Bus 9 - Donkey Cart departing soon, all aboard with ivf, pcos, endo, sub/unexplained fertility jump on

This will be my 5th cycle, including one that was cancelled at the last min @thislittlebird. Only one EC though, but for the cycle that was cancelled I was stimulated like an EC. This time they want me on 2mg of oestrogen 2, then 3 times a day, 100mg of prontogest in the mornings, 400mg of cyclogest in the evenings, then prednisolone, clexane and aspirin, started just prior to transfer. From what I see they only really have the data to justify the prednisolone and some oestrogen and progesterone support, though not specifically prontogest. I think my original consultant may have left too, so I’m feeling a little adrift at my clinic.

For you, in time you may be able to see something positive from this round, but equally you may not, and either feeling will be fine. If I was you and I decided to go again I would do PGS testing, insist on more progesterone, injections as well as pessaries, and yes the prednisolone too. Not sure about any other medications your on.

Work-wise you should be able to receive the same level of care and understanding via a new manager. Is it worth just putting all your cards on the table and seeing what they say, then if it’s no good, then you walk away?

@OrangeBengal I get it, how many attempts in are you now? The thought of doing another EC makes me feel like shit. Watching buffy and laying in your dh's lap feels like a good plan. What's your next protocol, is it a new clinic? I also hate all the drugs. I worry about what we're doing to ourselves. Doing it once + transfers is one thing, doing all the drugs three times feels like a lot to deal with. I'm sorry you've got a new fibroid, have you been on high doses before? Mine have been low and I'm going to stress again to them I'm not comfortable with high doses. I think I'm going to turn down a job offer too. Going through all this again in a new role isn't sitting right with me, I don't want to give up the supportive manager I have and the mostly wfh role. Other jobs will come up, but right now I feel like work is work and my priority is getting through the ivf and not losing my sanity.

@Misty84 I think I got two days out of it last weekend that weren't stressful, it's such a headfuck. Even then I was never confident in those tests that were light for that point in the process. My husband said something over the weekend about 'the baby' and needing to take time off next year. One day later the dream of 'the baby' is dead. It's so hard to do this, I resent those people who have it easy so much. A lady who had miscarried at 8 weeks hugged me when she saw me leaving the EPU in tears, it's so shit. Like you said, how can we stop and take a break? I don't want to still be doing this in a few years. I need to spend the next 6 months to 18 months on this and be done with it. Surely being childless and enjoying our life is more fun than this? I dunno, it all fucking sucks.

I think it's over, yeah. I stopped having the symptoms from around the the bleeding began on Monday. I got my beta results. My HCG was 84, so they're retesting me on Friday but we're all assuming it's going down, not up. My bleeding is more like a period now, just a bit lighter, just waiting for the nod to stop taking the meds tomorrow.

My progesterone was only 30. That's on 3 x 400mg cyclogest per day, that's not a lot if you ask me, it was only 54 after transfer. When I did letrozole + cyclogest (lower dose) cycles and had two follicles popping out eggs I had progesterone of 110. I'l think on this more this weekend, but essentially I'm going to ask for prednisolone in my transfer protocol, because I think that's what might have helped me conceive briefly, and also Letrozole plus a trigger for frozen cycles. I don't want to do medicated transfers because of the oestrogen and my migraines so this should hopefully be a way around that.

I know it's not much consolation for you but natural is possible for you, even if it's not easy to achieve. It doesn't help I'm sure, because it's not a guarantee, just a hope it'll all work, it's a little bit of hope but sometimes hope makes it all worse. I'm sorry you and your partner are going through all this, it's so horrible. Did you look into Chinese medicine at all? I think you mentioned it. I know how you feel about the time slipping, I said to my husband we'd 'try' after this cycle and he's fine with it but it's next to pointless for us. Between him and me this isn't happening naturally, I just know it won't work.

I'm not sure telling you to 'find a purpose in life' is helpful tbh. Like you said, there's nothing to replace having a family. I wish it was that simple. We're there with you, it's hard to know what you'll do without the plan you'd had for your life.

I’m feeling the same way re carrying on @thislittlebird, I haven’t really been able to do anything this afternoon other than watching episodes of Buffy. I’ve spent the evening with my head on my husband’s lap for comfort. There are a lot of drugs in my next plan, which I don’t feel comfortable with, plus I’m doubtful that they’ll work and concerned that they’ll cause more harm than good as a new fibroid was spotted last scan after having open surgery to remove 11 in May 2021.

@Misty84 I’m sorry that timings and emotions aren’t working out at the moment. Will he speak to someone? I really think you both doing acupuncture could help you naturally, plus you get the talking time, but I know you said he wasn’t keen previously. The other option is the a home IUI, but maybe that would cause other problems.

I’m sorry that what should be such an amazing time for you has turned so horribly stressful @thislittlebird. This is such a cruel process. It makes me wonder how many knocks can a person possibly take?! It shouldn’t have to be this hard 😣 Are they/you absolutely certain that it’s over? I can understand you wanting to give up and I wish I could advise you to take a break but of course that’s impossible as an option with bloody age. I feel like you had barely any time to be happy before it all started unravelling, I’m so sorry.
How can others possibly have it so easy…

In my news, as I’ve said previously our IVF debacle is over, £18000 down the drain, so it’s natural or nothing now. But my partner has not wanted to have sex since our final Lister consultation over a month ago which was so damning against him. So 2 fertile windows wasted where we haven’t even tried…I’m so upset. Time is also firmly against me and with a shitty egg reserve. I’m trying not to pressure him but I cracked a few nights ago while in bed and he explained that the consultation hit home and he’s sad and it’s all a mental thing, nothing to do with me. Which I knew anyway…but I can just feel the very very slim chance we have slipping through our fingers like sand.

