How do you deal with the disappointment?

Lucy304 · 2022-05-20T13:25:42+00:00

Just that really. AF arrived with a bang this morning, meaning we are now going into cycle 11 of ttc. Every single month I spot a new 'symptom' or two which convinces me that this is the lucky month, only for it not to be. We're incredibly blessed to have a 2 yo DD already. She was conceived quickly, and I now realise how lucky we were. But it's just not happening this time and I am feeling very down today. Any words of advice, support, success stories or positivity would be gratefully received. Thank you x

Hoping43 · 23/08/2022 14:45

@AP77 i think it depends on what they find “wrong”. They didn’t find anything for us so referred me for an HSG and said if that was clear then to keep trying until October as apparently it can take up to two years (finding that hard to believe!!).

How long have you been trying?

I get night sweats around my period and I used to be really paranoid when they started a couple of years ago. I was convinced I was perimenopausal but since then I’ve met so many people who get them! X

AP77 · 23/08/2022 10:36

Am 10dpo today and woke up with night sweats last night, also had some light brown spotting yesterday and today. It’s the grey area of symptoms for me - every time I look them up it’s ‘could be early pregnancy, could be PMS’, it’s exhausting. Husband and I are waiting for our last appt for pre fertility referral tests but NHS times are so long. Anyone have experience of what happens once you’ve been referred?
Wishing all you ladies luck x

HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel · 22/08/2022 10:33

We should form a support group @pooeylouie !

pooeylouie · 21/08/2022 19:18

HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel · 17/08/2022 23:18

Hi @Fearnecuptea , I could have written this myself. In the exact same situation.

Another one who could have written this exact post. Age gap with my four year old on top of age (38) starting to really stress me out. Feeing very subdued today.

Hoping43 · 18/08/2022 06:25

@HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel @Fearnecuptea i wouldn’t get too worried just yet. I conceived my first in the first month and my second took eight months and I was only 31 so there’s plenty of time yet. I’m having treatment at the moment as we are on month 16 now TTC our third!!

HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel · 17/08/2022 23:18

Hi @Fearnecuptea , I could have written this myself. In the exact same situation.

Original poster

Lucy304 · 17/08/2022 20:31

@Hoping43 you can get all the supplements online without a prescription. The pregnacare and ubiquinol just came from Amazon, and our consultant recommended a company called Biovea for the DHEA and melatonin. Expensive to get all of them but I was willing to try anything.

Yeah so the advice from him was basically about the supplements, getting the fibroid removed and also trying clomid. I thought he was going to look at my blood results and say it was game over so it was a happy surprise when he didn't!

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Hoping43 · 17/08/2022 20:09

@Lucy304 oh that’s good. WhT did they say? I think you can only get those on prescription

Original poster

Lucy304 · 17/08/2022 19:27

@Hoping43 is letrozole the same as clomid then? If so I have heard lots of success stories.

The other thing my consultant said was to try extra supplements. I was on Pregnacare Max Conception and ubiquinol, he also suggested DHEA and melatonin.

Actually my appointment after the disastrous blood results was quite positive and gave me some hope that there were still things that we could try.

Keep us updated x

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Hoping43 · 17/08/2022 18:57

@Lucy304 oh wow that’s amazing! I’ve had a cycle of letrozole but I didn’t ovulate but waiting for my period to come so kind of wasted 6 weeks. We are on cycle 16 now. I’m having my dose increases whenever my period decides to arrive!

Original poster

Lucy304 · 17/08/2022 18:47

@Hoping43 Hi! I booked an appointment to go and see about getting my fibroid removed privately. My fertility consultant said if I did that he would give me six months of Clomid, which I thought was worth a shot as my best friend got pregnant first time on that.

And then, last week, I got my bfp ! Still can't quite believe it to be honest. 13 cycles in, I had given up hope that it would happen naturally.

How are you?

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Hoping43 · 16/08/2022 20:41

Hey. How is everyone getting on?

Original poster

Lucy304 · 18/07/2022 17:32

@Hoping43 AMH was 3.4, AFC was 2. I'm 38, not exactly a spring chicken but definitely thought I still had time. We started trying when DD was 18 months, would've done it earlier but the pandemic was freaking me out and I didn't want to be pregnant in the middle of it. I wish we'd just gone for it sooner. Can't believe things have changed so fast, and now I might have missed my chance. So sad today

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Original poster

Lucy304 · 18/07/2022 17:17

Hi @BiscuitLover3678. Earlier this year we had an assessment at a local private fertility clinic. It was a scan and AMH test for me and a semen analysis for DH. DH was fine, my results indicated low ovarian reserve (not many eggs left). At that point we were told IVF probably wouldn't be an option for us, as it relies on being able to stimulate and collect lots of eggs, which my body just wouldn't be able to do. We were told natural conception was much more likely, as for that you only need one good egg.

I recently had day 3 and day 21 bloods via Medichecks. They send you a kit, you have to prick your finger and squeeze some blood into a tube, which you then send back to them. They upload your results onto their online portal. Alternatively you can pay a bit more to go to a clinic and have someone take your blood rather than doing it yourself.

