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Conception

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Original poster

My IUI cycles might have taken the want for children out of me

309 replies

Cactizone · 05/05/2022 22:17

Is this ridiculous? Am I being weak? Have I just spent thousands of pounds to learn that I don't want this? Or is it just that it's stressful, degrading (I find it this way personally, I hope not everyone does) and leads to obsessive compulsive, and frankly angry fretting / planning about the next cycle.
I've only done 2 and I despise the procedure itself (and dealing with all the endless calls to the perfectly nice clinic staff) so much that It's almost enough to make me throw in the towel.

Maybe because I'm stuck in the gritty reality of percentages and ratios of conceiving and so far removed from anything natural or spontaneous but it's changed my perspective. It seems pretty hopeless. Does anyone else feel this way? I don't want to keep bleeding (ha) money into this, its so expensive, but I don't want to stop either, the idea of giving up brings out a special kind of sadness and anxiety.

Maybe I'm the problem underneath it all, and have areas of mental health to work on undoubtably, but compared to the giddy excitement and trepidation and 'bring it on' vibes of starting, looking at going through the procedure of round 3 feels like signing myself up to pay a grand for people to make me feel pain for no reward.

Sorry for the bleak vibes, just needed to wring out my mind sponge.😐

OP posts:
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RMS0209 · 05/06/2022 21:39

@Totorotoes
I am so happy to hear you are feeling betrrr today!
Are you back to work tomorrow? I am but I'm working from home so it'll be a longish day but the office on Tuesday will make it quicker so I hopefully can fly through next week and we both get some good news 💗

Yeah sorry I hope that wasn't rude of me to ask, I just wondered if you would try IUI a few times then something else, the success rates for IVF are brilliant especially with no underlying but I think I'm scared of the injections more than anything.
Yes this time has worked!! Do you have plans for next week to keep busy? I'm not feeling too hopeful as I only managed the day before Ovulation and 2 days before ovulation but we will see. X

Totorotoes · 05/06/2022 12:13

@RMS0209 your positivity has worked, I'm feeling much better today! Except, the bank holiday has confused me, I keep thinking it is bank holiday monday today- next week is going to be a killer!

If this doesn't work, I haven't quite decided yet- I thought I would go straight to IVF as I can't afford repeated IUIs- but I need to check finances as I may need to save a bit first. The thought of not doing anything next month is awful though, but as I am remaining positive that this time has worked I am just burying my head in the sand for now! 😂

RMS0209 · 04/06/2022 21:24

@Totorotoes
Positive Polly! You can do it 😊
Exactly we can keep each other sane for the next week... just think, you are one week down already... jealous 😂

Haha the gardening comment made me chuckle, great way to think... hopefully it's not long until it is full of childrens toys 😬

IF (but we are positive remember!) it doesn't happen this cycle would you try again right away or take a break?
I don't cope... think that's why I am a little crazy but in a good way... I know it will all pay off but it's just not fun this part. X

@Cactizone how are you? X

Totorotoes · 04/06/2022 19:34

@RMS0209 thank you 😊 you're absolutely right, I need to stay positive! It's good you aren't far behind me in the TWW, I am day 7, so we can keep each other sane. It absolutely does make you go crazy! I strimmed my garden (not a euphemism 🤣) to distract myself this afternoon and imagined what it would look like with children's toys in it!
I was feeling sorry for myself ttc alone earlier, as I can't afford many attempts if this fails- but then I realised if I had a partner I would have the TWW every month- I don't know how you cope!!
@Cactizone I can totally see how you got burnt out with all this 🥴

RMS0209 · 04/06/2022 12:16

@Totorotoes
Yes I did think it was good! She panicked me to begin with but when she said that I felt a lot better... more calm!

Don't feel deflated please!
You will be over thinking/feeling more things than normal trying to have twinges so stay strong!
Back to optimistic, I still am so very optimsitc for you.
We need to make the next 6 days pass fast so you can have no period and test.
The TWW makes you crazy... I'm 5Dpo today, turns out I ovulated on Monday not Tuesday so I'm happy about that.