Met up with a couple of friends (in their late 20s) who asked me how things were going and after I cried they firstly said How about adoption?, and after my spiel about that they said I will have to find a new purpose in life. What on earth can compare to having a family though??? I have no idea. My partner and I are lost.

@OrangeBengal @CycleGirl20 thanks.

Yeah, 5 weeks 1 day. They said they should be able to see the sac and if it was natural there'd be room for doubt but not with IVF because they know the age of the embryo.

I'm tired. I don't even want to go through any more ivf, i don't have the energy for this, I'm 40 in a few months, this is not how I wanted to spend half of my 30s and beyond. I don't want to regret not giving it a good shot, but I won't pretend I'm enthusiastic. Part of me is tempted to walk away entirely.

Really sorry to hear that @thislittlebird. That really sucks. I'm not sure what a scan would look like at, are you 5 weeks? I'm hoping for your HCG results to be ok and at least you have a next step in place.

Oh @thislittlebird that really sucks, sorry. At least with the Lister you should be listened to more and be able to have more tests as standard.

Had a scan at the EPU. It’s not looking good, they can’t see anything in there. Will give me HCG results later, my expectations are low to say the least, I have no symptoms now.

I guess I’ll keep my appointment with the Lister after all.

Thinking of you @thislittlebird

@thislittlebird sending you so many good luck wishes!!

@thislittlebird hoping things go well for you this morning

Thanks @OrangeBengal, I’ll see what happens by the morning but it’s not feeling reassuring.

Oh @thislittlebird, I’m so sorry.

@CycleGirl20 no one checked anything. I’ve avoided testing because I’m scared to see it fading, which I think is what will happen.

@Marvellouslymadmum i spoke too soon. I just had a small clot when I went to the toilet, and cramping. I think it’s probably over tbh.

@thislittlebird was it just the one test you took that was lighter than you expected? Did they test your hcg? I took a clear blue weeks test when I was about 5-6 weeks and it said "1-2 weeks", so naturally assumed the worst. I got my hcg tested at my clinic (was already booked in, the clear blue was to give me some foresight into how my appointment might go) later the same day and I was well in the 2-3 weeks boundary. I found my tests were darker in the evening than in the morning. As you can tell, I got a bit obsessive. I even tried to double dip a frer that was too light for my liking. Turns out they don't work when you do that.

Bleeding can also be due to knocking your cervix from something like sex, but I imagine you could do it through excersise too. The blood flow increases down there and it's quite easy to cause a bleed. That's what I think I did.

@CycleGirl20 I was so upset about it yesterday, it felt particularly insulting when they wouldn't help me the very day I asked for help and then claimed I'd had "consultant led care".

@Marvellouslymadmum I'm ok, the light bleeding seemed to go back to mostly spotting. I'm waiting for a call from the EPU, supposed to be within 24 hours but I bet it isn't. Apparently hormonal bleeding is more common in IVF pregnancy, so I really hope it's that. I have 2 weeks 2 days until the scan at Guys but it feels like a lifetime away.

The microbiome test I had with Fertilysis is not cheap, it was about £700, but I guess it was worth it for the plan they give you. They send an email with your results and say which bacteria you have too much/too little of, and they give you instructions on what meds you need. You can then take that to your GP for the antibiotics and buy decent probiotics to use simultaneously. I didn't follow the full plan because I was due for a transfer, so I took some antibiotics I already had at home and bought bio.me Femme V and now take one daily. It showed I had too much gardnerella and someone on the EMMA/ALICE/ERA thread said that's basically BV so I started using Balance Activ for BV and canesflora vaginal probiotics intermittently, as well as the oral probiotics. It all seems to have settled a bit now, but that thread was helpful for me.

@thislittlebird good luck with your job conversation.

I'm hoping for you that you won't need to go private, but if that happens it's good you have a plan. It sucks that they would say you had a standard of care that you didn't

*First time I’ve met one other than for a FET.

@CycleGirl20 i’m calling to discuss the job tomorrow and hopefully I’ll bite the bullet. The flexibility does worry me.

So I had a chat with Guys. They’ve now decided I’ve had “consultant led care” and I’m absolutely baffled since the first time I’ve met a consultant was today. I’m so tired of arguing, what a shit clinic experience all round. If this pregnancy fails any day now I’m looking forward to going private where at least they won’t pretend I’ve had consultant led care when I haven’t.

That process sounds difficult.

I don't think you can put your life on hold with infertility. If the job is what you want, make your decision based on that. I know it's easier said than done.

@CycleGirl20 no scan, just a urine test and referral to early pregnancy unit. I don’t understand why that’s not a walk in thing anyway. Have to wait for them to call me and schedule me in, this is exhausting.

I’m supposed to be accepting a new job offer (internal) today and I’m so scared im making a mistake. In my current role I know i can just do what I did today and go to the hospital if I need to. I don’t know what will happen in the new role. The timing is awful.

@thislittlebird I'm sorry to hear that. That sounds really stressful and horrible 😔. Hopefully you can get hold of your clinic. Did the hospital not scan you? I had a heavy bleed, although at 13 weeks, and everyone was really unhelpful and insensitive until I saw the right doctor who was actually able to scan me and confirm everything was fine.

@Hoping43 36 is still young, most people I know had their first kids around that age or older without issue.

I’ve just got out of urgent care. I can’t see this lasting, I started bleeding today, it seems to have stopped now, or gone back to being spotting, and the doctor said my test was light which I knew. I was hoping to make it to five weeks tomorrow but maybe I won’t/haven’t got that far. I’ve been referred to the EPAU and need to talk to my clinic, the aftercare isn’t great, you’re just left to your own devices and don’t know what to do when this stuff happens.