The problem is now that I have the results, I don't really know what to do with them. My GP isn't great and even getting an appointment is a mission. Maybe I can pay for an appointment at the private clinic for someone to talk me through the results. Only got the results this morning so still trying to process everything and figure out my next move. Best of luck to you x

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BiscuitLover3678 · 18/07/2022 15:15

Lucy304 · 18/07/2022 14:58

Hi @Hoping43. I had results of day 3 bloods this morning:

High FSH (24)
Low oestradiol (30)
High prolactin (564)

Had them done via Medichecks. You get some written info, seems to agree with the AMH and antral follicle results I got a few months back. They were also low and the consultant said it indicates low ovarian reserve.

The only positive is that my day 21 bloods came back normal so it looks like I am ovulating. I have regular cycles and get positive OPKs.

I'm sort of putting two and two together and thinking that I'm probably ovulating, but the eggs aren't very good quality, and that's why I'm not conceiving.

In the Medichecks results letter it says to contact my GP to discuss the results. But having spoke to him about my secondary infertility in the past he didn't seem that interested and/ or knowledgeable about it.

So I really don't know where to go from here. Keep trying or start to work on accepting that maybe it isn't meant to be? Just don't know what to do for the best.

I’m really sorry to hear that :(

May I ask who you went with to get this info and what you had to do? I’m tempted to do something similar.

the book ‘it all starts with an egg’ is quite good and says egg quality is the main thing. They actually start maturing 3-4 months before ovulation so there are things you can do to improve egg health. Also you can get loans for private Ivf if it’s really taking a long time, but tbh it sounds like you just need time and luck. :/

Hoping43 · 18/07/2022 15:13

Ah ok I see. What were your AMH and AFC results? How old are you? Xx

Original poster

Lucy304 · 18/07/2022 14:58

Hi @Hoping43. I had results of day 3 bloods this morning:

High FSH (24)
Low oestradiol (30)
High prolactin (564)

Had them done via Medichecks. You get some written info, seems to agree with the AMH and antral follicle results I got a few months back. They were also low and the consultant said it indicates low ovarian reserve.

The only positive is that my day 21 bloods came back normal so it looks like I am ovulating. I have regular cycles and get positive OPKs.

I'm sort of putting two and two together and thinking that I'm probably ovulating, but the eggs aren't very good quality, and that's why I'm not conceiving.

In the Medichecks results letter it says to contact my GP to discuss the results. But having spoke to him about my secondary infertility in the past he didn't seem that interested and/ or knowledgeable about it.

So I really don't know where to go from here. Keep trying or start to work on accepting that maybe it isn't meant to be? Just don't know what to do for the best.

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Hoping43 · 18/07/2022 14:46

Hi @Lucy304 sorry to hear that. Which results aren’t great if you don’t mind me asking? We are on month 16 now. Unexplained infertility TTC our third. Started trying when our second was 20 months other so it wasn’t even a long time after having him. It’s heartbreaking. I really understand how you are feeling X

Original poster

Lucy304 · 18/07/2022 13:43

@Fearnecuptea sorry for the late reply, I've only just seen your message. I'm sorry you're in the same shitty boat.
I've had some private testing, the results aren't great. It's so hard to understand going from fertile to potentially infertile in the space of a couple of years.
Trying to decide whether to keep going or not at the minute. It gets me down a lot.
Wishing you all the best x

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Fearnecuptea · 09/07/2022 19:20

Omg I totally am feeling this. SUCH disappointment every month. Husband and I have only been trying "properly" for 3 cycles but it's really getting me down now.

My son (almost 4 years old now) was conceived easily, I had a miscarriage over Christmas but they were conceived easily too (both times we were shocked in fact, couldn't believe I fell pregnant so fast).
Now I've built it up and thought about my second, it's just not happening. I'm going to be 38 soon and so I'm further stressing myself out because of that.

Might do some private tests if same happens next month. I honestly feel so down in the dumps when my period arrives.

Original poster

Lucy304 · 09/07/2022 19:10

@Charl881 so sorry to hear that. Here's hoping we all get our babies soon x

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Charl881 · 08/07/2022 21:50

@Lucy304 I think I was on this thread originally so it popped up. Sadly I’ve had another chemical since then! I had the day two - five bloods last cycle, all fine so hoping it’s just one of those things. Next stage will be hycosy for me and sperm analysis for DP but going to wait until the autumn.

Blossom45 · 08/07/2022 18:46

@Lucy304 we also had no reason for it, just ‘unexplained infertility’. That was followed by 8 months with clomid and a failed round of IVF with no embryos to freeze (this was all over a 3 year period), then a year later we had a wonderful surprise natural pregnancy. I know how hard it is hearing successful stories but also how much hope it gave me. But, do all of those things you said. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better.

Original poster

Lucy304 · 08/07/2022 18:30

Thank you @Blossom45 for your reply. I'm just having a bad day. Maybe I should stop doing the pregnancy tests like you say. I feel like a good wallow, want to get blind drunk, or eat the house, or hide under my duvet. Or possibly all three. But I can't, real life carries on. Just wish I had a reason, so I could start to make sense of why it isn't happening. Fingers crossed for a better day tomorrow. Sorry for the rant!

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Blossom45 · 08/07/2022 16:33

It took my husband and I four years to get pregnant, so I know the feeling of disappointment well. I would avoid social media when I was feeling vulnerable, I’d get myself a treat on AF day and remind myself that every time I have a period it means my body is fertile…that I’d get pregnant one day. Easier said that done. Some days I’d just hide out and wallow. I’d also stay away from pregnancy tests as for me the disappointment for seeing a negative was harder to deal with than the disappointment of AF turning up. Best of luck! x