Bus 9 - Donkey Cart departing soon, all aboard with ivf, pcos, endo, sub/unexplained fertility jump on

@Misty84 nice! Are you doing it locally or going to a destination of some kind?

I’m so sick of the state of the nhs. I had a meltdown about my GP and this 8am bullshit system last week. In December he did his test and the results never came back. Then he did another in January and the results once again aren’t in! I can see us having to pay for a private one to get things moving, what a joke. Aren’t they doing SAs the same day? It’s ridiculous.

It’s going ok thanks @thislittlebird. Sorted venue and food company so far.
Outrageous that they lost your DH’s SA! Honestly, what a shitshow we are in!!!!🤦‍♀️

Ugh @MIW01 what a shitty way to announce their pregnancy aka superiority. It’s exhausting how people behave. I have car sickness too, so I feel bad asking people to move as it is. I also would have declined the lift, not going to lump feeling sick as a dog in the back because someone thinks they’re the priority now.

@Misty84 great news you’re planning the wedding! How’s it going? April is a nice month. We were going with early May and then covid happened and it became October.

Waiting for DH’s latest SA. They lose the last one. Once we have that we’ll chase his varicocele scan. I’m so tired of it all and just feel detached. Had a pregnancy announcement today and it brings your own failure home again.

Thanks @Alexis7890, we have got a venue and a date 🤗- that’s all so far!

Hmm well I’m in Surrey so maybe it’s different here, it’s all a bit of a lottery isn’t it?!

@2023b I’m appalled at how long it takes you to get a simple GP appointment!! Is there another local doctors clinic you can switch to which might have a better system? Because 5 weeks just to talk to someone is INSANE!

@2023b how long have you been off the pill for? Once they see you they will do a couple of blood tests, ultrasounds and a hsg x ray or hycosy. So far the nhs have been amazing and it’s all moved really fast. Obviously I’m not pregnant but partly because the low level ovulation meds just didn’t work for me so they had to keep changing and ramping it up. They are incredibly positive about our chances which is reassuring. We have up to 5 more injection cycles before going to ivf but if I really wanted to we could go straight to ivf now and the doctor would support it. I spoke to the gp in January last year and was with the clinic by mid feb so can’t ask for much faster than that!! But I totally understand the feeling of everyone else getting pregnant and having babies and it seriously sucks! Getting through to a gp can be horrible, ours were once I got through and got a same day appointment and referral sent that day by the gp as lack of cycles qualifies early referral for treatment. Hope some of that helps, it’s hard but try to stay positive that one day it will happen x

Thank you @Misty84 and @Alexis7890. I think I'm weirdly in denial about my situation and also fearing about the worst. We both work in demanding careers so its easy to get distracted. I know I need to book an appt (DP has never been to the GP.. yes thats right. I have but my experiences have just been awful, not criticising the drs at all just the actual process of trying to phone at 8am every day for days on end before I get through then having some sort of screening interview process with reception staff to even be deemed worthy of an appt and finally getting one for ~5 weeks later only for it to be cancelled or to get called when I have no signal (my place of work)). I probably average seeing them once or twice a year (usually it was just to get a pill prescription).

Its hard to accept that my body isnt working properly. I cant help but notice everyone around me getting pregnant/ having babies and I cant even ovulate/have a period. Is the service much better/faster/worth it privately? I suspect I need some bloods and probably some kind of treatment to ovulate and maybe scans to monitor. Waiting for a period to come just feels incredibly slow and isolating. I'm hoping some on here can say they were similar, seeked medical attention and it was delivered promptly without costing the earth and they managed to have an actual child.

@Misty84 enjoy it!! Have you planned much already?

ah okay that’s interesting I didn’t think the nhs tested that, at least I don’t think they do here (Bristol)

Aww thank you @Alexis7890! Yes it’s lovely having something positive to plan!

Yes the NHS did test my AMH x

@Misty84 thats exciting booking a wedding!! Wedding planning is so much fun and definitely something you can throw yourself into! Hope you enjoy planning it 😊 sorry if you’ve said before but did the nhs test your amh? I didn’t think they tested that?

@thislittlebird I’m not surprised you cried on the bus after that. And yes I’ve also comforted several people who now have their babies, not much problem for them after all!

I am really really fortunate to have several childless friends as I can be my normal self around them and we can talk about other topics!!! I wish you had that as I can’t imagine not😔 I’ve told most people too, I’m very open about it, apart from I started at a new school in Sept and haven’t told a soul there. It’s quite weird because I’m used to people tiptoeing around me when the subject comes up and it’s actually quite liberating that the staff there assume I’m “normal” and don’t give me pitying looks or tread carefully when they mention anything baby related.
I’m glad my friends know what’s happening though. You can’t go through this alone.

Just booked our wedding date for next April which will give me over a year of distraction. That’s all my life is now, one big distraction. First the puppy, then the house, now the wedding. Because I’ve failed so miserably to start a family I’m trying desperately to succeed in every other area of life and feel like we’re still MOVING FORWARD. Because obviously with children we are stuck.