Hope you have some nice weekend plans to keep yourself busy and happy 💗

Totorotoes · 04/06/2022 11:07

@RMS0209 great news about the follicle reserve! That's really positive.

I am feeling quite deflated today. Yesterday I had some cramping, which excitedly I thought could be implantation, but then I realised it is 6 days before my next period is due and I always get cramps at this time (I've even googled in the past to see if it is normal). So now I have gone from optimistic to absolutely convinced it has failed as this is a sign AF is on the way. I know I'm still not 'out' but it is hard to fight against the negativity once it takes root, and I am sure I will start AF before I can test, I reckon Thursday or Friday. I am 7DPO. I thought I would handle the 2WW better than this! 🤯

RMS0209 · 02/06/2022 19:35

@Totorotoes @Cactizone hear you both with the furry friends! my two are completely different.... but at least one of them will cuddle me 💗

Yes definitely positive - felt a lot calmer being in.
She said my follicle reserve is high for my age too so that's great!
How are you feeling today? Love if you get a BFP this cycle!
Roll on the end of TWW!!
I'd love if I got one but we will see 😬😬🤞🏻.

Totorotoes · 02/06/2022 18:59

@Cactizone ah I'm glad you also had a sensitive cat to symptom spot with! 😂 Even if it isn't positive, it's nice to have a furry friend to cuddle with during the 2ww!
@RMS0209 that sounds really positive so far, now you have to endure the 2WW AND the wait until 4th July! Although if you get a BFP in the meantime, wouldn't that be great?!

RMS0209 · 02/06/2022 17:44

@Cactizone @Totorotoes scans and bloods done ☑️ will get results at my consultation on 4th July but she didn't see anything alarming which is good said it looked good

Hope you are both well x

Original poster
Cactizone · 01/06/2022 20:07

@RMS0209
good luck for your scans!! I’m awful at remembering questions 😅 the order you’re meant to do things in can be helpful, my clinic had some confuzzlement over when to purchase the donor sperm etc, but that might not be relevant for you atm. Either way I hope it goes well!

@Totorotoes omg I love the symptom spotting it’s the fun part 😂 so hopeful it works for you!!!! I like to think the animals always know, or at least know what you’re thinking about which is adorable in and of itself. Even our work cat turned a bit broody on me when I was symptom spotting, and she’s usually a savage!

OP posts:
Totorotoes · 01/06/2022 20:02

@RMS0209 hmmm, I think I am not the best person to advise as I never know what to ask!
At this stage I think you want to know how long the results take to come back, and what the next stage will be (consultant appointment, more tests etc). I made sure to look at the scan and asked if my lining was good, how many follicles etc- they will probably do this anyway. Ask if they have a waiting list for NHS patients. Also what tests they can do for men if you have a partner, it's good to get both sides of the story!
When I had the initial tests they answered all these types of questions but anything about future treatment etc. they left til the consultant consultation.
If you have had specific fertility issues, e.g. super long follicular phase, short luteal phase, chemicals or miscarriages, ask if there are other tests they can do to diagnose issues in those areas.
Tbh though you will have plenty of time to think of/ ask questions throughout the process so don't worry! I have a notebook I jot things down when i think of them, because my brain is too tiny to remember them all when I need to!
Hope it goes well. I enjoyed mine weirdly, it was good to see what's going on in there! Xx

RMS0209 · 01/06/2022 19:22

Do you ladies have anything you think I should ask tomorrow? @Totorotoes @Cactizone
This is just AMH bloods & scan
I've been asked to have a note of my cycles which I've done x

RMS0209 · 01/06/2022 18:53

@Totorotoes
No problem! Yes it is really good, it took the stress out of trying to BBT for me... worth the money!
Haha... yes it gets inserted at bedtime, simple easy and does the job
If only it had that extra vibrate function 🤔😂

Oh no sorry, no don't test early! I will join you in the HOPE!
I meant I have my tests tomorrow sorry - bloods & scan, booked to go for a nice lunch after myself too kind of like a "self care" day! 😬 x

Totorotoes · 01/06/2022 18:48

@RMS0209 ooh thanks for showing me your chart, it looks really clear where ovulation is! So is the ovu sense core something that you, er, insert in your vagina? If so that must be much more accurate way of measuring temps than under the tongue- and more fun!! 😂 Is there a vibrate button?! 🤭
I don't think I will test early. I prefer to enjoy the false hope as long as I can!

