Bus 9 - Donkey Cart departing soon, all aboard with ivf, pcos, endo, sub/unexplained fertility jump on

@Marvellouslymadmum @becarefuloutthere @CycleGirl20 @Hoping43 thanks for the gentle and whispered congrats, it is very whispered right now, just out the other side of a 24 hour migraine like I would normally get with AF. Not sure what that means for me, hopefully still positive tests when I try again at the weekend.

@Marvellouslymadmum that’s one epic clomid journey! Sounds chaotic in the mmm house! Thanks again for the nice words, we’ve both been hanging out here an unreasonable amount of time. Hopefully I can alight here from the cart but time will tell 🫠. On the plus side, whatever happens, we’ve learned I can achieve implantation which had never happened before.

Probably good you’re going into it with your eyes open to DE. My friend was 41 maybe when she had DE twins, all very fast because she went straight to DE.

@Hoping43 good luck with your ivf appointment, it’s certainly a rollercoaster.

@CycleGirl20 yeah definitely, honestly I don’t think I could do it and see why @Misty84 exited. It’s a different world. I put my head into one for a minute a day ago and it was just…no, not for me. People with multiple kids, people very blasé about it all and planning ahead. It’s a different world from post-infertility pregnancies. If I join anything it’ll be the post IVF threads. Will probably wait until I feel more comfortable, I’m only 12dp5dt, it’s a lot to take in.

Funny you should say that @CycleGirl20, I came off all of them! So I totally agree.

@thislittlebird quiet congratulations! I've been wishing you look quietly in the background. With regards to moving over to the pregnancy threads, make sure you pay attention to how being on those sits with you mentally. There's a lot of people on there who've either had an easy ride or who are worrying about pregnancy complications. After infertility & IVF I found both made me needlessly anxious.

Whispering congratulations @thislittlebird.

Sorry to hear others are still having a hard time.

we have booked our IVF appt for around a months time so have to have all our tests redone in the mean time. I’ve come to a point where I can’t go on any longer. It’s been 18 months of trying naturally, I have a 6 and 3 year old with no issues conceiving but it’s taking over my life. IVF is the last shot so I feel we need to move forward with it now. Not looking forward to the emotional rollercoaster but hoping it may provide some insight into what could actually be wrong

@thislittlebird congratulations 🥳 I've been quietly lurking and how wonderful to see your update! I have everything crossed for you! 🤞🏾 I was on an ivf pregnancy thread, that should help ease you into it all.

@Misty84 proper keen lol! I’ll probably hang tight for a bit, my light tests and anxiety are not going to get me carried away any time soon 🙃.

Yeah I do think I’ll struggle to feel like I fit in with normal fertile people on those threads. I’ve seen ivf success ones around, that might be more my cup of tea.

I’ll see how this whole situation goes for a few days!

@thislittlebird Totally normal to not have a clue what happens now! I thought I would have to call my GP but actually it’s a self referral form to maternity at your local hospital. They do everything for you. I did it the day after I got a clear line- I was a right keeno!

I did join a “Due in July 2022” MN group, although I felt like a bit of an imposter! Most of them had very easy paths…
It was just so strange to finally be on the other side!!! Amazing though xx

@Misty84 yeah, I just feel a bit like a rabbit in the headlights. I don’t even know what happens now, and my tests are still quite faint and I’m 16dpo/11dp5dt. Some people online say there’s were always faint, some say they had a chemical with that result, some say FET embryos can be late implanters etc. I dunno what to make of it all, just need to take it one day at a time and hope it lasts. I told the clinic early this morning.

Thanks, I hope so. How long did you take before you started engaging in ~that~ other world? I feel like I’ll give it a week or two at least before I dive in.

Congratulations @thislittlebird!! Amazing and terrifying isn’t it?! My line started as an absolute squinter and gradually darkened over a few days. Embrace the happiness, the POSITIVE appointments that don’t make you feel like shit, the groups where everyone’s only moan is their morning sickness! It’s a completely different world, and so precious given how long it’s taken to get there. I hope it all works out for you 💐

I won’t post pics, I know lots of you are having a hard time at the mo. But I got my first ever second line tonight. It wasn’t dark, so I’ll see what the morning brings, but I’m a little shocked. I’ll be 11dp5dt tomorrow, my OTD. It’s very much day by day, I started spotting again tonight.

Thank you @OrangeBengal and @thislittlebird for your kind words. I shouldn’t write in the morning, it’s when I’m at my lowest!🤦‍♀️

@Alexis7890 yeah it’s impossible to keep doing this and remain optimistic. It hurts too much each time it fails. When I started ivf it felt like we had a chance and now it feels more like a distant hope.

Bristol is quite a not a bar drive, that’s the only issue for us, it takes a long time to get down there.

I’m trying to work and struggling to focus tbh.

@Misty84 yeah, annoying though because I have to go into the office that day. I’m vaguely not wanting to stop being pupo, hate it when this part ends. Sort of want it to continue vs losing my mind at the thought of testing.

Acupuncture was definitely relaxing for me and not painful.

It must be really hard going through all that and coming to terms with the situation, I know I would more than struggle, you’re doing the right things. For you it’s a dual trauma and I think doing the CBT is good, it’s an outlet, but like you say it won’t solve your problems and remove the trauma. Try to be super kind to yourself because you’re grieving and it’s an incredibly hard thing to go through.

