose prednisolone but I’m grateful I could try them.

@thislittlebird I’m so glad everything is looking good.

@Marvellouslymadmum your cat is adorable!

I was quiet as I was in 2WW. Transfer 3 is another BFN. I have one left in the freezer and one more round and then I think we’ll call it quits.

@Marvellouslymadmum he’s gorgeous! Endo and the classic that is age will probably stop natural being a good shot but if you’re doing DE that gets around it. If you do a cycle with your own eggs, I’d definitely recommend PGT-A after my experience this past cycle. This was our only confirmed euploid embryo.

@Marvellouslymadmum Animal therapy is the best! Aww he’s beautiful colours x

@Marvellouslymadmum Oh a kitten, how sweet! That is good company.

Did they indicate a timeline for the lap? I know the feeling of not being able to let go. I was convinced I'd keep going but I'm feeling rather old now if I'm honest. I said to my husband that I think I'm done if this pregnancy doesn't work out, I want to go back to having a life and I haven't felt I've had much of one since 2019 truly. And money, we've spent so much on this (if I had to guess I'd say we've easily spent £30-40k with all the extras and meds). So right now I feel like it's this pregnancy or none. I've definitely become more accepting of being childless over the course of the IVF process. At first I was devastated and as time has passed, and I've failed and failed again, I've adjusted to the idea more.

Not many symptoms really, but yeah, I am tired and hungry. Nothing much more.

@Marvellouslymadmum yeah it's very hard. And the infertility trauma doesn't end, if that makes sense, it's hard to relax and think things will be ok. Time will tell. How are you at the moment?

@Marvellouslymadmum 9+5 so 10 weeks on Sunday. Next hurdle is the 12 week scan in a few weeks and trisomy tests etc. Fingers crossed all goes well. I'm just waiting with baited breath for it all!

@Marvellouslymadmum yeah all good, relieved it’s over! It was quite a late one which meant all day fretting.