RMS0209 · 01/06/2022 07:12

Ta da, will take a few days to confirm but you get the "picture"
Also.. tests tomorrow so I'm excited now x

My IUI cycles might have taken the want for children out of me
RMS0209 · 01/06/2022 07:11

@Totorotoes me too! was a long stressful 23 days that's for sure.
I have an "ovu sense core" very handy I really like it so I just sleep with it .. inside.
I don't sleep long enough to do BBT the original way! I'll attach my chart for you to see, I like it.

I am so happy you are in the TWW, I think by my temps I ovulated yesterday so we can TWW together! 🤞🏻
Love a good only symptom spot and rabbit hole ha ha
Oh mr cat 🐱 hopefully he can sense it... now we need to make the next 2 weeks fly by.. not that we are wishing our life's away x

Totorotoes · 31/05/2022 18:20

@RMS0209 so glad you got your peak! Do you do temp tracking? I actually got quite a clear temp increase after ovulation, but it doesn't work for everyone I know. Don't worry about not checking this thread, I'm in my TWW so no news!

I am feeling great, so much more relaxed now it is done. Pretending not to symptom spot...whilst also symptom spotting! 🤣 I know it is far too early, if anything has happened it won't implant even for a few days. But my cat keeps wanting to sleep on my tummy at night so i am hoping he knows something (unlikely- he's sweet but an idiot 🤭).

RMS0209 · 30/05/2022 20:38

Hi ladies!!
I am so sorry I neglected this chat, I read last night and meant to reply...
I got my peak on Sat/Sunday... 🤞🏻 no ovulation confirmed yet, was 2 days after my peak last time so let's see.

How are you both?

@Totorotoes eeee the deed is done, how exciting! How are you feeling? how did it go? Was it scary? So many questions haha.

My app is on Thursday, treating myself to the hairdresser tomorrow for some "me" time. X

Totorotoes · 30/05/2022 19:13

@RMS0209 how are you? Have you peaked yet?! Not long until your appointment now...but who knows, you may be lucky this cycle!!

Totorotoes · 29/05/2022 20:26

@Cactizone thank you!! I feel more relaxed now it's over as I was so anxious with all the tracking, I totally agree with you about that!
@Msloverlover congratulations on your pregnancy, I am so sorry to hear about your losses and it must be so hard to enjoy your pregnancy after what you've been through. But, it sounds like you have reached a milestone now so I hope that allows you to relax a bit more and believe it will work this time 🌈

Msloverlover · 29/05/2022 16:47

Thanks. Unfortunately this is where I got to last time but I have had scans this time so I know I’ve progressed further than last time (missed miscarriage).

Original poster
Cactizone · 29/05/2022 06:31

@Msloverlover Thank you, that’s exactly it, even when it goes right it can go so wrong. 11 weeks is a good start though so hopefully you’ll make it this time!

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Original poster
Cactizone · 29/05/2022 06:29

@Totorotoes Oh my goodness well done!! Have everything crossed for you and the Viking!!!

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Msloverlover · 28/05/2022 16:05

I totally get this. Slightly different situation; I had two miscarriages in the last 8 months. But I still definitely felt like giving in. The monthly cycle of planning ovulating days, dtd and relentless symptom spotting was so draining. And then even when you get that line, just waiting for it all to go wrong. I’m 11 weeks now and realise how lucky I am to be able to get pregnant naturally. I can’t imagine how much harder it is to have to go through all of this with the added factor of ivf. But yeah, I totally get why you’d feel like you want to throw in the towel. It is really REALLY hard.

Totorotoes · 28/05/2022 15:59

So...it's done!!! Viking sperm is on board 😱🥳🤯🥳
Fingers and legs crossed now for 2 weeks- OTD 11/6/22 🤞🤪