@MIW01 Grrr bloody selfish to insist you sit in the back even though she knew you get car sick, no wonder you declined the lift, why do we all have to dance around pregnant people like they are the most precious people on the planet?! I can understand you not looking forward to your cycles but you just gotta do it really. It’s important to have no regrets, we’ve all got to give this our best shot. Sending you as much strength as possible.

@2023b Sorry I don’t have advice for you about irregular periods. I think definitely get on to the GP asap and be insistent.
Think we all have quite long individual journeys here! I started TTC at 35 and I’m now approaching 39. During that time discovered I have very low amh so no NHS funding. 2 rounds of private IVF, nothing to transfer due to only retrieving a few eggs and discovered DP has severe male factor (anti sperm antibodies and high defragmentation). Despite this we MIRACULOUSLY conceived naturally which shocked everyone including all the professionals, but I miscarried. We now accept further IVF is not a viable route for us so we’re continuing trying to improve things with my DP via a private urologist. I have to say, I’ve lost a lot of hope and I think it’s unlikely to happen for us. So we’re in a process of slow grieving/acceptance. Both of us on antidepressants and having therapy.

Hi @2023b how long have you been off the pill? I had irregular periods forever and by irregular I mean could go 9-12 months with nothing. So the gp put me on provera every 3 months to have a fake period for my health. I do have PCOS though. I’m a year into fertility treatment and got an immediate referral from my gp for help without having to try at all first as the severe lack of cycles meant naturally trying wasn’t an option at all so met the nhs criteria for an early referral whereas most couples have to try for at least a year before tests. I was referred in January 2021 and had first fertility clinic appointment February 2021, more tests and then started ovulation induction attempts with letrozole (didn’t work for me) and now fsh injections which are working but no pregnancy yet. 5 more injection cycles before moving to ivf if still no pregnancy. I think a lot of timings depend where you live but the nhs here (south Gloucestershire & Bristol) have been amazing

Hi everyone. Please excuse my naivety. Could I please ask how you all got to where you are today and how long it took?

I've had irregular periods for almost as long as I've known. Been on the combined pill for almost a decade. Since coming off, only have very sporadic periods, perhaps 1 every 3 months. I'm in my 30s (being deliberately vague) and worried about how long it will take from trying to get an appt to see a GP to being referred etc. Years ago I had an ultrasound to check was PCOS - was told it was ok. Also referred to a specialist for possible endometriosis and on a waiting list thats about 5 years for surgery.

Came off the pill to see what my body would do sooner than when wed want to TTC. Turns out my body is doing very little - im not ovulating / getting periods. Still not ready to TTC but feel like time is of the essence so want to just go for it but terrified it may not happen for me. Were some of you like this with mega irregular periods - please can someone give me a bit of hope / guidance?

Sorry to hear this @Misty84 @thislittlebird recently a couple friend of ours announced their 3rd pregnancy by asking if she could sit in the front for our journey because she's pregnant, knowing I get horrifically car sick in the back. We declined their offer of a lift and went by ourselves. No way I could bear that. People are very selfish and inconsiderate in general.

We've not even TTC this month as both just feeling too ill. We need to pay £125 for an AMH test as NHS won't do that for us. We've decided we will do multicycle package with Access and if we don't need the second cycle we'll just lump it. Thinking we'll go for another cycle in March. Not looking forward to it tbh. But needs must. A bit fed up woth everyone saying to me, "do you really think this is a good idea?" (About having a baby, not just IVF) I just want to shout angrilly at them! But I smile and laugh instead, "It's now or never,"!

@Misty84 yeah I was so thrilled to be told to not stress her out! I cried a bit on the bus into work after that. You’re right, it’s totally invisible. I’ve been fairly open with people about us doing it, I may come to regret that, but it wouldn’t make people treat me any different. I was chatting to a few people women in the office about why I was off sick and I just said I had a miscarriage and ivf complications. Maybe I shouldn’t say as much but I don’t know what else to say.

Ughhhh honestly that is such bullshit. I’d be raging if a friend dared say that to me. You shouldn’t hold her hand at all, that’s on her, not your problem and you’ve got plenty of your own to worry about, fuck that.

moan away! I wish I had friends like that, sadly I don’t and all my work friends seem to be pregnant constantly. I comforted a colleague at work about her miscarriages the summer before last. She has her baby now, I remain uncomforted and without baby 🙄

@MIW01 I wasn’t eligible for the refund programme either because of low amh. We paid for two rounds upfront instead but it actually worked out more expensive for me because we didn’t make it to transfer either time, and the clinic would have given us money back for that but Access don’t 🙄 Basically my whole ivf experience was a shitshow!
Still clinging on to hope that I had one natural pregnancy even though it ended in MC at 10 weeks. That was over a year ago now though 😔

@thislittlebird How delightful that you were told to be considerate of the heavily pregnant woman. That’s the problem with infertility- it’s invisible. If we had a glaringly obvious physical ailment nobody would put us through this shit!