Oh @Misty84 it definitely seems like you need to give yourself time to process. Infertility by itself is all encompassing, so I can’t imagining how you’re feeling with your sister’s death on top of that. I think you should be super impressed with how well you’re coping. And if talking is helping, keep doing it for as long as you need

I think if you can afford acupuncture then it’s worth giving it a go, certainly wont do any harm! I was quite tense while the needles went in but then I would fall asleep so I think it was an opportunity to relax more than anything else!

@thislittlebird One more day until test day!

@Alexis7890 Think we can all emphasise with not wanting to get our hopes up, it’s such an internal struggle to manage expectations.

Even when I actually managed to get pregnant (god knows how when the Lister couldn’t even get one embryo past day 3) I wasn’t secure about it lasting, and guess what, it didnt!
I wake up every morning feeling so sad and resigned, just lying there thinking about everything. It’s better once I get to work and am distracted.
Ive been doing group CBT sessions (through the NHS) which have just come to an end and the therapist has reached out to me personally because apparently I’m still scoring above a 9 on the questionnaires so he’s offered me a 1:1 session. Very very nice of him but god I feel like such a lost cause! I said to my partner yesterday “Unless someone can bring my sister back from the dead and give me a baby then I don’t see how they can help.” That’s the bleak truth of it sadly.

@thislittlebird appointment was okay, got another one on Thursday. There’s a follicle with potential but had trainee doctor today, it was only 14mm so they want to check again Thursday before deciding if they think letrozole has had any success or time to move on. He said I looked very nonplussed….I just said I can’t get excited or get my hopes up only to have them crushed so safer for me to stay outwardly calm….inwardly is another matter brain going into overdrive of what ifs. I don’t have expectations of it working though. Then started panicking I’d said the wrong thing 🤦🏼‍♀️ have you got some good distractions to get to test day? We haven’t been to Carbis bay before, the hotel looked nice so I booked it, we’re near Bristol so it isn’t too far to drive 😊

@OrangeBengal @Misty84 i have tried acupuncture once for headaches and a locked neck, I’m not sure I liked the feeling of the needles but it’s maybe more calming for fertility? For my neck they really were quite sore!

Nice @thislittlebird, I’m glad you’ve found something :)

@OrangeBengal i actually picked up a tin of pencils and started drawing! I got drawing stuff for Christmas a couple of years ago and haven’t used it so decided it was time, long overdue. A good distraction, actually.

You’re doing really well @thislittlebird, do you have a favourite programme, podcast or album you can put on to just make you laugh and distract you for awhile?

@Sunbird24 everything crossed for you for this transfer.

@Alexis7890 and @Misty84 I started acupuncture about 3 weeks ago and if it ends up not helping me get pregnant it would have at least helped improve my state of mind. Obviously both would be nice!

@Alexis7890 how was your appointment?

I can't say if the acupuncture did much, but I think it helped to get my periods back to normal, and it's also quite relaxing. Like a therapy session x time to relax with needles in lol. It's worth a go!

Carbis Bay is nice, my dh is from Cornwall. We go quite often.

I'm ok, just nervous as I get nearer to test day. Going to be a mess if it's another BFN. Can't worry about that yet, got the rest of Tuesday and the whole of Wednesday to get through without AF/migraine/other incidents.

@Misty84 As long as they don't creep into my room I should be fine, but will pack some allergy meds just in case! It sounded like a good idea at the time

Ahh very cute @thislittlebird and hope your allergies will be ok!
@Alexis7890 I did acupuncture for about a year. I got pregnant, miscarried, continued for a bit but then stopped (mental health declined and I stopped doing most things). I don’t know if it did anything to specifically help (think the pregnancy was just fluke as most of them surely are?!) and it didn’t stop me miscarrying so I don’t know really… I keep talking about going back but I have very low motivation.
It’s probably worth giving it a go and see if you like it!
Good luck with your consultation x

So dh is only on board depending what the consultant says. We last saw him 5 years ago but where given an open invertation to make an nhs appointment with him through his secretary directly. My last experience was more like a horror story and continuous care was a big thing that was missing. Dh wants to set out a treatment/care plan before we even try.

I've made an appointment with my gp but it's 3 weeks away and only a telephone call. Would you try the open invite 5 years down the line? My case was so complex that the lead consultant had only seen a small handful through his career.

I hope everyone enjoys their up coming breaks.

@thislittlebird how are you getting on?

@Misty84 and @thislittlebird what do you think of acupuncture? I’ve looked at it and it is expensive but we could afford it, do you think it helped at all?

Seeing the consultant in an hour and a half, expecting to be told that we are moving on from letrozole but have to go on my own as husband is working away today and couldn’t get out of it.

York will be fun, we are going away this weekend down to Carbis Bay in Cornwall, first wedding anniversary on Saturday

@Misty84 how much is it in your area? My acupuncturist said the most important thing is to go regularly, even if it’s once per month I guess. I definitely saw a difference in my short/light periods after going to get a few times, and touch wood, my periods have gone back to mostly normal since then, with maybe one odd, light month along the way. I stopped going after our first failure tbh. Summer was expensive for us and I would like to go back but now October is going to be expensive too.

It’s really hard. I know they say that it doesn’t matter, you’ll be upset if it’s a BFN whether you were optimistic or pessimistic in the lead up, but the thought of everything going ok in terms of no symptoms and only spotting not bleeding etc and then still getting a negative result is just…..a lot to comprehend.

Glad they enjoyed it! We got a two together rail card at the end of last year and hadn’t used it enough so decided this was a good excuse. It’s only a couple of hours from London. We booked a hotel with resident cats! I am allergic so this might be an error but I’ll take my antihistamines so I can fuss over them lol. Cute photo attached!