Cant remember if I told you all that a friend of mine is annoyed that I wasn’t ‘there for her’ during her pregnancy. She’s got plenty of other mum friends. She knows everything that’s happened with me over the last 3.5years. AS IF I’m the person suitable to hand hold her!!!! I read something the other day that someone with a broken leg wouldn’t be asked to turn up and do a 5k. Yet I’m still expected to hang out with a pregnant person, be over the moon for them, attend baby showers, stand in a shop and buy a card/gift even though it breaks my heart. “To be a good friend”. Sick of it!

Fortunately I have several friends who don’t have children and I’m much happier hanging out with them. There’s no elephant in the room because they don’t have child anecdotes they want to share with me and know I don’t want to hear.

Sorry, I’m having a right moan this morning!!

@MIW01 yep, I know exactly what you mean. I’m so tired of all this, the failure, the heartache, the lack of info, the cost, the emotional drain. My mental health is in very bad shape, I’ve never been like this before.

I think those places are very picky, every one I’ve looked into they won’t accept me because of whatever reason. The only place I know where icsi is the same price (I think it is anyway, maybe I made this up) is BPAS Fertility. We paid for two rounds and paid about £10,800. The good thing about it is we have one paid for already while we save again and have more tests. Our first private cycle was a complete waste of time and mostly it went to shit because of bad luck and bad sperm, can’t do anything about it now but we have another go with them yet. NHS one was superior, but I partly wonder if that’s because I asked for low meds. If my third cycle on higher meds is as bad as my second I’ll probably go to create for “mild ivf” after this.

@thislittlebird you have all my empathy, I wish there was something we could do to 'fix' it and that's the most frustrating part. I hate not knowing why it's not working and then the time factor exacerbates it all.

I've had my medical review back from Access Fertility and as suspected I'm not eligible for the refund programme due to my low AMH and previous failed cycles. Wessex have recommended ICSI for us which is more expensive. DH is not keen on paying for 2 cycles up front being hopeful that going private means it will work as we did manage to fall pregnant naturally. I admire his optimism but I'm not so convinced. I'd rather pay for the 2 cycles up front and just accept the loss if we don't need them.

Oh and we had an NHS urology appointment where they refused to do hormone tests for DH. They’re doing an ultrasound and possibly removing his varicocele so that’s one cost covered, I suppose. We’ll probably pay for private hormone tests for him.

@MIW01 that’s very relatable, I’m more than ready and feel like I’m running out of time. If I’m honest I feel like I’ve passed the point I expect this to work for us. I got my first grey hair, I’m 40 in a few months and we can’t even try again until my husband has had various procedures and we’ve waited four months. Maybe I’ll feel different when we can try again. In the meantime I’ve got months of tests ahead, starting with immunes probably.

I’m off to work at an event and I’ve been told we’re not to stress out the heavily pregnant woman I’m working with. Cool cool cool. Love that for me.

Can confirm NHS won’t do AMH unless you’re at the IVF clinic, at least in my experience. I’ve also been through hell with them and now I’m having hell with private, but this time because the first private cycle we had was a disaster.

@MrsBiddy yes. Wiltshire.

I've just booked my day 5 and day 21 blood tests. Hoping AF is on schedule for this! But GP says NHS doesn't fund AMH - wtf?! Anyway, I'm waiting for Access Fertility to complete their medical review and for TFP Wessex to contact me.

I am in so much emotional pain with all this atm. I am so ready for pregnancy and a baby now. I just want to skip all this testing and medical BS.

@MrsBiddy im in the north Bristol/south Gloucestershire trust and they do up to 40 I think

So sorry to hear that so many have been screwed over by the postcode lottery 😟

@MIW01
It's so unfair 😞 I'm struggling to find out what areas in the south that do fund for over 36? I'm in Berkshire, I know someone told me Wiltshire does.

@MrsBiddy so sorry to hear NHS screwed you over too. They way they go about things is disgusting. Investigations took so long for us (went to GP aged 33) that I turned 35 (the cut off) before treatment started. Even though we highlighted the age concern and pushed and pushed our GP she told us as long as they received referral before I turned 35 we'd bed fine - GP was wrong! I got a phone call from consultant 1 month after my 35th birthday to be told we weren't eligible for NHS funding because I was 'too old' now (over 35) then ge went straight into asking how are we going to pay for our treatment!!! We moved GP surgery 5 miles down the road where the age limit is 40.

@kerrym87 thanks, I need to get the report for my last ultrasound so I'll ask them for the referral at the same time and see what it says. I'm only 27 so not expecting to be prioritised but would have liked to have some idea about next steps!
@Narwhal88 I'll definitely fight my corner, my mental health has been shot through all this so I'm not scared to really push for myself anymore. I've done quite a bit of research so hopefully this waiting period I can arm myself ready for my appt, whenever it may be!